


Big Cats Like Bones Too

by Kertneyk



Category: Underfell - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Angst-filled skeletons, Banter, Better at writing angst, Blood and Violence, Crime Fighting, Cuddles, Did I mention swearing? Cause there is a lot, Domestic Fluff, Duelling, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Flirts, Fluff and Angst, Gun Violence, Human racism, Hurt/Comfort, Japes, Like everyone swears, M/M, Nightmares, No Ecto-Genitalia (Undertale), Nonbinary Frisk (Undertale), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Past Violence, Past hurt, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader is a cop, Slow Burn, Swearing, Were-Creatures, hand to hand, hopefully lots of fluff, monster racism, movies - Freeform, puns, reader is not always very receptive, sans is shameless with his flirts, seriously the end notes is just me complaining. skip them if you want, smol sans - Freeform, video games - Freeform, whiny author
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:48:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 101,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28020429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kertneyk/pseuds/Kertneyk
Summary: You are a cop stuck in a large city that is suddenly half-populated with monsters.  This brings you all sorts of trouble as monsters and humans learn to cooperate with each other.  You receive push back from all sides; monsters, humans and other cops as you try to find a just solution to problems that arise in your district.  Sometimes this leads to violence, but that's ok.  You were never one to run from a fight, and being a were-leopard means you are made of sterner stuff than most.  But just because you can turn into a big cat, doesn't mean you should.  And you are not really keen on letting your new skeletal roommate or his brother find out about your more animalistic side.  Even if one of them really loves cats... and the other is practically a cat himself.This is a paranormal cop drama meets K-drama romance sitcom.  There will be fights, there will be laughs, and there will be friendships built that cross the divide between the different species.
Relationships: Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Asgore Dreemurr/Toriel, Mettaton/Papyrus (Undertale), Sans(Underfell)/Reader
Comments: 719
Kudos: 314





	1. Tomorrow Will Be a Good Day

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Skeleton Games](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700787) by [poetax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetax/pseuds/poetax). 



> Oh gosh! Hi! This is my first ever fanfic. Ever! I am actually surprised I am writing this, much less posting it. But Undertale has captured my heart and won't let go. Then I found all this amazing Underfell fanfiction and I couldn't keep myself from joining the amazing fandom! So you poor suckers are now stuck with me and my attempts to be awesome like the rest of you.  
> It's no competition, ya'll are amaze-balls.  
> That being said, if you like what you read let me know. I am always open to critique and welcome any tips and pointers you may have.  
> Thanks so much!
> 
> BTW, if you haven't done it yet, you have to read Poetax's The Skeleton Games. It's fantastic, and this work was inspired in large part by it.

"What exactly do you mean, 'the pipes are gone?" You air quote as you glare at the man standing across from you. He fidgets nervously under your gaze, intimidated and anxious.  
"Just what I said. They took 'em. Ripped em right out of the walls. With as much work as we have, we have been trying to subcontract out the work as much as possible to keep things on time. It was a new company, but every review we came across said they were good, quality workers." He looks away from you and mumbles "Guess they were fake reviews."  
"No!" You say, words dripping in sarcasm. "Fake companies only ever use real, customer verified reviews on their services." You both are quiet for a moment. There is nothing he can say. And really, the company he used robbed him too. You sigh, letting go of the tension in your body. You were so tired. "And why exactly would they take all my piping?"  
"Well, these old houses, and especially old churches like this are mostly chock full of copper pipes. Copper, as you know, sells for quite a bit." You had not known that. You had never thought about the worth of the pipes running inside your walls. This reno house you purchased was teaching you all sorts of things you had never really thought of before. You look around at the ripped up walls in your living room. Long gashes in the walls and along the ceiling where the pipes were pulled out. Honestly, at this point the house would look better if it was just studs.  
"Any particular reason why a company you never worked with before was left unattended in my home? And how long is this going to take to fix?" He fidgeted again, feet shuffling. You could smell the nervousness creep back in. Ah, not good news then.  
"We have three other houses we are trying to build right now. We don’t have time to babysit every piece of work we contract out." He rubs his hand over his face, irritation overcoming his nervousness. "Of course, we will fix it. Reimburse you for what you already paid. But," he gestures towards the damage done, "the repairs are going to take awhile. My plumber is booked for another couple of months, and we can't really get started on anything else until we get that fixed."  
You understood the guy's predicament. And Randy, had been fair and honest with you since you started this project four months ago. He had let you know that he was taking on other jobs to take advantage of the housing boom that had been created when the monster barrier came down. Monsters, who had apparently been trapped under the local mountain, had been recently freed from their underground prison and were now in need of homes to live in. The housing market quickly became a seller's dream. Monsters and people who wanted to live with monsters buying up every piece of property available. But for you, it had only meant more money. Even though you had purchased your church well before monsters were a thing, materials were also increasing in price. And labor. And the rent on the place you were currently staying while you waited for your home to be made into living condition. You would have to renew your lease, you really did not want to renew your lease. It would mean at least another six months of paying both rent and mortgage. But you couldn't expect Randall to be able to drop everything and move this along. Maybe if you hadn't been pressuring him so hard to get things done quickly, this situation could have been avoided. Unfortunately, you did pressure him, and now you will have to pay for that decision. You will survice. You would just have to cut back on your design choices.  
Again.  
And only eat ramen.  
Forever.  
You had purchased an old church on the outskirts of old downtown with the intention of making it into a home. Someone previously had already attempted to do so, but quit halfway and the little church had been left abandoned for years before you stumbled upon it. You had fallen in love with the hundred plus year old charm of the building; with the artwork of its architecture, the high open ceilings, industrial sized kitchen and with the stained glass windows. More importantly though, the entire building was filled with hope. All the years of prayer and congregation had seeped into the worn wood of the building. Being here calmed your inner beast, soothed her in a way few places in this city had been able to do. So this was the home for you, even though you really didn't have any idea how to run a reno, or have any real talent for design. Or budget. Or any marketable skills to make things cheaper for you. But... that didn't matter. This would someday be your home. You had to keep believing. Even if by the time you finished this damn house, you were going to be 80, and poor.  
You and Randall had talked for awhile longer, after he gained enough courage to actually show and explain to you about the damage in-depth. He had a few ideas on how to make the best of a bad situation. The walls were already torn up due to the robbing of your piping, might as well use the opportunity to make a few upgrades. And maybe rearrange the layout. Again though, these things costed money. Money you didn't really have, so your house project kept getting put on everyone's back burner while they worked on more lucrative builds.  
Home frustrations aside, current events were suddenly exciting. Monsters roamed the streets, were buying houses and setting up shops all over the city. The barrier went down about two months ago, and after a great deal of political nonsense monsters were just now finally being allowed to enter the city and start their new lives on the surface. You hadn't met a whole lot of them yet, but it was only a matter of time. After all, your career would make sure of that.  
Once Randall leaves you decide to got back to work. Not exactly excited to head back into the office, but crime didn't stop just because you were in a financial hardship. If anything, your financial hardship made your job more necessary than ever.  
The office was busier than normal. As a police officer for Ebott City, it wasn't like you were ever NOT busy, but again, monsters. Monsters made people unsettled, which led to protests and pushback in the human communities. And a ton of complaints. You sure have been loving all those calls from concerned citizens worried for their lives because a monster decided to breathe. Or the conspiracy theorists who have been harassing dispatch.  
On your way in the door you pass a sign for the Foster a Monster program. There was actually a pretty big government-backed initiative to assign monsters to a human foster family to help them acclimate to surface life. Your twin brothers Jack and Josh already signed up, and tried to convince you to join as well. Truthfully, you had considered it for a moment. You weren’t afraid of monsters, and it wasn’t like you didn’t have the room. You look at the ad again.

Foster a Monster

Looking for human ambassadors to house and host monsters and monster families.  
Ambassadors must be open minded and believe in the value of cross-cultural exchange and be willing to embrace and celebrate diversity  
Help monsters assimilate into human society  
Make a difference and help bring two worlds together  
Make your opinion count! All ambassadors will be consulted during discussions of future policies. The knowledge you collect will be essential to making new laws and policies fair to all parties.

Counseling and focus group available to help navigate tough cultural differences  
Further access to resources if problems occur  
Includes paid stipend

You cringe as you read the ad. It was just so cheesy. There was no way you could sign up for something like that. Not that you should have a roommate anyway. Especially not one trying to learn about blending into human society. Pretty sure you were a terrible example of what a human was.  
You are interrupted from your musings by Officer Darrel. Darrel had been divorced the entire time you have known him but has recently decided he would like to try again. With you. You could not always contain just how flattered you were. He was a nice enough guy, about ten years older than you and a little portly. He always smelled stale, like he only wore clothes from the ‘too clean to wash, but too dirty to hang back up’ pile. But he was a boys club graduate.  
“Hey y/n!” He pauses when he sees what you are looking at. “You aren’t considering that program are you? Single gal like yourself shouldn’t be inviting monsters into your home.” You shrug and decide to ignore most of the problems in that sentence.  
“Eh? The stipend is kind of tempting. Would love to get some more money flowing into the reno. But this is more of my brothers’ thing.” He frowns at your answer and continues sternly.  
“Money isn’t worth the risk you would be taking. Who knows what they would do to you behind closed doors. We shouldn’t be putting up posters making it easier for women to be preyed upon.” You look at him and give him an exaggerated eye roll.  
“Darrel... there is just too much wrong with what you are saying. One, they are people. Magic people, but still people. I am one hundred percent positive that they didn’t free themselves from the underground and move to the surface so they can rape all our womenfolk. Two, it isn’t like I am some delicate flower. I am a cop. I do dangerous shit for money. It is literally my job. Which I do. For money. Three, whatever happens behind my closed doors is my business.” You look him in the eye as you make your points. It doesn’t take more than a moment before he looks away, eager to change the subject.  
“That’s true, I guess,” he grumbles. “Hey, how did it go with the contractors? Must not have been good if you are looking for more money. You know, I could probably get them to go easy on you. Sometimes you gotta let a man talk to 'em, let 'em know that you aren't just some lady waiting to get taken advantage of. Give them the impression you got a man that knows what's up." He smiles, pleased with his attempt at chivalry and what he probably felt was a smooth recovery. He just doesn’t give up.  
"Oh.. uh. Yeah, that isn't necessary.” You wave off his offer. “Contractors are fine, I was just given an opportunity to make a lot more big changes to the house. It’s actually super exciting!”  
“I see, well if you change your mind-”  
“If I need a man to come step in and make those contractors keep on their toes, I am sure I can get Chief to come help me out. Lord knows that man owes me a few favors.” You chuckle and start heading back to your desk. “That being said, I better get back to work. Break was over ten minutes ago.”  
“Ok, see you around y/n.”  
“Yuppers.” You groan at how awkward you are. Who the hell says yuppers after you shoot a man down? You wish he would just ask you out. That way you could reject him once and for all. Darrel would never be the man for you. Even if you could ignore all the sexism, if he had a problem with monsters, what would he say if he found out you weren’t human either? Back at your desk you see the mile high pile of paperwork, including a nice new stack of complaints.  
You rub your temples, trying to stave off the headache that was forming. It was going to be a long day.  
______________________________________________________________________  
It is late when you finally get home. Office work had kept your busy the entire afternoon and then Chief Johnson had asked you to go out onto an unmanned patrol, keeping you working well past your scheduled shift. You should be glad to finally get to come home. You open your door and your apartment is empty and quiet. What should have felt peaceful and calming, felt oppressive.  
You turn on the lights, kick off your shoes and shamble your way to the fridge. Nothing but cheap, greasy leftovers to microwave. You hadn’t been grocery shopping in ages, too lazy to actually make your own food. When motivated you actually loved to cook, but why bother when it was just you? You missed cooking for your family.  
When the microwave beeps, you take the container and flop down on the couch. Eating out of the tuber ware like an animal. Heh. Eventually your thoughts go back to your bleak financial situation. Takeout would probably need to stop, it just wasn’t very cost effective. And you supposed that you could always move after the lease was up. But as expensive as it was, the apartment was very convenient. Close to work and your various gyms. About ten minutes away from the boys. It was gated and looked like the security was top notch, but really there were no cameras and had plenty of options for slinking in and out unnoticed. Which suited your needs perfectly. No, if you had to stay in an apartment, this was really the best choice for what was available in the area, you would just need to figure out how to keep it.  
The rent would be a small issue. It was just so expensive, and with you needing to put so much more into the reno projects, you really didn't know how you were going to make due. But, it should be.... fine. You wished you could get a roommate, you had a few friends that would probably be more than willing to come an move in with you. But secrets were hard to keep with a roommate, and sometimes you could be a little... territorial. Ok, maybe very territorial. But leopards naturally had large territories and here you were, stuck in the middle of the city in an apartment with no yard. No chance to shift and run and hunt like you wanted. Your church had a decent sized yard. Not enough of one to let you run and hunt, but you could probably risk letting your cat out and laying in the grass on moonless nights.  
As a wereleopard you didn’t need to run and hunt as much as your canine cousins, but you did need to shift every now and then to appear your wild soul. Once a month or so you needed to make the drive back to your family’s country home, or you became too irritable and aggressive to do your job properly. Having a restless beast soul affected your judgement, made her too close to the surface ready to take over. You were actually probably due for another trip soon. You were tense and gloomy, and a hunt would fix that. Until you could though, you would need to settle for a virtual substitute. You power up your console and tv and pop in one of your favorites. Dishonored. You enjoyed games where you could slink in the shadows and hunt people down. Your big cat was a shadow beast, ambushing prey after hours of patient waiting.  
You play for a few hours before you give up. The game was just not soothing you like it should. You needed more action, something real. Maybe you could go to the gym and find someone to spar with you for awhile. You couldn’t ever go full out, but it usually helped. Wait, tomorrow was Thursday. You look at the calendar and slowly a grin breaks out across your face. Tomorrow you were visiting the academy to teach the recruits some disarming techniques. The real instructor had an event or something and had asked you to substitute. You would have to go easy on them, but there were definitely worse things you could be doing than throwing around a couple of recruits.  
Tomorrow would be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh geez, that Foster a Monster thing was corny as hell right? GAH! What a convenient plot device to throw characters together.... and oh! was that a completely legitimate reason to need the money that it would provide? What kind of author would use such blatant and obvious methods to move their story along???  
> Me. I am that kind.  
> Que soft and quirky K-drama music! 
> 
> If you liked this, or are enjoying me make a fool of myself, I am planning on updating on Sundays. The chapters will typically be about this length. And... I don't know, what else do you real authors put in these end notes?  
> I really loved Dishonored. It is a great game, I played until I got a perfect ghost. But I only was able to do it because I am, what I lovingly call, a 'save nazi' and saved and reloaded hundreds upon hundreds of times. I enjoy games, but I am not the best at them. If you lovely readers have suggestions for games like that, let me know. 
> 
> One last thing, I know that the police are not seen in the best of light right now, but I will try to do justice to the essence of what the police force should be. And will only ever lightly tread on what it is in reality in many cities across the country. If this bothers you, I am sorry.


	2. Aura Reads and Chit Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go to work, have a fun car ride with your boss and get to hang out with your little brothers. Maybe meet some monsters?

The morning passed in a blur of activity. Early on, you were on shift doing traffic control for one of the local schools. Just as you had returned from that, you were called in as back up on a domestic. Some scum bag ex-boyfriend trying to break into a woman’s house. He claimed that she was withholding some of his belongings, but when she searched through his bag it showed that he was actually trying to sneak in and place cameras. Screaming ensued and neighbors called in the disturbance. The guy lawyered up pretty quickly after you and Darrel arrived, which left you frustrated. Nothing like having your hands tied by lawyers. The case now whittled down to a he said, she said. He would most likely walk away with nothing more than a night spent in jail, and the inconvenience of showing up in court a time or two. She would need to file a restraining order and would probably be looking in shadows for hidden cameras for months. Her sense of security was broken and the guy would walk. Feeling inadequate, you head back to the office to start the paperwork while you waited for your next assignment.

Though you had been on the force for several years now, you did not have your own permanent position. Instead, you floated on patrols and filled in where needed on shifts. All cops did this in a way of course, getting pulled from their patrol and dispatched to where the action was. But most of the action you saw were small domestics that didn’t go anywhere and parking tickets. You longed for bigger cases and more satisfying work. Cases that actually put bad guys behind bars. Helping out couples in relationship spats was very important, and you were always glad to be able to make someone feel safe, but your big cat wasn’t much for hand holding. She wanted to knock heads together, or open. Whichever.

After wrapping things up with the woman,  and starting the process of filing your own case for the copper bandits,  you see that it is about time for you to leave to the acad em y. Gathering up your things,  namely your wallet, phone, keys and jacket; you are headed out the door when police chief  Levi Johnson surprises you. 

"Hey, y/n. Wait a moment.” He tells you from the other side of the busy lobby, closing the door to his office behind him. You turn and watch him as he approaches.  Gruffly he says, “I am coming with you." 

“Sure. Cause that isn’t suspicious at all.”  A brief smile crosses his lips at your snark, but other than that he remains expressionless. The chief of police definitely did not need to take time out of his day to go visit students at an academy, and it was surprising to see him do so. You were suddenly nervous that perhaps you had done something wrong. Nothing _major_ came to mind, however. You’d been good lately. You were even polite to Darrel! Being polite to coworkers that wanted in your pants had to count for something.

The walk to the parking garage is  quiet. If he wasn’t willing to  explain himself in the office, it probably meant one of two things. One, he was exercising professional discretion in the gossip-filled work space. Or two, he was being considerate to you about the major lecture he was about to put you through for God knows what. Chief was real good at lectures. 

He beeps his car and indicates for you to hop in, though it was unnecessary. Chief was not exactly a fan of your driving. Something about you being a hot-headed bumper humper that was an embarrassment to all respectable female drivers the world over.  Once inside you buckle up and try to wait patiently for him to finish his little adjustments; checking the mirrors and what not. He did this everytime you rode with him, and he always exaggerated it out as though teaching you that this was how you safely operated a vehicle. 

"So, Chief,”  you start once he is one the road. “Making a trip down to see the recruits is kind of rare?" You ask, opening up the floor for him. His fingers fidget a little at the steering wheel,  primly at 9 and 3, and his mouth frowns. 

"Yeah. This is a special case.” He pauses, searching for the way he wants to tell you, “How much have your brothers told you about their classmates?"

"Not really anything, just that it is a full class." You shrug. "Were they supposed to?"

"Good. No. They were all told not to say anything."

“Mhm, mhm. Yup. Lovin’ the cryptic vibe.” He sighs and braces himself for what is apparently a big reveal. Or maybe he was sighing at you, either way he wasn’t yelling at you; so good news.

"Two of the recruits are monsters. Politicians decided it would be good to have monster officers to deal with monster cases. No one is to say anything until it is official so we can limit media interference." Oh! Well that is news. How the hell did your brothers manage to keep _that_ juicy tidbit of information from you?

"That... makes sense. I take it you want my particular opinion on them?” 

Chief Johnson was an extremely intuitive person and also a distant relative of a sort. He had heard the tales of weres in his childhood and when he was saddled with the youngest daughter of the rumored were family, he was able to put two and two together fairly quickly.  He was wary at first about keeping you on the force. Worried, that you were going to someday reveal what you were and expose your family.  But there were perks with keeping a were on the force. One of which was that your inner beast had keen instincts for reading people. Like most animals, you were able to see a person’s aura and determine their character pretty quickly. It had taken quite a bit of convincing, but he now trusted you. Well, mostly. Though his distrust stemmed mainly from your personality rather than your rather useful abilities. Now you were his go to people person, as well as his undercover cop.

"Yes," he answers simply. Then he continues, letting a small chuckle escape and relaxing a bit. "How are you so calm?"

"I mean.... I think it is a smart move?” You shrug, "Humans really aren’t equipped to take on magic-wielding monsters. Not safely anyway. A monster force is actually a smart move.” Your mind turns for a bit as you process the new information. It really did make sense to you. Supposedly humans were the stronger species, and you hadn’t actually _seen_ magic yet; but that didn’t mean monsters weren’t dangerous. And you didn’t want to see monsters dusted because police were instructed to shoot first and clean up later just because no one knew how to handle a rampaging monster.

" I suppose,” he grunts, not liking how quickly you dismiss the human race. “There haven’t been any issues yet, so no real complaints. Lots of politics of course, and some of the other recruits have not handled it well." You nod  in understanding. The job in its very nature attracted a lot of people who liked to make other people feel small by having authority over them. Bullies for a lack of a better word.  Minorities were easy targets, and monsters were the smallest minority group there was.

“You could refuse to teach if you wanted,” he says, interrupting your musings. You take a moment to consider it. The theory of monsters wasn’t bothersome, but you haven't had a chance to encounter any of them in a meaningful way. You broke up some hate speech, and have become a pretty avid regular to a little bakery owned by the most adorable spider monster. But any actual conversations were limited and professional. Their magic interfered with their auras, making it difficult to get a read on them. And when you could read them, they kept their emotions very guarded, but for the most part they were just regular people to you. More importantly, it seemed like they couldn’t tell that you weren’t exactly all human. 

"PFFT! You kidding? I was happy to be getting paid to throw people. And now I am getting paid to throw monsters too. It’s going to be Wrestle Mania meets Poke’mon and I am going to love every second of it!” You grin at his worried expression.

"So you gonna tell me what kind of monsters they are?"

"Nope."

"What? Well tell me something!" You whine at him, letting your professionalism slip a little. He smirks, but shakes his head.

"Oh come on! Can’t leave a girl hanging like that Chief!"

"Well... they have some very large personalities."

"Tch, you’ve met my brothers."

"They make your brothers seem _normal_." He laughs as your face pales. "Too late to change your mind now Officer y/n. We are here." He pulls his car into park and you slide out. Excitedly, you make your way to the gym. As you enter the doors you are blasted with the yelling of a very loud, somewhat high and slightly raspy male voice.

"NYEH! FINALLY! THE NEW HUMANS ARRIVE TO TEACH US THEIR PATHETIC BATTLE STRATEGIES! BE PREPARED TO BE LEFT BEHIND IN THE WAKE OF MY PROWESS GUARDSWOMAN!"

"Oh you are so ON! But wait, that can't be them. One is the Chief, ya NERD. And the other is shorter than your brother." As if that mattered. The voice answering is quieter, but no less forceful than the first.

Eyes turn immediately to the two monsters in the room, separated from the rest of the class. _Predators_ you inner cat growls, and it is clear why. Magic shines brightly on their auras, so much stronger than the monsters you’ve encountered thus far. One is a giant skeleton. Like really giant. Probably just under seven feet tall as you take him in. His eyes... sockets?- are just empty black spaces. One of them has a set of scars along the top and bottom. His face, er skull, has pointy cheeks and sharp teeth. His face is long and the chin ends flatly. And he’s, well he is very much a skeleton. You can even see his spine where his shirt ends well before his pants begin, but he is broad shouldered and very fit looking. Not exactly sure how that works, but then again, you turn into a giant cat. You’ll make him explain skeletal muscles as soon as you can explain how that works. 

The other is a rather ripped and equally tall ...mermaid? Fish monster? She has dark powde r blue scales and flaming red hair. Like Little Mermaid colored hair.  Fins fan out on either side of her face , and what look like gills along her neck. Her one visible eye is yellow and the other is covered with a  black leather eye patch.  Her sharp teeth are bared in an uneasy smile as she catches you checking the two of them out. You are already making your way to them, your big cat intrigued by the two power ful creatures in the room.  Before you can go,  however, you are practically tackled by your two idiots. 

"Y/N!!!! Holy hell sis, you could have told us you were coming today!" Jack tells you first, blocking your view of the monsters.

"Yeah, if we had known you were going to be our instructor, we would have skipped," Josh exclaims cheekily.

"Well, hey boys!" Professionalism keeps you from pulling them into hugs like you regularly would, but your greeting is warm. "Well, I am glad you didn't. Out of everyone here you two probably need the training the most... That and I need someone who I feel comfortable with to throw to the ground," you add evilly, your voice lowering as you enjoy the emotions flittering across their faces.

"Heh...heh." They give each other a slightly worried expression. Then try to change the subject. "Well we are glad that you finally get to come and see our classmates!"

"You wouldn't believe how hard it was not to tell you about them!”

"I can imagine. Can't believe you two were able to keep that from me." You look up at them slightly menacingly. “It isn’t nice keeping things from your big sister you know.”

"Aw, come on y/n. We were told no one was to know. I didn't even tell Stacey." Jack, your actually youngest brother said. "I am sure the chief filled you in. We were all told we would be kicked out of the program."

"Nah, I get it,” you let them off the hook. “But, uh, why all the separation? Are we back in middle school, and you guys are all afraid of monster cooties?”

"No! They are actually pretty cool, but some of the guys can be assholes so they tend to stand off on their own,” Josh says quickly defending the monsters. Josh is your nicer sibling, usually not willing to rock the boat or say anything cross about anyone. Some of the guys must really be dicks if he was writing them off like that.

"Sure, well, how about you chickens get back to the flock so I can go say hi then?" You look back at the chief and nod. Your brothers head back to the other humans while you and him make your way to the monsters. They have watched you apprehensibly since you entered, even though they mocked you when you came in. Most people only ever looked at you and saw a human, but there were some that instinctively knew that you were a predator, even if they never consciously have a reason to support the idea. These two seemed like the latter. Like every monster you had met so far, their auras were very difficult to read. The magic energy that made up their bodies interfering with your human visuals. It wasn't impossible, but it took a lot of concentration. You absently wondered what it would look like if you were to look at them with your beast eyes. 

You put on a dopey smile as you get near,  trying to hide the challenge in your posture. 

“Officer Y/n, this is Undyne and Papyrus, former co-captains of the royal guard. Undyne, Papyrus this is Officer Y/n, an officer in my department and she will be your instructor today.” Chief Johnson introduces you all and you shove your hand out in front of you, looking the fish monster in the eye. Of the two, she seems the more difficult to win over, so of course you go to her first.

"Hello! I _am_ a little on the short side, but don’t worry, I can still teach you a thing or two." Calling people out for bad manners isn’t typically a great way to make friends, but she seems like the type you need to be bold with. She looks at your hand in surprise, but composes herself quickly and takes it. Laughing.

"HA! You’re pretty bold, most of ya humans aren’t too keen on shaking our hands. I’m Undyne." She pumps it a couple of times, her grip strong, and you notice the webbing between her fingers. Your smile gets bigger as you are able to read her aura more fully. Clearing your mind of all human thoughts and allowing the physical connection to give you a direct access to her center. It isn’t an actual ‘reading’ like you would a book, more like an instinctual sense of who she was as a person. Your beast gives her a once over, apparently liking what she saw and then gives you back control. Big cat liked her, and that was good enough for you.

"Well, I am not most people." You let go and turn to the skeleton, again reaching your hand out. He seems a little more nervous than his companion, but is not to be outdone by her.

"AND MY NAME IS THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS! BUT FEAR NOT, THOUGH YOUR STATURE IS SMALL I WILL ENDEAVOR TO GO EASY ON YOU AS WE PRACTICE OUR COMBAT STRATEGIES!" His booming voice hurts your sensitive ears, but you ignore it. He grabs your hand as well, and you proceed to repeat the scan. Big cat liked him too.

"I don't know what you guys have been told, but this isn't a full combat practice. I am just teaching some basic disarming moves and holds. We don't actually do a whole lot of hand to hand combat in the police force." You let go of his hand. Though he had gloves on, you could definitely tell he was a skeleton in more than looks. His fingers were hard and lacking any flesh.

"What?! That's lame!" Undyne complains.

"Heh, I know. Imagine how cool it would be if you could just go around karate chopping bad guys.," you think back to the guy from this morning. Some people really deserved a good karate chop.

"I FAIL TO SEE HOW ANYONE THINKS THAT THEY CAN TEACH THE GREAT PAPYRUS ANYTHING OF NOTE ON COMBAT. I WAS CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD IN THE UNDERGROUND. THIS WHOLE EDUCATION HAS BEEN NOTHING IN COMPARISON TO THE REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE I HAVE GAINED."

"Tch, you mean co-captain ya nerd!" She looks to you and points a thumb at herself. "I was also a captain. In fact, I had more territories to cover than he did. He just had one dinky little town."

"YES, BUT MY TOWN WAS THE VERY FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT IN THE ENTIRE KINGDOM." You could tell that this was a tired argument from the practiced ease that they made their points. You hold up your hands to stop them from continuing.

" Hey, pretty sure I wouldn’t have started shit in either of your territories if I had been down there. But how ‘bout I go up there and show you guys how humans like to throw down?” 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s see what a puny human like you can do.”

“YES LET US COMMENCE WITH THE TRAINING. WITNESS MY MASTERY OF YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN TECHNIQUES!”

“Cool, let’s do it.” You walk to the mats set up in front of the class. Chief separates and settles in the back, guess he was going to watch? Whatever, not like you had a problem with an audience.  You decide to have a little fun and let your beast come up to the surface a bit, you could feel the power of her coursing through your body. And you enjoyed the wary looks of the group of strong adults in front of you. Let them know they are prey; they should know it.

"Hello class! My name is Officer y/n  of the Ebott City Police.  I might be working with some of you  if you are lucky enough to graduate . But before then I  will be showing you some basic hand to hand manuevers.  Though hand to hand combat is rare in these weaponized times, knowing the basics might save either your life or the life of your fellow officers. So I would appreciate it if you paid attention and kept any comments and questions for the end.”  You pause for effect then continue, “Meanwhile, I am going to need a volunteer." You look evily at your brothers. Josh groaned and came up without question. Apparently, they had decided amongst themselves who was the be the sacrificial sheep today. 

That suited you just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! I feel like that was rough! Not a whole lot of fun in that chapter, but I swear it is coming. Y/N is a snarky, fun-loving gal; but she is trying to be professional. And I am trying to world build a bit. Hopefully that came through.  
> Undyne and Papyrus are fun to write and I am excited for their future in this story! I down-played their characters a bit because Chief makes everyone a little nervous.  
> If something doesn't make sense in the story, let me know. I am the only one editing this and it all makes sense in my head.- But I'm not to be trusted.  
> Thank you all so much for reading! I will have another update next Sunday if all goes well!


	3. It's a Throw Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You give teaching a try, make a grown man cry and then go home.   
> Why is your boss such a killjoy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I am officially posting this later than I thought I would, but I have REASONS!   
> This chapter was a lot of fun for me, and I hope, nay PRAY that it runs smooth for you guys. It is a bit of a long chapter, but the last part is kind of a bonus. It was too short to be its own chapter so I tagged it on this one. 
> 
> I can't believe how many hits, comments and kudos I have gotten. I have read every comment like 30 times each, and am just tickled pink that you guys took time out of your days to write, kudos and even just read this story! Thank you so much! I stalk my numbers like a crazy person and each time I get something new I squeal. My husband is about ready to have me committed, but I just cannot contain my excitement! Thanks for making me feel like a real author.
> 
> OH! My characters have potty mouths. I changed that tag on here, but it gets a little bad in this chapter.

When you had trained to become a combat instructor, you didn't actually expect to be taken up on it.  You were too new, too young, too... small. But you took the required classes anyway, and waited for an opportunity. Finally, after two years, it was being given to you. And you couldn’t be happier. This was something you actually liked doing . Teaching practical maneuvers instead of all the fluff and glam that you see on cop shows and movies. 

After teaching some very basic disarming techniques, the fundamentals of using your body to block attacks and how to both throw and land safely, you let the class divide themselves off into pairs to practice. You then walked about the room and corrected people as you went. Shifting hand placements, changing footing, that sort of thing. It wasn't long before you were helping your monster students. 

“HU-HUMAN, IS THIS- I MEAN- ARE YOU ALMOST FINISHED?” You snicker a little at the nervousness radiating off of Papyrus and his cute little stutter. You are knelt down in front of the two monsters, moving Papyrus’s foot into a proper placement. Undyne’s arm is draped across his shoulders, in a mock choke hold; and Papyrus is supposed to be throwing her up and over. But she wasn’t moving. 

“Yeah, doesn’t this feel so much better?” His foot now between Undyne’s, her stance is already weakened. It was funny how easy it really was to make someone unbalanced.

“I SUPPOSE. THOUGH I DO NOT SEE WHY THIS IS NECESSARY! I THREW HER THE OTHER TIME JUST FINE!”

“Only cause I let ya!”

“LIES! AS IF I NEEDED YOUR ASSISTANCE!”

“’Fraid not Papyrus, that’s why I came over.” You interrupt before they start bickering again and derail the progress you had made. “You weren’t using your body to break her balance. If she had fought you, you probably would not have been able to throw her.”

“I told ya Bonehead!” He blushes, a deep red bleeding into the white of his face. _How? Just how?_

“It’s not a big deal, we all gotta learn somewhere. Now, hold onto her arm.” You move his hands to a better spot and then move out of the way. Feet placed, hands arranged, you have done all that you really can.

“Ok! When you are ready to pull her, pop your hips back into her. The goal is to use your body to lift her up and your momentum to throw her. Perfect! Now tuck forward and pull her over!” You say that, but she is already in the air, feet lifting up and over the massive skeleton’s head as he bends down to deposit her at his feet.

WUMPH. She lands lightly on the ground. For as excited as Papyrus was, he was gentle when throwing her.

“I DID IT.” He seems surprised at his success for a moment. The next he is preening smugly as he straightens and assists Undyne up. “ NYEH HEH HEH! I KNEW I WOULD SOON BE MASTER OF HUMAN COMBAT!”

“That was great! See how much easier it is when you break her footing?”

“YES IT WAS INDEED. THIS LESSON HAS NOT BEEN A COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME! A FEAT SELDOM ACCOMPLISHED HUMAN!”

“Aw gee, thanks.”

“YES BE HUMBLED FOR THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS DOES NOT BESTOW PRAISE LIGHTLY!”

“Heh, noted. Undyne, that was a good landing, I’m glad to see at least someone was paying attention.”

“Tch. Wish someone would have taught me that in the underground. Hardly felt it.”

“Well, if you get thrown for real, it will be a lot harder of a throw. And it won’t be on a padded floor.”

“Duh.” She rolls her eyes at you and you smirk. Yeah, you’ll give her that one. 

T hey do the throw again  and y ou hardly have to make any corrections this time. As reluctant as Papyrus was about learning from you, he took to it well. When he threw Undyne a third time, with absolutely no corrections needed, you decided it was time to move on. 

“Alright guys, call me back if you need me.” You wave to them as you walk away towards a couple of girls having an equally hard time with the foot positioning's. On your way you pass set of very stocky, muscle bound, typical jock set of men. You think you remembered their names as Alex and Zeke? You couldn’t be sure. After hearing names like ‘Papyrus’ and ‘Undyne’ how could you be expected to remember boring run of the mill human names? 

"Oh, you finally decided to stop sucking monster cock and come back to your own kind princess?" Alex? -You think. Whatever, that’s his name now- Sneers under his breath to his friend as you walk past him, smelling of aggression and jealousy. His friend chuckles at the remark. You halt as you pass them, turning to look up at Alex. He really was very tall. Almost as tall as the monsters. 

"Excuse me?"  The class quiets down and turns to face your little group.  He flushes, embarrassed to now have all eyes on him. But he quickly recovers. 

"I think you heard me just fine. How about instead of playing ambassador, you come and help out actual future officers? Everyone knows those fuckers are just going to be used as a pr stunt." He angrily thrusts his head at Undyne and Papyrus. Jack catches your eye and silently offers to intercede. You subtly shake your head. You got this.

" Alex right?” He nods, a mean smug smile changing what should have been a moderately attractive face into an ugly one. “ I was giving you a chance to change your answer to a more professional one." You coldly glare up at the man and then to  his friend ,  your own aura turning into a warning. He is smart enough to get the hint and backs out. Alex? Not so much.  A glance around tells you that  Chief Johnson and the instructor have both left the room. Well, that explains his current confidence.  A cruel smile graces your lips.  It really was negligent of Chief to leave these poor boys with you unattended. 

"Well, now you have my attention. What can I help you with _t_ _rainie_ Alex?" 

He rolls his shoulder and stands up to his full height, imagining that it intimated you. HA, if only this poor man knew what you could do to him.  You hoped he would give you an opportunity to teach him.

"That's a pretty smart attitude you have there sweetheart. But I think I can help  you  out with it. How about you wash that monster stank off your hands and we can go and have ourselves a fun time."  You could feel your inner predator react to his challenge.  If he didn’t back down, you were definitely going to be having a fun time,  just not one he imagined.

“I take it you have a problem with your future monster coworkers?” You say coolly to him. Testing out his logic before you toy with him. “You realize that you may be responsible for their safety at some point, as they will be yours?" You take a quick peek back to Undyne and Papyrus, they look angry, and awkward. Undyne’s fists are clenched and you can hear her teeth grinding from where you stand. Papyrus is watching coldly, judging you on your words and actions. They may have been minutely friendly to you earlier, but this was a new test.

"Hahahahaha!" He chortles like you just told the best joke he ever heard. "That's a good one sweetheart! Those _freaks_ aren't even worth protecting. I hope each and every one of them gets dusted."

"I see. Well  that is a shame. From what I saw, you had a lot of potential A lex.  Big strong guy like you could have really helped a lot of people” You hold your hands up in an exaggerated shrug and shake your head. “ Too bad you have a piss poor attitude.  You can gather your shit and leave, you won’t be coming back. " 

"What?" This isn't where he thought this was going.

"Do I  really  need to repeat myself? You failed the program. We have already maxed out our quota on racist bigots  in the police force and w e are not accepting anymore." 

"Who the FUCK do you think you are?!?! You are not ruining my career for a bunch of fucking  _monsters_ ." 

"I already told you, I am Officer y/n and I am your instructor today. I didn't think I needed to explain to you that every instructor you come across has the right to fail a student if they feel they are unworthy of the uniform. Now, for the third time. You are dismissed. Get out." You turn your back to him, purposefully and start walking away. Turning your back to an opponent was a big cat power move, telling the world you didn’t perceive them as a threat. He was too focused on his own anger to even perceive how dangerous your own was.

He grabbed your shoulder and pulled you around. You turn and immediately duck down out of the way of a punch aimed at your head. Oh ho!  Let the games begin!

"Wow, aiming a strike at an unarmed woman walking away." You dodge another strike,  your natural grace making it look as effortless. "Battery against women, how completely original for a n officer wannabe."  You roll your eyes as you egg him on.  He tries to swing his arm around, to get you across the face as he turns.  But it is far too wide, like a lot of amateur fighters, windmilling his arm around stretching it from his body and leaving his side open.  You duck  easily, taking advantage of his wide arch  and  push  against the side of his ribs . He nearly falls over, already unbalanced from his swing. Should have given it a little more juice, it would have been satisfying to see him sprawled out on the floor. 

"FUCK!”  Spit flies from his mouth. “Stop talking you fucking CUNT!" 

"Well that isn't very nice of you to say," you purr at him. He recovers and gets in front of you again. He pulls his arms up, looking like he was going to strike out at you again, trying to take advantage of his longer range. Too bad for him, your legs were still longer than his arms. You quickly bring your leg up and kick down at his thigh, pushing your hip through the motion and bringing the ball of your foot into contact with the fleshiest part of his leg. 

“SHIT!” He bounces away in pain, you’d barely tapped him and he was crying. Maybe you should use a little less force? You didn’t want to _break_ him, just _hurt_ him. It takes a few moments for him to bite back the tears in his eyes from the contact, but he recovers eventually. He was now watching your legs warily. 

“Done already? You haven’t even touched me yet. Now I’m kicking you out because of your attitude _and_ because you suck at hand to hand.” 

That spurs him on again and soon he is in front of you once more, going again for a hook to your face. Cause, you know, the last three times just worked out so well for him. 

You lean just a little bit out of the way, but instead of just dodging you wrap your hands around his wrist. You tuck your body under his arm and  push your  back up to his chest. You use his momentum to pull his body  up  over yours and slam him to the ground.

Hard.

He did not land nicely  and you hear a crack that must not have felt pleasant. 

You stand over him and smile down, again letting your menance show through.  Showing him just a little of the predator  he picked a fight with .  His breath comes out as a pained whine. 

"You weren't paying much attention when I taught you how to properly land, huh?  Probably thought a big guy like you wouldn’t need it.”  You tsk above him. “ Bet you regret that decision now." You turn back to the class, their stunned silence amusing. The whole interaction took less than a m oment . 

"Well, now that we know how useful that fall is, does anyone want to go over it again?" You feel more than hear Alex get up. Your cat has his aura in your mind at all times. You try to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he would be smart enough to go lick his wounds in private and vent to his friends later about the dumb bitch who cost him his career. But it seems he was a determined sonofa. He grabs one of the batons you had passed around to practice disarming and charges.

Well, you suppose you could play with him a _little_ more.

As he swung his arm down, you brought yours up so you blocked his arm with yours.  Forearm to forearm.  The second you break his swing, you duck down and slam yourself forward into his stomach. He takes a step back, crossing his legs and leaving himself unbalanced, a fact you take advantage  of . Looping one arm across his chest and over to his shoulder, the other under his  seat and thigh.  Feet planted strong, y ou pull your hip back, dragging him forward with you.  O nce he is off the ground you twist and deposit him at your feet.  He lands on his back,  and  before he can process what happened, you have his arm. Using your footwork and leverage you turn him on his stomach, then you bring yourself down on top of his back.  You pin his arm under you,  holding it tight _._ Then you grab the back of his head,  your nails scratching  his skull  as you  hold his face into the ground.

"You just attacked an officer Alex. Good job, you are now going to jail. What a proud moment for you and your family." You feel Chief Johnson approach, a voice of reason and you didn’t want to listen to. You wait until he places a hand on your shoulder to acknowledge him. If you had a tail right now, it would be twitching. 

"Stand down officer. I will take it from here.”  He orders you gruffly,  you just barely stop yourself from growling at him, this was you prey! Your toy! He seems to sense your beast and adds in a much lower voice, “ I think you put on enough of a show for today." 

It takes a moment for you to regain control.  Begrudgingly you release him and stand up and out of the way, C hief handcuffs him and starts walking him out. Alex is subdued and goes out quietly. Embarrassed to get his ass handed to him a girl almost a foot shorte r and a hundred pounds lighter.  You are left still angry and unsatisfied as you watch your toy leave. You barely got to rough him up at all. 

"Holy shit y/n!! That was AWESOME!" You hear Undyne cheer after they leave. It breaks the  tense silence and all of a sudden everyone is asking if you are ok, and congratulating you on your victory. You hold your hand up and indicated for everyone to back up and settle down.  Chief Johnson was wrong, you hadn’t put on enough of a show yet.

"Everyone, I have one last lesson to give you before we dismiss class for the day." You have everyone's attention. How could you not? You let all the anger you felt sink into your voice as you stare down the people around you. They are taken aback by your aggression, but fuck it. At this point, if they don't know you are dangerous they are morons.

"I don't fucking care if they are people, humans,  aliens,  animals, or monsters. The people around you are your family. You will work with them, fight with them, you might hate them or love them, but at the end of the day, your life depends on them. And vice versa. And when you swear your oaths to protect and serve, you don't get to cherry pick which civilian that fucking applies to." You doubly glare at those whose  emotions spike  at the implications of what you are saying. "Monsters are citizens in this country, their taxes pay your bills. And I don't give a rat's ass if they don't look like you, talk like you or were raised like you. They live here, and you WILL protect them like you would any other person. We have too many racist fuckwits already on the force, and if I  _ever_ catch wind of someone purposefully withholding justice on one of  _my_ citizens, then I will make sure you  _regret_ it." 

Few people meet your eyes. Even your brothers are a little nervous at the venom in your tone. You let the silence build for a little longer before you release your aura and go back to normal. Still irritated but suddenly very tired, you dismiss the class and start walking back to the parking lot.

A very depressing thought runs through your head and sobers you more than anything else could.

You are going to have a lot of paperwork cause of this shit.

_________________

"Yo NERD! Hold up!" Undyne hails you as you are standing in the parking lot, pulling up the Uber app. Chief Johnson ditched you in order to bring in Alex. Poor poor soul.  Johnson was pissed... at you mostly if you were honest,  and you for sure wouldn’t want to be stuck in a car with him right now.  She and Papyrus take a few more strides and are now standing next to you. You smother the jealousy you feel for thier long legs. It look you at least twice as long to make it across the parking lot. 

"Hey..." You are suddenly a little self-conscious over everything that just happened. You like to talk a big game, but typically you escape afterwards. "What's up guys?"

"Seriously?! Y er a skin?" She laughs and slams your back with her hand. You didn't sense any ill will from her,  and you let the force of the hit stumble you forward a little . "That was AMAZING! Alex has been a li l shit since we started this thing. I can't believe I finally got to see the snot kicked out of him!" She pumps her hands into the air like she just scored a touchdown. You could feel yourself blush a bit from her admiration. 

" MY IDIOT COMPANION IS CORRECT . THAT WAS  AN ENJOYABLE DISPLAY OF COMBAT .  THOUGH IF I HAD BEEN ALLOWED TO DO BATTLE WITH HIM, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A SUPERIOR SPECTACLE.  BUT IT WAS PLEASING TO WATCH YOUR WIMPY HUMAN SELF THRO W THAT BAFFOON ACROSS THE ROOM. NYEH HEH HEH! " You are surprised at how quickly you became used to Papyrus's yelling. Apparently the guy didn't have volume control. 

"And your speech at the end was really badass! I didn't know we would meet any humans besides the ambassador who felt that way about monsters." She grins at you and nudges Papyrus like she is sharing a joke with him.

“Like what? That you guys are entitled to equal rights and police representation?” You shrug, you didn’t really deserve any praise from what you said. “Most people are good guys. I just tend to be a little more vocal about stuff. But, it’s good you guys aren’t upset. I was second guessing putting you two on the spot like that.” You rub the back of your head nervously. “I probably should have taken him aside and avoided that whole situation.”

“Pfft! No way! That was the most fun I have had in that class yet!” She slaps you on the back again to illustrate her point. If you had been human, she would be leaving bruises. Your phone dings, alerting you that the uber driver you requested is on his way. Papyrus sees you check it and his eye sockets expand slightly as an idea came to him.

"HUMAN, I REQUIRE YOUR PHONE!" You blink at him and hand it over, not even questioning it. You watch as he puts himself in your contacts and hands it to Undyne so she can put hers in. She then texts both of them from your phone. 

" Good idea Paps! Now we can hang out and stuff!  We don’t have a whole lot of human friends yet, and you seem ok. " She hands you back your phone and you put it in your pocket. 

"Seriously? Why would you guys want to hang out with me? Sure I kicked Alex's ass and made a little speech, but you have no idea how I truly feel about you two. I could be worse, but hiding it under a professional veneer.”  You are honestly taken aback with how trusting these two are of you. For a species under constant scrutiny and rallied against by humans, they seem quite taken with you. 

"NYEH! AS IF A JUSTICE SOUL WOULD BE SO TWO-FACED! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!"

"A what?"

"Ah geez, comeon Papyrus! You can't talk to humans about their souls and shit!"

"Wait, are you guys saying that you can just see people's souls? Like without even trying?" It sounded a lot like what you did with auras. Just passively seeing without meaning to.

"Well... not really. When you shook our hands, it kind of lit up? TCH, I don't know. Normally we would have to pull it out for a fight or sometin, in order to see it. But it is cool! Just means that we are meant to be friends! And Justice is an awesome soul color!" She hits your back again in congratulations. Yay? You have definitely seen a lot of horrible things done in the name of "justice" but you didn't say anything to dampen their mood. Josh and Jack are soon making their way towards your group as well.

"Holy shit y/n! I can't believe you just handed Alex his ass like that!" Josh tries to ruffle your hair, but you bat his hand away. Jack looks at Undyne and Papyrus, who have gone silent with the intrusion of more people.

"Hey Undyne, GTP, I don't know if you guys know each other real well, but these two morons are my baby brothers." You half-heartedly wave, indicating them. "I would appreciate it if you guys could keep them out of trouble for me."

"WHO IS THIS GTP?" You smirk at Papyrus.

"Well, Great and Terrible Papyrus is kind of a long name? You don't mind if I shorten it a bit do you? Especially if we are going to be friends and all."

"NYEH! YOU DARE ASSUME I WILL JUST BEFRIEND YOU?  A FILTHY HUMAN! I SIMPLY WANTED YOUR CONTACT FOR  _PROFESSIONAL_ REASONS!" He huffs, a slight blush appearing across his bony cheeks. 

"Oh,  I mean I was getting kind of excited about having a cool skeleton monster as a friend, but " you shrug, "can I still call you GTP?"

"IF-IF YOU MUST HUMAN!"  His blush now deeper and climbing his face. Undyne guffaws at his struggle but reins in any comments after he glares at her. You decide to rescue the poor guy. 

"Hey," turning back to your brothers, "give them your phone numbers." Numbers are exchanged, with GTP being a little stubborn about it, but  yo ur nose tells you he is pleased, even if his body language is ambiguous. Josh and Jack are happy as always, and Undyne seems content. 

"Are either of you two in the Foster a Monster program?" You ask of the two monsters in front of you. They blink at you in surprise for a moment. Then Undyne bursts out laughing.

"No WAY! That shit is for NEEERDS! And me and my girlfriend are already shacking up. Can't have a human around for all that action!" She grins at you wolfishly and winks. You chuckle and then look to GTP.

"GTP?"

"Y-YES! I BELIEVE THAT THE PROGRAM IS A FORWARD THINKING INITIATIVE SET BY KING ASGORE! THOUGH THE IDEA OF LIVING WITH FILTHY, DEGENERATE HUMANS SICKENS ME. I MUST MAKE A SACRIFICE TO MAKE WAY FOR FUTURE HUMAN AND MONSTER RELATIONS! NYEH!"

"Ok... well that's cool. These two are looking for a monster roommate." You indicated your suddenly shy brothers. "You seem like yall would get along once you start talking to each other. Which I am surprised you haven't already!" You turn to Josh and Jack. "What the shit guys?!?! There are two seriously cool monsters in your class, and you what? Just sit on your hands the whole time? What happened to all the gusto you had when you first signed up for the damn program?" They look at each other, doing that stupid twin speech thing.

"Well, we asked Undyne when we first started class. But she just kind of stared us down? And we just assumed Papyrus would have the same answer."

"Tch," Undyne puts her hand up behind her head and starts rubbing her neck. "Well, we might have been a little high strung at first. No one seemed to want us at class. Your brothers were pretty nice and all. So don't be too hard on them, y/n." You nod, contented, and then turn back to Papyrus, not missing the thumbs up Josh gave Undyne for her clever rescue.

"Well, how about you think about it GTP? I  practically raised these two and  can promise the y  are good eggs." 

"I WILL CONSIDER IT! THESE TWO DO SEEM TO BE LESS FILTHY AND HORRIBLE THAN OTHER HUMANS." You laugh at Josh and Jack as they try to dissect whether it is a compliment or not.

"J- J UST OUT OF PURE CURIOUSITY, ARE YOU ALSO APART OF THE PROGRAM?"

"Nah, I  considered it, but I  don't exactly have a lot of time for that kind of thing. I work too much, never home." You wave it off like the most natural thing in the world.  You leave out that having a roommate would be a terrible idea and one you were actively avoiding.

"We have been trying to convince her to join up since the beginning. But she refuses to cooperate!" You stick your tongue out at your brother.

"Not going to either, like I said, too busy. You little boys just don't realize the strains of the modern world on a poor young woman like me."

Conversation went on like that for  a little while longer until your uber showed up and  you finally had to leave. The monsters still seemed a bit reserved around you, but they had been slowly starting to open up. You had an early shift tomorrow, and you would need to file an official report of what occurred at the academy today. Not to mention all the paperwork you would have to file to make sure no agency ever took Alex in by mistake. Bigoted, abusive, racist, brawny and entitled. He was exactly the type of person who should never be given any type of authority over other people. You were glad that you were able to catch him out before he was made official. 

You promised your new friends that you would be open to hanging out after their graduation. But you postponed until then so they could concentrate on studying. You hopped into your uber and headed back to the office to pick up your car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, this was my attempt to describe some judo moves and throws. I have a limited background with Judo and did a bit of research into what cops would actually be learning in a class like that. This is not a hundred percent accurate, and my descriptions are probably rambling and disjointed, but I had fun with this regardless.   
> Probably as much fun as Y/N did! She likes to be feisty, and she got to let her cat out a bit. Maybe a little too much??? She also likes to play with her victims. Whole classic cat and mouse thing. I probably should have fleshed Alex out more and given him more depth as a character, butttttt that takes work. And we will probably never see him again. He is just an angry anti-monster bully. 
> 
> We are getting through all the set up, fun and fluff will happen soon... I promise. And Sans! I haven't forgotten about him, he is just off doing Sans things. :D   
> Thanks again for reading! Happy holidays to all you lovely readers!


	4. Sugary Stereotypes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does any self-respecting were-cat do when she finds herself in deep trouble with her boss? Probably ditch the self-respect for one.   
> For two, find something to bribe him with. If bribes are good enough for cop shows, they are good enough for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again precious readers... dare I say fans? You have stuck with me for a month now, so you must be enjoying it a little. Thanks again to everyone who has commented, kudused and read! I am still watching those numbers like a stalker. This whole thing is really bringing out some unsettling obsessive traits that I was unaware of until this point. So... thanks for that. J/K I love you guys!   
> Hope you enjoy this chapter, if you have any prompts or questions or just want to say hi then leave a comment.

When your alarm blared at you in the morning it took a great deal of will power to actually get up and get ready for the day.  Morning s were always difficult for you, but today was especially bad.  You were  _not_ looking forward to the dressing down you were about to recieve when you saw the chief this morning. Nor were you particularily keen on the paperwork you were going to have to file. Would it really be so bad to call out today? Play the weak female heroine and say you were too stressed from yesterday's encounter? Ha! As if anyone would ever believe that. You knew you had a few nicknames in the office, and none of them were particularily kind to your feminitity. 

You decide to stop by a bakery on your way into work. Afterall, what better way to temper the ire of a direhard police officer, than with some sweet sugary stereotypes? And what better place to go than the new monster bakery? Muffet's was a rather spendy stop, but it was _so_ worth it. You had never tasted anything quite as good as the baked delights that she served.

Muffet, a spider monster who had been comically unaware of the nursery rhyme attached to her name, was a genius with pastry. Standing at about five feet, she had all the things that you would imagine a spider monster to have: lots of eyes, fangs, six arms and two legs, soft and slightly fuzzy lavender skin. She was adorable, and talked with a small lisp around her fangs. She also made her own clothing, lovely lacy silk and satin dresses with intricate details and embroidery.

She was also probably the most dangerous monster you had met to date. Though Undyne and Papyrus beat her in raw strength and magic, spiders were ambush predators that surpassed even your skills. And if there had not been the temptation of the sinfully delicious morsels at her counter, you would not be even considering entering her territory.

As you pull into the parking lot, you notice that for once the little bakery seems to be quite busy. You find yourself feeling happiness for the spider monster. Good food shouldn't know any boundaries! You didn't care how many arms she had, or where she was from. The things she made were amazing and it was good to see other people sharing your opinion.

When you get inside the building, your smile dissappears. In front of the counter there is a group of four maybe college aged adults. One female, three males; all beligerant. Several pastries are strewn about the room, and one guy is deliberately smearing a cake across the display glass.

"How dare you try to poison us with this trash!"

"Don't you know spiders are disgusting? Your food is evil."

"You are disgusting."

"Where is the human food? You came to the surface, fucking act like it! Stop trying to containminate us all with this garbage!" The main man flings a croissant right at her.

Some younger customers are recording the interaction, but most are trying to blend into the background. No one wanted to stand up for the badgered monster. _Cowards._ Muffet’s fear and anger hit your nose harder than the smells of products. It takes you only a moment to see what she sees. Humans with cameras recording the transaction, if she uses violence her bakery will be reigned down upon with righteous anger of the city’s bigots and fearmongers. If she wants to have any chance of success here, then she needs to bite her tongue and ride out the injustice. But the lady is _pissed_. 

Luckily, you  aren’t under the same restrictions she is. 

GTP said you had a justice soul? Makes sense, you really felt like laying down some sweet sweet justice.

You walk up behind the  front runner and pastry flinger  and tap his shoulder. The group turns and looks at you as one,  casting their eyes up and down you trying to gauge if you were going to join their fun or try to put an end to it. Their expressions turn to sneers as they rule you in the latter. They were young and stupid so you didn’t blame them for their ignorance.

Well, you don’t blame them much.

"Excuse me, you are wrong on so many counts. One, Muffet is gorgeous. She dresses better than any of you. Two, the food is made of magic, not the sins of your ancestors. It is hardly  _evil._ Three, spiders are incredibly imporant to the ecosystem and extremely hygenic. The only thing disgusting here is your attitude. Four, if you are all done being rude, entitled fuckwits, I would like to place an order." You then pretend to notice the smeared cake and littered treats for the first time. You tsk at them and then look at Muffet. She doesn't recognize you right away, and is wary of your approach, but is hopeful. Before you can say anything else though, your group of bakery fiends find thier voice. 

"What the fuck did you say to us?"

"How could you possibly order from this  _monster_ ? You should be supporting human-run businesses."

"Monster loving traitor!" You turn back to look at them, making sure to make eye contact with each of the four. They baulk and look away, unsure of how to to respond to your 'take no shit' face.

"I am ordering from this charming monster lady, because she has the best pastries in the entire city. Which you would know if you hadn't thrown them across the room like fucking animals." You look at Muffet, "Did they pay for these by the way?"

"N-no. They did not."

"And we aren't going to, bitch." Maybe you weren’t as intimidating as you thought you were? People seemed to be talking back to you a lot lately. And why does everyone cuss at you?

"Actually, I would have to disagree with that. You took her products and made a mess of her store. The least you could do is pay for them." He laughs in your face, gaining courage from his little audience.

"And why the fuck would we do that? I ain't giving my money to a fucking monster. And no monster lover is going to make me do shit." You contemplate your options for a moment, something that is rare for you. You could go Hulk, rampage through the four of them and make an appearance on Youtube. Or... you could be an adult and not jump to the ass kicking. Maybe avoid some paperwork? You weren’t exactly pleased with how much control your beast had over you yesterday, and Chief be pissed if he saw you on the interwebs _heh_ throwing civilians in a bakery.

"You will pay for them," you shove your finger into his chest as you let out a small growl. He flinches away. Smart move. "Because otherwise that is stealing. And, as your barbarian parents must have forgotten to mention to you before they set you off to roam the streets, that is a criminal offense. Which as an officer for the city I will have to drag your sorry asses in for. Right now I have you for theft, verbal assault, slander, hindering a business, disorderly conduct and property damage." You tut behind him, and then turn back to the other three. You pull out your wallet and show your badge to each of them. "I suggest one of you grab your wallet and pay the woman, if she decides to press charges against the lot of you it will be for a lot more money than a few pastries."

After seeing your badge, the youngsters are properly cowed. Apparently they were desensitized to their instincts, but the threat of legal recourse was enough to get them to behave. They exchange looks amongst themselves and the girl finally steps forward, digging into her purse for her wallet.

"Make sure to charge them for everything, and add on a large tip." You smile sweetly at the man in charge of the group, "For cleaning charges of course"

"Ah-huhuhuh. Of course dearie." You take a peek at the total on the register.  The amount on the screen is stagering.  The girl groans but pays. How is she affording that? Daddy's card maybe?  Even if you didn’t have an extra house payment, you wouldn’t be able to afford that.

"Anything else you want of these heathens before I release them back to the wilds that they came from?" You ask of Muffet. She thinks for a moment, and then smiles evilly at you, her fangs hanging over her lips.

"Why yesss." She grabs out four croissants and hands them to each person, "I want you each to eat that. The whole thing. Or I will 'press charges' as the officer here has said is my right. If you are going to curse my food, you are going to educate yourselves about it first." You put your hand on your hip, waiting. Inside you are grinning, you liked this woman.

Slowly, after realizing that you were not going to let them go until they preformed their appointed task, they looked at eachother. In sync, they took the first bite, feigning disgust. You say feigning because Muffet was a boss, and nothing she made was actually disgusting. You laugh at their expressions when their faces can't hide their pleasant surprise at the taste and magic of the food. It doesn't take long before they are gone.

"See, it is just food. Incredibly good food. Now get out of here. And if I ever catch you messing with another business, especially a monster business, I will make sure that you are fully charged and you  _will_ spend time behind bars." They nod and quickly leave. Not wanting you or Muffet to change your minds about letting them go. 

Once you are sure they are gone, and pretty much all of the other customers leaving along with them for whatever reason, you let your shoulders relax and calm yourself. You then bend down and start helping to clean up the broken pastries. With the prices on these things, it was such a waste!

Muffet doesn't move from behind the counter, instead just watches you clean up the mess. Her expression and aura are well guarded, and you don’t smell anything coming off of her. When you stand up and throw the remains away, you see a dark cloud of a spider swarm washing the counter. You blink, and look around the bakery. Along the ceiling and walls, there are now hundreds of small spider monsters. _Prey mistake! Monster lair, surrounded! Trapped!_ For a moment, you yourself are frightened. You hadn't felt any of these creatures come into the room. If they had been hostile, you would have had no warning or means to defend yourself.

 _They are just cleaning. Nothing to be afraid of. Just an army of small magical creatures that you would have no real means of fighting._ They really don’t do anything other than clean however, and are soon shuffling around washing the floor where you removed the pastries. Quelling your own momentary inner fear, you paste back on your bored but polite smile and go back to Muffet. Just cause you had been scared didn’t mean you had to show it.

"So, about that order? I was hoping if you could help pick out a couple of things. I am kind of in trouble with my boss, and I was hoping I could appeal to his sweet tooth." You squat down, looking at the creations behind the glass; avoiding making eye contact. You wanted to be clear with her, this was her territory, you weren’t challenging her.  Not that it was difficult to look away. Like Muffet's store, the pastries were intricately decorated marvels. The bakery was a mix of dark purples, lavenders, and shimmery silvers. The curtains are lacy, tableclothes decorated with delicate spiderweb designs. The light fixtures made of sparkling glass. It was a gothic princess fairytale paradise. And the desserts matched. The attention to detail was breath taking. Intricate patterns and shapes, the likes of which you would never be able to reproduce. "He likes cream cheese, and chocolate if that helps?" you prompt. 

"Oh. Oh! Of course." She grabs a couple of things, a slice of cheese cake, a couple of danishes, a small triple layered cake with a spiderweb design along the top. Then you point to a couple of strawberry shortcakes and a tiramisu. In a matter of moments you have a treasure chest of treats on the counter in front of you. She pauses before she can ring you up.

"Dearie? Why-why did you do that?" Her hands shake and she is looking down at the box in front of you.

"Do what? Defend a clerk from an asshole customer?" You huff a little and rub your hands against the legs of your pants, not sure how to phrase what you want to say. Sure you defended her, but in a lot of ways you were sticking up for monsters because you related to them on a level they would hopefully never understand. And, it was hard to hurt you. So standing up for people who couldn’t defend themselves was easier for you to do. Afterall, if you have some sort of special power, isn’t it your responsibility to do the right thing? "I just did what any normal, decent person would do? And, it is kind of my job." 

"No one else was helping.”

" That’s true, but I am willing to bet most people wanted to .  And when they are by themselves they will imagine what would have happened if they had been brave enough. People are generally good, we just suck at showing it. " She takes a moment and mulls over what you said.

"Then why did you?"

"Well, like I said, it is kind of my job. Protect and serve and all that." You shrug, "And I was honest when I said that you had the best stuff in the city. I was afraid that if you let people like that color your opinion of humans, then you would pack up and leave."

"Ah-huhuhu. What an idea! No Dearie, it was my always my dream to open a bakery on the surface. A little group of humans isn't going to keep me from it."

"Well I am glad! If you left I would have to pack up and follow you like some sort of baked goods groupie." At the question in her expression, you explain "Groupies are people that follow famous people as they travel the world. Typically famous musicians, but it can be any sort of fandom."

"Oh. Well, have no fear Dearie, I am staying right here." She pats your hand timidly, just the barest of touches. But as you look at her hand patting yours, you get a look at your watch. You are late. Very late. On a day you were already going to get chewed out by your boss. _shitshitshitshitshit_. Muffet sees your expression and quickly removes her hand.

"Damn, no not you!”  You attempt to console her, “ I am just late!" You quickly grab your wallet out and slap  an obscene amount of cash on the counter.

"No Dearie, I can't charge you after all that!"

"I didn’t help you so you would be obligated to give me free food.” You move to grab your box, but she pulls it away. “Comeon, like I said, I am in hot water with my boss. Apology treats don’t mean the same if you get them for free.”

“Hmm-hmm-hmm. Well, I am not fond of the idea of owing a human anything. Even one as valiant as yourself. But if you won’t accept free food from my establishment, I have something else that might interest you.” She uses one of her six hands to reach under the counter and pull out a pair of paper slips and hands them to you. You look them over briefly. “They are coupons for another monster restaurant named Grillby’s. The food is substandard to anything that I can produce, but they deliver.”

“That’s extremely kind of you Muffet! Thank you!”

“Ahuhuhu. I wouldn’t say it was kind, merely repaying a debt before you asked for something of actual value.” A frown forms on your face. The underground must have been a real shit show if something like _this_ would extract a favor.

“Well, I think it is kind. And I think you are awesome, and very brave for opening a store so soon after you came above ground. You and this Grillby guy are really paving the path for other monsters to open other businesses.” She blushes, a dark purple shining against the light lavender of her skin, and her five eyes shift away from you.

“That’s, well, I mean... Thank you Dearie.”

“You are welcome. Thanks for sharing your god-like baking talents with us mere mortals.” You grab your box of goodies and start heading for the door. “Till next time Miss Muffet!” The door jingles as you leave and another set of customers replaces you. Just walking out the doors already makes you feel more at ease.

Well as much as you could anyway, time to go talk to Chief.

___________________________________________________________________________________

You fidget a bit and reposition the box of treats in your hand before you gather your courage and knock. Then you open the door before getting a response, sticking the box in.

“I come in peace Chief, bearing sugary delights as tribute to your merciful self.”

“Come in y/n,” he answered in a clear, overly calm and not in the least amused voice. This is going to be bad. You walk the rest of the way in and shut the door. After, you place the box on his desk and gingerly sit down in the seat across from him. You do your best to look repentent and meek. He finally looks at you and sighs. One of those long suffering ones. 

“You know you are in trouble.”

“Yes sir.”

“You realize that your actions were completely unacceptable?”

“Yes sir.”

“You were foolhardy to let the situation go as far as it had.”

“Yes sir.”

“You exhibited a flagrant disregard for all pretenses of professionalism.”

“Yes sir.”

“Your little encounter was nothing more than an excessive amount of showboating.”

“I mean, I did get to show them a real life practical example of what I was teaching.”

“IN WHAT WAY WAS THAT A PRACTICAL REAL LIFE SITUATION?” His voice booms loudly across his office and assualts your ears. “That was nothing more than you strutting your stuff like a damn prize fighter. Then you went and threatened the entire class. Like a thug. You need to decide if you are a fighter, thug or a cop!” He fumes in front of you, anger rolling off of him in sheets. He was right of course. You could have pretended to not hear what you did. Could have pulled Alex to the side after class and dismissed him then. You didn't need to make a spectacle of him. You had acted rashly, letting your cat have too much reign, favoring an immediate gratification of your preception of justice rather than a professional one.

“I’m sorry Chief.” You say down to the floor, forcing yourself to submit. It was hard to submit to someone you could break in an instant. He sighs again, regaining control over himself. 

“What am I supposed to do with you y/n? You are a good officer, you have good instincts. But you rush into things! How am I supposed to trust you on patrol? Part of being a good officer is knowing that you are going to come back!” You keep quiet, letting him calm some more. You had known that a lot of what he said came from a fear that you would act like that out on patrol. Again. Just because you hadn't been seriously injured yet, doesn't mean it wouldn't happen. You healed faster than humans, and it took a lot to actually harm you; but you weren’t immortal. A gun shot still killed. And as gruff as he was, Chief Johnson had a softspot for you. 

He also had a softspot for the decadent sweets you brought into his office. You had let him say his fill, being a perfect example of a scolded kitten; sitting across from his desk head down while he tiraided. And when he got tired of scolding you, he rubbed his hand over his face and gestured towards your box of goodies. You simply opened the box and pushed it towards him. Gruffly, the way he did anything, he picked out the dainty three layered cake and grabbed one of the small dessert forks Muffet had placed in the box. When he took his first bite a genuine smile crossed his lips as he tasted the magnificience that was Muffets. You laughed when he swallowed and the food disappeared from his throat.

“This is monster food isn’t it?”

“Sure is. It’s magically delicious.” You say with a smirk as your hand imitated a rainbow. He doesn’t respond with anything other than taking another bite. Your brand of comedy wasted on the man. Oh well. You lean over to try and get something out of the box for yourself, but he beats you to it and pulls the box away from you. Apparently, he wasn’t going to share.

“So, the monsters yesterday. What did you think?” You sit back into your seat and cross your arms. You didn’t like watching him eat in front of you without sharing, so you hid your hands to keep from grabbing at the box.

“Their auras are hard to read. Their magic gets in the way. But they were fine. Big Cat likes them. They will make good cops once people stop treating them like they are carrying the plague.” 

“We both know that isn’t going to happen.” He gives you a pointed look and gestures to the both of you. He was a large black man, and you were a short woman. One that would probably be run out of the city if they ever discovered what you truly were. If anyone would understand even a portion of what the monsters were going to go through in the police department, it was you two.

“I know, but I meant what I said. I am not going to let things go just because it is easier to ignore it. If monsters are willing to put their lives on the line to protect people that hate them, then we better be willing to protect them. Alex made it clear he was not on board with that plan.” 

“Agreed. But you can’t go throwing everyone who disagrees with you.”

“It kind of seems like I can though? I have thrown sooo many people.” You smirk at him, and he groans.

“Someday, you are going to find someone that is going to throw you around a room. And you will not be pleased. And I will have no sympathy for you.” He takes the last bite of his cake and waves his fork at you. 

“I doubt it, I’m pretty hard to throw.” He ignores your comment and continues on as though you never said anything.

“In the meantime, you will fill out the paperwork for yesterday’s fiasco. And I am assigning you to your own patrol.” You blink at him. How was this a punishment? You had been filling in on odd shifts, doing school traffic and taking on petty cases while waiting for your next undercover. Undercovers were extremely rare in this city, in three years you had been on only a few. Ebbot City didn’t exactly have a lot of huge crime syndicates that needed infiltrating. So an actual patrol of your own was a promotion in your book! He sees your excitement and grins. “I’d wipe that smile off your face y/n. You like monsters so much, I am having you babysit them. You are on day patrol there starting Monday.” He laughs at your expression. Full belt laughs at you. The evil man. 

T he joy you felt evaporates and you stand. 

“Is that everything Chief?”

“Yeah, yeah. Get out of here y/n. You are going to need your rest over the weekend.” He laughs again and you leave, hoping his wife finds out how many pastries the greedy man eats today.

Your own patrol should be a promotion. This didn’t feel like a promotion. You had nothing against monsters, your actions over the past few days proved that to yourself at least. But they had problems with you. With your humanity, and definitely with your jo b  anyway. They were going to be hostile and guarded in every interaction with you. And most of the cases you will recieve will be from people picking fights with monsters.  Cut and dry cases that won’t go anywhere because courts don’t care. You are going to be stuck, spinning your wheels in a political shit show with people that hate you.  You weren’t exactly in the business for fans and adoration, but this felt like getting put in a permanent career time out. 

But.... it was your own patrol. And if anyone could turn a bunch of monster frowns upside down, it was you.  And maybe you could really help. At least with you there, you won’t have to hunt down biased officers not doing their jobs.  You smile to yourself. It was going to be a challenge, that was for sure. But you weren’t one to back down from a fight. And really... it was your own patrol!

______________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter started out by me venting my frustrations at working retail during the Christmas craziness. Y/N came into the shop, saw shit going down and kicked some ass. Cause I wanted to kick some ass. But after writing it out, I went back and changed it. Y/N is too powerful to be throat punching and throwing groups of people just because they are jerks. She is supposed to be cool, not a bully. And I am pleased with how it turned out, we all got to see a bit of a different side to her.   
> Next chapter will be fun times, just working out some of the kinks with the dialogue. I struggle with making the conversations seem real. Sometimes I feel like y/n rambles on and on while the other characters stand strangely quiet. Does that happen to other authors? Does it come across that way in the story?   
> If something is super cringe-worthy in my writing, PLEASE let me know. You all have been so encouraging and awesome, and I am not fishing for compliments or anything (well I kind of am :D ) but I know my writing is rough. 
> 
> This has been another edition of second guessing and self-doubt brought to you by the maker of this fanfic. Thank you for your time. :D
> 
> Oh! One more thing before I release you all back to the wilds of the fandom... did ya'll know I have a tumblr? I am not talented in art, and I only made the thing so I could look at all the awesome stuff other people made, so I am actually a little unsure of what I should even put on there, but I have one. Maybe... MAYBE I will attempt to draw something? Maybe I will start posting all the stuff that doesn't make it into the story. I got a Papyrus POV that I was working on, that might go up there. IDK though! I just want to talk to people so I am rambling on. I might post something on my favorite kdramas and whatnot.   
> God I don't even know how to link it here. But the name is the same, KertneyK. So find me there.. if you want.


	5. What's a weekend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chief gave you a weekend off before you start your new route. Giving you a chance to fulfill some animal urges. Too bad he starved you all day and now you need to eat before you can leave the city. And too bad you are too poor to eat. Why were you so bad with money?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early chapter this week peeps! Gonna be busy this weekend, so figured I would get ahead of the game a bit.  
> Gonna be honest, I had something completely different planned for this chapter, but SOMEONE got in my head and switched things up. Not that I am complaining, what I had planned has been moved to another part of the story, and this is just so much better for a first time introduction.  
> Hope you folks like it! And thank you again for all the support, it means the world to me! :D

Chief gave you the weekend off. A rarity for you to have two actual days off in a row, it was a subtle way for him to tell you that you needed to take a little trip back home. He was right of course, even after your long and exhausting day, you could feel your magic rolling under the surface, begging to be released.

But first, you needed to feed the beast. After missing out on breakfast and afterwards being far too busy doing menial offices tasks your sadist of a boss gave you, you ended up only grabbing a couple of vending machine snacks to tide you through. Which wasn’t healthy for a regular human, for you a Were that burned calories like they were books in Alexandria simply by breathing, well it was dangerous and foolish. You could feel the pangs of hunger drive through your body as it ate through its meager fat supplies and magic. But nothing in your house was appetizing. Big cat needed meat, and seeing as you refused to make time to go grocery shopping, that meant you either needed to pay for ready-made food or go to the store.

You go to your wallet to check your cash inventory, finding it wanting. You really weren’t all that great with money. The few bills left in the folds were not enough to purchase a meal anywhere you went. It was stupid of you to spend so much of your cash at Muffet’s this morning. Not that you regretted your transaction too terribly. Thinking of Muffet’s reminded you of the coupons she gave you! You dig around in your jacket pocket and find them folded in with the receipt you haphazardly shoved in there. One was a BOGO meal which was great and all but you didn’t exactly have money for a meal. The other was for a free burger and fry with purchase of a drink.

You had money enough to grab a beer at the new restaurant. A cheap beer.

And you were curious if the magic in monster food would help ease your shift. You kind of hoped filling your system with extra magic would sooth some of the pain that comes with changing forms. Typically when you were well-fed, rested and not rushing the shift, the pain was much less. In theory, the extra magic could help.

You googled the location of the restaurant, it wasn’t exactly on the way for you, but it was only a small detour. You could pop in, introduce yourself to some monsters, grab some food and then make your way to the mountains outside the city. Ideally, you would love to make the four hour drive to your family home, but a look at the calendar told you it was Melanie’s weekend. You and your elder sister shared the territory there and decided in a moment of maturity that was rare for the two of you, that in order to avoid fighting each of you had designated hunting weekends. Even though it was doubtful she was actually there and you could always call and ask; that would mean you would actually have to talk with her. Not exactly your favorite thing.

Not that it mattered too much. The national park that encompassed the mountains outside the city was massive and largely unvisited by people. The mountain range here being too harsh and unwieldy for most people to camp. You could get there tonight, shift and even spend the entire day in cat form tomorrow! An exciting prospect for you. Yes. Eat, shift, spend the Saturday furry, come back Sunday morning and do some laundry and grocery shopping before you head out on your new patrol on Monday. It really sounded like the perfect weekend.

You quickly pack yourself a bag. A couple changes of clothes, just in case, a large box of granola bars to fuel yourself once you shifted back to human and a couple of bottles of water. Then you go to your closet and change into something worthy of going ‘out.’

You decide on a pair of dark jeans and a wine red silky tank. The jeans hugged your hips in just the right way and the tank hung flatteringly on your body. Then you grabbed your favorite coffee brown leather jacket and matching calf boots. You looked at yourself in the mirror and was pleased with the outfit. Casual but still professional; practical. You could easily fight in these clothes, nothing too loose that could provide an easy hold on you. The heels of the boots just long enough to wreak havoc but not so long that it weakened your stance. You didn’t anticipate a fight, but it would be your first time in a full blown monster bar and restaurant. If monsters partied as hard as humans did on a Friday night, it was good to be a little prepared. And, if you were being completely honest with yourself, most of the clothes in your closet could be described as clothes you could easily fight in. Not that you have a problem being girly, you tell yourself as you put on a small amount of makeup to your face. Just enough to outline your eyes and bring a little extra color to your lips. You run your fingers through and fuss with your hair for a moment before looking at the final product of your ministrations. Cats were naturally pretty vain creatures and you’d be lying if you said that you had more than a few minor self-confidence issues with your appearance. You knew you looked good.

The drive there is short and you soon find yourself in a darker and dingier part of your city. Monsters had taken over the older downtown, which had been mostly sitting empty until this point. The college established just a few blocks down drew in a lot of bars and restaurants, but also served to drive the and nicer shops and business to the newer built downtown area. Old downtown was just that, old. The area sat in that questionable grey area of being trendy or abandoned. And the city leaned towards abandoned, and had left it to rot. That is until monsters showed. They were more than happy to move into the near empty portion of the city; seemingly enjoying the cove of privacy that the humans naturally gave them. It was a good place for them to be, close enough for humans to eventually wander in and get acclimated to monsters, but also separated enough to give each other space.

You find Grillby's easily and you are surprised that there is ample parking just around the corner. Though maybe that was dumb of you, monsters were just arrived on the surface and had yet to be given the right to drive. They were working on it though. Several of your coworkers volunteered their time to help teach the drivers safety courses at the police academy after hours. For some reason, you had not been invited to take part in those lessons.

Grillby's was located in what used to be an old carriage house and had been converted into a bar in the late nineties. It was a large building, more like a carriage warehouse than just a house. The original doors were huge, but a small normal sized door had been cut into one. There was a classic neon sign hanging above the entrance that simply stated Grillby's. The smells wafting in the it made your stomach growl, and you could hear quite the commotion coming from inside. It seemed like monsters did indeed party as hard as humans did on Friday nights. You open the door and step inside.

  
  


You had imagined that the scene would play out like an old western. You, the tough take-no-shit stranger, opens the bar doors and the crowd at once turns and faces you as a group. Laughter and conversation die slowly as you saunter your way to the bar; monsters taking you in and feeling your aura of danger. Tensions rising as they decide to save their skin and avert their gaze from yours. Once you made it to the bar, you’d sit and order your food, order a beverage worth of your hardness. Like a scotch. Or a whiskey. Neat, whatever that meant. Then you’d spin in your seat to look at the strangers, enjoying the way they squirmed as you made eye contact with them. Eventually the barman would hand you your drink and you’d sip as your watched them over the glass, waiting for them to find their courage to approach you.

Total. Fucking. Badass.

Instead, you open the door and are merely glanced at. The attention of the crowd being directed towards the bar. There, in front of you, beyond the tables and booths packed with monsters of all shapes and sizes, is a skeleton you’d recognize anywhere.

GTP had his back to you and the door, a strange thing you thought for the skeleton monster. You had gotten the impression that he would be a vigilant and security-minded individual. Though you couldn’t really blame him, he seemed pretty occupied in attempting to coax down a shorter, rounder and very drunk version of himself off the bar counter. Small Bones was doing a very good job of making an ass of himself, singing in a low and gravely baritone voice some messed up version of Madonna’s Like a Virgin. Much to the amusement of the crowd and to the absolute shame of the taller skeleton. You could see the blush on the familiar white bones from here. GTP was no longer decked out in the simple training gear you saw him wear at the gym, instead he wore an outfit very similar to your own; tight, though ripped jeans, tall boots and leather jacket. Gloves on, he was decked out in reds and blacks and from here... it was a good look on the monster. Edgy.

Well, it wasn’t the epic western entrance you imagined for yourself, but this sure looked like fun.

“SANS! YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANT! YOU ARE A COMPLETE AND UTTER EMBARRASSMENT TO THE SKELETON NAME AND YOU ARE POSITIVELY DESTROYING THAT SONG!” _Sans? Like comic sans? And Papyrus? Monster names are fun!_

“ehhh, come’on boss. no need er shouti’. if ya didn’t like tha song, all ya had ta do was ask.” He wobbles a little on the stage, but manages to correct his lean enough to stay up. He looks down at GTP with a drunken smile on his face. “I know what song ya want.”

“NO SANS! DON’T YOU DARE!”

“this is fer ya boss! tha coolest brudder on tha planet!” Ah, so they were brothers.

**Yer so lucky**

**Yer a star**

**But ya cry cry cry with a broken heart thinkin**

**If there’s nothin**

**missin in yer life**

**Than why do these tears fall at night?**

Oh god! Poor GTP! The bar is in chaos with their hoots and laughter. You don’t know why monsters knew the Brittney Spears song, and you didn’t really care. Your lips hurt as you try to keep them pressed tight together so you do not laugh or smile at the sight in front of you. You approach your ‘professional contact’ and are successful in sneaking up behind him. He is unaware of your presence until you tap him on the shoulder and he jumps. He turns to you with a sneer of disgust.

“WHAT NOW? DO YOU NOT SEE THAT I AM DEALING WITH-” It takes him a second to find you, not looking down immediately. You try not to be irritated at his unconscious slight to your height, but his face makes everything worth it. He completely blanches and the sneer is wiped clean off as his eye sockets find you.

“HU-HU-HUMAN!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?” He practically screeches the question at you and you can’t help it. Lord knows you tried, your cheeks burned from the efforts you exhibited, but the laugh escapes you, a breathy giggle that has his sockets go wide and his blush deepen.

“Well, you see GTP, you’re just so _lucky-_ ”

“No.... NO!! SANS YOU WILL STOP THIS MADNESS AT ONCE OR I AM DISOWNING YOU AS MY BROTHER!” GTP turns back to the guy on the counter and something in his tone must have clued the guy in cause Sans does stop his singing antics. And proceeds to _look_ at you. It was the strangest thing. You had heard the cliché lines of people looking straight through you and that was the impression you got. That he wasn’t looking at your physical body, but somehow was seeing inside you. Was this what people felt when you assessed them? It was unnerving, and different from when the monsters claimed to have seen your soul the other day.

“hey boss...” his voice is quiet now as he sneers down at you from his spot on the counter, “who’s tha kitten?” You feel yourself flinch at the nickname, and you could see from the way his mouth quirked at the corner that he noticed it; but your smile never falters as you look up at him.

The little bone man is even shorter than you. You size him up at roughly four and a half feet. His head is rounded instead of oval like his brother’s and his eye sockets have little lights of red for pupils, they were slightly fuzzy at the moment, but you had a suspicion that was from the drinking. The teeth are razor sharp and one is replaced by a glinting golden fang. And whereas his brother is broad and athletic looking, Sans seemed rather chubby. An odd way to describe the skeleton, but there it was. He wore a red cable-knit turtle neck sweater with a thick gold chain hanging over his chest, black and red basketball shorts, red sneakers and he had on a red and black coat lined with poufy, fluffy fur. Hot Topic, but classy.

The biggest difference between the two brothers, however, had very little to do with appearance. Sans’ magic lit up your vision as you looked at him, easily double the raw magical strength of his brother.

Maybe that’s why you let your smile lose its mirth and replaced it with a darker version.

“ohhhh, kitty wanna fight.” The words have a slight growl to them and you can feel yourself start to grin at the challenge.

“SANS, DON’T! DO NOT EMBARRASS ME ANY FURTHER THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE.” To be fair, you didn’t actually think Papyrus could get any more embarrassed. As it was, you felt like he would permanently be dyed red from the amount of blushing he was doing.

“i can take ‘er boss! she justa lil’ tiny kitty. so smol.” His hands show the universal sign for small. Your smile slips a little. 

“Yeah? Take me where? To the funeral of that song you just murdered?”

“Feisty kitty-cat! i’ll have ya know i hit all tha right notes in tha song.” He tells you with a giggle.

“ _Note_ d.” You smirk. He blinks at you and then he breaks into a drunken smile as he registers your little pun. He turns to GTP and announces bravely to him.

“imma pet tha kitty!”

“SHUT UP SANS! HUMAN I AM SO SORRY FOR MY- NOOO DO NOT TOUCH HER SANS!” GTP cries out as Sans reaches out towards you. You were a little disoriented as the small skeleton had been directly in front of you and then faster than half a blink later, he is kneeling on the stool next to you, hand outstretched towards the top of your head. You bat his hand away and feel your eyes glare at him.

“YOU WILL STOP THIS AT ONCE!” Papyrus grabs onto his brother and tries to get him to sit down and stop trying to pet you. You already moved out of the range of his hands, but that doesn’t keep him from reaching out.

“Oh no, please. Let him continue. I’d love to watch a bone break without all that flesh and muscle in the way.” A small growl accompanies the words. You watch as his pupils go big for a moment and he stops stretching towards you. But after a moment a blush dusts his cheeks lightly and a little drool drips through his teeth.

“mmmmm paps, paps. pappy-paps. she’s hot! i wanna putta collar on her an’ bring ‘er home. we can get one with’a lil bell an’ everythin.” Your fists clench at the collar comment, but you keep yourself in check. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know what you actually were, and that was the only reason you hadn’t grabbed him and ran him through the counter next to you. Apparently GTP noticed your reaction.

“SANS, SHE WILL MURDER YOU AND I WILL BE FORCED TO WATCH! AND THE ENTIRE WORLD WILL KNOW OF MY SHAME OF HAVING SUCH A BONEHEADED BROTHER!”

“i didn’t know kitty-cats liked bones so much. I got a few ya can rattle all ya want~”

“THIS IS HIGHLY INAPPROPIATE! YOU WILL CEASE AND DISIST IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL PUT YOU IN THE DUMPSTER WITH THE REST OF THE TRASH!” Another screech and Papyrus places his hands on Sans’ shoulders and shakes him. Your anger dies a little at GTP’s face. _Oh geez, he looks like a freaking stop light!_

“ok, ok boss. yer tha boss. hey Grillz, howbouta drink fer the kitty? maybe some milk? Kitties like milk.” He states matter-of-factly. He drapes himself over the counter and looks towards the bartender. Who you are just now noticing. Grillby, you assume, is a walking talking purple fire man. Thinking back to your fantasy rpgs you think he would be called a fire elemental? Whatever. About half a head short than Papyrus, he is dressed in a crisp button up white shirt and black vest, black dress pants and a thick rimmed pair of glasses adorns his face. You barely glance at him before you turn your eyes back to the skeletons. The burning man’s fire was too pretty and distracting for you right now with your cat so close. You didn’t want to get caught staring at the man tonight.

Before he has a chance to answer, Papyrus has scooped up his brother and hauls him over his shoulder.

“HUMAN, I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD FORGET THAT THIS TRAVESTY OF AN EVENING EVER OCCURRED.”

“not human boss. kitty. baaaad kitty.” Sans giggles and waggles his eye brows at you as he looks from his perch over GTP’s shoulder, his legs hanging down his brother’s back. _Oh, he wants a bad kitty?_

You take a step towards the brothers, leaning forward so you place your mouth right where Sans’ ear would be had he been human. Your voice drops to a hoarse, threatening whisper that only the three of you can hear.

“You know, cats do like bones. A big cat will crack open bones with their teeth and suck out all the marrow inside; leaving behind only splinters and _dust._ ” Papyrus tenses and you can smell the slight tang of his intimidation. He might not know all that you can do, but he knows enough to take the threat at least somewhat seriously. You are a little proud that you are able to intimidate the very tall and strong monster. Your pride is interrupted by his overly drunk brother.

“yessss. oh pretty kitty, ya can bite my bones all you want!”

“SANS YOU ARE DISGUSTING! DO NOT FLIRT WHILE I AM HOLDING YOU!” You just stare at the short skeleton in front of you. How? How was he completely immune to your threats? Was it because his magic was so high that he didn’t feel the need to fear you? Was he just too drunk? You didn’t feel any sort of challenge from him since he stopped talking smack on the bar counter. This was seriously three times in as many days that someone was not shaking in fear from you.

And damnit! Was that a blush of your own? You were _not_ attracted to the pudgy drunkard being carted around by his brother like an army duffle. Time to deflect!

“Don’t worry about it GTP. Little brothers are meant to be embarrassing.” You take his hand and pat it comfortingly. He looks away and you guess he is uncomfortable with the contact, so you stop. You do shrug at him though when he meets your eyes. Honestly, you could probably author books about the drunken antics of Jack. Josh was usually a more reserved drunk…. Though there was that one time he started stripping for a lady on the bus.

 _Oh no, the bus!_ Poor Papyrus was going to have to take his baby brother home via the bus. You inwardly cringed at the horror show that played in your head that starred Sans as he flirted and growled at the human strangers that stared at him and his brother.

“hey! i’m tha older brudder.” Sans growls at you, but the pats the top of Papyrus’ head. “boss here is my super cool lil’ bro.”

“DO NOT TOUCH ME! YOU HAVE LOST ALL YOUR AFFECTION PRIVILEGES!”

“awww boss, but i love ya.” The bar erupts into laughter again and you are really starting to feel terribly sorry for your skeleton friend. You take one last longing look to the bar. You had been so close.

“Heya GTP, I don’t know how you planned on getting him home, but I don’t think that thing over your shoulder is in any conditions to be out in public. Want me to give you a ride?”

“oh kitty! ya can give me a ride.” You winks sloppily at you.

“SAAAAANS!”

“If I stick a sock in his mouth, will it help?” You rub your forehead. You were getting a terrible hunger headache and the laughing and comments of the bar around you, coupled with the agony that was GTP’s voice was starting to wear on you. Not missing a beat, Sans continues.

“ya want to gag me kitten? Purrfect.”

“NO, UNFORTUNATELY THAT WILL DO NOTHING TO PREVENT HIM FROM TALKING. OUR VOICES DO NOT PROJECT FROM OUR THROATS LIKE YOU FLESH CREATURES.”

“Pity.”

“INDEED.” GTP brings a hand up and rubs his chin a little, thinking. “AS FOR YOUR OFFER OF TRANSPORTATION… WELL IF YOU ARE SO DESPERATE TO CONTINUE THE EVENING TOGETHER THAN I SHALL ALLOW IT. YOUR PRESENCE IS SLIGHTLY MORE TOLERABLE THAN THAT OF AN ENTIRE BUS OF STRANGERS.”

“Well, let’s go then. Unless you want to stick around some more? I am kind of sick of being laughed at though.”

“whose laughin at my kitten?!? hey, ya assholes better mind yer own business! this kitty likes bones so keep yer hands off ‘er!” Sans shouts to the room and surprisingly most eyes turn away. “there ya go kitkat, no more monsters lookin atcha.” He croons proudly, giving you a large and slow wink. Well he tried. He got halfway through closing one eye and then finished with the other.

“PLEASE ESCORT US TO YOUR VEHICLE HUMAN!” Yup, you were totally on board for ignoring that whole pile of awkward. Sans was a shameless flirt.

“Sure, just follow me.” You march out of the bar, skeletons in tow, and round the corner to your car. You fish the keys from your purse and chirp the locks. Once he sees which car is yours you can see Papyrus look at it approvingly. Your pride swells a little bit. You loved your car. Your manual, electric blue convertible-topped 2005 Jaguar XK8. One of your most treasured possessions, it had been a gift from your mechanic uncle. He specialized in vehicle restorations and when this car came in as a salvage he fixed up the older car and upgraded it with all the modern bells and whistles.

“hehehe. lil kitty has a kitty car.”

“You know, you keep throwing words like small and little around like you didn’t need to stand on top of a bar counter just to be at eye level with the rest of the world.”

“NYEH HEH HEH!”

“tha’s not nice kitty.” Sans sulks as Papyrus laughs at him. You chuckle lightly as you open the door and throw you bag into the back. You didn’t close the zipper, so some clothes fell out. Not that you really cared. Sans is stashed into the back with your bag and then GTP situates himself in the front. His eyes dart about your car excitedly as he buckles himself in.

“So where are we headed? You want to give me your address, or would you be more comfortable with me dropping you off somewhere near your home?” You ask, buckling in and starting the car.

“WHY WOULD I DIRECT YOU TO A PLACE THAT IS NOT OUR HOME? THAT SEEMS EXCESSIVELY INEFFICIENT.” The looks he gives you states that he just lost a great deal of the esteem he had for you.

“Well, I mean... that’s true?” It was hard to argue with logic like that.

“THERE IS NO NEED TO BE COY HUMAN, I KNOW OF YOUR PLAN NOW SO YOU MAY AS WELL COME OUT WITH IT.” He says as he gives you his address, a smirk on his face.

“My plan?”

“YES, YOUR PLAN. THOUGH I AM UNAWARE OF HOW YOU LOCATED ME AT GRILLBY’S, IT IS OBVIOUS THAT YOU HAVE SOUGHT MY PRESCENCE TO GAIN ENTRY TO MY RESISDENCE.” Oh? You hadn’t known you thought that way about him. So nice of him to inform you of that. However, it was good to see that getting away from the crowded bar and into a more private setting seemed to be bringing his personality back to order. You hide the grin on your face by looking away as you start driving towards the skeleton residence.

“You caught me GTP. This has been an elaborate scheme to get into your house. What gave me away?” He must have seen your smile and caught your teasing tone.

“IS THIS NOT WHAT YOU PLANNED? YOU SEEM TO HAVE FOLLOWED ME INTO A BUSY MONSTER RESTAURANT, A FEAT OF GREAT COURAGE FROM A HUMAN SO SMALL AND ALONE. AND NOW WE ARE HEADED TO MY HOME. IT WAS YOUR OVERNIGHT BAG THAT GAVE YOU AWAY! YOU WOULD BE ONE IN A LONG LIST OF ADMIRERS, THOUGH I ADMIT YOU ARE THE FIRST TO BE SO BOLD.”

“Heh, oh GTP you are too precious!” You say between giggles. His blush is back and he looks at you confused. But you couldn’t help it. He must have thought you were super forward if you were going to pack an overnight bag the second time you met him! “You got it all wrong buddy. You were just _lucky_ I came by. I was just gonna cash in a coupon I got, try out some of ya’lls cool monster food, and then I was going to head out to the mountain range outside the city to do a little, uh, survival training tonight.” His eye sockets go wide at the mention of training, but before you can comment on it your eyes are drawn to the passenger in the back. Sans doesn’t look too good, his skull was a sweaty mess and he was curled up across the white leather seat, eyes blank as he looked forward.

“Hey chewtoy! I don’t know what bodily functions you bone boys have, but let me make myself clear here. You shit, piss or vomit in my car and I will _end you._ ” Sans gives you a tiny nod and pulls your bag to his head. He then buries his face inside it and hides from you. Ugh, your clothes were going to smell terrible.

“FEAR NOT FOR YOUR VEHICLE. SKELETONS LACK THE ABILITY TO DO MOST OF THOSE BARBARIC ACTIONS YOU HAVE LISTED, AND SANS IS NOT DRUNK ENOUGH YET TO BE IN DANGER OF VOMITING.”

“Really, you never have to... you know, use the restroom?” He scowls, not liking where this conversation is going, but nods.

“That’s pretty awesome.”

“IT HAS ITS PERKS.” The car goes quiet and he fiddles with all the dials and buttons of your car. You think back to your words and cringe. It was pretty harsh of you to laugh at him like that, he seemed to be a really sensitive guy. You hear some light snores coming from Sans.

“You know I-”

“IT IS GOOD THAT YOU ARE NOT AN ADMIRER OF MINE.” _Huh?_ You turn to look at him, but he places his hand on your head and turns it away and out to the road. “EYES ON THE ROAD HUMAN! I WOULD PREFER TO NOT DIE TONIGHT BECAUSE OF YOUR INCESSANT CARELESS DRIVING. TOO MANY TIMES HAVE YOUR EYES BEEN TORN AWAY FROM THE EVER PRESENT DANGERS OF TRAFFIC!”

“Why is it good that I am not an admirer of yours?” You say to the road, careful to make sure you didn’t divert your gaze. Though the gps declares that you are nearly at their home.

“BECAUSE THEN I WOULD HAVE HAD TO WATCH YOUR PATHETIC FACE CRUMBLE AS I TOLD YOU THAT YOU LACKED THE DATING POWER TO PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME! AND I HAVE NO DESIRE TO SEE HOW UGLY YOUR HUMAN FACE WOULD GET AS YOU WERE EMOTIONALLY CRUSHED FROM BEING DENIED YOUR HEART’S DESIRE!”

“Oh.” You tried not to feel a little insulted. “You mean I don’t match up to your standards?”

“FEAR NOT HUMAN, WHEN YOU HAVE STANDARDS AS HIGH AS MINE, IT IS ONLY NATURAL THAT MOST ARE UNABLE TO MEET THEM. IT IS GOOD THAT YOU ARE ONLY A PROFESSIONAL WORK CONTACT SO I HAVE CAUGHT YOU IN TIME BEFORE YOU STARTED TO DEVELOP FEELINGS FOR ME.”

“I see. I come rescue you from an embarrassing night at a local bar, spirit you away like a knight in shining armor, and I am still just a professional work contact? That’s pretty cold Papyrus.” You pout, but truly you are laughing inside.

“WELL... PERHAPS IF WE WERE TO BOND SOME MORE, IN ACTIVITIES SUCH AS… MOUNTAIN SURVIVAL TRAINING, WE WOULD BE ABLE TO BE FRIENDS.” _This little shit._

“No can do. Survival training is something only people who are already friends do. I can’t be taking my business contacts out there. If you want to come, you gotta admit that we’re friends now.” He grinds his teeth but is silent as you pull into their driveway. You know it is their driveway because there is a picture of a giant femur painted on the garage door of the semi-detached town-home. You park and he finally answers you.

“F-FINE HUMAN! I WILL ADMIT THAT YOU AND I ARE NOW PAST THE COMFORTS OF A WORKING RELATIONSHIP AND HAVE STARTED TOWARDS FRIENDSHIP!”

“See? That wasn’t so hard!” You smile up at him as he huffs. “But you took too long to upgrade your Subscription To Human from the business package to the friends edition. So we are no longer offering the survival training perk in that bundle.”

“WHAT?!! THAT IS NOT FAIR!”

“Sorry kiddo, I don’t make the rules. The survival training perk is now only available in the family and lovers bundle.” You undo your seat belt and turn so you are facing him. He watches you warily as you gently take his hand and bring its gloved form to your lips. You lift your eyes up and watch his sockets as you kiss his hand and say softly, “You want to be upgraded to lover GTP?” All anger is washed from his face as it is replaced by shock and discomfort. Ok, maybe this was a little petty. But you demanded retribution for his earlier slight. “I might not meet your standards now, but I’m a quick learner. And your brother was right… I _do like bones._ ”

You turn his hand over and push the sleeve of his jacket up, exposing his wrist. “Maybe you could test me on how much? I could name the bones in your body, and you could give me a little reward for a correct answer.” You run your thumb across his arm bones. They were so much thicker than a normal human’s and so much stronger. And so warm, you feel the pulse of his magic even from that light touch. “This here is your ulna, and this one is your radius.” You bring your face back down and press soft kisses to the bones as you name them. It was intimate, and his skull is covered in sweat. His sockets are wide and his face is the brightest shade of crimson yet.

You stick your tongue out at him and wink.

“Just kidding! God! Look at your face GTP!!” You cackle as he snaps his hand away from you. Poor baby bones. He could have done that at anytime, you weren’t holding onto him hard. Must not have been as far below his standards as he said.

“tibia honest, I didn’t like yer joke very much.” Sans states darkly as he moves his head up between you two. His grin is tight and he is still looking sweaty and miserable.

“Well someone has to show you the proper way to flirt. You’re just jealous that I almost smooth talked my way into your brother’s pants.”

“ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF BOTH OF YOU! THIS EVENING HAS BEEN HORRIBLE, YOU ARE A TERRIBLE BROTHER AND YOU…” he sputters to a stop as he looks at you, but quickly averts his gaze, unable to meet your eyes. Now you felt bad.

“Aw, I’m sorry GTP. I took my joke too far. You just hurt my feelings a little when you said I didn’t have enough dating power.” You look up at him, repentant and he sighs. One of those long suffering ones that Chief has mastered.

You seemed to be hearing those a lot lately. Before he can say anything though, the quiet of the car is interrupted by a large growl comparable to the roar of your big cat. Your stomach was sending you a loving reminder that you were forgetting the entire purpose of your outing. You feel yourself blush.

“heh, someone forgot ta feed tha kitty boss. we should take ‘er inside an’ see if we gots any milk. kitties like milk.” Sans yawns and seems to have forgotten he already informed you two of that little cat fact.

“HUMAN! YOU SAID THAT YOU WENT TO GRILLBY’S FOR FOOD? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAVE EATEN?”

“Uhhh, I think I had an apple and a pack of crackers around 11?”

“AND WHAT DID YOU CONSUME FOR YOUR BREAKFAST?”

“…..”

“HUMAN, ANSWER THE QUESTION! YOUR FRIEND DEMANDS IT!”

“Nothing.” You admit is a quiet huff. He glares at you a moment before he undoes his seatbelt and steps out of the car.

“COME HUMAN, IF YOU ARE GOING TO CLAIM TO BE FRIEND TO THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS THAN I WILL NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT WASTE AWAY TO NOTHING BEFORE YOU CAN PROVE TO BE OF SOME USE TO ME. NYEH HEH HEH!”

“It’s fine, just take the chew toy out of the back of my car. I’ll grab something quick from a drive through on my way out of the city.”

“AND ALLOW YOU TO WALLOW IN THE SHAME OF EATING A MEAL OF NOTHING BUT GREASE? NEVER! REMOVE YOURSELF FROM YOUR VEHICLE OR I SHALL BE FORCED TO CARRY YOU INSIDE!”

You sigh, it was getting late and you really wanted to be already hunting. But… you were really hungry. Shifts always _hurt_ when you were hungry. You were also very poor, so free food was good in your book.

You bat your eyelashes up at the tall skeleton. “Will you carry me bridal style?”

“I WILL DRAG YOU IN BY YOUR EAR LIKE THE BRAT YOU ARE BEING IF YOU DO NOT STOP YOUR FLIRTING!”

“Ooo, how forceful!” He glares and moves towards your side of the car with determined purpose. Uh oh! You quickly get out and away, holding your hands up in surrender. “I give I give! I’ll stop!”

“YOU HAD BETTER! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR JAPES AT MY EXPENSE!” He reaches into the back of the car and pulls Sans out, then the three of you head inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA! I amuse myself. The idea that Underfell monsters were forced to listen to 2000s pop music as those were the cds thrown in the trash makes me smile. My GTP is a big fan of Brittney and boy bands. It tempers his edgy soul, and none of you will take that away from me! I wasn't sure how I wanted to present the song lyrics in there so I left them bolded, and Sans changed the words so he was singing it to his brother. Believe me, I KNOW the lyrics to Lucky!  
> Big shout out to BookwyrmFinallyGotAnAccount with the help on the dialogue via the funny comments left on these chapters!  
> More funny things happening in the next chapter. And we will find out if my Papyrus is a good cook, or not. I read a lot of stories where he is amazing, and others where Satan himself wants Papyrus' recipes so he can use them to torture his wayward souls.  
> See you next week readers! Have a Happy New Year!


	6. Something Clever and Witty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You eat. Then eat some more. Then you leave and eat again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's that? Uh huh. Uh huh. Sure.   
> I hear you guys loud and clear.   
> You all wanted a double post this week! :D   
> I'll post again on Sunday like I am supposed to, but I really wanted to introduce you guys to a very special character in this story: Big Cat!!! She uh, get's maybe a tad gory? Not like horror movie bad, but I will put a recap at the end of the chapter if you want to skip her bit. I don't think it is bad, but I can't use myself as a gauge for what is normal or not. 
> 
> Also, HOLY BEJEEBERS GUYS! 1000 HITS!!! Seriously, WOWIE! I am over the moon! (Well 995 as I am posting this, but I round up :P )  
> You all make me so happy, and I am so glad that I went ahead and started this project. Thanks for all the support readers!

“Oh, don’t put yourself out GTP. I really would just prefer a sandwich.” You politely beg of the tall skeleton as he starts cutting out a slice of the leftovers in the pan. He called it lasagna. 

You called it a crime against nature.

He barely lifted the lid and your sensitive nose caught the odor of the foul  pasta  the moment it was uncovered . What you saw  in the coffin he called a pan,  will forever haunt you; blackened and hard noodles sticking out of a wasteland of torched seasoned cheese. The pan sloshed as he carried it, indicative of a soup he dared to call a sauce. Noodles under the cheese were so overcooked they melded into a single layer.  It flaked and oozed like some  hellish  nightmare creature, and suddenly you were back to being a toddler; scared of monsters. 

“NONSENSE HUMAN! WHO WOULD TAKE A SANDWICH OVER ONE OF THE CULINARY MASTERPIECES THAT I CAN CREATE? NO NEED TO BE SO MODEST, YOU MAY PARTAKE IN THE GLORY THAT IS MY COOKING WITHOUT EMBARRASMENT.” He proceeds to saw you off a large slice and push it towards you. Dread fills your body as the smell hits your nose full force. You’d been to crime scenes that smelt better. 

Normally, you’d  brazenly  tell the truth. Not like you’ve never told someone they sucked at cooking before. But you were feeling pretty guilty about your joke in the car. And he looked so eager for you to try his food. It reminded you of the early days with Jack and Josh where you were  still learning your cooking craft . Some of t hose early meals were awful. Not Papyrus level awful, but  there were quite a few nights where your stomach turned and cramped from the abuses you delivered. But your brothers always ate your food, and it looks like karma finally found you. That persistent bitch. 

You also didn’t want to pick a fight with Sans, who was draped across the kitchen table next to you. He had his head propped up on his hand and was watching you sit in his kitchen. You didn’t miss the way he glared at you when Papyrus brought in the lasagna.  Apparently, he knew his brother’s cooking was horrid, and while it was cute how protective he was;  could you  really  bring yourself to eat the concoction presented to you?  You take a peek back up at GTP, waiting expectantly for you to try it. You feel your heart clench and made a decision you were sure you’d regret. 

Yes, yes you could. Resigning yourself to your fate, you drag the plate closer to you. 

“Of... course. How silly of me to suggest that I should take a sandwich filled with premade ingredients, packaged and preserved safely for consumption over the awe-inspiring cooking of the Great and Terrible Papyrus.” They either don’t notice or, in the case of Sans, simply do not care for your sarcasm. Grimly, you pry a chunk of lasagna free from the rest. You take one last pleading look to the small skeleton next to you, but his grin turns smug. He was enjoying your suffering. You pledged that you would have your revenge as you plunge the bite into your mouth. 

You made the mistake of tasting it. The meat was so burnt and hard it was like chewing sand, the noodles, as you suspected, were a gelatinous paste. Cheese flaked and coated your mouth in char.  Even so, a ll that you could probably  could have  handle d . But the sauce.... oh that sauce. Like a clumpy tomato gravy had an ill-gotten love child with a glass of tomato juice; and the result was an inbred cousin to hell’s miasma. 

“I KNOW THAT YOU ARE HUMBLED IN THE PRESENCE OF LEGENDARY COOKERY, BUT NO NEED FOR TEARS LITTLE HUMAN.” You hadn’t realized that a single trauma-induced tear fled from your body. Somehow, through raw willpower alone, you manage to swallow the lasagna. It disappears from your throat and you thank the heavens cause otherwise it would have come back up.

“SO HOW WAS IT?” Horror fills you. What on earth could you say? You didn’t want to lie, you hated lying. And someone had to tell him...

“Papyrus... that certainly was um, legendary.” He preens above you, so blatantly happy with your double-edged compliment. He rubs the top of his nasal hole with a single digit, his other hand on his hip. Softly, you hear a tiny Nyeh heh heh escape from him. It almost made your suffering worth it. “Totally for curiosity reasons and not trying to figure out how you strayed so far off the path that is kitchen normalcy; where did you learn how to cook?” 

“I TAUGHT MYSELF AFTER WATCHING THE COOKING SHOW OF THE AMAZING METTATON!” _Mettaton._ That name was now and forever marked in your shit list. If you ever meet the monster who shared in the creation of this food-based nightmare before you, you would make him suffer. 

“Ah. Truly I am impressed.” You load up another bite, but this time you skip all pretenses of eating it and instead swallow it whole. It was easier if it actually never touched your mouth. 

“SHOULD YOU NOT CHEW YOUR FOOD? I WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED IF YOU WERE TO CHOKE.”

“I’m too hungry to chew. Gotta get it into my system as quickly as possible.”

“I SEE. WELL IF YOU ARE AS HUNGRY AS THAT, THEN YOU SHALL BE REQUIRING A SECOND PIECE!” You groan internally as he turns to get another piece for you. He was in full-blown mother hen mode. It would be adorable if this hadn’t been currently causing you misery. You no longer felt bad about the joke in the car. The universe has punished you fitly for your sins.

“thanks fer not tellin my bro.” Sans whispers softly to you, his skull now next to your ear. His low voice sent a small shiver down your spine.  His breath smells of mustard and alcohol; a strong smell that would have normally bothered you, but right now it was better than the thing sitting on your plate. 

“If I die to save his feelings, I need you to write something clever and witty about it on my tombstone.” You tell him in a soft voice. 

“heh. sure thing kitten. ya don’t need ta finish it though. i can spare ya the agony of yer misfortunes.”

“Uh huh, and what do you want in exchange for this act of mercy?”

“hmm. what could i want from our lil kitty?” He taps his finger to his chin, then his smile turns from thoughtful to lecherous. “maybe i just wanna chance ta give ya a private tutoring lesson on yer bone exam?” You squint your eyes at him in a glare, and force another mouthful down your throat as an answer. He laughs and leans back to his regular spot. 

“WHAT IS SO FUNNY SANS? LEAVE THE HUMAN ALONE, SHE NEEDS TO EAT!” Papyrus returns and places another heaping portion of goo on your plate.

“i’m being good boss. i was just teasing her, cause she said she needed a third slice of yer terrific cookin.” You shoot Sans a death glare, but his grin just widens. He seemed to be telling you _you had your chance._ Well two could play that way.

“You know GTP, Sans sure drank a lot tonight. Maybe some food on his bones will keep him from getting hungover tomorrow. You should fix him a plate too so he isn’t completely worthless in the morning.”

“AS IF MY BROTHER COULD BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN COMPLETELY WORTHLESS. BUT YOU BRING UP A VALID POINT. I WILL PREPARE A PLATE FOR HIM AS WELL.” You chuckle smugly at the horrified expression on Sans’ face, then take another large bit; silently challenging him to a food duel. He might have some sort of cheating monster magic trickery, but you have experience eating horrible things. Big Cat wasn’t always too picky about the... freshness of the things she ate. Beads of sweat dot his forehead, but he nods at you. 

Oh it’s on.

______________

You and Sans sit next to each other on the couch, each nursing your battle wounds. You rub your belly soothingly, trying to remedy your betrayal. Sans does much the same. You had made sure to watch him actually eat every bite so no cheating occurred. Papyrus was in the kitchen washing the plates and the now empty pan and had instructed the two of you to go here and entertain yourselves.

You do so by finally taking a good look at the home. The layout of  which is pretty small. Two bedrooms, one  or two bathrooms on the second floor. Downstairs was an open-concept kitchen and living room set up.  It was immaculately clean, though there were still boxes of stuff labeled and lined up neatly against the walls. It surprised you until you remembered that Papyrus was trying to find a match on the F AM program. 

Sans groans in agony next to you . At least he wasn’t flirting with you anymore. Not since you pulled  ahead in the eating competition between you two. You ate a total of four slices to his two and a half. Of all the things you had done and said over the course of the evening, eating his baby brother’s cooking is the one that made him stop.

“So...Sans. That’s your name right? It’s not some strange nickname your baby bro gave to you?” He blinks at you sleepily until he notices you are actually talking to him.

“ya talkin ta me kitten? thought ya didn’t like me.”

“Nah, we’ve seen combat together now. We’re war buddies.” You give a half attempt at jazz hands.

“heh.” He thinks for a moment, then sits up and offers you his hand. “Yup, that’s me. Sans the Skeleton.”

“I’m Y/N. My little brothers are in the same class as GTP.” You take his hand, but pull back quickly as an electric shock courses through your body. He cackles at your face, tears in his eyes.

“hahaha, can’t believe ya fell fer the ole buzzer in the hand trick! silly kitten.”

“Oh ha ha ha. Laugh it up Chewtoy.” You rub the tingling out of your hand. That was a powerful buzzer. “That’s no way to greet a new pal.” You lean back into the couch and pout. He brings a hand up and pokes you in the cheek with his very sharply clawed phalange.

“don’t pout kitkat. i do that ta all my new friends.”

“I’m not pouting. I am plotting my vengeance.” You say as you bat his hand from your face. He huffs in amusement but settles back into his side of the couch. You two spend a comfortable moment in silence as you listen to Papyrus bustle in the kitchen. It was the oddest thing. Typically, with your cat so close to the surface and with the promise of soon being released, you could hardly ever sit still. The beast inside you practically clawing at your half of your soul to be free from her metaphysical cage. But you felt none of that, during the course of the evening you had been continuously surprised at how contained she had been. Just coming into a monster’s home should have sent her in a tizzy, she generally took except to going into another predator’s lair. Instead, she felt content to stay and relax. Sans yawns next to you and you feel one coming on yourself. 

You  _could_ probably catch a nap on their couch, and just leave early in the morning. It would be good to let your stomach settle.  It was so stretched and full, you could hardly move right now and t heir couch was very cozy. It was a worn down, ugly thing.  Green and tattered.  Judging from how soaked it was in their scent, it must have been theirs from in the Underground. Sans must have noticed the way your eyes were drooping cause he was suddenly awake and scooting closer to you. You quirk a sleepy eyebrow up at him  when he gets close enough that his femur touches the outside of your thigh. 

“say kitten, ya don’t gotta run away ta tha mountains tonight do ya?” You shrug.

“I really should-” You stop talking when he puts an arm around your shoulders and pulls you down closer to him. Stomach too full and aching to fight him, you let him pull you down so your head is against his collar. 

“i think ya should spend tha night ‘ere, getta early start in tha mornin. I’d be willin ta share meh bed wit’cha.” Held against his body you feel the full rumble of his voice. If it wasn’t attached to the smarmy skeleton, you’d probably be tempted. “Or we could cuddle ‘ere on tha couch if ya’d rather.” His hand travels a little from your shoulder to your upper arm and then back again. Just a bare grazing of the tips of his claws.

“Ok.” You say in a whisper. “You win. I’ll stay the night at your house.” 

“really?” Sans is genuinely shocked at your answer, and you hide your grin in his shirt.

“Yeah, how can I resist such an offer?” You coo against him. Just when he relaxes and continues to rub your arm, you continue. “But I’m spending it cuddling Paps. Gotta explore where all that chemistry between us will lead.” You hop up and away from him before he can react, and make your way to the kitchen. You hear him slowly get up and follow you, his footsteps landing hard as he stamps his feet behind you. He was not a happy little bone man.

“Hey GTP,” Papyrus’s shoulders slump at your tone and he turns to face you with soapy hands. “ Sans says I should stay here tonight instead of going to do my training. And he thinks it will be best if I sleep while cuddling some bones. You mind if I go ahead and slip myself between your sheets and warm it up while you finish the dishes?” His blush comes as expected, but he is no longer flabbergasted by your antics. Instead he glares down at you and then glares at Sans.

“I SWEAR, YOU TWO ARE IMPOSSIBLE. SANS, YOU WILL STOP FLIRTING WITH HER, AND YOU! YOU WILL STOP ALL ATTEMPTS TO FLIRT WITH ME. YOU WERE NOT ISSUED AN INVITATION TO STAY THE NIGHT. AND YOU SHOULD NOT SKIP OUT ON YOUR TRAINING. IN YOUR LINE OF WORK, TRAINING IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE. I WARNED YOU PREVIOUSLY TO END YOUR JAPES AT MY EXPENSE, AND I EXPECT YOU TO ADHERE TO THAT WARNING FROM THIS POINT FORWARD!”

“Awww, Paps. What if it isn’t a jape? What if through the power of cooking you have captured my heart? Don’t tell me you don’t want to see where this goes?” You say sweetly up at him, giving him puppy dog eyes. His sharp teeth grind against each other loudly. Eventually he closes his eyes in frustration. 

“YOU WERE WARNED HUMAN!” He leans down and picks you up by grabbing onto your upper arms. He then carries you, holding you as far from him as possible, to his front door. Once there, he sets you down and opens it. You are giggling the whole time. He doesn’t push you out, but waits for you to leave by crossing his arms and tapping his foot. Which sends you into a whole new spiral of giggles. 

T otally-done-with-your-shit- Papyrus was your favorite Papyrus. When you finally catch your breath, you wipe the tears from your eyes.

“Ok GTP, I can take a hint. You are unappreciative of my advances. I’ll be good.”

“NO! YOU WERE WARNED AND NOW YOU MUST LEAVE. MAYBE ON OUR NEXT ADVENTURE TOGETHER YOU WILL REMEMBER YOUR PUNISHMENT AND ADJUST YOUR BEHAVIOR ACCORDINGLY.”

“Fiiiiine! I’ll go! Just one last thing, you got a little sauce on your cheek. Let me get it for you.” You indicate for him to bend down so you can wipe it off. He complies. Lord, he was so gullible. This was really too easy. Instead of wiping the imaginary sauce off with your hand, you lean forward and give him a small peck on the cheek bone.

“That’s for dinner Paps. You really saved me!” You turn and leave before he can push you out the door himself. You wave over your head. “Bye Sans, better luck next time bud!” The last thing you see before the door is slammed in your face is Sans holding his stomach, bent over in laughter and the back of Papyrus’ stop light red head as he yells at his brother to stop. 

____________

  
  


The night air was cold on your naked skin, a light wind making the already chilly early spring temperatures even worse. But you were in no hurry to fix the situation. Instead, you relaxed on the boulder you were sitting on and looked out across the valley, enjoying the fresh air and the smells of nature. Even the thinner air from you current location was pleasant to you. You could feel your tensions and stresses slip away as you lounged in the night, stars dancing above you and the moon illuminating your body.

Eventually, you slipped from the boulder and landed softly in the wiry alpine grass surrounding it. The mountain was wonderful as a human, but if you wanted to really experience its glory, you needed to shift. Which was why you were naked in the first place. Though  it was entirely possible to shift with clothes on and shift back with them mostly intact, it took a lot more magic to do so. And out here, with only the moon to see you?  Why bother with it? So you stripped and stashed your clothes and keys under the boulder you had lounged on; waiting for your magic to tell you that it was ready. 

And it was,  Big Cat  rubbed herself against your soul, sending magic tingles darting across your flesh.  The world around you started to slowly bleed its color  to greys and whites  as your eyes, always the first things to shift, changed from human to leopard. You hunch yourself forward onto your hands and knees as the magic of the shift flooded your system.  Magic pulsed like fire inside your blood and coursed throughout your body. Making your muscles cramp as they started to twist.  B ones snap and grind, shrinking and growing as they change from human to animal.  Long sharp claws pierce their way through your fingertips and toes. The bones of your hand mold into denser, stronger versions; forming the paws of your beast.  Your jaw cracks violently to start its slow progression outwards, your teeth turning into sharp fangs and filling out the space now created. A snout forms, ripping out from the skin above it, only for it to be covered again by  fur .  Your muscles feel as though they are being pulled and ripped, flesh being torn apart and resewn slowly.  Pops, tears and cracks are the background noise to your magic.

Pain, your whole world is pain. 

Nothing exists for the moments of a shift except for the torture your magic puts you through as you give up one form for the other. There  were times when you would take  so long  to finish a shift,  you would get scared of getting stuck in this world of pain. The moment of in-between where your body breaks itself completely down and then builds itself into something new. But it has never happened, your magic carries you through from one form to the next. This time, just like every time before.  Sometimes, you scream in agony during, just to do something, anything to give yourself relief from your torment. But even in your worst moments, the pain is only temporary, soon to be forgotten and moved on from. 

You lie in the grass momentarily exhausted. Lungs burning as you try to regain your oxygen. Your body trembles in the effort as the magic settles onto you again.  But it had been worth it: like it always is. You can feel the raw power of your form, the elegant muscles and powerful bones.  Your body no longer cold as it was wrapped in the warmth of your coat; a beautiful dark black with your leopard spots barely showing through. Your coloring marking you as a panther as well as a leopard. 

This happened to be one of the best shifts you ever experienced. The magic in monster food, taking away the brunt of the agony. It was hard to tell how much time had passed in a shift, but it hadn’t been long, and the pain had receded by much faster than normal. You would definitely be stocking up on monster food on Sunday, you think to yourself before your human thoughts are pushed further aside and Big Cat takes her rightful place as alpha. She is in control in this form, and though you two share a soul and a mind, her decisions are based on instincts and the hunt rather than your silly human concerns. Your actions dictated by the simpler and more primal parts of you.

__________

Big Cat stretched in the moonlight, loving how it shined on her pelt.  Her back arched and her tail raised high into the air as she clawed the ground in front of her.  She rolled her powerful shoulders, then leaned forward to stretch out her hind legs,  lifting her paws up and  spreading her toes.  The magic of the shift fully settled on her coat and the pain ebbed away as she stretched and rolled the muscles of her body. 

It was a good night, plenty of moonlight to make the world shine and come alive before her eyes.  O n a night like tonight, she could see everything.  She could smell everything. Her ears twitched in the silence of the mountain, hearing everything. Every one of her senses heightened and enriched  ten times that of her human self .  She opened her mouth and took a large chuff of air, scenting out any potential prey. She smelled a large herd of deer not too far from here and she thanked  the human for her good sense in location. She sauntered towards the sparse trees in the area and rubbed her self against them, scratching the itch of the shift. Rubbing out the excess magic on her fur.  Some of her fur is left in the bark, but she pays it no mind. Let her scent be spread in the area. This was her territory now, her hunting grounds. Big Cat was alpha here and would fight all who tried to dissuade her from her throne. Her tail swishes at the thought. She had been cooped up too long in the human body, she ached for a fight.  Or at least something to sink her teeth into.  She longed to hear the beating of a heartbeat under her teeth as the life drained away from them.

Following the scent of the nearby deer, she slinks herself across the ground, sticking to the shadows. She knows that the shadows have taken her, hiding her form amongst them.  She locates the freshest trail in the area, the deer taking a narrow route from their safe bedding grounds to the grass rich valley below. Big Cat searches for the best tree to plan her ambush, but there are none to be found that would do. None that could assure her the best chance of her prey. Instead, she must settle for a high ledge far above the exit of the path. She would need to time her jump well when the deer came, too far and she would take her and her prey down into the valley. A fall that could well cost her her meal. Too weak, she will land next to the prey and they may have the chance of running,  the exit opening up into many paths and open ground. It would be difficult to catch the running prey in land such as that. 

Easily, she uses her strong claws to climb her way up to the ledge. Leopards like her were already excellent climbers, being fused with the magic of a Were made her even better. Once situated in the mountain ledge, she waits. Unlike her human counterpart, Big Cat is patient. She does not allow herself to sleep, as that may waste her chance. But she does stretch and relax, watching the moon as it travels across the sky and enjoys the air of the mountains. Her ears twitch in the darkness, catching the  sounds of the smaller creatures making their last dashes of the night, trying to gather the resources they required to survive.  Most predators have already eaten and dispersed by this time, and so Big Cat is left unbothered. 

Time moves, the moon light fades as the sun begins its cycle. Stars disappear.  She feels the changing of the time deep within her, her body always in sync with the natural world.  Big Cat gets herself up and into a pounce position when she hears the skittering of rocks and pebbles indicating the movement of her deer.  They do not see her, they do not feel her eyes upon them as they make their way down their trek. They are stupid prey. And they will die because of it. Big Cat  feels more than  watches as they pass,  their movements making small vibrations in the earth that are caught by her paws. She rolls her shoulders again, keeping her muscles fluid and ready. Her tail swishes back and forth and her claws dig slightly into the ground, creating divits in the hard rock beneath her.

Finally, her prey comes into position. 

With one final twitch of her tail, she launches herself forward onto the deer below her.  Her powerful hind legs pushing hurling herself towards the unsuspecting deer at great speeds.  Her body glides through the air, front paws first.  She lands on the animal’s back,  her claws ripping into the thick fur there easily and finding purchase in the meat underneath. The animal crumples under her weight, and Big Cat snakes her head forward to clasp her jaws around its throat. She overshot by a small amount on the jump, and they both go tumbling over the ledge.  But there is no panic.  Big Cat has a firm grasp of the throat of the animal between her powerful jaws. She  easily  catches herself on the wall of the valley below, claws digging into the st rong stone .  Rocks dislodged from their home, tumble down around her. Her heart beats with the spent adrenaline. But her grip is strong and t he animal slowly chokes to death in her grip as she makes her way back up to her ledge, carrying her kill with her. The blood pool s in her mouth and down the front of her fur,  coating her snout and whiskers. 

The other animals in the herd have run and dispersed, leaving their member to its fate. This was a clean kill, a good hunt. She is proud of her skills. Big Cat is the best of hunters, the best of beasts! She can feel the pride of her human in their soul, and she preens. Her human is always impressed. Big Cat eats her kill starting with the rich organs in the belly of the mountain deer. Once she has consumed all that she wants, she takes her prey back to the trees. She leaps up, body in tow into the high branches and stashes the rest there to be retrieved and finished later that evening.

With the sun rising, the birds in the mountains wake and suddenly the silence of night is replaced with the song of the sun. She hops down out of her tree and cleans her face and paws. Licking the blood and flecks of meat out of her fur and whiskers. She then makes her way down to a stream, finding it through her senses of hearing and smell. After a long drink, and a short bath to rid herself of the flesh her tongue did not catch, Big Cat returns to the original boulder and lays in the sunshine. Full and content, she sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad End of Chapter Recap:  
> You shift into Big Cat. It hurts but the magic monster food helps make it quick. Big Cat takes over and goes for a hunt, she finds a deer and ambushes it. She then eats it and takes a nap. 
> 
> Me Gushing/Rambling to My Readers About My Story:  
> Do you all realize how many times I rewrote Big Cat's part of the story? Damn she is a picky queen! Then I had my best friend read the chapter and she said I needed more Big Cat. So I gave ya'll more Big Cat. If you liked it, you have my friend to thank :D   
> In case it wasn't obvious, GTP is a terrible, horrible cook. I think it is funny that she had to suffer so. And it serves her right for messing with him!   
> Poor Sans just can't catch a break with Reader, though I was happy to give him a couple moments of snuggles. Now that GTP has literally kicked Reader out of his home for flirting with him, I wonder if she will get the hint? I don't know, she kind of does what she wants. 
> 
> I have a Sans POV lined up, but now I don't know if I want to post it or keep it purely a Reader and Big Cat POV story. What do you guys think? Would you be interested in seeing the events of Friday night played out in his drunken mind? Or would you rather let that information come out during dialogues in the distant future? 
> 
> One last thing, Here is my Tumblr account. It is sad and lonely because it is so new. So here I am unabashedly asking you to say hi to me there. If you want. It is just filled with me reposting the fun stuff I find on other peoples' pages. But someday, I WILL post some one-shots on there.   
> https://kertneyk.tumblr.com/
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! See you guys on Sunday!


	7. Next Time, Don't Skip the Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get home from a nice evening out as a cat, do some laundry, pay bills, then go grocery shopping.  
> You're all domestic and shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again readers!!  
> Another early update from yours truly! At this point, I think it would be wise to say my update schedule will be BY Sunday every weekend. Cause I like to post early. Especially today since we get our first peek into Sans' pretty little skull! We get some fun alternate POV, a little bit of fluff, a splash of plot and more fun reader!  
> Double post really burnt through my buffer material, I'm going to have to limit how often I do that. So don't get used to it lol.

Sans POV:

Sans woke up on Saturday with a body throbbing of too much bad magic. He drank too much last night, and apparently he ate  a lot of bad monster food. That was odd, the only one who’d make bad monster food was Boss. And there was no need to feed him cause he went out to Grillby’s. Boss  had been pretty strict since they got on the surface about how often Sans could go to this favorite place, but he was allowed to go once a week and eat and drink whatever he wanted. So far, it was his favorite day  of the week and the only time he ever ate a full meal . So why the bloated soul? He closed his sockets and tried to remember what happened last night. The memories summoned were fuzzy and disconnected, but they slowly came into focus. 

Sans _had_ drank too much. He could feel it in the way his body lagged behind his mind. Or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, he was disjointed and clumsy. He could also tell because Papyrus was here at Grillbys, yelling at him. Just like old times. Except now they were finally free of the Underground. Up in the surface world with all the sunshine, stars, fresh air, new technology, animals, and... just everything. How could anyone be gloomy or miserable when there were all these amazing things to remind a guy that he was alive? That they made it? 

It was such a good feeling, he wanted to sing. Needed to sing. So he did, and he enjoyed how embarrassed his babybones brother got because of it. This is what normal families did, they embarrassed each other. And after everything that happened back Underground, Sans was desperate to be like more normal families. So he picked out the song that Papyrus secretly loved and started belting it out. He was enjoying the attention his brother was giving him, even if he was yelling at him even louder than usual. But it was all in good fun. If Papyrus wanted this to end, he would have ended it already.

So Sans was having himself a great time until Papyrus was pulled away by some little human chick.

He hadn’t even noticed you come in. But there you were, talking to his brother .  _Laughing_ at his brother. Papyrus was easily two heads taller than you, broader and stronger than you, but you didn’t seem afraid at all. Instead you teased him and his bones filled with magic.  T hen boss turned back to him and launched into a frenzied plea for Sans to stop. That was fine.  H e didn’t feel much like singing anymore. 

Everything on the surface was wonderful except for the humans that crowded it. Everywhere he turned there were fucking humans. And now there was one in his favorite bar, interrupting his song, and joking with his brother.  His soul squeeze d in anger. The whole night, fucking ruined. And for what? Some dumbass human girl. He look ed at you th rough his drunken haze and somewhat a little impressed d espite himself. You weren’t nervous at all being in a room surrounded by monsters,  chatting up his brother; co-captain of the Royal Guard, a monster feared and respected across the Underground.

You looked ok for a human, he supposed. He hadn’t quite gotten the hang of the human beauty standards yet. But you had all the normal requirements he guessed. Two eyes, hair, arms, all normal human things. Honestly, you all blended together. Monsters varied so much from one another, even amongst those of the same family, that it was hard to tell the difference between each human. The only thing about you that stuck out was that perhaps you were a little short. Barely taller than himself.

But physical appearance meant little to monsters. So he did what he needed to do; he used a little of his magic to read your soul. A bright yellow light filled his vision. Justice then. He hadn’t liked that, justice was a nice concept and all, but it was easily corrupted or swayed. He released his magic just a little bit to dim the light, so he could read your stats.

**Y/N**

HP: 40/40

ATK: 10/**

DEF: 10/**

LV:**

That confused him, Sans was usually really good at reading a person’s soul. But your stats  gave him more questions than answers .  Why were there so many double stats? Why couldn’t he see what your LV was?  He must have been drunker than he thought and was doing it wrong. He  didn’t want to pull your soul actually out to get a full read, that wou ld be frowned upon. Politicans weren’t too keen on monsters pulling out souls. S o  he left yours inside of you and instead he just gave it a little more juice. Suddenly words appear before his eye sockets. 

** Big Cat  does not like you looking, little m agic bones . **

_ The fuck... _ Sans f ought against his urge to step back. Your soul just talked to him!  Souls don’t talk, they are just souls. He  had to have be en drunker than he thought. 

But big cat? 

“so boss, who’s tha kitten?” Oh you didn’t like that! You tried to cover up how you flinched, but he caught it. Think it’s funny to mess with his boss? Let’s see how you like it.

**Big Cat will take pleasure in making you submit. Will feast on magic in bones and nap on dust.**

Heh, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But you were so small, such a small little fragile human. He could take you. Probably. If he couldn’t, Paps was right there. He let go of the soul and looked down at you. Yeah, he could take you. If you were smart you’d apologize and leave. He glared down at you, and he can feel his smile. Dark and menacing.

You weren’t smart. He could see you start to wind yourself up for the fight. You’d seriously fight him in a monster bar, completely surrounded by his friends and his brother. You were nuts.

But also kind of funny. The pun was cute, and the way your nose crinkled as you told it, like you knew it was bad, was kind of cute.

Then you threatened him. Yeah... he could get into that. He’d enjoy taking you home and making you change your tune, think you could take him on? We’ll see what happens after he has you at his mercy. He might have said something like that, he didn’t quite remember. Whatever he said, pissed you off. He liked that too. So he continued to rile you up as the night went on. Boss was a good sport about it. Didn’t threaten to torture or remove his limbs. Boss was trying to be gentler and more civilized now that they were on the surface. Just in case though, he didn’t take his flirting too far, didn’t want to push Boss over the edge.

Next thing his drunken mind remembers is he was in the back of your car, and you were driving down the road like a madwoman. Cars zoomed past his window and you jerked the wheel hard whenever you turned or merged into other lanes. It was making him sick. So sick he had to hide his eyes away from your crazy driving. The only thing you had available, however, was a bag of clothes and snacks and shit. He threw the waters and boxes out of the bag so they didn’t poke his sockets and buried himself in it.

Oh, but your scent was _good_. Better than any human’s he’d come across so far. How did he not notice it at Grillby’s? It was wild and raw, like the first smell of the mountain after the barrier came down. He spent the rest of the car ride just enjoying it. He wanted to take some of your clothes to keep, but you seemed to be a friend of his brother’s. Boss would be pretty pissed if he found out that Sans took something of yours like that.

After the car stopped moving, he came out from his refuge and had the displeasure of witnessing you pulling some serious moves on his baby brother. Were you really into him? Maybe. But Paps wasn’t. Why were you messing around with his brother when he was right there? He felt his soul thump angrily. You were not impressed. Completely unfazed. Attention back to his brother. It was pretty funny to watch him get flustered. Sans could appreciate that you chose a good target for your shenanigans.

Then you were inside his house. Sitting next to him, trying not to gag as you ate his brother’s food. Heh, served you right for all the shit you were pulling tonight. He tried to make a deal with you, extended out his hand in mercy towards you. Instead you challenged him to a show down and roped him into eating the garbage Boss called food.

And you won! How the fuck did you win?! You ate like half a fucking pan, you animal! Sweet stars above, where did you even put it? Sitting next to him on the couch, you rubbed your stomach softly. There was barely a mound. Nothing to really tell of the trials you just went through. What kind of crazy human were you? He was trying to figure you out when he realized you were talking to him. He got you with the buzzer, and you pouted. It was a cute pout.

He tried to cuddle you. He remembered that. You felt pretty good up against his chest, his arm over your shoulder. You smelt so much better up close like this, his nasal cavity was right up against your hair. And you were so soft. Even now he could remember how soft you felt. He had run his claws along your arm, marveling at how easy it’d be to tear you open. And you let him, without a care in the world.

You felt so hot though, he hadn’t exactly touched a ton of humans, but the heat radiating off of you seemed abnormal. He didn’t get to ask you about it though, as you jumped up and away to go back to Boss. He couldn’t help his angry scowl as you ran away. Why did you have to keep bothering his brother? Why couldn’t you just be happy bothering him instead? It was frustrating. Well more than frustrating, it was pissing him off! Just let him hold you for awhile while he figured you out! Why did you smell so good, why were you so warm, why couldn’t he see your stats, why did your soul talk?

He didn’t get to ask.

Boss had enough of your shit. He got frustrated with you and kicked you out, but not before you managed to steal a kiss from him. You were so bold! That was probably to most contact Boss had had with anyone that wasn’t him or Undyne in years. And he blushed and stammered like he had when he went through his first heat.

He wondered how bold you’d be if it was real. Probably not very, it was obvious you enjoyed a joke, but what kind of human would really be ok dating a skeleton monster? Didn’t they look like corpses to you?

He doubted any of what happened last night was real. Just some dumb human into the new monster fad, or trying to prove how brave she was. They’d encountered some people like that already, people that pretended to be friendly and nice only to get pictures with monsters for their stupid insta-books or facegrams or whatever.

He pulled himself out of bed and made his way down to the small kitchen table. Boss was already there, reading a newspaper. Human internet made the news available almost the same instant it happened, but Boss enjoyed his newspaper. The tattered remains that would end up in the garabe dump were the only way they’d learn about what was happening on the surface while in the Underground, and it was comforting to be able to hold onto a perfectly intact daily paper. A reminder that they made it.  And for Sans, seeing the date on the newspaper was a verification that they didn’t go back into another reset. Every day the date changed and proved that they didn’t go back. It was nice. 

“mornin boss.”

“MHM.”

“whut’s wrong boss? not likin what tha humans ‘re sayin today?” Sans went to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup.

“NO SANS, I AM MERELY STILL PEEVED WITH YOU FOR THE TOMFOOLERY YOU DISPLAYED AT GRILLBY’S.”

“i was just singin ya a song. no need ta jump down my spine ‘bout it.”

“THE SONG IS NOT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT SANS, AND YOU KNOW IT! THOUGH YOUR DRUNKEN MUSICAL PERFORMANCE WAS DISGRACEFUL ENOUGH AS IT WAS, BUT THE WAY YOU ACTED TOWARDS THE HUMAN WAS ABOMINABLE!!!”

“eh, waz just a human boss. prolly won’t even see ‘er again.” He tried to ignore the slight twinge of sadness he felt over that fact.

“I DOUBT THAT SINCE SHE WILL HAPPEN TO BE AN IMPORTANT COLLEAUGE! AND YOU BEHAVED LIKE YOU WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HEAT! SHE IS ONE OF THE FEW HUMANS I HAVE COME ACROSS THAT HAS GAINED EVEN A SMALL SEMBLENCE OF MY RESPECT, AND YOU HAVE PROBABLY SCARED HER OFF WITH YOUR BONEHEADEDNESS!”

“what ‘re ya talkin about? she jus gave us a ride.” He thinks for a moment and adds. “how ya even know her, anyway?”

“SHE’S THE OFFICER THAT DESTROYED THAT FLESHBAG IN MINE AND UNDYNE’S CLASS!”

“no way. she did? that tiny kitten kicked Alex’s ass?” Sans was shocked. You were just barely taller than him, and it wasn’t like you were stacked with muscles. He’d have an easier time believing it if you looked like Undyne or something. And he’d seen that Alex guy, he’d been almost as tall as Boss. And broad, the guy could have given Aaron a run for his money.

“YES SANS, SHE DOES NOT LET HER DIMIUNITIVE SIZE KEEP HER FROM ACHIEVING VICTORY IN BATTLE, UNLIKE SOME MONSTERS I COULD NAME.”

“sorry Boss.” Papyrus sighs at his brother.

“NEVERMIND SANS, I WILL JUST NEED TO REDOUBLE MY EFFORTS AND ATTEMPT TO ERASE THE DAMAGE YOU HAVE CAUSED. THOUGH PERHAPS IF WE SEE HER IN THE FUTURE, YOU WOULD THINK WITH YOUR SOUL RATHER THAN YOUR BONES.”

“aw, comeon bro. i couldn’t’ve been that bad.”

“SANS, YOU OFFERED TO PUT A COLLAR ON HER! A COLLAR WITH A BELL AND BRING HER HOME. YOU THEN INVITED HER TO RATTLE YOUR BONES! I AM BLUSHING EVEN NOW AS I AM REGALING YOU WITH YOUR OWN STUPIDITY!”

“heh... heh. if that’s tha worst i did, that ain’t too bad boss.” Papyrus shoots him a hard glare, and Sans ducks into his coat. Ok, offering a strange woman a collar was really bad. But it wasn’t like collars meant the same thing to humans as it did to monsters.

“i’ll do better boss. promise.”

“YOU’D BETTER, BECAUSE I HAVE DETERMINED THAT SHE IS GOING TO BE YOUR MENTOR FOR THE FOSTER A MONSTER PROGRAM!”

“wait, whut? she’s signed up fer that?”

“NOT EXACTLY, NO. BUT I AM ALREADY IN LINE TO MOVE IN WITH HER BROTHERS IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND HAVE UNTIL THEN TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO CONVINCE HER TO TAKE YOU IN.”

“why ‘er boss? why can’t i just stick with ya?” Sans soul turned at the idea of being away from his brother. Who’d watch out for Papyrus if he wasn’t there? But they’d already talked about this, heatedly. Papyrus wanted both of them to have a chance in this peaceful world to separate for awhile. Sans hated the idea.

“SANS, WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS. YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO INTEGRATE IN WITH THE HUMANS ON THE SURFACE. NOT EVERYONE CAN BE EXPECTED TO ASSIMULATE AS EASILY AND EFFORTLESSLY AS I HAVE.” He makes a small pose and laughs proudly to himself.  “BUT YOU SEEM TO BE HAVING A HARDER TIME THAN MOST. THIS PROGRAM IS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY TO FOR MONSTERS TO TEACH HUMANS ABOUT OUR CULTURE SO THEY CAN FORM EDUCATED AND ENLIGHTENED OPINIONS. I HAVE CHOSEN HER FOR YOU SINCE SHE SEEMS IMMUNE TO THE TYPE OF JAPES AND OVERALL BOLOGNA YOU WOULD BE WANTING TO PULL. SHE ALSO SEEMS MORE THAN CAPABLE OF HANDLING ANY BACKLASH SHE MAY INCUR SHOULD SOMEONE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER BEING IN THE PROGRAM.”

“well if that’s tha case, why does it matter if i flirted a little with ‘er? seems like yer going through a lot of trouble already ta set us up together.”

“BECAUSE IT WILL BE INFINITELY EASIER TO COMPLETE MY TASK IF SHE DOES NOT COMPLETELY HATE YOU. AND I AM NOT TRYING TO SET YOU UP TOGETHER. I MERELY WISH TO MAKE CERTAIN THAT YOU WILL NOT DUST IN MY ABSENCE!”

“aww, boss. that’s so sweet of ya.”

“SHUT IT SANS! NOW I MUST LEAVE AND SEE WHAT I CAN MAKE HAPPEN AT THE EMBASSY. YOU WILL STAY HERE AND THINK ABOUT WAYS YOU CAN ENDEAR YOURSELF TO HER SO SHE DOES NOT THROW YOU THROUGH A WALL THEN NEXT TIME WE MEET, BECAUSE I CAN GUARANTEE THAT SHE DOES NOT LACK THE ABILITY TO DO SO!”

Papyrus carefully folds his newspaper, and places it on its spot on the counter. Then he charges out the door towards the Monster Embassy, leaving Sans feeling dazed and confused. You couldn’t really be the human that Boss and Undyne gushed about the other night, could you?  No way someone as puny as you’d be able to do something like that. But it wasn’t like Paps to lie to him. So maybe? 

Heh, for the first time since he heard about that stupid program, he could feel something other than foreboding swell in his soul. It took a moment to recognize the emotion, but when he did he smiled. Sans the Skeleton was excited.

______________________________________

You tear into your last granola bar as you are pulling back into the city, the early rays of the Sunday morning sun making it hard to see as you drive.  You were tired. Shifting from human to leopard usually left you energized, though hungry. Shifting from  leopard to human left you haggard and hungry. But you enjoyed the soreness of your muscles and the way your body felt calm. Like it does after a long run, or a particularly rough training session. 

It w as times like these, immediately after a shift that you felt the most human. Sure, you knew you could wake the beast in a moment and pull on her power, but right now she slumbered in your soul, and you could pretend for just a second that she didn’t exist. How different would your life be? What would you be doing instead? You loved your cat, she was beautiful and graceful and powerful. She  could also be a real asshole. What would it be like to not constantly size up strangers, or not being able to smell the emotions that roll off of people? Would you be married already? Work some sort of little office job, something that would give you plenty of time to come home to your kiddos? 

You definitely wouldn’t be chuckling about the midnight adventures you had on Friday with your new monster friends.  Would you even like monsters? Or would you be ignorant and racist like so many other humans? You hoped you wouldn’t be, but that was the thing about what-ifs. You never really knew the answer to them.

When you finally arrive back home you gather the remaining clothes out of the backseat and make your way inside your apartment. You dump them on the couch and proceed to your bedroom. The floor is clear of except for the medium sized pile of dirty stuff. You sort through it quickly, and throw in your first load; socks and underwear. Your most critical of items. The fact that it fills up an entire load on its own says a lot about how often you skip your designated laundry day.

While that's going, you grab up all your mail and plop down with it at the kitchen table. You got paid yesterday and it was time to kiss all that hard earned money away. You only had three you to pay this week, but they were the worst ones. Mortgage, rent and insurance.

And just like that, you were poor again. You go to your room and pull out your coveted credit card. You only allowed yourself one; afraid of the temptation they presented. This was a bad idea, but you needed food to eat. And you planned on spending some money at the monster establishments in your district. Nothing helped a person's image like the willingness to buy from the local businesses. You bite your lip before you gingerly place it inside your wallet. Already you can feel its pull. There were things you had been meaning to buy yourself. A couple of new games, a set of headphones with cute cat ears on them, new towels would be nice... You shut your eyes tightly and grind your teeth. Stop it. The card is for food. You will buy groceries and give yourself a firm limit for going out. After the two weeks were up you'd pay it all off and put it back. Responsible. Mature. Frugal. These were words you would use to describe yourself from now on. You could do it. Just don't buy anything you didn't need. Easy.

Heh.

Well, you could try. 

You go to the kitchen and start making out a grocery list. Like the responsible, mature adult you now were. You write down the ingredients for lasagna, a part of you needing to assuage its honor. The poor pasta didn't deserve the level of hate you now attributed to it. And if you made a large enough pan, it would last several meals. You liked that. You add on more generic items and soon your list is complete.

Scooping down to put on your shoes, you are already on your way out the door list in hand. The sooner you got the shopping done the sooner you could hurry back and spend the rest of the day lounging around the apartment. Maybe take a nap? Lord a nap sounded good. When was the last time you took one? You run your hand through your hair and take a look at your appearance. You decide against a shower, technically you were clean after the shift. Though to you, your skin smelt of spent magic and morning dew.

You also leave on the clothes you were wearing. You had picked through the clothes in your bag when you shifted and found the ones that smelt the least. You had been right, most of your clothes smelt terrible, like the mustard and alcohol that lingered on Sans' breath the other night. You figured those articles of clothing must have gotten drooled on. The shirt and pants you were wearing fared much better, they must have only been in contact with his sweaty skull. The sweat smelt a lot like your skin, like magic long gone; but instead of hints of nature and dirt; your clothes now hinted of fruit. Not any specific fruit, just the sweetness of it.

You didn't hate it. And you highly doubted anyone other than you would be able to smell it. Humans couldn't really smell their sweat unless it collected the dirt and grease from their skin or it festered until it stank. Monsters, you figured, would be the same.

You decided to go to the human/monster hybrid store. The magic in the food had really helped your shift, and you wanted to start incorporating more of it into your diet. Also, it wouldn't be a bad idea to start having some on hand in case you really had made friends with your future monster coworkers. And, honestly you were pretty curious about all the stuff they had. What kind of snacks did they like? Did they have different vegetables? Would they have any samples??? Your stomach gurgled at the thought. The granola bars were not enough, but they would tide you over until you returned home with your bundles of loot. 

You entered the large superstore and was overall unimpressed. It looked like any normal, boring grocery store. Aisles and aisles of carefully stocked and loaded food items, produce section and deli counter. 

Except it was doubled. One side, with all the normal stuff, buzzing with human activity and a few curious monsters. The other side filled with a lot of pinks and glittered boxes, and monsters. You thought there were a lot of different types at Grillby's? Here it looked like a Dr. Seuss book exploded and let loose all its fabulous creations. Colorful and different, your mind wanted you to look at and examine them. But your eyes screamed in protest. Their collective magic was too bright and you were forced to turn away before you started burning them. 

Diligently, you filled your cart with all your human stuff first; which took care of a majority of your list. For the most part, you were shopping in the monster section for fun. And to stock up on some pantry staples. 

You were in the nearly empty baking aisle comparing the different brands of flours. Surprisingly, there were a lot of different brand options with most of the magic food products. The most noticeable was the MTT brand-name. The boxes were all in a garish hot pink and glittered. After doing a quick google search on who owned MTT, you found that MTT was actually a moniker for Mettaton. _Fucking Mettaton._ Now you staunchly avoided that brand, even if the names of the products sounded fun. But like hell were you going to give business to the monster who gave Papyrus the means of chemical warfare.

That left two other main brands: Woshua and Vegetoid. You were leaning towards the Woshua, the logo was cuter; but you didn’t really understand what the different numbers on the bag were for. So you were trying to look it up on your phone.

The blue rabbit monster who shared the otherwise abandoned aisle took exception to that. Which he demonstrated by ‘accidentally’ ramming into your cart. Your cart rolls back and hits your hip. Giving him a sideways glance, you take note of the blue rabbit. He had piercings up the entire length of his upright ears, and his whiskers were dyed red to look like they were bloody. His eyes were rimmed in black and he wore a black long-sleeved shirt. His large buck teeth stuck out almost to his chin. They were chipped and worn looking. He had patches of fur missing along his arms.

“Fucking human, if you are gonna just stand there taking pictures all damn day then get out! This isn’t a fucking tourist attraction!” He snarls the words at you, you quirk an eyebrow at him.

“I’m just doing some shopping Bun-Bun. No need to worry your pretty little cottontail about it.” You go back to your flour choices, waving him off dismissively.

“ _Bun-bun?_!” He repeats full of horror and loathing. “You want to die human? Cause saying shit like that is how you end up dead.” You shrug.

“As a rule I’d rather not, but I have come to terms with my inevitable demise.” You make a show of looking him over and finding him non-threatening. “I think I am safe for today.” His eyes spit fire at you, but he grabs a couple of jars of something and throws them in his cart. He then wheels past you. Just when you think he is going to leave without incident, he shoots his arm out and slams it above you. Pinning you between the him and the shelves.

He didn’t touch you, but he loomed over you. When you looked up, snarling buck teeth and blood-shot eyes filled your vision. He smelled of stale booze and smoke.

“You think just cause you fucked Sans you can run your damn mouth? I got news for you slut, that guy’s a fucking piece of trash and we all wish we could have left him in the damned Underground. You chose your mark wrong _kitten._ ” You squint your eyes at him in equal parts confusion and warning.

“Listen here Peter Rabbit, I did _not_ sleep with Sans.”

“Really? Cause you are _coated_ in his scent.” He makes a show of taking a long breath, his nose twitching madly. Shit, was that why the monsters were avoiding you? Were they scared of messing with a claimed human? Have you been running around the only freaking monster store unconsciously telling everyone that you belonged to Sans the fucking Skeleton? If you were going to be any monster’s girl, it’d be GTP. Or maybe Muffet, if you could get over the territory thing. Or maybe you’d flirt a little with the pretty fire man, Big Cat would like that. It definitely wouldn’t be the drunken chewtoy. You fingers clench as you feel your anger rise. You carefully place the flour back in its spot.

“I suppose you can believe what you want. But I’m telling you now Thumper, I did not sleep with him. And if you have any kind of self-preservation, you’d back the hell up right now.”

“Oh, I’m not scared of what Sans is going to do to me. His brother, The Great and Terrible Edgelord is the one to fear there, and he’s turned fucking soft since the move. I think you’d better start apologizing for your poor attitude human. Before I bury you in this shelf.”

“I’m the one you should be scared of. You big blue bunny _bitch_.”

Sharp thin claws dig into your scalp easily, you feel the heat of blood and the sting of the contact. You are shoved forward, the bar of the shelf hits you across your collar bone hard enough to bruise. A few bags of the flour fall to the ground. You let him enjoy his victory for a second. Just one. It’s always so much more satisfying when you build them up before you took them down.

“Three hits Bugs. I’m going to make you regret this in three hits.”

“That’s funny. You sure you didn’t sleep with Sans? You both got shit tastes in humor.” His confidence wasn’t completely out of place. He had a good hold of your head, and your reach was limited due to your position. The wall also kept you from being able to build a powerful kick or sweep his legs.

You had two real options for how to play this out. You could push off and make room, tuck under his arm and back away. You liked to call this break. Or, you could use the limited motions you had available to hurt him. This option was lovingly called batter.

It’s funny how you even give yourself options anymore.

You pop your hip back, moving your head further into the flours to give your lower body just a little more room to work. The couple of inches you snag is all you need. Your leg, not able to move front to back, had very little hindering it from an up and down motion once you cleared it from the shelf base. You lift it up and slam down on the instep of his large fluffy rabbit foot. He howled in pain and released your head. Big mistake on his part. You keep your foot on his, and twist your heel in. Head free, you straighten back up and quickly launch your elbow back to make solid contact with the squishy organs directly under his ribs. Wind now forcibly pushed out of his lungs, he bends forward, instinctively protecting his center.

You, already knowing what he was going to do, lined up your shot and waited for his head to come into range. The second it did, your head is thrown back and wallops square against his cute little bunny nose. You hear a satisfying crunch before he topples to the ground behind you.

You grab one of the Woshua flours off the ground and put it into your cart.

A sweet smell fills the air around you. Like liquid sugar right before it starts browning and turning into caramel. You finally let your body turn so you can see him. Blue Bunny Bitch, your favorite name for him so far, is wheezing on the ground, holding onto his nose as it leaks a fine, shimmering white powder. Ah. So that’s dust. You take the two small steps towards him and grab him at the base of one of his ears. You drag him to the other shelf and pin him there, crouching down so you are now at eye level. You squeeze the ear and he shudders, a small breathless whine escaping him.

“Three hits Bugsy. You regretting your most recent decisions yet?” He ignores you petulantly until you twist the ear in your hand. It extracts a much more accommodating nod out of him.

“Good. That’s Good. I would have hated to make a real mess out of this aisle. You are already spilling dust everywhere.” You pull his head towards you just a smidgen and then slam it back. His eyes go unfocused for a second, but no real harm done. You think.

“Now I’m going to be a real nice person and give you some friendly advice Bunny Boy. And you are going to shut up and listen. Understand?” Another nod. “Alright. What you just did? That was real fucking stupid. Picking a fight with a human in a public store? A small, fragile looking female? Yeah, that’d look real fucking good on a news channel.” You let your words sink in and are gratified with his look of pure panic. “Yeah, you didn’t think that one through did you? Bet your king would have _loved_ to come and explain that you monsters were such a peaceful bunch, just gotta watch out for hungover rabbits in grocery stores.”

He sweats nervously under your glare and you could feel his ear twitch in your hand. It was good he realized his mistake. If you decided to go public with this, it would derail a lot of their people’s negotiations. The glory of being in a political quagmire.

“Don’t worry. I’m not the type to kiss and tell. And you don’t seem stupid enough to ever do anything like this ever again.” He nods enthusiastically. “But you’re gonna have to do a couple of things for me. First, we’re both going to forget this little tussle ever occurred. And the next time I see you, you’re going to give me a handshake and introduce yourself like a freaking gentleman.” Another squeeze and a small nod.

“Secondly, and this one is personal mind. See Sans and I are not together. But his bro is pretty cool. And since his bro and I are friends, that means I am kind of friends with Small Bones. And that means,” you let your voice get low and nasty. “I _really_ don’t like it when someone calls him a ‘fucking piece of trash.’ So the next time you see _him?_ You apologize. And if I ever hear his name come out between your buck teeth in anything less than reverence, I’ll be wearing a rabbit fur coat and your skinless husk will be sitting in a prison cell.” You flash him your most sinister smile, and he flinches away from you.

“Yeah, I’ll take that as a yes.” You throw his head to the side and stand back up. “Now get the fuck out of here.”

He shuffles his way up, limping, but no longer leaking dust from his nose. He grabs his cart and leaves, never looking up at you as you watch his movements. Your hands were resting on your hips, falsely relaxed. Once he is gone, you drop your stance and gather up the remaining items off the floor before you place them back. Beyond that, there is no evidence of your encounter. You’d probably have to talk to the security office though and get them to delete the footage. Bun-bun had a bad attitude, but his mistake shouldn’t doom his entire race.

You run your hand through your hair, attempting to tame it. It doesn’t hurt, the cuts made had long-since healed over. But flecks of blood attach themselves to your fingers when you pull away.

Well, that’d been fun. Nothing like a little taste of the struggles you’d have interacting with monsters starting Monday. IF they interacted with you. Apparently Chewtoy wasn’t someone to mess with. Even now, no one came into the aisle. They took one look at you and carried on. Actually, they took one smell of you.

Yeah, you needed to get out of here before every monster in the city thinks you are _Sans’ girl._ Ugh, the idea made you cringe. You turn down another aisle to avoid a rather large group of monsters and you find out personally just how much the universe hates you today.

Of course you _had_ turned down the pasta aisle. Your own fault, really. So of course who should be there other than the two freaking people in the entire city you did not want to see? Papyrus was debating between two different brands of pasta, his cart already full of lasagna ingredients. Sans was leaning against the handles of the cart, yawning. His mouth stretched open wide, displaying his impressive row of sharp teeth. His eyes creased closed and you could see a little glint of light at the corner of his eye socket. Once finished, he rubs at it with the back of his hand. You are already trying to ease yourself back out of the aisle, but while rubbing his socket, his other eye light found you. He freezes for a moment, trying to place you, but when he does he smiles. Those teeth now arranged in a smug and joy-filled grin.

“hey boss, looks like we got ourselves a stray kitten.” Papyrus whips his head and his empty sockets settle on you instantly. He nods his head in greeting and you can almost detect a hint of a smile. You close your eyes in defeat and then wave and head towards them. Might as well get this over with.

“HUMAN! I AM IMPRESSED THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE SURVIVED YOUR TRAINING! I WAS ALMOST AFRAID YOU WOULD WASTE AWAY TO NOTHING IN THE MOUNTAINS WITHOUT ME THERE TO FEED YOU.”

“Aww, GTP! You were worried about me?” You wink at him and grab some noodles while you were there. You try to keep as far away from them as possible, using your cart as a buffer between you three. Maybe, just maybe you could get out of here without them catching your scent.

“I SAID ALMOST! ALMOST HUMAN!” He stamps his foot to illustrate his point, and his hand clenches the box of noodles, cracking some of them.

“Surrrre. It’s ok to admit that you have fallen for my charms oh Great and Terrible Papyrus. You would, after all, be one of a long list of admirers.” He squints his eyes down at you in a hard glare.

“YOU WERE AN OBSTINATE AND TROUBLESOME CHILD WEREN’T YOU?” You hold your hand to your heart in mock pain.

“You wound me sir! I’ll have you know I was an adorable, well behaved child!” As you were talking to Papyrus, Sans wandered closer to you. Hands in the pockets of his coat as he came up to check out the things in your cart. You tensed as he neared, but with his brother in front of you and your cart now acting as a means to keep you corralled, there wasn’t anywhere you could go.

“so whatcha shoppin fer kitten?” He absently peruses your cart, seeing what type of stuff you like to buy. He judges you as he picks up your assortment of junk food and puts them back with a tut.

“You know, I would appreciate it if you would stop calling me that. It’s kind of becoming a thing.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?” Oops, you hadn’t mean to add that last part.

“Uh… um, nevermind. I don’t want to talk about it.” You take a step back instinctively as he gets closer and you bump into the shelf.

“aw, _kitten_. Ya can trust us.” Now past your cart, you can tell the moment Sans finds out your secret. He freezes, his foot comically hanging in midair. His eye lights widen and he looks to your shirt, trying to find the source of the smell. His eye lights take on a hazy hue and you can see the magic rushing to his face. And you can definitely feel the blood rushing to yours.

“SANS WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU TWO? WHAT IS GOING ON?” He stomps over the couple of extra feet and looks down at you two. He takes a deep breath to continue on, but stops before the words form. Your smell also registering with him.

Well, so much for that.

“S-SANS, WHAT DID YOU DO?!? HUMAN, WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE THAT? SANS WHY DOES SHE STINK?”

“don’t listen ta him, I think ya smell _amazin._ ” He gets close to you, taking advantage of your closed in position and takes a deep breath, sucking it in through his teeth. You hear the wet hiss of drool.

Even sober, he was being a creep. Luckily, you are saved from having to shove another monster into produce, by Papyrus reaching over and picking Sans up by the back of his shirt.

“WE TALKED ABOUT THIS SANS! DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE LENGTHY DISCUSSION WE HAD ABOUT BOUNDARIES?” He shakes his brother slightly before placing him back on the ground away from you. You get out from between the cart and the shelf, having grabbed your pasta and sauce.

“how’s a guy supposed’ta have boundaries when she smells like me? like mountains and magic and me? Come’on kitten, let’s go put my scent on ya in places other than yer clothes.” He winks at you and you roll your eyes dramatically.

“Sure, I’m game. You can leave your scent all over my fist as it pounds into your face.”

“not exactly what i was thinkin.”

“I could also probably allow you access to my foot... also aimed for your face.”

“i don’t know if ya realized this from friday ‘r not, but ya threatening violence upon my person doesn’t exactly turn me off, ya know? i like it a lil’ rough.” You two are glaring at each other, a minute passes in silence.

“Ew.”

“YES SANS. EW.”

“I mean really. Totally uncalled for.” You smirk conspiratorially at GTP.

“UNCALLED FOR INDEED! VILE AND BARBARIC!” He chops his hand down into the palm of his other in emphasis.

“So cringey.” You shake your head and tut.

“NOT ROMANTIC IN THE SLIGHTEST!” GTP crosses his arms across his chest and shakes his head in disappointment.

“I feel bad for you GTP, having such a sibling must be a real trial.” You put your hand on Papyrus’s forearm in consolation.

“YOU CANNOT FATHOM THE AMOUNT OF DISPLEASURE OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS CAUSED ME.”

“ya two done or yas gonna keep bein assholes?” Sans’ hands are back in his pockets and his blush is gone, replaced by a rather dour expression. You snicker.

“Pretty sure you earned this one buddy. I just ran around the only grocery store that sells monster food with a big ole sign on me that says ‘Sans’ girl.’” You use your hand to underline the last bit. Sans grimaces and shuffles his feet.

“...i don’t remember doin it.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you did.” Your hands are on your hips and Sans stares ahead at the floor in front of your feet, sweat accumulating on his skull. Suddenly, the rabbit’s words from earlier repeat in your head. ‘ _That guy’s a fucking piece of trash.’_ Eh, you didn’t see it. You just saw a guy worried that he crossed a line and pissed of a friend of his brother’s. One that was giving you a silent apology. You didn’t want to give him a pass on this, but it wasn’t like what he did wasn’t reversible. Sure, there’d be rumors. But you weren’t really the type to be pissed off about that. You sigh, decision already made. Both sets of sockets look to you expectantly.

“Ugh, fine! You’re forgiven or whatever. You’re just lucky that I am a pretty shitty drunk too, so I can understand awkward meet-ups.” Papyrus gives you a relieved smile and rests his hand on top of your head in a patting motion. You hadn’t realized how nervous he was until he let himself relax in front of you again.

“really kitten? Do tell.”

“Nah. Maybe someday you’ll find out though.” You say the last bit in a singsong voice. Papyrus removes his hand from your head and you grab your cart.

“HUMAN, WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON MY HAND? WERE YOU INJURED?” Oh yeah, you forgot about that. Your eye roll is barely contained.

“Meh, nothing for you to worry your cute little bones about. It’s dried anyway.”

“YOU WILL ANSWER ME AT ONCE! HOW WERE YOU INJURED?”

“I’m not very good at following orders Bossy Bones, just ask Chief.” You stick your tongue out at him as you begin to leave the aisle. You’d come back and talk to the security office later. With all the commotion, your frozen items were starting to get soggy. Papyrus follows you out.

“THAT IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER! YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD! NOW WHY WAS YOUR HEAD DUSTING?”

“Would you believe me if I said I was scooped up like field mice and bopped on top the head?”

“WHAT NONSENSE ARE YOU TALKING?”

“Don’t worry, the good fairy saved me.” You grab a couple of items from the end cap and start making your way to the check out.

“HUMAN!!”

“SKELETON!” You blare back at him cheekily.

“don’t think she’s gonna tell ya boss.” Sans says around a chuckle. GTP is quiet for a moment but you catch him mumbling.

“...definitely an obstinate child.”

You three have made it to the checkout line and are waiting when you see your new rabbit friend. He starts when he sees your eyes on him, but recovers and gives you a tense nod. You quirk an eyebrow at him and tilt your head towards Sans minutely. He tenses and gives you a tight, angry look; but he makes his way to you three. Sans and Papyrus watch his progress suspiciously.

“hey, Nice. ya look like shit, how’s things?” Sans asks causally, but eyeing up the rabbit’s limp and crumpled nose.

“Huh, oh. That’s nothing. Hey, I owe ya an apology. Said some real unkind things about ya.”

“… um, ok. apology accepted?” Suddenly the cashier has your undivided attention. You can feel Papyrus’s narrowed eyes on you.

“K. Thanks. Bye.” Nice, an ironic name if you say so yourself, leaves quickly. Not bothering to look back at you.

“what waz that kitten?” Sans says lazily as soon as the rabbit retreated. You give him a large shrug between bagging your stuff.

“Not sure.”

“uh huh, not buyin it.”

“ANOTHER QUESTION YOU REFUSE TO ANSWER?”

“Heh. Can’t answer what I don’t know GTP.”

“HMPH!” You laugh lightly and load your stuff back in the cart.

“Well, that’s it for me boys. See you guys next time.” You give them a wave and retreat. You hear Papyrus call after you, but you ignore it. You’ll play with them another time.

Once you get home, you strip and throw every article of clothing in a new load and scrub yourself red in the shower. You were never going to make that mistake again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole reason I wanted to do a Sans POV (besides being a little ho for a good Sans POV) was to have Big Cat talk to him! And for you readers to see Y/N's stats.  
> It also served to answer a few questions ya'll have had. No, Sans does not take any articles of clothing. Though Y/N would have preferred it! Sans also does not know she's a Were, just that she is weird as hell.  
> I apologize if the beginning of the main chapter is kind of boring. She doesn't lead an exciting home life, but as my friend said "it fits with her trying to have her shit together." Also, it's my life. I too struggle with the temptations of credit card purchases, too much laundry and large bills.  
> I'm making her ReLaTaBle.  
> Nice wasn't very nice, was he? But I guess I can understand, every moment of your life getting dissected and observed by a bunch of ignorant people must seriously get old. We'll probably see him again. As well as a bunch of other monsters! I am going to try to have a lot in, even if it is just in passing.  
> I wonder if Sans and Papyrus will ever get the answers to their questions?  
> Next week Y/N will start her first day on her patrol! And Papyrus gave us a nice little two week timeline before he and Sans go separate ways. Wonder how she'll take that little juicy bit of news?  
> Oh! I have been reading a bunch of really awesome fanfics (what's new?? lol) and I realize that I really have a very soft boss. His Underground was a trauma-inducing hell hole too, I am just not all that awesome at making real characters be super hot-headed dicks I guess. (Alex doesn't count!!!) I'll try to make him be more canonically pissy, but for now he is just my little hot topic cinnamon bun. He's a work in progress.  
> Thanks for reading! And thank you all SOOOOO MUCH for all the love and support! For realsies, your comments make my day!!! And I will always try to write back, so please keep leaving them, so I can keep talking to you guys :D  
> Love yas!


	8. First Day Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day on the job. Time to meet some more monsters! And hang out with a few you already know. Your brothers appear and all of a sudden you are hosting a dinner party.   
> Oh well, hope GTP isn't too sore you lied to him about his cooking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beloved readers!   
> Guess what time it is?  
> That's right! It's update time! (of course you knew that, otherwise you wouldn't be here right now)  
> Are you all getting sick of me yet? You might be after this chapter. Which leads me to my weekly episode of whining.   
> This chapter man. I had no freaking clue what I wanted to do with it. None. Nothing. Just empty space in my head and on the page. So if this feels a little off, that's probably why. I was grabbing what ideas I had and meshing them all into one chapter.   
> All I really knew was that I wanted to show you readers a couple of the other shops sprouting up amongst the monsters. You see a couple here, but there will be more!   
> I am experimenting a bit with switching perspectives in the middle of the story. You get a little peek into Sans' head again. I changed the wording a little so it sounded more like him. But not too much, cause that was giving me a headache reading it. If you peeps think I should switch it back to regular, let me know. 
> 
> Oh! I am going to refer to Reader/MC/ Y/N as KC or Kitty Cop from now on in these notes. Book was the first one to nickname her and that's what I call her when I talk about her to people.   
> Ok, well I'll let you get at it. See you at the end for more notes from me :D

So your first day wasn’t going great. First days were always awkward. Today was no exception, though perhaps your current circumstances made it a little worse than normal. Monsters weren’t exactly hostile towards you, but they certainly avoided you. They crossed the street to move away from you, retreated back into shops if they saw you coming, when you went into stores they quickly left. Even the sight of your pretty credit card did little to loosen the attitudes of the begrudgingly helpful clerks.

The fact that you were all dressed up in your uniform and armed might have had something to do with it. Hopefully, that’s all there was to it. It was a little frustrating to say the least, but they would get used to you. And in some ways it was making parts of your job easier. The, uh, extra-curricular parts of your job anyway. Such as you checking out the backs of the buildings; locating cameras and the out of sight places. The alleys were wide and dark, by products of bygone days where goods were stored and transported solely through the backs of the stores. Most alleys were long since boarded up, falling into ruin faster than the shops that hid them. Cameras were scarce. Whether that was by choice, a deep suspicion of human technology wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility, or if it was due to ignorance; you didn’t know. Either way, it both pleased you and made you nervous. Shadowed corners were convenient if a situation escalated into violence; and they were absolutely necessary if, heaven forbid, you ever were required to shift. However, the lack of security created similar opportunities for those with less than good intentions.

So you took down notes of spots you’d recommend increased security, and promised yourself that you’d come back sometime at night to see what the lighting was like. You’d also need to do a more thorough search as time went by. Today was just for basics.

So far there were only a few shops where you could almost imagine yourself welcomed. Well, not welcomed per say, but tolerated. Indifferently. The first was a store run by a seahorse. If seahorses were monsters with the swol as fuck torso of a horse and a snake-like lower body. Aaron, the most normal sounding name yet for a monster, ran a fitness store that would rival any professional gym you’d ever been to. He was… well he seemed nice. Flirted with you a bit, but didn’t seem overall interested. After a few pointed comments about the sad state of your muscle definition, you understood. He was hungry for beefcakes and you were just a little tofu doughnut. But he handed you a ton of pamphlets about classes he was either interested in or ran himself. You were somewhat tempted, if only to see what the guy did for leg day.

Other highlights of your day came in the form of a little joke and magic shop co-run by a Madjick and a Snow Drake; a fire elemental glass and pottery store; and your favorite: a general store run by an ancient turtle monster named Gerson.

The co-owned store was one of the larger buildings in the area and sported some of the ugliest brickwork. A boring but bold sign on the outside labeled it as Gerson’s General Store/Temmie Consulting Inc. The inside did not fare much better than the outside, and was decorated in all shades of brown from the ugly asbestos floor tiles to the painted brick and wood paneled walls and shelving units. The store sold anything varying from old clothing to antiques to snacks and refreshments.

The battle-scarred old turtle sat dozing at the counter, his white shaggy eyebrows and long goatee were puffy and unkempt. He woke with a start once you reached the counter, having snagged a can of Sea Tea and a bag of TemmieFlakes.

“Whut ya want?” He looked at your uniform and frowned. “If you’re here to start trouble, I’m not having it. Not in the mood for any shit today.”

“Good thing I’m not in the mood to start any then. Name’s Y/N, I’m the new patrol officer in your area and I just wanted to introduce myself.”

“If you’re looking for a handout cause of your job, you’re not getting any.” He huffed at you annoyed already.

“Heh. Well I used to never say no to free food, but recent events have taught me to change my tune. You won’t see me asking for anything.” You shudder and your tongue practically flees from your mouth at the trauma-induced memory. “So I’m just a regular paying customer.” He looks you up and down with a practiced and observant eye.

“You look like the type to start trouble.”

“ _Start_ might be kind of a harsh word.”

“The you _are_ trouble.” He grumped at you, determined to be right.

“ _In_ is probably more accurate than _are._ I am usually _in_ trouble.” You correct with a smirk. “But I handle my own.”

“I can tell. Well as long as you promise not to start, cause or make trouble in my store, I don’t care. Just buy your stuff and move on.” You quirk your lips in an exaggerated grimace.

“No promises Old Timer. This looks like just the perfect store to set up a fight club in, perhaps you could fence my ill-gotten goods, or maybe I can establish a full-blown crime syndicate from within these paneled walls.” You tease lightly as you look about the room at some of the more interesting items.

“Sarcasm is a poor excuse for humor, human.”

“Your manners have been a poor excuse for customer service.” A quick laugh escapes him, but he quickly covers in up with a cough.

“Cheeky little shit aren’t you?”

“That’s probably one of the nicer ways to describe me.” You wink at him and he laughs for real this time.

“You’re honest and you know what you’re about, I’ll give you that. But I am serious. I don’t want any trouble from you. Monsters are having a hard enough time, without worrying about you humans making scenes where we shop and live.”

“You got it Bowser.” You make finger guns at him. “Believe it or not, my job is to actually stop trouble. Hence the fancy uniform.”

“Forgive me if I’m not convinced.” You shrug, not like you could force him to believe you. He finally rings up your tea, but throws the TemmieFlakes to the side. At your confused expression he explains.

“Nothing but confetti paper. And the name’s Gerson, not Bow-wow or whatever the hell that was.”

“You sell bags of paper to customers?”

“Obviously not if I kept ya from doing it.” Fair point. You pay the turtle and take a sip of the tea. It tasted like lemons and seaweed. Awful, but the kind that you kept coming back for.

“So where’s this consulting firm? You got a bunch of rooms in the back? I’d like to introduce myself to them as well.”

“Sure kid. Just do yourself a favor and hide your wallet.” He chuckles at his own joke and then rings a buzzer under the counter. Soon one of the doors against the back wall open to reveal a Sans-short cat/dog monster in a business suit.

“Gerson, you had better be calling me up for a fictitious customer and not because you want me to look at someone’s efficacious assets. I no longer buy people’s cast aside things, it is a bad business model.” Ok… you were pretty sure a few of those words did not mean what she thought they did. She stops when she finally notices you, and assesses you. Though not as an opponent. She seems to be doing a mental calculation of your financial worth as she eyes your uniform, short dirty nails and un-styled hair. And if her little tsk was anything to go by, she found you lacking.

“As I was harkening to Gerson, I’m not buying. You’ll have to deter your unwanted belongings onto somebody else.” Yeah, she was definitely using the wrong words. She apparently purchased herself a thesaurus and was having a field day with it. You decide to ignore it.

“Is that were most of these items came from? Did you run a pawn shop in the Underground?”

“Yes, you could say that the Temmies abstained a small scale pawn shop, but no longer! We wish to branch out into the world of business consulting.”

“That’s cool.”

“Indeed. Though propitiously, us Temmies were rather looked down upon in the Underground and we were unable to gather much in terms of financial resources. Our generous natures had us making unprofitable deals.”

“Yeah, you have to be tough to be good at business I hear.”

“Temmies are not known for being tough. Oh but it is so good to see you understand. Perhaps you pity us Temmies? We are trying to fund our secondary education, how much can we mark you as donating to the cause?”

“The cause?”

“Yes, the Temmie goes to University cause. We need to take encumbrance of your human schooling if we are to have any chance of taking over your economy.”

“Oh, you want to take over the surface economy. That’s a large goal.”

“It shall be easily achieved! Your capitalist system is already rife with incorruptibility, instilling ourselves as the ruling overlords will be child’s play. So how much do we put you down for?”

“Sorry, kiddo. I don’t have anything to contribute. My pockets aren’t exactly jingling.”

“Then why are you here, solacing me if not to give me money?”

“I just wanted to say hi. I’m the new officer in your area.”

“You’re the new pain in my rear is what you are. If you are not here to donate or consult, then move on. I don’t have time to augment on you.” She turned and left before you could leave. You shook your head and Gerson chuckled. When you finally left, Gerson had been nodding off again and you’d purchased a couple more teas for the road.

__________________________

The end of your shift quickly approaches and you had one last business to introduce yourself to. Grillby’s loomed in front of you tauntingly. You’d been avoiding it, if anyone was going to give you a hard time about Friday night, it was going to be the monsters in the bar. Since it was the source of your frustrations it only seemed fair. But you never got a chance to talk to the bar owner, and that just wouldn’t do.

Grillby’s was practically empty. A few of the booths held one or two monsters, but nothing compared to the crowded mass of bodies that it held on Friday. 4 pm on a Monday afternoon is typically like that though. You receive some curious glances from the patrons, but are left alone as you head to the bar. Everything here is immaculately clean and you take a chance to admire the rich woods and simple designs. The wall behind the counter is filled with bottles containing all sorts of colors; some swirl in bright patterns and almost glow.

You hop up onto a stool and are looking at a rather beautiful bottle of a cyan blue liquor when Grillby comes up and places a glass in front of you.

It’s milk.

“Oh ha ha. Very funny smart ass.” You say dryly as you look up at him. He has no mouth that you can see, but his eyes sparkle in amusement. The purple flame that makes up his body swirls and pops like a campfire. You smirk and take the glass.

“This had better be on Sans’ tab.” You hear an airy chuckle come from the man and you hold your unoccupied hand out to him. “We weren’t properly introduced. I’m Y/N.” He takes your outstretched hand and you feel his warmth engulf it. Magic tingles across your skin and you can feel Big Cat wake within you to observe.

“Grillby.” His voice was low and soft. Might have just been the whole fire theme, but you were reminded of the quiet of sitting around a campfire, waiting for the last embers to die out in the middle of the night.

“I guessed.” You wink at him and take a drink after you drop your hand. It’s milk. Not even magical. “I’m the new patrol officer in the area, just stopping by to say hi.”

“Friday wasn’t enough of an introduction?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” You grimace and finish you glass, setting it back on the counter. “Any chance I’ll ever be able to come here and someone not make fun of me for all that mess?”

“Nah. But Sans is only allowed here on Fridays.”

“Small miracles.” He chuckles and takes the glass. You wave him off getting anything else. “Well, I said hi. Showed off my uniform and all that jazz. But I’ll be back. Believe it or not, I didn’t come here to get tormented by Sans. I actually came on Friday to get food. Muffet recommended you.” That wasn’t entirely true, but close enough. His eyes widened at that little bit of info.

“You know Muffet?” You waffle your hand.

“Eh. If by knowing her you mean I spent way too much money on the divinity she calls dessert. But we haven’t had any real conversations. I like her though, she’s feisty.”

“Her bakery doing good then?”

“Probably about what you’d expect for her being so far out of your guys’ zone. She has a quality product though, so I’m sure she’ll eventually do really well.” He hmms in consideration for a moment but then goes silent. You were kind of getting the impression that Grillby wasn’t much of a talker.

“So, are you planning on trying to attract a human clientele? Or just concentrate on keeping your regulars happy?

“Don’t know. Business is ok for now.” You were going to follow up on that, but your conversation was halted by the arrival of a very loud monster.

“Hey punk! Nice ta see ya again!” Undyne yells across the room as the door slams open. You were about to thank the lord for it only being her, when you see GTP and your brothers follow in behind her.

“Hey Undyne. What’s new?” Each of the group are carrying books and notebooks. Ah, a study party. You smile as you wave to each of the newcomers.

“Y/N! What’s going on, why are you out here?” Jack asks as soon as he sees you.

“Chief assigned me here. I’m on daytime patrol.” You check your watch. “Well, I was. I’m actually off now.” You give a little wave to Grillby, which he returns in the form of a nod, and you make your way to the booth they are now filing into.

“That’s awesome! You didn’t tell us you got a patrol of your own.” Josh congratulated you as he climbed in after Jack.

“Yeah, sucks doesn’t it. Not being told important information about one’s life?” He sticks his tongue out at you. You grin, then greet the last of the party. “Heya GTP, long time no see.”

“IF YOU CONSIDER A DAY A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, THEN YOU MUST HAVE BEEN FURTHER IN LOVE WITH ME THAN YOU ORIGINALLY LET ON!”

“A day? Thought you guys said we couldn’t hang until after the exams?”

“Well, it wasn’t on purpose. We keep showing up in the same spots. I met him and Sans here on Friday and then on Sunday we ran into each other again.”

“Tsk, no fair! Why ya punks leaving me out?”

“I INVITED YOU TO COME SHOPPING ON SUNDAY, BUT YOU INSISTED ON HAVING A LAZY WEEKEND IN WITH ALPHYS!” She gets a fond smile on her face and she let’s the argument go. Guess it was a good weekend.

“So, you’ve just been meeting up by accident all weekend huh?” Jack elbows you and suggestively waggles his eyebrows. “More like you got yourself a little crush on Boss here.” You roll your eyes, but then decide to go full drama flair.

“I do indeed! But alas, he’s turned me down. He appears to be immune to my womanly charms. Woe is me, your sister is doomed to expire away in spinsterhood.”

“Poor, poor Y/N. If only you weren’t so ugly, then you’d be able to attract a partner.” Josh coos at you.

“HMPH! I’ll have you know, GTP’s brother thought I was pretty hot stuff.”

“What?!? Sans was flirting with ya? HA! You poor little human!” Undyne slaps the table as she goes into a laughing fit.

“I DO NOT KNOW IF THAT IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE BRAGGING ABOUT. MY BROTHER’S STANDARDS ARE VERY LOW.”

“God damn GTP, let a girl have a little pride. Can’t you let my brothers think I gots me a sweet sugar skull after me?” You pout. “You all suck.”

“Aww, don’t be like that. I’m sure you’ll find someone to love you. Maybe they’ll be into blindfolds and you can stay hidden for the entirety of your life together.” You glare at your brother and flip him off. The table laughs at you.

“Know what? I don’t gotta take this. I’m leaving you hooligans.” You are about to turn and leave when Josh snags your arm.

“Actually… it’d be kind of cool of you to stay and help us study. We were planning on calling you anyway.”

“No.”

“Come on. Please? For your little brothers?” Jack and Josh both give you puppy dog eyes. But you are immune to their pull.

“No, don’t feel like it. Don’t want to taint you boys with my ugly.”

“Aw, come on punk! It’d be fun. We even convinced Papyrus to eat some food here!”

“I SAID I WOULD EAT HERE ONLY IF I COULD HAVE A SALAD! I REFUSE TO EAT ANYTHING COVERED IN GREASE!”

“They don’t offer salads here.”

“EXACTLY! SO I WILL MERELY WAIT UNTIL I AM HOME BEFORE I EAT!”

“But it’s a study party, and you need to eat at parties!”

“THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU ATTEMPTED TO BAMBOOZLE ME INTO EATING AT THIS GREASE TRAP!”

“You’re just trying to weasel out of our agreement!”

“AS IF I WOULD EVER ENTER INTO ANY KIND OF AGREEMENT WITH THE LIKES OF YOU!”

“Guys, guys. Settle down. I got a perfect solution to all our little problems.” Jack turns to you with mischievous eyes. “Sis here has plenty of space for us all at her place.”

“And she’s an _amazing_ cook.”

“And she’s _so_ smart.”

“And very forgiving and kind and wonderful.”

“And a great host.” You now had four sets of eyes pleading at you. For fuck’s sake.

“So you all corner me at my job. Each take turns insulting and laughing at me. And now expect me to invite you all to my home where I’m expected to help you study and cook you supper?”

“IF COOKING IS A PROBLEM, I WOULD BE MORE THAN WILLING TO ASSIST YOU IN THE KITCHEN! AND YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN TO MY HOME, IT IS ONLY CUSTOMARY FOR YOU TO INVITE ME TO YOURS!”

“And I haven’t been invited anywhere at all yet! Ya gotta make it up to me nerd!”

“And you wouldn’t really leave your baby brothers to fend for themselves on this all important career defining test?” You groan and look to the heavens for support. But you knew when you were beaten.

“FINE! Ugh, I swear one of these times I am going to put you two back where I found you!” You point angrily at your brothers. They bat their eyelashes at you innocently. “But I need to go check out the back of this building first, then drop off the squad car.”

“WHY MUST YOU EXAMINE THE BACK OF GRILLBY’S?”

“Like I said earlier, this is my new patrol. And I’m… Well, actually, how about I just show you guys? It’ll be good practice.”

You motion for them to get up and follow you and you are all soon walking the length of the alleys nearby. Outside you take them through what you’ve been doing basically all day, finding the out of sight places and explaining the dangers of the lack of security. You take some pictures and notes and show them exactly what you are looking for and why. Undyne and GTP were quick to catch on and even managed to find a few things you missed. Their assessments were efficient and professional. In a moment like this it was easy to imagine both of them leading the Royal Guard. Your brothers, on the other hand, were complete rookies and looked onto you three with eager eyes. After awhile, you all split up, agreeing to meet at your place in an hour and a half or so.

An hour and twenty minutes later you are home, freshly showered and changed into a pair of yoga pants and a Dead Pool hoodie. You also had chocolate chip cookie dough made up and chilling in the fridge. The prep work for the actual meal was just getting underway when the door bell rang. You don’t bother going to open it, your brothers already opening the door and everyone pooling inside. Bringing up the rear and closing the door behind him is Sans. Because you know, why not? You give him a small wave and he returns it sheepishly. The monsters look about your living space curiously.

“YOUR PLACE IS RATHER SPARSELY DECORATED HUMAN!”

“Yeah, don’t ya believe in hanging pictures or anything?”

“HOW MANY BEDROOMS IS THIS APARTMENT?”

“It’s a three bedroom, and I don’t have any pictures hung up right now cause this was supposed to just be temporary.” You turn the stove off and walk up to them. “Want the tour real quick?” They nod and you take the three monsters, through a quick tour of your place. Sans walks behind you all, hands in his pockets as he looks over your rooms. Undyne constantly picks stuff up to look at it and is even so bold as to go through your closet a bit. GTP seemed a little put out with the baskets of freshly done laundry just sitting in your room, but overall seemed content with your cleanliness. You hadn’t realized you were going to be judged, but you didn’t object to his criticisms. GTP and Sans seemed particularly interested in the spare bedrooms.

Overall, the three have no real boundaries.

“DO YOU HAVE A ROOMMATE? IS THAT WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY BEDROOMS?”

“Eh, not right now. Just wanted the extra space just in case.” You shrug and they nod.

“YOU BELIEVE YOU WOULD WANT A ROOMMATE? IT WOULD BE MUCH MORE COST EFFECTIVE. TWO EMPTY BEDROOMS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY MUST BE QUITE EXPENSIVE TO MAINTAIN YOURSELF.”

“Ain’t that the truth. This place is _expensive_ and it doesn’t even have covered parking. Or a pool. Though there’s a hot tub around here somewhere that I’m paying for but haven’t used yet. But I don’t know. I like living by myself.” The party makes it’s way back to the kitchen, where Jack and Josh have started to set up a study spot at your large table. It seated six, which was lucky as there were six of you tonight.

“Hey Undyne, come sit here, I want to look at your notes.” Josh indicates the spot between him and Jack. She goes, leaving you with your skelly boys. GTP fidgets a little next to you as you watch them get situated at the table.

“I didn’t expect the Great Papyrus to want to join a study group?”

“I DIDN’T BUT UNDYNE INSISTED THAT WE SHOULD DO THIS TO BUILD CAMARADERIE. IT ISN’T LIKE I NEED ANY ASSISTANCE STUDYING, I HAVE ALREADY MEMORIZED THE ENTIRE TEXTBOOK. MY VICTORY IN THE UPCOMING EXAM IS ALREADY ASSURED! NYEH HEH HEH.”

“Mhm. Well your comrades are over there. Go forth and show them how to conquer all the studies.”

“NYEH! AN EXCELLENT IDEA! HUMANS PREPARE FOR THE ULTIMATE IN STUDY-BASED BATTLE TECHNIQUES!” GTP stomps over to the table and sits down next to Jack, leaving only you and Sans standing in the hallway. You lean against the wall and cross your arms looking at him.

_ _ _ _ _ _ San’s POV _ _ _ _

“So Sans…. What exactly are you doing here?” Sans frowned. That was a fair question, but he didn’t really know how to answer it. When Boss and Undyne stormed into the house, humans in tow; Sans had just been sitting down on the couch starting to nurse a bottle’a mustard. After the day he had, he wasn’t in the mood to start dealing with more humans. So when Boss asked if he wanted ta join ‘em for a study group and dinner at your place; he’d been more than tempted ta say no. But then one of the guys started talking all familiar ‘bout ya. Makin jokes and talkin ya up. He didn’t know why these two guys knew ya, but he didn’t like it. And next thing he knew, he was snooping about yer place.

“eh, heard ya waz makin dinner. think we both know I don’t exactly eat a proper meal at home. had ta take da opportunity fer real food when I got ta chance.” He gave ya a wink and was rewarded with a small smile and an eye roll.

“Guess I can’t blame you there. Well, make yourself at home. Remote for the TV is on the coffee table, and I got a couple consoles you can boot up. Just don’t play anything too loud, I get the feeling Undyne is the type to get distracted.”

“make myself at home huh? how ‘bout we go back ta one of da bedrooms and I show ya who’s man of da house?” Que waggling brow bone.

“Oh God. That’s so baaaaad!” Ya feign a wince as ya snicker at him. “In what universe do lines like that work?”

“this one if ya’d stop being so damn stubborn ‘bout it. come’on kitten, throw me a bone.”

“Oh so sorry your horrible pick up lines are failing to sweep me off my feet.” One of the human shits called ya back over ta da table and ya push off the wall, shaking yer head at him. Idly disappointed ya had ta go already, Sans was going ta go ahead and stretch out on yer couch for awhile, but he watched the way you leaned over the shoulder of one of the guys. The fuck was wrong wit’cha? Why ya gotta hover over him like that?

It was irrational how irritated that small touch made him, and he told himself that as he stomped his way over ta one of the empty chairs and sat down. Ya gave him a curious look, but didn’t say anything.

The more he watched ya interact with everyone else, the more irritated he got. The humans were especially bad. Seeming to go out of their way ta touch ya, or call yer attention ta them. Weren’t they grown ass adults? Why the hell did they need ya ta hold their hands and go over their notes? He made sure to pull your chair as close ta him as possible; and there were a few times ya actually managed ta sit down. If only fer a brief second before ya were up again.

The next time ya sat down, he had his arm laid across the back of yer seat. Ya were about ta bounce up again when he grabbed the band of yer pants and pulled ya back down. His arm wrapped around yer shoulder to hold ya there.

“kitten, yer givin a guy a panic attack wit’cha jumpin all over da place. Jus sit down a sec will ya?”

“SANS NOT EVERYONE IS CONTENT TO BE AS LAZY AND SLOTHFUL AS YOU! LEAVE THE HUMAN BE!”

“she’s been runnin ‘round da damn house fer da past hour goin’ back an’ forth between ya assholes. How ‘bout yas back off fer a sec and let ‘er take a breather?” He glared at ‘em all across the table, Undyne had a shit-eating grin on her face but was thankfully silent.

“Heh, that’s real sweet of you Sans.” Ya say leaned up against him. Unbeknownst to him, he’d pulled ya in much closer than he originally intended. Not that he was complaining. “But this time I was going to check on dinner. I don’t want it to burn.” Ya seem ta think fer a moment before ya lower yer voice ta a whisper jus’ fer him. “Or do you think I should? I don’t want to hurt GTP’s feelings by out doing him?” Oh fuck. Did ya… did ya just whisper ta him ‘bout bein nice ta his bro? And ya weren’t pulling away from him! Ya waited fer an answer but he was too busy gloating this over the humans ta give ya one.

“HUMAN, DID YOU NOT SAY THAT YOU WERE GOING TO CHECK ON DINNER? DO YOU NEED ME TO GO AND DO IT FOR YOU? IS SANS CORRECT IN ASSUMING YOUR WEAK PATHETIC HUMAN BODY REQUIRES A BREAK?” Fucking Boss, that got ‘er up fast. He just barely stopped his growl as ya left.

“Nah, GTP, I got it. You just keep going over those notes I highlighted for you.” Ya took ‘bout two steps before ya turned back ta him. “Hey Sans, if you’re not atomically bonded to that chair, you mind coming in and helping?” He could feel the smugness in his grin as he hopped down and made his way over. Ya were already pulling out a pan of something. Bent over, he could see your panty lines through your stretchy pants. He wasn’t much fer human figures in general, but even he could tell ya had a nice ass.

“mmm ya jus’ come outta da oven yerself kitten? cause ya look hot.” Ya snorted at him, and almost dropped the pan.

“Really Sans? You still haven’t learned your lesson?” Ya settle the pan on the stove and pull out a second one of garlic bread. Smells of cooked cheese and fresh tomato sauce fill the room. When was the last time he had pasta that didn’t make him want ta hurl? Sans couldn’t even remember. Ya open the fridge next and pull out a large bowl, then grabbed out some cookie sheets and a spoon.

“what can I say? I never did real well in school. in fact, in my alphabet the letters u and I ‘re right next ta each other.”

“Uuuugh! That’s pathetic. Here, start scooping dough onto the sheets.” Ya set him up at the cookie scooping station, yer hands firm on his shoulders as you direct him.

“chocolate chip?” Sans heaved a spoonful into his mouth. Stars, it’d been years since he’d had cookie dough of any kind. Not that he was much of a sweets guy anyway, but da sheer novelty of it almost made him choke up. Luckily ya didn’t seem to notice.

“Yup! They’re my fave. Also, they were the only thing I had magic ingredients for.” He notices ya seem a little unsure of yerself as ya continue, yer voice now much lower. It seemed odd coming from ya. Ya seemed like the type who always had a ton of confidence. “Same with dinner, I bought lasagna ingredients cause I planned on making a large pan and having leftovers. I didn’t have a lot of other stuff to make a large meal for everyone. Is it going to hurt GTP’s feelings?”

“nah, doughn’t worry ‘bout ‘im. Boss won’t crumble. he can take a chip.”

“…. Are you making cookie puns?” Ya lose yer temporary spat of doubt, and give him a wry grin.

“ya butter believe it.”

“So this is you sober huh? Just a no boundaries, pun-slinging, pick-up line throwing, cookie making monster?” Ya lean over and pop one of da cookie dough balls inta yer mouth. He shrugged and did the same. The dough really was good.

“You know, you have to spread these out a little more. Otherwise they are all going to fuse together.”

“i’d like it if we could fuse together kitkat.”

“I’d like it if we could say two things together without you turning it into a pick up line.”

“I’d like it if you two would stop flirting with each other over here.” The louder of the two humans stated as he walked behind ya and draped himself across your back, pulling you close and throwing an arm around your collar. His head rested on yer shoulder. Beyond a groan and an eye roll, ya give zero fucks. Sans felt his anger rise again. He couldn’t even touch ya fer more than ten seconds without ya peeling away from him, but lover boy could straight up plaster himself ta ya an’ ya didn’t bat an eye. The human must have caught his expression cause he smirked at Sans and then nuzzled the side of yer head.

“Ugh, Jack. What the shit? I’m trying to get stuff together so we can eat. And then you guys can leave.”

“Aw Y/N. You don’t want us to leave. We could have ourselves a sleep over tonight, just like old times.” Sans’ teeth ground at the singsong sweetness of his voice. Ya looked towards him at the noise and cocked yer head. Sans watched the wheels turning in yer head, and suddenly he was nervous. What if ya thought he was jealous? What if ya kicked him out ‘cause he was being too creepy? Ya and him had been almost friendly this whole time, and he was honestly trying ta behave! He couldn’t help himself though. Part of him was interested in ya, and he didn’t like da human assholes hanging themselves over ya!

“Sans…” Oh stars, here it comes. He braced himself ta get kicked out. That would be a fun conversation ta have with Boss. “Have you been introduced to my brothers?”

What?! The confusion must’ve shown on his face, cause ya let out a long sigh and grabbed onta da arm of da guy holding onta ya.

“Yeah, my brothers. This shit-knuckle is Jack, the one at the table is Josh.” With a startling amount of practiced ease, ya pull Jack’s arm up and tuck yerself under, then spin and pin him down on the counter, his arm twisted up behind him. “You boys been having a good time riling up my friend here?” The guy under ya laughs proudly between whimpers as ya pulled his arm harder. Heh, guess ya could back up some’a those threats ya’d been givin out.

“We couldn’t resist! He kept glaring at us every time we even looked at you! Owowowow! Y/N be nice!” Sans knew he was blushing, and he pulled his hood up. He’d been played.

“You mean nice like you’ve been? Freaking thought you two just missed me or something with all the extra touching, instead you’re just using me in one of your shitty pranks.” Ya use yer other hand ta grind his face inta the counter top. The other human, Josh, gets up and comes around the island.

“Hey sis, we’re sorry. We do miss you. We just wanted to give the guy flirting with you a hard time.”

“DO YOU LOT REQUIRE INTERVENTION OR CAN WE CONTINUE ON WITH DINNER? WE ARE WASTING VALUABLE STUDY TIME!”

“Yeah, we didn’t come over to listen ta ya punks squabble! Either duke it out or move on!”

“Fine. You two are lucky you’re cute. Go set the table.” Ya release yer brother and they grab da food and da stacks of dishes. Ya put in the cookies and wait until everyone else is distracted with serving. Sans keeps his hood up, not wanting ta look at yer face yet. After a couple’a moments he feels ya next ta him, and ya elbow him gently.

“Hey… um, I’m sorry.” Shit, why the hell were ya sorry? He was the one being a jealous ass over yer own family. “I should have noticed they were being assholes.”

“no biggie. Lil’ bros am I right?”

“Yeah.” Ya release an amused huff. “Welp, this was fun. Time to go face the music huh?”

“i guess.”

“Yup… well, stay in here for as long as you want. Or you can leave whenever. I’ll cover for you.” Ya give a final wink and ya go back ta the table. Yer offer was tempting, he could just take a shortcut home and leave ya to face yer own lie by yerself. But Boss would prolly need some moral support after all dis.

By the time Sans made it back ta the table, everyone had already been dished up. He sat back down next ta ya, and ya handed him a plate full’a pasta and garlic bread. Sans started to sweat, and suddenly he wasn’t too sure about his earlier confidence that Boss would be alright. Sans glanced at him ta see that his sockets were slitted as he used his fork to examine each layer.

“HUMAN, I KNOW THAT IT IS TRADITIONAL FOR FRIENDS TO SPARE THE FEELINGS OF EACH OTHER, BUT KNOW THAT I VALUE HONESTY ABOVE ALL ELSE. IF THIS DUBIOUS CONCOCTION IN FRONT OF ME IS ANYTHING LESS THAN DELICIOUS I WILL NOT HESITATE IN TELLING YOU SO!”

“Please do. Friends should be honest with each other. Even if sometimes what is said isn’t very kind.”

“I AM PLEASED THAT YOU AGREE. I WILL START OFF MY CRITIQUE IN SAYING THAT THIS IS CERTAINLY THE WRONG COLOR. YOUR LAZINESS IN ITS PREPARATION HAS RESULTED IN AN UNCOOKED PRODUCT! YOU DIDN’T EVEN LET THE TIMER GO OFF ONCE THE ENTIRE TIME YOU COOKED!”

“Yeah I did. Remember, my phone beeped at me a couple of times. I have one going now for the cookies in the oven.”

“NOT THOSE TIMERS! THE ONE ON THE CEILING!” Boss pointed up to the ceiling and your eyes followed. Sans watched with baited breath. What were ya gonna say when ya figured it out?

“GTP… That’s.” Ya take a deep breath to calm yerself. Maybe ta keep yerself from laughing? “That’s a smoke detector. Not a timer. It tells you when there is a fire in your house, so if you were sleeping you’d wake up and could escape.”

“PFFT! Are ya kiddin me punk? That’s not what that doohickey is fer! That’s a kitchen timer!!” Undyne shouted from across the table. Sans could feel himself sink further into his seat.

“Sis is right. Those are smoke detectors. That’s why they’re in bedrooms too.”

“YOU MEAN YOU HUMANS DO NOT PREPARE MEALS IN EVERY ROOM OF THEIR HOMES?”

“No…” Sans sees ya take a bite of yer food, trying ta hide a smile. He was glad ya could laugh ‘bout this cause it was gonna get bad fer ya… and him. Boss followed yer example and sampled yer cookin. His sockets widened in surprise and quickly took another bite.

“Damn punk, this is good!”

“Told you, Y/N is a great cook!”

“IT IS ADEQUATE!”

“Better than anything ya ever made bonehead!”

“WHICH SAYS A LOT ABOUT HOW FAR ABOVE THIS COOKING IS FROM YOUR DESPERATE ATTEMPTS!”

“That is not true! I cook circles around your bony bottom!”

“HA! THE ONLY THING MONSTERS FEARED MORE THAN YOUR TORTURE SKILLS WAS THE THINGS YOU DARED TO CALL FOOD!”

“Well at least I didn’t make the human eat my garbage food and force her to say it was good!”

“Hey now! Don’t rope me into this!”

“TOO LATE HUMAN! YOU CLEARLY KNOW WHAT IS GOOD AND BAD IN THE KITCHEN YET YOU DELIBERATELY ALLOWED ME TO BRAG THAT MY COOKING WAS SURFACE QUALITY! YOU DECEIVED ME!”

“Aw GTP, what can I say. Food made by handsome men is always good.”

“NO! FRIENDS ARE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER AND YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO CALL ME BY THAT NICKNAME!” Ya two glare at each other fer a moment, and Sans sunk even further into his seat, trying to disappear. Luckily boss’s sights were focused on ya, but it wouldn’t take long before ya threw him under the bus. That’s how shit like this always played out.

“Fine. I see only one way to settle this.”

“AND WHAT WAY WOULD THAT BE?”

“I have wounded your honor and must satisfy it through a test of combat. We will have to duel!”

“w-wait. nah, ya two ain’t gotta do all that!” He’d rather ya just threw him under the bus than have ta fight his brother.

“No Sans, it is the only way.” Ya say seriously.

“HUMAN, PERHAPS I WAS TOO QUICK TO ANGER…” Ya hold up yer hand ta silence him.

“Boys, ready the living room.”

“But dinner..”

“This is a matter of honor. Dinner can wait… and also be eaten from the couch.” Da human men get up and start moving the couch and coffee table back towards the kitchen.

“heh, kitten. maybe ya two should just talk ‘bout this? humans an’ monsters ain’t supposed ta be fightin right yet.”

“Well, combat might be a strong word for it. My apartment is a little small to be duking it out via fisticuffs. But I got something that we can use to settle the score.”

“Oh, so yer too scared to fight now?”

“I wouldn’t say that, I just intend on getting my security deposit back at some point.” Jack and Josh started to unravel some cords and turn on the TV. It looked like they were setting up a video game. Sans was intrigued. The timer beeps for the cookies and ya retrieve them. Once ya return the game is set up and Boss is pacing and confused.

“I DO NOT SEE HOW I WILL HAVE MY HONOR ASSUAGED BY DEFEATING YOU IN A LAZY TV GAME! IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT COMBAT, THEN LET US CHOOSE SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES SKILL!”

“Oh, I think you’ll like this one.” Ya bring yer plate ta the living room and set it down on the coffee table. Sans follows suit and sits down on the couch. The others make themselves comfortable elsewhere.

“Hey, don’t worry. She’ll go easy on him.” Jack tells him. Sans grumbles and takes a first bite outta the food. Merciful Asgore! Shit was good! Movin in witcha would probably be one of the best things he would ever do if it meant ya’d cook like dis fer him! He shoveled in another bite while ya started up the game.

“Alright GTP, this is called Dance Dance Revolution. It’s a pretty popular arcade game. The at home version isn’t as good, but it’ll do. It’s a coordination game. You have to match what you see on the screen. I’ll go first, and then you’ll have three tries to beat my score. If you can, I’ll accept whatever punishment you dish out. If I win, you have to forgive me and admit that we are the best of friends now. Do you accept my terms?”

“THEY ARE ACCEPTABLE! I HOPE YOU ARE PREPARED TO BE THOROUGHLY EMBARRASSED AS I DESTROY YOUR SCORE!”

“K~!”

_________

You all played DDR for an hour or so before even your monster friends started to get tired. Well, everyone except Sans. He didn’t bother leaving his spot on the couch except to snag a couple of the cookies after they cooled. He dozed off soon after and left you all to your entertainment. You meanwhile, perched yourself up on his armrest as the competition between Undyne and GTP heated up. You elected her as your champion after GTP initially lost to your score. It was a rigged competition, you’d been playing this for years while this was their first time. But everyone was having fun, so that’s what really mattered.

You gather the dishes up and excuse yourself from the festivities. The pan of lasagna was gone, everyone had gone back for seconds at some point; and even the cookies were scarfed down in mere minutes.

It was like they were all hungry or something.

You are elbows deep in suds when Undyne walks up and starts rinsing for you. She seems to want to talk to you about something, so you work in silence while she gears up for what she wants to say.

“So, you and the bone boys seem to be getting kinda close?”

“You must have missed it, but GTP admitted we were the very best of friends earlier when I destroyed him at DDR.”

“PFFT! I didn’t miss shit. I got a picture of him sayin it, gonna make it his contact photo.”

“He blushes real easy. It’s pretty fun to mess with him.”

“Is that what this is? Yer just messin with him? Cause if ya are, we’re gonna have ourselves a problem.” You could feel her glower threateningly at you, though you never take your eyes off the dishes in your hands. You think about it for a moment. Sure, it was fun to mess around GTP; but this was honestly how you made friends.

“Not _just_ messing with him. I don’t invite people I am _just_ messing with into my home.” And that was definitely not a lie. Big Cat was not happy at having people in her lair and had been practically spitting at you when they toured your bedroom. Undyne seems to accept your answer and nods.

“Good, cause I like ya. But I like Papyrus more, and if ya were to ever hurt him…”

“I get it, don’t need to bust out the mess with my friends speech. You don’t have to worry. GTP’s my friend now, and I’m one of those annoyingly loyal types. All of you are stuck with me now.”

“Heh.” Her scales flash a darker blue and she looks away. “Once class is over ya should come hang out with me and Alphys!”

“I’d be down for that. Girls’ days are always fun!” You start scrubbing out the lasagna pan. You hadn’t greased it enough and the cheese was baked on and annoying. Undyne seemed to still be wrapped up in a layer of awkward. “What else on your mind lady?”

“So… would ya do it if he asked?”

“Do what?”

“Ya said earlier that Paps turned ya down. If he hadn’t would ya have dated him?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Even though he’s a monster? Ya really wouldn’t care?”

“Eh, the whole different species thing is just a small bump. GTP’s awesome. And he’d treat his partner right. If he asked, I’d for sure give him a real chance.” You finish the pan and hand it off to her to rinse. You move onto the cookie sheets.

“What ‘bout his bro?”

“Tsk. Who knows? When we met he was drunk off his ass, and the two times I met him sober he’s said maybe four sentences that weren’t jokes or pick up lines.”

“He’s a good guy.”

“Really? Cause I met a rabbit monster at the grocery store that had a real shit opinion of him.”

“Holy Dreemurr! Were ya the one that fucked Nice up?!?”

“He didn’t seem very nice to me.”

“What’d he say?”

“Said something like Sans was a piece of garbage and ya’ll wanted to leave him Underground.” She grunted, not very surprised. “Don’t tell them about it though. I don’t want Sans to think I’m interested or anything.”

“whatcha ladies talkin ‘bout?” Speak of the devil. You let out a surprised squeak at Sans’ voice and drop the sheet in the water. Undyne laughed at you.

“Nunya business dork! Girl stuff.”

“uh huh. well boss says it’s yer turn again undyne.”

“Why didn’t ya say so?” She rushes back to the living room, water dripping from her hands. Well there went your dishes partner. Surprisingly, Sans steps up and takes over. You sigh. The sink was not supposed to be a therapy counter.

“What do _you_ want to talk about? If you are here to threaten me, Undyne already did that.” Sans seems taken aback by your bluntness. He recovers quickly.

“just wanted ta thank ya fer tonight. Cookin food an’ helpin ‘em all study after workin all day; not the easiest thing in da world.”

“Wow, real emotion and not a pun or pick up line in sight.” He frowns at you, but you wave it away. “It’s cool. Been awhile since I’ve done it, but the boys used to bring study groups over all the time. It was actually kind of nice having a bunch of people over again.” He hmms, and you hand him the last pan, your arms brush against each other and he gives you a funny look.

“ya know, I was pretty drunk on Friday but I remember ya felt really hot. why da hell ar’ya so cold now?” Huh, you’d probably have to watch Sans. He was a lot more observant than you gave him credit for.

“I’m not sure. You are probably just remembering things wrong.”

“and ya smelled like magic at da store?”

“I thought we had an unspoken agreement to forget what I smelled like yesterday?”

“aw kitten, don’t say that. I _loved_ da way ya smelled yesterday.” You turn around to wipe at the counter behind you and you are shocked when his wet hand shoots down and he grabs a large handful of your ass cheek. You had to physically restrain yourself from elbowing him in the ribs.

“That’s my ass Sans. Your bony hand is on my ass.” You deadpan. He gives it a nice squeeze and you can feel the clawed tips of his phalanges dig in a little.

“Sans, I really don’t think this is going to go how you want it to.”

“mmm, but yer ass has been callin out ta me all night. And I can’t think of any better way ta show ya my appreciation fer dinner than heeding its call.” Another squeeze. Well, he’d been warned. Your arm shoots up to the back of his neck and you drag him down with more strength than he was obviously expecting from you. Faster than he can react his face is in the dish water and you retreat out of the kitchen.

“Get dunked on Sans!” You shout at him when he recovers. He sputters and spits out soapy water out of his mouth and eye sockets, but he’s laughing at you.

Your official opinion of Sans was that he was a creep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hey! You guys made it!   
> Told ya, this one was a little bumpy. Out of all of them, this is my least fave.   
> I wasn't going to do a Sans POV, but my bestie said she'd rather read salty bones than an oblivious mc.   
> I never realized how hard it was to write multiple characters interacting until I started writing this chapter. Holy heck, poor Undyne gets ignored a lot. And I still have only a vague idea of how to write Jack and Josh's personalities. I am going to be pretty excited when I can hoist GTP onto them and get into some simpler SansxKC interactions. Not that I don't freaking LOVE GTP, but he hogs up a lot of the conversation. He's an attention ho, please don't blame him.  
> Ok, onto other thoughts!   
> Gerson is sterner and more battle weary than his Undertale counterpart. So he isn't as talkative. He won't be telling KC any fun stories about Asgore or Undyne until she really earns his trust.   
> Aaron is about the same as his double. Probably because I didn't want to write him any different.   
> My version of Underfell Temmies is that they are still dumb. But instead of talking like they only know half the English language, they try to make themselves sound smarter by adding in big words, even though those words are horribly wrong. So.. still smarter than Undertale, but dumb in that they try too hard and don't use the right words. I uh... may have done that once or twice growing up.... The whole time I wrote that part I just thought of The Princess Bride "I do not think that word means what you think it means." If this part was a whole boat load of cringe, just let me know!!! I won't be offended. I already know that someday I will need to go over this chapter and just do a whole overhaul.   
> However, there were some things I really liked. Like Grillby. And they played DDR! And hey, look at who gave Undyne some lines! Also, I made some puns. *so proud, much yay*  
> And chocolate chip cookies are my favorite.   
> Oh, and Sans got himself a handful. That was good fun. It might seem like it came out of nowhere, but in my mind he'd been trying to get himself some since I decided they were going to interact this chapter.   
> If you had an opinion about what you read, leave a comment! I sure love them. Like REALLY LOVE THEM! I save them all and reread them to keep myself motivated. <3 <3 <3 
> 
> Ok, well I'm going to go recover from this. Ya'll behave my little beefcakes and tofu doughnuts! See you next week! (Or in the comment section *WINK*)


	9. Wherever You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Sans spend quite a bit of time together. Whether you want to or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up my readers?!?!  
> The next chapter...obviously. 
> 
> Surprisingly, I'm feeling pretty good about this one. *gasp!* I know, totally strange for me. But I had a good time writing out most of this one. This one isn't too heavy on plot, more fluff and stuff. And, I was going to stop it after the first scene. I was at almost 4000 words, but my bestie said that it was too short. I think that is funny because I distinctly remember in the end notes of chapter one I said that 4k was going to be the norm for the chapter length. Now I'm averaging about 8k. So much for that lol! (Chapter One feels like it was soooo long ago! XD )  
> Funny story, we finally get to see the part I originally wrote for Sans and KC to meet..... Well, actually. We don't. My original idea of the characters were way too different and I had to scrap most of it. I'll tell you a bit more about all that in the end notes though. 
> 
> Just a quick warning, I got INVOLVED reading other fics this week. So I didn't have a ton of free time left to dedicate to this. So I skimped on the editing. If something is god-awful, let me know. Please! Do not let me wallow in embarrassment.
> 
> For now though, in the words of Glory "ONWARDS!!!!"  
> (If you know, you know!)

The next week was filled with monsters. It was expected that you’d see them at work; you spent a majority of your work day passing their shops and businesses. That made sense. To your enjoyment, they no longer straight up avoided you. Instead they simply ignored you. Even when you found some rather nasty graffiti, no one told you about it. You had to find it on your own. No security cameras and no witnesses meant no case. But you filed the report anyway. It irked you that you had nothing to show for it, but there wasn’t anything you could do short of shifting and hoping there was enough of a trail to track them down.

Not that you would have any evidence to convict them with.

What bothered you most about it was that the monsters refused to report it to you. It was one thing for them not to be friendly, but an active distrust in you was something that would need to be remedied. Though you had no idea how. You supposed that time would be your friend there, but it was hard to be patient.

Regardless, you expected to meet monsters out and about on our patrol. What you didn’t expect were the text messages that bombarded your phone every few minutes. Inviting Undyne and GTP over to your house seemed to break whatever social fence that was keeping them contained, and you were now the receiver of dozens of texts daily. They also sent you an invite to a monster only social media site called Undernet, where you were now internet buddies with the elusive Alphys. She seemed nice, in a “I’m way into creepy science” kind of way. You were pretty sure if she ever found out you were a Were, she’d find some reason to stick you under a microscope; and she wouldn’t be kind about it. Other than that, she was cool. Way into anime. Like you’d watched a few over the course of your life, but even living under a rock like she had, she’d watched more than you’d ever even heard of.

You were lucky in that you hadn’t seen Sans all day on Tuesday. Though your reprieve was quickly destroyed on Wednesday.

You’d just entered the park near your patrol, intending to take your lunch, when your phone buzzed. It had been silent for a few hours, so you knew you were about due for another set of texts. You weren’t surprised when you saw it was from GTP.

 **Mother Hen:** HUMAN! HAVE YOU EATEN LUNCH YET? YOU SEEM TO HAVE A TERRIBLE HABIT OF NOT EATING PROPERLY.

 **You:** we’ve known each other for less than a week. you don’t get to say what my habits are yet

 **Mother Hen:** IN OTHER WORDS YOU HAVE YET TO EAT! JUST AS I HAVE PREDICTED! YOU ARE LUCKY THAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS TAKEN AN INTEREST INTO YOUR WELL BEING, FOR SURELY YOU WILL EVENTUALLY PERISH DUE TO YOUR STUPIDITY WITHOUT MY INTERFERENCE

 **You** : w/e. is this our relationship now? are you gonna text me everyday to check and see if im eating?

 **Mother Hen:** IF YOU DID NOT PROVE YOURSELF TO BE SO INCOMPETENT IN BASIC EATING RITUALS, I WOULD NOT HAVE TO DO THIS! DO YOU THINK I ENJOY TEXTING A STUPID FLESHBAG LIKE YOURSELF EVERYDAY? YOUR WEAK HUMAN BODY NEEDS NUTRIENTS AND I CANNOT TRUST THAT YOU WILL SEE TO THOSE NEEDS WITHOUT PROMPTING!

 **You:** you realize im older than you? And ive been living by myself for years. And im constantly eating.

 **You:** I think you just really enjoy nagging people

 **Mother Hen:** HOW DARE YOU?!?! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I SHOW YOU ANY KIND OF CONCERN!

 **Mother Hen:** I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SAID I NAG! AND IT HAS BEEN DUMB LUCK THAT YOU HAVE SURVIVED THIS LONG! DUMB LUCK!

 **You:** If you say so naggybones.

 **Mother Hen:** I DEMAND THAT YOU SEND ME A PICTURE OF WHAT YOU ARE EATING!

 **You:** Fine. But I want a picture of your lunch too. And it better have your face in it.

 **Mother Hen:** IF I MUST! YOU HAVE BEEN VERY DEMANDING LATELY!

 **You:** im always demanding, youre just now noticing.

 **Mother Hen:** BE THAT AS IT MAY, WHAT ARE YOU HAVING FOR LUNCH TODAY?

 **You:** idk, didnt pack anything.

 **You:** what are hotcats?

 **Mother Hen:** FOR ALL THAT YOU FIND HOLY, DO NOT GET A HOTCAT!!!

 **You:** its like you dont even know me. now i have to get one

 **Mother Hen:** YOU WILL REGRET IT! I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU GO ELSEWHERE FOR YOUR NUTRIENTS! GO TO GRILLBYS EVEN!

 **You:** that sounds like a challenge, i think i need to investigate. i'll text you a pic of my prize

  
  


You silence your phone and put it into your pocket, heading over to the little cart on the far side of the park. One of your new favorite past times was getting GTP to send you selfies.He had some of the funniest poses in them, and was usually blushing when he took them. You had a little collection that you had later plans for. You were so busy amusing yourself with those plans that you never bothered to look at the stand attendant until you were in front of him.

“well hey kitten, i’d offer ya a hot cat, but yer da hottest one here.” Of course it’s Sans. And suddenly GTP’s warnings made sense. Sans had on his usual fluffy coat and turtleneck combo you’d come to associate with him, but today he had an additional apron and white hat with cat ears on them. His pickup line was more tense than normal.

“Nope, nevermind.” You turned to start leaving, but he runs out from behind his stall and grabs your elbow. He was kind of fast when he wanted to be.

“hey kitkat, don’t run away. i said i was sorry fer da odder night.”

“Actually, you didn’t. You just cackled like a possessed gremlin and offered to give the other one a squeeze if it was jealous.” You gave him an icy glare and pull your arm away from his grip. His hand drops and he shuffles his feet. His eye lights don’t meet yours.

“No. You got a free pass on being an asshole the other day cause you were drunk and we all do dumb shit when we are drunk. Monday, you crossed a line while _sober_ and in my own fucking kitchen.”

“…”

“Ok, bye.”

“no, wait. yer right, i shouldn’ta grabbed at ya like dat.” What was it about making grown men apologize that made your cringe so much? Probably some sort side effect of systematic sexism.

“And?”

“imma asshole.”

“And?”

“i’m lucky yer even talkin ta me.”

“More important than that?” You prompted.

“uh…” You palm your face and shake it at him.

“You won’t do it again?”

“not unless ya ask me ta. offer ta squeeze dat bun’s still on da table.” He gives you a sheepish wink. He felt awkward and you could tell he wanted to get back to your regular dynamic. You weren’t exactly the best at staying mad at someone over something like this. And a small, tiny part of you was _slightly_ impressed he had the balls to grab ass to begin with. Most guys took one look at you and decided you were way too much for them to handle.

You also came on pretty strong to his brother. Kissing GTP’s wrist like that was pretty bad now that you looked back on it. So maybe you both needed to work on your boundaries.

“Seriously? You’re punning and flirting at the same time.”

“know ya relish em so much.”

“… Cause we’re at a hot dog stand. Gotcha.”

“ya mustard been confused.”

“I don’t want any part of this.” You playfully groan and start walking. Sans easily keeps up with you.

“don’t be like dat, let’s ketchup some more.”

“Stop.”

“would ya believe me if I told ya yer barbe-cute?” You put your hands over your ears.

“Lalalalala! Can’t hear you!!” He was laughing like the gremlin he was, and you were trying not to laugh yourself. His puns were bad, but it was pretty cute how much he liked them. When he looks like he got his giggles out, you remove your hands.

“You done now? Can we communicate like regular people again?”

“got one more fer ya.” You let out a long sigh, but motion for him to go for it. “sorry I was such a wiener da otter night.”

“That’s the closest thing to a real apology I’m going to get from you, isn’t it?” He shrugs and grins at you. Yeah, that’s about right. “Fine. But you’re buying me lunch. And walk in front of me, I don’t trust you anymore.” It wasn’t free food. You earned it for dealing with his shit.

“but how am i supposed ta look at those buns if imma ahead a ya?”

“You already used the buns pun. Can’t use it again.”

“who said?”

“Those are the golden rules of puns. Your tacky reuse of puns might have flown down in the Underground, but on the surface we have standards.”

“heh. seems like ya’ll have too many standards if ya ask me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Woe is you, your friend won’t sleep with you.” You roll your eyes and look to the sky dramatically. Sans shuffles behind the stand again and starts putting a couple of hotcats into buns.

“ya still wanna be friends after all dis?”

“Ehhh.” You waffle your hand at him. “Maybe friend was the wrong word. I’d say we are stuck in the pre-friend zone. It’s awkward here, but maybe someday? If, you know, you ever stop trying to cop a feel.”

“speaking of cop. ya sure fill out dat uniform nicely kitten.”

“Ugh, do not sexualize my uniform. I get enough creeps that do that.” You take the hotcats from him. They looked just like hotdogs, but with little cat ears carved onto one end. You put some ketchup on them and grab a bottle of water from the cooler attached to the stand. He puts a Be Back In 10 Minutes sign up and takes a couple for himself as well as a bottle of mustard. Guess he was taking a break with you.

You head over to one of the picnic tables and Sans climbs up to sit on the table itself, while you sit on the bench, your back leaning against the table so you are both facing the same way. From here you could see the playground and a baseball field. It was too cold yet for kids to be running around, but it was a decent park. A little ways off you saw an ice cream vendor as well. You’d probably hit that after for dessert. Before you start ripping into your lunch, you pull your phone out.

“Hey Sans, smile.” You take a pic of the both of you, Sans has his hotcat halfway to his mouth, but he gave a half-smile and a peace sign. You’re full teeth smiling. It was a pretty cute photo actually. You send it to GTP.

 **You:** I shouldve listened to you oh wise one. Now im trapped, eating lunch with your bro.

  
  


He didn’t respond right away, so he must have been busy with class. You put the phone away and dig in. You are not wholly impressed with hotcats. They were hotdogs, but magic. Not terrible though.

“what waz da photo fer?”

“Had to send it to your brother. He got it into his head that I don’t eat right or something. If that’s how he is normally, it’s no wonder you’re so chubby.”

“HEY! kitten yer killin me.” Sans whines at you, but you snicker at him.

“Oh relax, nothing wrong with being chubby. If anything, it’s one of the cuter parts of you.”

“aww, aint ya a sweetheart.” He starts moving closer, but you scoot away and hold your hand up.

“Nah-uh! You keep your bony bottom over there. You’re not allowed in my personal space bubble today.”

“dat’s pretty harsh.”

“Like you said, you’re honestly lucky I’m talking to you. Normally when someone grabs my ass they get a knee to their junk and I cut them out of my life.”

“junk?” You peek back at Sans and see confusion on his face. Huh? You hadn’t really thought of monsters sexually. Sans was a skeleton would he have… Oh no. This was really a rabbit hole you hadn’t wanted to let your mind wander through.

“Genitals. Specifically male genitals.” You take a savage bite out of your hotcat. Nothing like a casual conversation about dicks with a monster hotdog in your face.

“ya humans sure gotta lotta names fer yer private parts.”

“Pfft. You don’t even know. I feel like half our cuss words are either referencing genitalia or what we do with it.” You finish off your second hotcat and chug half the bottle of water. You were about to offer Sans the other half since he didn’t grab a beverage when he bites off the cap of his mustard. Before you could question it, he tilts it back and chugs it, a glint in his eye lights. He almost chokes on it when he starts laughing at your horrified expression. You let him catch his breath, then lean over and put your hand on his knee. Your voice soft and consoling.

“Who hurt you Sans? You can tell me.”

Which set him in another tizzy. “whut kitten? ya don’t like mustard?”

“Hate it. It’s so strong. If it’s in something, like deviled eggs or in a marinade; sure. But as a condiment? Nope. And fuck whatever you’re doing over there.”

“i think dat might be a deal breaker.”

“Oh thank heavens! Finally!” You make pray hands at the sky.

“eh, nevermind. there’s hope fer ya. i'll just have ta teach ya the merits of da stuff.”

“Nooo. We were so close. Let’s go back to the deal breaker thing. Here, I’ll start. Sans, you’re too good for me. I’ll only drag you down with my mustard negativity and lack of interest in you.”

“not gonna work. ‘sides we both know yer da one too good fer me.”

“Oh yeah, cause the four whole times we’ve run into each other has really painted an entire picture of our personal qualities.” You roll your eyes even though he couldn’t see it. You had better things to do then stroke some guy’s ego. “Well, I saw an ice cream cart down there. You bought lunch, so let me get dessert. Be right back.” You say it quickly and run off before he could say anything.

Once you are closer to the cart you find yourself encountering another familiar face. Blue Bunny Bitch.. or ahem, Nice, was leaning over his cart playing on his phone, unaware of your approach until you were almost directly in front of him. He looks up at you with a start once you cough to get his attention.

“Figures you’re a fucking cop.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Have we met before?” You quirk your eyebrow and wait expectantly. He rolls his eyes at you but sticks out his hand.

“Nope. I’m Nice the nice cream bunny.” You take his outstretched hand and shake it.

“I’m Y/N the new police officer in this area. What is nice cream?”

“It’s like your human ice cream, but it has magic in it that gives you a compliment after you eat it. I sell mean cream too, but it isn’t as popular.” You look over the flavor options. You assumed mean cream told you something mean since nice cream told you something nice. You were definitely interested in both, but you could only eat one ice cream at a time. You decide to try a nice cream one this time and you get a bisicle so you could split it with Sans.

“It’s been a real _treat_ meeting you Nice.” You say as he hands you your nice cream. You smirk to yourself, Sans would have liked that one. Maybe you’ll tell him about it.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Now we’re all properly introduced and shit. You going to bother me all the damn time now?”

“I don’t know. Depends how good your product is. I have a bit of a sweet tooth, so if I see you tomorrow it means you passed the test.” You give him a two finger salute and make your way back. Sans is still sitting on the table when you return. He had a small red bone he was balancing on his palm. Once he saw you, it disappeared. So magic. Little Bone Man could summon bones. You filed that tidbit of info for later and broke apart your bisicle. Sans took his much more eagerly than you thought he would. You returned to your seat and started eating. It was blue flavor, cause you felt like keeping with the color theme. It melted on your tongue more like cold chocolate than ice cream, and gave you that fizzly pop sensation as you swallowed. So far, it was a winner.

You pull your phone out and start going through some of the notifications that accumulated, when Sans interrupts your thoughts by being Sans.

“aw kitten, if ya liked my voice so much, ya shoulda said sometin.” He drops his voice lower and practically purrs at you. “if ida known, we’d prolly be further along in our relationship.” You roll your head back on your shoulder to lazily look at him in confusion. You probably should just face him next time, he was too demanding to sit faced away.

“I mean… yeah? Your voice is kind of hot? It’s also pretty creepy how you know that?” He grins down at you and shows you his nice cream stick.

_**I think your voice is sexy.** _

Well, now it made sense why he was so excited to get the nice cream from you.

“Explain.”

“nice cream gives ya a compliment after ya eat it. but if ya give it ta someone, it gives them a compliment based off’a da feelings’a da giver. ya gave me da nice cream, so da compliment is sometin nice ya think ‘bout me.”

“Huh. That’s pretty cool. Though I wish it would have said something other than that. That was supposed to be a guilty pleasure.” You finish off your nice cream and look at the stick.

_**You know how to impress people.** _

This was true. But now you were kind of disappointed you weren’t getting a sneaky compliment from someone. If it exposed your true feelings over Sans’ voice, you would be somewhat interested in what it would reveal from him. Sans must have seen your reaction cause he leaned close to your ear, his voice still low and sultry.

“ya don’t need a nice cream ta getta compliment from me. ya have a nice ass, ya smell great, yer-”

“Stop talking Sans. And get back to your side of the table!”

“but ya like da sound of my voice.” He singsonged at you.

“I regret every decision I have made since Thursday!” You groan. He wasn’t moving back so you get up and gather your trash. Your break was probably long over anyway. He laughs indulgently, like everything was right in Sans World. You wait for him to get up, he rolls his eye lights but starts back towards his cart. He tucks his hands up behind his head and walks with a little more swagger than normal.

You had a feeling Sans wasn’t used to getting compliments.

You were distracted from that line of thinking when you noticed something a little suspicious about Sans’ hotcat cart. Namely, the city’s endorsement symbol was missing. You had a sneaky suspicion that your sorta friend’s business wasn’t one hundred percent on the up and up.

“Hey Sans?” You start off innocently.

“dat’s da name.”

“You by any chance got a license for this stand of yours? I don’t remember it on the business registry.” His step faltered and you could see sweat start to bead on the back of his skull. You really enjoyed the instant reactions of the skeleton bros.

“heh, ya gotta license fer all dat ass’a yers?”

“You sneaky shit!” You crowed. “You don’t do you?” Was it petty of you to enjoy this? Yes. Did that stop you? No. “You know I have to shut you down.”

“ya don’t gotta do nothing! ya could just pretend ya never noticed.” You tut tut at him and shake your head, already starting to pull out your ticket book. “ya can’t jus getta free meal from a stand an’ then shut ‘em down once yer done!” Your lips press tightly against each other in an attempt to keep the shit-eating grin off your face.

“You can’t just peddle off your illegal goods and expect me to turn a blind eye to it.”

“ya ate ‘em. yer an accomplice now!”

“Excuse me sir, I’m a victim!”

“victim my ass!”

“It’s always about asses with you.” You tease and give him the ticket. “Don’t worry. The licensing process is pretty streamline for monsters right now. You’ll be legit in no time!”

“this iz bullshit. ya shouldn’t be able ta ticket yer friends. conflict’a interest ‘r sometin.”

“Are you kidding? This is probably one of the most satisfying tickets I’ve ever written. Like the universe aligned to deliver some sweet sweet karma on your coccyx.” Several different emotions seem to war on Sans’ face as you stuck out your tongue at him. His hand clenched and unclenched the ticket, and his eye lights seemed to flicker for a second. But he regains himself and cracks a rather ominous grin at you.

“oh kitten, i think yer gonna regret dis.”

“Yeah, yeah. Like I’m scared of a dorky little bone man.” He quirks an eyebrow bone at you, but his smug expression stays. Alright then. Bring it on.

__________

You regretted it. You regretted it so much.

Without the ties of a steady job, you ran into Sans constantly on your patrol over the next two days. One time he was watching the counter of Gerson’s store, another time he was shopping at the joke shop. He was flirting with a pretty rabbit lady in the furniture store, joking with Aaron, grabbing lunch at Grillby’s. Sans. Was. Everywhere.

The worst part was that you were having a hard time keeping track of his movements. You never felt him stalking you, it just seemed like he was always one step ahead of you. It was unnerving though, and that wasn’t a pleasant feeling for you. Big Cat was getting antsy with Sans constantly showing up though you never saw him walk anywhere. It was like you were being ambushed.

So when your shift ended on Friday evening, you did not return. After dropping the squad car off and changing back at the office, you went straight home. You had planned on celebrating your first week on your patrol by eating at Grillby’s, but you remembered what Grillby said about Sans only being allowed there on Fridays. (Lunch didn’t count apparently?) You knew he was just playing his part in the little war that started between you two, but that didn’t mean you actually wanted to spend anymore time with than you had to right now. And if you ate at Grillby’s, Sans would assuredly be glued to your side.

The little shit got a real kick out of teasing you, and would probably enjoy rekindling some rumors.

So... that left plan b. Order in and enjoy a quiet evening in your apartment. You went to your wallet and took out the coupons Muffet gave you.  The phone was already in your hand and number dialed.

“This is Grillby’s. What ya want?”

“Heya Grillz! It’s Y/N, think it’s time to try your cooking”

“Too good to come and eat with monsters huh?” His words sounded cold, but you knew he was teasing.

“What can I say? You’re going to be too busy to pay me any proper attention tonight.” You flirt lightly and you can hear a small chuckle escape him.

“Well what can I get ya then?”

“Ok, uh.” You think about what you actually want for a moment. “Triple cheese burger, extra onions, no mustard and a large order of chili fries. And load those babies up with cheese.”

“Tha it?”

“Yeah, I got a coupon for a free meal. Just need to buy a drink with it. Want to put another glass of milk on Sans’ tab?”

“Of course.” The phone crackles and pops and you know he is laughing for real this time.

“You want me to read the code off the back, or just give it to the driver?”

“Read the code.” You read off your numbers.

“Ok, that’s it.”

“Sure. The address?” You rattle off your address for the guy.

“Oh! I’ll need to buzz the delivery guy in, but intercom is busted, so you’ll need to give them my number.”

“Yer gonna to be one of those pain’n tha ass people ar’ncha?” You laugh at his boldness. You really weren’t trying to make his night difficult. 

“Not trying to I swear! But since you are gonna call me out like that, I better live up to it. Make sure to send your cutest delivery boy. Only cute guys get my number.”

“Sure thing sweetheart.” He chuckles and you hear the line click. You shake your head. You wonder mildly if he was really going to send a cute monster to you. And if so, would you find them cute? Do monsters have a standard of beauty comparable to humans? Guess you’ll find out. You go grab a shower and change into some comfier clothes. Going for a pair of shorts and tank top. 

Your cell phone starts ringing  almost as soon as you are changed .  You smirk when you see the unknown number. Must be your cute delivery boy!  That was really fast though.

“Yello, this is y/n.” The phone quickly clicks off, but before you can call back you get a text. 

** Unknown: ** sry txt is bettr this’s grillbys @ ur gate

**You:** K, I buzzed you. See you in a sec.

When you hear him finally knock on your door, you grab your wallet.  You only had a twenty in there, but that was fine. It was a little excessive for a delivery tip on a burger and some fries, but  since monsters couldn’t drive yet he probably had to take the bus. That would have sucked. 

Y ou open the door and immediately slam it closed. You hear gremlin laughing from the other side.

It’s Sans.

It’s always Sans.

You weren’t pleased.

Y ou open the door back up and find him leaning against the door jam, two bags of food and a to-go cup of what you assume is your milk. Sans has a glint of tears in the corner of his sockets from laughing so hard. 

“So you’re what passes for cute in monster standards huh?” You deadpan and he launches into another round of giggles. Glad he was having a good laugh about this. You give him a couple of minutes. “You about done?” 

“yeah, ya shoulda seen da look on yer face kitten! wish i woulda had a camera!” 

“Sooo glad I could provide you your entertainment for the evening.” You say dryly, trying to quell the anger you felt.

“me too. ya gonna invite me in ‘r we gonna talk in da hall all night?”

“Delivery boys don’t typically get invited in Sans. That’s for pornos.”

“we could make a-”

“Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence!” He chokes back his words, listening to you for once though his expression is smug and lecherous. He does wait for you expectantly and you move out of the way for him. Once inside he goes to the kitchen table and sets the bags and your drink on it. You go to the kitchen table and sit down, pulling over one of the bags. By smell, you could tell which was yours. The instant the bag was open, you start salivating at the delicious smells coming from it. You’ve been inside Grillby’s all week and ignored the temptations of ordering.  You pulled out a chili covered fry and popped it into your mouth. 

It was amazing!  Even with the delivery time, t he outside of the fry was still crisp and the inside potato was buttery and soft. The chili had just the right amount of heat and was loaded with cheese. You pull everything out and use the bag as a placemat on the table. 

Sans sits across from you and pulls his own out. You can’t help but make a polite observation.

“Oh god, that poor burger, it’s bleeding mustard!”

“whut?”

“Your burger! It’s smothered in mustard. I know you drink the stuff, but come’on. That’s downright disrepectful to good food.” 

“i’m enhancin’ it.”

“You’re drowning it. I feel like we should be holding an exocism to try and save it from condiment hell.” He laughs heartily around his bite of burger, and you dig into your own. You couldn’t help the little moan that left your mouth unbidden. How was it so good? It was just a burger! Out of the corner of your eye, you see a light dusting of red on Sans’ face as he watched you eat. You reined in your vocals. 

“So you’re delivering for Grillby while you get your license situation figured out?” You ask causally. Maybe.. maybe Sans had a legitimate excuse for being here. 

“nah, jus’ heard ya on da phone an’ offered ta bring it.” There went that idea. He looked so happy with himself, like he had no idea how absurbedly creepy he sounded. Like it was perfectly ok to just show up at your house. Oh, and now he had your number. Another bonus. You hide your displeasure in more bites, the burger had been delicious though now your enjoyment of it was tainted. 

“so whut we doin’ after dis kitkat?”

“We? Nothing. After this, you’re leaving. And I’ll probably go to the gym or something.” The gym actually sounded like a good idea, though you had no real intention of going. 

“dat’s no fun. we should watch a movie ‘r sometin.” 

“I don’t think so.”

“why not?”

“Because you weren’t invited here Sans.” You state bluntly. 

“aw, don’t be like dat.”

“Here’s the thing, I _am_ like that.” You finish your burger and start cleaning up your mess. “I’m a pretty big stickler for being invited places and giving out invitations.” Rules, boundaries, territories. As much as Big Cat was a chaotic force of nature, she liked certain things to be orderly. She needed to give permission before someone entered her territory. 

“well now i got yer number, so i'll text first next time.” You release a long breath, trying to not let the irritation get to you. 

“Oh goodie.” You acknowledge sarcastically. 

“well, if yer sure ya don’t wanna do anytin fun tonight, i'll head off.” He gets up from the table and stretches. Somewhere in the back of your mind you wonder why he needed to stretch without any muscles. 

“That’s it? Thought you’d be putting up more of a fight.”

“ya disappointed?” You pulled a face that he found mildly amusing. “well, don’t worry kitkat. i'll be seeing ya around.” He said with an ominous tone. 

O h that was the wrong thing to say.  Your teeth ground and your muscles twitched with the need to act.

You walk him towards the door. Once you are close to the wall by the door, you tap his shoulder to get his attention. He turns to face you and you shove him into the wall. Immediately, you grab onto his wrists and pry them up above his head, and you’ve  step ped up close to him, making sure to stand between his legs so as he could not get any powerful kicks in.  Sans is raised up by his wrists so he is barely touching the ground, and is at even eye level with you. You flash him a hard, steely smile. 

“feelin frisky kitten? cause i'm all fer wherever yer goin wit dis.” He croons at you. However, when you meet his eyes, his sockets are blank and hollow. Devoid of the tiny red lights of his magic. And the air had the slight tang of his apprehension. He was bluffing.

You growl at him,  calling his bluff. The rumbles of it vibrated against your chest and in your throat.  He struggles under your hands but aside from a few very ineffective side kicks, he is prone beneath you. This was how you pinned someone against a wall, not like that shit ass attempt Nice did at the store. 

“You’re really starting to piss me the fuck off Sans.” Your words hiss out of you, your repressed feelings bubbling up to the surface and spilling over now that they were released. “I’m a fucking cop, I’m not some dipshit damsel falling into your yandere trope nonsense. This stalking shit? It’s done. Got it?”

“i waz jus’ playin kitten.”

“This isn’t a fucking game Sans!” Your words are full of cold fury and you grib his wrists tighter above him. “I have spent too much time chasing after asshole stalkers terrorizing poor girls. Those girls? Their lives are fucking horror shows. They don’t know how to end the problem, but I do Sans. You better believe I do.” You two stare at each other for awhile. You could smell Sans’ anger rolling off of him, intermixed with a little bit of fear, and his magic sparked against your skin. 

Y ou can feel a small pressure in the center of your chest, it was icy and uncomfortable. Big Cat growled within you.  Then almost within the same breath, it poofs and Sans’ eye lights return. The tension in the air dissipates.

“i believe ya kitten. it won’t happen again.” His acquiesce confused you. You narrow your eyes suspiciously at Sans, but his face is neutral and the magic that tingled against your skin was gone. You had expected a lot more of a fight.

“Ok, good.”

“i wasn’t tryin ta terrorize ya. jus gettin even fer da stand.” You step away and rub out the furrow between your brows, trying to push back the extra adrenaline running through you. 

“I get that you might have thought this was just a big prank. But it’s not. Stalking me on my patrol for the past two days and then showing up at my house isn’t funny Sans.” You gave him a long, hard look. He responded by giving you a patient smile. Like you were a toddler throwing a tantrum. 

He needed to leave, before you lost your temper for real with him. You walk over and hold the door open for him. He shuffles out, the both of you muttering polite goodbyes and you slam the door after him. 

That was awkward as all hell, but hopefully he’d get the message and leave you alone from now on without you needing to resort to actual violence. 

__________

T he door slammed behind him and he could hear y a stomp away. He quickly shuffled his way around the corner of y e r building t a a safe spot f e r his shortcut. Pulling the magic around himself, he dropped through the void and then dropped down int a his bed. He kicked his shoes off and laid down facing the ceiling, trying t a get his soul under control. It hummed and sputtered against his ribs, not able  ta decide if he was angry, scared or something else. 

His mind went ta the memory of yer body flush up against his. He could still feel the strength in yer hands as ya held his wrists. Ya had been so warm again, a heat he still felt in his bones.  Yer breath had been in his face and yer eyes sparkled in anger and warning. It was so _hot_. 

“fuuuuuck!” He groaned and closed his sockets against the glow that erupted from within him. Stars he wished ya’d pinned him against that wall fer fun rather than that miserable attempt ta scare him off. Or better yet, he wished he had pinned ya against that wall. Ya’d win a physical battle of wills, but all he’d need was a little blue magic to keep ya still....

If this was how ya reacted ta him using his magic ta simply be wuth ya out in public, h ow angry were y a going t a get when y a found out what his brother had planned f e r y a ? His smile widened and he got himself more comfortable on the bed. He sure hoped he’d be there to see it. 

Ya were pretty sexy all riled up like ya were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh KC, you big ole bundle of mixed messages. Can you please tell me if you want to be flirty/fun or a moody violent type? I'd like to know so I could present you appropriately to all the readers.  
> She'll never tell, so we'll have to find out together peeps.
> 
> So, gather round my readers while I tell you the tale of my original meet of Sans and KC. KC gets the coupons from Muffet, gets awarded the patrol and decides that she wants take out once she gets home. She orders from a less than impressed Grillby, and Sans is the "cute" delivery boy. Everything lines up so far right? Well, KC is feeling flirty and fun and teases the shit out of Sans, who wants nothing to do with her or any humans. He attempts a flirt, but is quickly overpowered by KC's, so he leaves in a huff.  
> Only he gave her the wrong bag. So she texts him some funnies about how offensive the mustard slathered burger is and convinces him to come back to switch. And that's where I ended it. (I hadn't finished the scene.)  
> I wasn't able to use most of it because 1. The roles are reversed now. Sans is the more powerful flirt. 2. KC isn't feeling super comfortable right now. 3. Sans basically invites himself in so there is no need for the texting back and forth.  
> That's ok though! I really really love how everything is turning out! But if you wanted to read how I had the original scene, I am posting it on my Tumblr. https://kertneyk.tumblr.com/ (YES! I am finally using my tumblr to post my non-canon stuff like I originally made it for lol)  
> Maybe someday I'll tell you all the tale of what KC was originally supposed to be. I got through chapter four before I changed her into a Were-leopard. 
> 
> Ok, so I do have a somewhat serious question for you readers. Is KC too much of a MC to be a good reader-insert? Like should I just give her a name and be done with it? She already has a gender, so I've already done wrong to many readers. And she has a past that isn't going to be very relatable to many of you. Also... she's pretty violent. I don't know anyone who is actually that violent. So... maybe ya'll could give me your thoughts on this? That'd be cool. 
> 
> Alrighty, I'm done with my rambles now. It's safe to come out again. 
> 
> I'm still a little comment ho, so you know, tip-type me a message if you want ;) 
> 
> Thanks again for all the love and support peeps! I wouldn't be able to continue doing this without you <3


	10. Moving Things Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uninvited guests on a Friday night? SURE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So........  
> This is an early update. Won't be around this weekend, and I got it done early. So you lovely people get to read it early! Downside to that is now you will have an extended wait before the next chapter.  
> Sucks to be you! :P  
> Not gonna lie, I'm pretty pumped for this chapter! You'll see why. 
> 
> Now onto more important things...  
> HOLY HECK!!! 2000 HITS! 200 KUDOS!!! SO MANY WONDERFUL COMMENTS!!!  
> ~You're the heckin best~  
> Seriously though, words can't describe how elated I am! So I'll just smash the keyboard for a little while  
> SJHADFJBAR8GHQEJBAIDJSAOIHFSDGJALS;KDJVKLSDH
> 
> There, that feels better.

It had been a week since you’d thrown Sans against the wall and yelled at him for being a creep. Surprisingly you hadn’t seen him once. You hadn’t really expected the lesson to stick, but you were glad that it had. Sans did text you a few times. The guy was a big fan of knock knock jokes, you found. There was at least one from him a day.  Conversations was otherwise kept clean and not even a little flirty... well that was a lie, but you didn’t mind. Some of the lines were pretty funny. 

GTP lowered the sheer volume of his text messages, limiting it to only a half dozen or so. The midterm that they studied for last week with you marked the turning point in the academy lessons. Lessons were now harder and focused more on the psychology behind police tactics. Things you were sure were much more difficult to grasp for the monsters, since a lot of it was steeped in cultural knowledge as well. 

When you two did text, it was either about food or him trying to contain his excitement about moving in with Jack and Josh. GTP asked you all sorts of questions about your bros, like their favorite types of movies if they’d be opposed to going out and trying different activities, what their favorite foods were,  etc . It was entertaining to say the least. He was moving in on Sunday, and you’d already taken the day off to  help with the move , and since you were on day patrol you would be home by 5 tomorrow so you were planning on heading over to your bros’ house and helping them clean and set up.

You were really looking forward to it. With everything that had been going on, it had been awhile since it was just you and the twins. Even Jo s h’s less than valued girlfriend Stacey was going to be absent. Just you three, some drinks, a deck of cards and a couple of movies. Maybe a video game or two if you wanted to be a little rowdier. 

It sounded so tame, you felt like you were in your 40’s instead of your 20’s. 

You stret ch ed and shifted the laptop to an uncooked portion of your thighs. You were laying on the couch, propped up against the arm, taking a demo of an online training course about first aid for monsters. Chief forwarded you the link to the pre-released course since you were one of three human officers that dealt with monsters on the day to day. It was a little rough, but very informative. You had a couple of notebooks out, one for your own notes for information retention, and the other was your personal critiques and questions about it. The only stipulation the producing company made in order to gain access to the course. 

You were just repeating a particularly large block of information when there was a knock on your door. 

Odd.

Your brothers just texted you saying they were out with Undyne, and you had never been friendly enough with your neighbors for them to come knocking. Everyone else would have needed to be buzzed in. You put your notes and laptop on the coffee table and quickly pull on the jeans you’d thrown off and dropped on the floor. Luckily, you hadn’t removed your bra yet. You lived alone, don’t judge. Now presentable for whatever stranger was at your door, you concentrated on listening to whoever stood beyond it. Typically, you tuned out your sensitive hearing once you entered the confines of your apartment. Another reason you didn’t get very close to your neighbors; it was hard not to hear the intimate details of their private lives when you were at home. 

“...Me Do The Talking Sans. You Have Not Been As Socially Astute As I Have Been?” GTP? This was the quietest you’d ever heard him talk. But socially astute? That was pretty funny. He definitely should have required a buzz in though. And it wasn’t like he’d be visiting anyone else in your building that would let him in. 

You pulled the door open and leaned yourself against the door frame, arms crossed. Your eyebrows rose in surprise as you too k the skeleton monsters in. 

They had bags. 

They had boxes. 

Sans had two separate duffle bags slung across his back and carried a small stack of brown moving boxes in his arms. GTP was similarly though much more thoroughly laden. Four duffles and a sizable box tucked under his arm against his bony hip. There was also a pile of boxes resting in the hall against the wall. 

“Evening boys? What ya got there?” You uncross one arm to point at the various items in front of you. “Moving day isn’t until Sunday and I’m pretty sure the plan was to meet at your place.” 

“AH... WELL.. YOU SEE... UM..” So much for all that social astuteness. You tried to remain patient while GTP gathered his thoughts, but it was difficult. This was odd. You didn’t like odd. “HERE!” GTP gave up on talking and shoved a rather heavily embossed and fancy looking large envelope into your hands. You blink at the name across at the corner. 

His Majesty Asgore Dreemurr

Monster Relations and Royal Embassy

You look up and frow ned at GTP, who shifts his box onto his other hip and avoids eye contact with you. You hadn’t known him long, but this was his tell. GTP always made eye contact with you unless he was too embarrassed or nervous to do so. And whatever this was,  it  was making him very nervous. You shifted your gaze to the silent Sans. Sweaty and fidgety but he didn’t smell nervous,  just looked tired. You wished his magic was lower so you could read his aura better and find out what he was feeling. His scent wasn’t finite enough to pinpoint his more intricate emotions. 

“I know you aren’t a cop yet, but a major part of the uniform is a universal hatred of paperwork. You’d be better off telling me what’s going on.” They both hemmed and hawed, not saying anyting as you looked at them, the envelope heavy in your hands. “NOW!” You barked impatiently. 

“yer gettin’ me as a roomie kitten. boss here don’t wanna leave me by my lonesome so he’d enrolled me in da same program. yer boss ‘n our king got talkin ‘n picked ya.”

A feather could have knocked you over.  You could hear the computer start up noises inside your skull. 

“Nope!!!” You slammed the door on their faces and made your way to the kitchen table. GTP immediately started knocking again, but you hear Sans quiet him down. You turn your attention to the envelope and open it. Several packets of paperwork lie within it. One set you recognize, having seen an identical set when your brothers applied to the Foster a Monster Program. Another was an amended leasing agreement, information packets followed. Finally you get to a very nice handwritten letter attached to a very cold looking legal one. You skimmed the letter, only grabbing at the main points. 

_...sincerely appreciate you r continued efforts towards human and monster relations... _

_...a fine example of human hospitality... _

_...came highly recommended as an ideal candidate for the program... _

_...Perhaps irregular, your enrollment should be seen as an opportunity to advance your career... _

_...Sans Serif is a valued member of my highest circle, it is our hope that this placement will be highly beneficial to all parties... _

_...I personally owe him and his brother Papyrus a great many favors... _

_...due to the nature of your enrollment, the stipend has been increased... _

_...my contact information if anything were to occur... _

_...will be in touch... _

_...Cordially invited to my family home... _

_ Ever So Sincerely, Your New Friend _

_ Asgore Dreemurr _

You’d been conscripted.

Shock and confusion wiped you clean of all other emotions. It didn’t make sense. Why? Why you? You’d never filled out the paperwork, so it wasn’t like your name was on file. You kept a pretty low profile, sure you got in a couple of fights now and again, but nothing news worthy.  You had a lot at stake to make sure you never became famous. So your name definitely should have never crossed the lips of a politician. Especially not one of the monster king’s stature. And Sans said your boss had been apart of this? You go back to the livingroom and grab your phone, someone was going to give you some answers. 

The phone ringed several times, but just as you were about to hang up and try again, Chief answered. 

“Hello y/n. I was expecting your call.” Your stomach tightened and you could feel your face twitch. 

“Yeah? That’s funny because I wasn’t expecting anything.” You hear rustling and the sounds of fabric on leather. He must have just gotten home and sunk into the large leather sofa you’d admired the few times you’d gone to his house. 

“You read through the legal work?”

“Not yet. Skimmed through a political pile of sugar shit though. What’s this about?”

“In a nutshell? Monster king wants you to babysit one of his top people.” He said it in a way that implied a large _or else_ at the end of it. 

“I don’t want a roommate.” You said stupidly. 

“The guy I talked to did not care.” 

“What if I refuse? They can’t make me live with someone can they?”

“No, but you can kiss your patrol goodbye. If monsters got word that you were picked by their king to house one of their own, and you turned him down...” Chief didn’t need to finish that sentence. You weren’t making a lot of connections there yet, but you were confident that time would change that. 

“Shiiiit.”

“Mhm.” The way he said that, you knew that this wasn’t the end. You pull the legal letter out and try to make out some of the jargon. 

Financial responsibility, leasing agreements, compensation details... so far nothing about refusal. 

“What else? And how were you involved in all this?” He let out a long held breath.

“Middle front page.” Sneaky shits, you had been looking at the end. All consequence stuff usually is written at the end. You read through a couple of paragraphs until a choice phrase catches your eye: _career forfeiture._

“THEY’D TAKE MY FUCKING BADGE?!?!”

“They _could._ ” If your outburst was unexpected, he hid it well. “More likely they’d reassign you. Off the patrols, never make detective. Put you in record keeping or a lab.” You hear him move and could imagine him pacing like he did during big cases. “That’s where I come in. You sign those papers, I’ll no longer be your only boss. Working out some of the details still, but you’d also answer to head of security at the Embassy.”

“So either I play monster ball... or I get pulled from the streets and buried under so much paperwork that my badge might as well be an ornament?” 

“Exactly.” You could feel your heart pounding so hard it was threatening to come right out of your chest. “So now you’re all caught up, I have a question for you Y/N.” He paused for effect. “Who set you up like this?”

“The guy moving in with me said that you and the king talked and that you picked me for this scenerio.” You put your head on the table and laid the phone next to you. Big Cat could tell you were upset, but didn’t really understand why. So she paced inside your soul, bristling and tense. 

“No. We met yesterday afternoon, but he already had most of everything arranged. The legalese, the position, the extra funding; all of it. All the king needed to talk to be about was how the dual responsibilites would work out and he wanted a professional opinion about your work ethic.”

“Advice?”

“You don’t need it. It’d be stupid to surrender this opportunity and give up your career. You can deal with a roommate for six months.” 

“I could quit, join the military. They’d probably make better use of my skillset.”

“They know your name y/n. Like it or not, you’re owned now. You can either let yourself be buried in paperwork for the rest of your life or go back home. But I wouldn’t recommend retreating with this much powerful attention on you.” Yeah, no way you could take the chance that these people would follow you to your family. It wasn’t just your secret that might be exposed in the crossfire. “Any ideas on who made this all possible?”

“Yes actually. I think I do.” The letter basically said so, and like you said... GTP had a tell. The betrayal you felt at the thought surprised you. You hadn’t exactly trusted the guy enough to name your first child or anything, but you didn’t expect him to go behind your back like this. Not when you told him repeatedly you were not interested in living with someone. “Hey Chief, I’m taking tomorrow off. I’m going to need it.”

“Don-” Click. You hung up on him and turned the volume off. Now that you had all your major facts, your emotion started to build. Anger, hot and bubbling flowed through you, turning your blood thin. Trapped. You were trapped. Bad enough your career was being held hostage over you, but this _opportunity_ was just another word for trouble. Worse than that though, the boys in the hall _knew_ about this. The type of paperwork needed to rope you into this shit would have taken awhile, so they’d known for at least a week, if not two. 

You’d thought you were making friends, turns out they were just milking a sucker. 

You make your way to your door and open it wide. GTP  was sitting on top of the pile of boxes, whereas Sans  was sitting on the ground facing you. Your phonecall took about a half hour,  and  normally you’d feel bad about making a guest wait that long in the hall, but tonight? Fuck em.  You level a bored look at Sans, sliding your rage under the surface. You’d let all that out later, no need to let them see how upset you  were . 

“You talked to the leasing office?” 

“ya-”

“They give you a key or just the door code?”

“jus’ da code.”

“K, I have an extra. We’ll have to get one made.” You walk to the pile of boxes that GTP evacuated once the door was opened. You made a point of ignoring him, and you grabbed the largest box. 

“HUMAN, YOU ARE TOO WEAK FOR-” he stopped talking when you easily lift it, set it on top of another and then bring both inside. You bring the boxes to the largest of the spare bedrooms and drop them uncermoniously on the floor. You kept the room sparsely furnished with only a dresser and a bed, so you didn’t know where he’d be putting all his stuff. But it wasn’t really your problem. Sans and GTP follow and drop their bags.

“You conveniently already got the tour. I don’t use the main bath very often, so it’s yours. This room is yours and I won’t go into it after this point. My room is off limits. Don’t care if there is a fire and I am knocked unconscious from the smoke on my bed; I’d rather you left me to burn than allow you to go in. Don’t break my stuff, tell me if you are going to have guests over, food and bills will need to be spilt, other than that, keep your hands to yourself.” You leave the room, grab the spare key off it’s ring holder and hand it to Sans, who followed you. You then turn around and go to your bedroom, locking it and changing your clothes. Tight and stretchy pants, sports bra, mid-drift tee, zip up hoodie. You pull your hair into a tight french braid and pull on a pair of leather fingerless gloves. 

Big Cat and you wanted to play, but hunting wasn’t gonna cut it tonight. 

Dressed and ready to go, you leave the room to find GTP and Sans standing awkwardly in your, no  _the_ living room. 

“ya goin somewhere kitten?”

“Not really any of your business, but yes.”

“don’t ya think we should talk a bit?”

“Ok, sure. Let’s talk.” You walk over and pull out a kitchen chair, sitting down on it backwards. 

“HUMAN, I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A BIT OF A SURPRISE FOR YOU.”

“HA!” You throw your head back and laugh at him. “Buddy, _surprised_ isn’t even in the top ten of things I’m feeling right now.”

“IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK OF THEM-”

“No, I’d really rather not. In fact, it’s best if I don’t. But I do have a few questions if you’d like to indulge me?” 

“OF COURSE! CARRY ON.”

“Great. Good. Awesome. How fucking long were you assholes planning this shit for? And how fucking stupid do you think I am that I’d believe that my fucking boss set this shit up?”

“THERE WAS NO INTENT TO LAY DOUBT ON YOUR INTELLIGENCE.”

“So Sans, you lied for what reason?”

“...”

“Yeah, sounds about right.” You look back to GTP. “Answer the other question _Papyrus._ ” 

“Since That Saturday After You Drove Us Home.” He was much quieter when he was sheepish, his blank eye sockets met yours though. So at least he was willing to face this head on. You admired that. Or you would have if you had emotional room for it.

“So let me get this straight. I show up to your class, kick some butt, meet you in a bar and give you a ride home and all of a sudden I’m required to babysit your brother?”

“hey now!” Sans tries to interject but you shoot him a hard glare. 

“Sans sweetie, Mommy and Daddy are having a grown up talk now.” 

“Required Is A Strong Word.”

“True. Blackmailed, forced, railroaded, coerced, manipulated. Those are much better ones.”

“No One Is Blackmailing You.”

“What else do you call it when you threaten my fucking job?!?” 

“THERE WAS NO THREAT UPON YOUR EMPLOYMENT!” GTP was no longer trying to keep his voice quiet. You ears did not thank him for the switch in volume. 

“The fuck there wasn’t! In fact, my entire fucking career is practically destroyed because of this shit!” 

“HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE DESTROYED? I’VE PUT YOU INTO CONTACT WITH OUR KING! IF ANYTHING THIS WILL HELP YOUR CAREER.”

“Oh, how lucky for me then. I should be thanking you, oh wait. Did you ever fucking think to _ask_ me if this is what I wanted?”

“THERE WAS NO NEED, ONLY A FOOL WOULD TURN DOWN SUCH AN OPPORTUNITY.”

“Call me a fool then, cause I would have rejected the fuck out this! This is nothing that I wanted!!! Obviously, you big wig monsters don’t give a shit, but my end goal in this career is dectective work and undercover cases. Kind of hard to work undercover when my face will be known across the city as a fucking police liaison between monsters and humans!” Thinking about it made fear spike with your anger. It was dangerous enough being in the city. There were times you couldn't control your shift. What if this position increased public notice on you? What if someone wanted to follow you when you left for the mountains? 

“I-I DIDN’T KNOW YOU FELT THAT WAY.”

“Of course not, that would have required you to ask.”

“kitten, boss was jus tryin ta look out fer me.”

“Well he should have done it himself then. I told you asshats twice I wasn’t interested in having a roommate.”

“BUT YOU ALSO INDICATED THAT YOU WERE UNDER A FINANCIAL BURDEN.”

“If I want to bury myself in debt that is my fucking decision to make. It wasn’t yours.”

“BUT-”

“No buts!! You did a bad thing. This was a dick move and you acted like a bad friend.” You get up with enough force that the chair knocks over. GTP looks like you struck him. You had to get away. You wanted to fight, you specifically wanted to fight _him._ You stalk to your shoes in a fit and shove them on. 

“where ya goin kitkat? it’s ah, kinda late aint it?” Really it was only about 10. On a Friday night in the city? This was nothing.

“Out. Unless you boys need me to provide a hallpass, I should be allowed to do that still.”

“NOW YOU ARE JUST BEING PETULANT ABOUT THIS!”

“I’m sorry I’m not jumping for joy at having the control over my own life ripped out from under me. Afterall, it’s only living with your brother. The one who grabbed my ass and stalked me for multiple days. Or, you know, lose my _job_.  How am I being petulant?!?!” Even without eyelights or pupils of any kind, GTP rolls his sockets at you in exasperation. 

“YOU ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE OF HANDLING MY IDIOT BROTHER! AND I HAVE DONE YOU A HUGE FAVOR BY SUBMITTING YOUR NAME TO THE KING! YOU ARE ESSENTIALLY BEING PROMOTED!”

“Why are you not understanding that I DID NOT WANT IT?” You screech back at him. You were entering blind rage at this point, fists clenched so hard the muscles in your arms were cramping. And you could feel the pinpricks of hot tears in your eyes. You needed to leave. Fuck even fighting someone, Big Cat wanted to run. You felt so trapped and you wanted to push away your human problems for awhile. 

“WHY WOULD YOU NOT WANT A PROMOTION? MORE POWER IN YOUR CAREER MEANS MORE ABILITY TO PROTECT YOUR FAMILY!” GTP shouted this even louder than normal at you, his confusion making him angry as well. Something clicked in your head, and you forced yourself to take a few breaths. 

Why was he confused? Deep breath in. Deep breath out. 

What did your job have to do with protecting your family? Rinse and repeat. 

Slowly, your mind started remembering tidbits of filed information. You’d heard it was a shitshow in the Underground. Rumors circulated about a kill or be killed, mad max style of living that had made it even to your ears. And the monsters you’d met... they were all pretty strong. And they liked to posture, and had shows of dominance. 

It was starting to make sense. 

“Is that why you became a captain? So you could protect Sans?” Your anger still boiled, but you kept your voice even. 

“...MONSTERS RESPECTED THOSE IN THE GUARD. THE HIGHER MY RANK THE LESS TROUBLE WOULD BE STARTED. FOR ME AND SANS BOTH.” Sans shifted awkwardly, not liking the conversation. You couldn’t blame him, your brothers would have the same look if they learned the reason you’d gone into law enforcement was so you could watch over them. 

“So you honest to God thought this was helping me?”

“AND I WAS PLACING MY BROTHER WITH SOMEONE HARDY ENOUGH TO HANDLE HIM. YOU HAVE MY RESPECT AS A WARRIOR AND A COLLEAGUE.” High praise. Your magic still sparked against you though, an anger built not easily extinguished. Big Cat fought against the idea of a permanent addition to her territory. 

“It was still really shitty of you to not talk to me about it. This isn’t ok. We’re not ok.” He nods and crosses his arms, thinking. 

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE INFRERIOR WORKINGS OF YOUR HUMAN MINDS YET, BUT PERHAPS YOU FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE WOUNDED YOUR HONOR?”

“I see what you are doing, and it’s not going to work.”

“BUT I BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT A WOUNDED HONOR COULD ONLY BE RELIEVED THROUGH COMBAT, OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES. I SUGGEST WE DUEL.” Oh you wanted to duel. You shook from the effort of maintaining some semblance of calm. But you couldn’t fight GTP. You had no idea what effects his magic would have on you, and with Big Cat spitting mad and territiorial, this wasn’t the time to find out. You pinch the bridge of your nose, hoping the action would distract the observant monsters from your clenched fists and twitching muscles. 

“Yes, fine. Let’s do that. You wanna fuck up my life like this, then let’s duel it out.”

“THEN I SAY WE-”

“Nooooope! You decided enough things for awhile. _I’ll_ decide on what type of duel we’ll have. Tomorrow night, you and me.” His confusion showed on his face. 

“WHY NOT TONIGHT?”

“Because, I’m going out. And if I have to fight you right now I’m aiming for those delicate knee caps and I won’t be satisfied until you have a few more cracks on that pretty face of yours.” With narrowed eyes, you shove Sans out of your way, daring them to make a move to stop you. Sans says something, but you ignored it. Once out your front door, you gift yourself the satisfaction of allowing it to slam. You may have also flipped the brothers off. Just a little. 

Y our phone was against your ear before the sound of the door slam even reached you. 

“Hello?” Claire’s voice crackled over the speaker. Oh thank God. The universe wasn’t completely fucking you over tonight. 

“Heya Claire-bear. Wanna wrassle?” You could hear her partner, Tiff, in the background and the sound of sheets moving. Oops, you hadn’t meant to interrupt anything. 

“Moon, _yes!_ This has been a rough month.” You huffed darkly as you walked to the street.

“Good. It’s been a shit night. Regular spot?”

“Yeah, be there in twenty.” You hung up and gave one last middle finger towards your apartment door before setting yourself in a nice warm-up jog. 

______SANS____

“that coulda gone better.” Sans muttered ta his brother, just before said brother seemed ta crumple onta yer couch. Sans joined him, taking the spot he’d occupied the last time. This would probably be his spot now. 

“I DIDN’T EXPECT HER TO REACT SO VEHEMENTLY. SHE ADMITTED HER FINANCIAL STRUGGLES, AND THE PROMOTION CANNOT BE TRULY UNWANTED!” 

“maybe she really don’t want all da extra work?”

“SHE IS NOT LAZY LIKE YOU SANS!” No arguing with that, Sans noted the notebooks filled with scribbles and the laptop paused on what looked like a rudimentary course on monsters. 

“i don’t know boss.” Sans’ soul sputtered guiltily. He hadn’t meant ta piss ya off that much with the pranks the other day. Certainly not enough fer ya to scream at his bro like ya did. “maybe she jus hates me more than we thought?”

“ALTHOUGH IT IS USUALLY SAFE TO ASSUME THAT THE CAUSE OF THE ISSUE LIES WITH YOUR WORTHLESS PILE OF BONES, SHE SEEMED PARTICULARILY ANGRY AT ME!” Boss wrung his gloved hands. He was actually upset about this. Sans’ grin slipped a little. 

“why’d ya pick her anyhow boss? gimme da real answer.”

“CAUSE SHE... WELL, SHE FEEELS MORE LIKE A MONSTER TO ME THAN A HUMAN?” Hands were wrung harder, and then thrown above his head in exasperation. “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT SANS!” 

“heh. think i know whatcha mean. she doesn’t even smell human.”

“YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER EYES AFTER HER CONFRONTATION AT THE ACADEMY!”

“think i can imagine. she ah, threw me against da wall here and growled at me.” Sans couldn’t help the little pool of magic on his face at the memory. 

“SANS!”

“it was pretty hot ta be honest.” Sans scratched at his gold fang, not meeting his brother’s sockets. 

“WHY MUST YOU RUIN EVERYTHING?! THIS IS NOT SOME SORT OF DESPERATE ATTEMPT AT FLINGING YOU TOGETHER SO YOU WILL BECOME ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED! ONLY SOME IDIOT HIGHER POWER WOULD MAKE USE OF SUCH A FLIMSY PLOT DEVICE!” 

“sorry boss.”

“NO MATTER SANS. I SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING TO YOU FOR EXPECTING YOU TO BEHAVE WITH ANY SORT OF DIGNITY. BUT DO TRY TO REMAIN FOCUSED WHILE I ATTEMPT TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE THIS HAS CAUSED IN OUR RELATIONSHIP!”

“ya worried ‘bout da duel?”

“HARDLY. DESPITE WHAT WE DISCUSSED EARLIER, SHE IS BUT A SMALL AND FRAIL HUMAN. THOUGH SHE DESERVES SOME MERIT WHEN IT COMES TO HER PROWESS AGAINST OTHER FEEBLE HUMANS, SHE WILL NOT STAND A CHANCE AGAINST MY MIGHT! ONCE SHE HAS LOST, SHE WILL BE REQUIRED TO ADMIT HER FAULT IN JUDGEMENT AND APOLOGIZE FOR HER LACK OF APPRECIATION OF MY GIFT! NYEH HEH HEH!”

Boss sat around fer a few more moments, but had pumped himself back up enough that he was ready to do something productive. He shot up off the couch and headed towards Sans’ room. 

“where ya goin?”

“TO START UNPACKING YOU NUMBSKULL!” Sans groaned, though soft enough that Paps couldn’t hear him. The last thing he really wanted ta do was mess around unpacking all his stuff. But he knew his bro, and if this is what it took ta make him feel better, than Sans wasn’t gonna stop him. And he needed something ta do anyway. Sans was determined to wait up fer ya so the two a ya could have a little chat. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no!  
> GTP and KC are fighting?  
> There is going to be a duel?!?!  
> I've introduced ANOTHER character?!?!  
> AND this chapter was short compared to some of the other recent ones.  
> What am I doing to you poor readers??  
> But hey! Sans is moved in. That's cool. KC is just pulling in all those promotions, even better. Not for her, but I'm sure she'll come around.  
> Now time for my bitching. Cause ya'll haven't whined about it yet? Do you enjoy me talking about my writing struggles?  
> It took FOREVER to get into GTP's head about this whole thing. Why is he picking on KC? Does he really not care what she thinks? Why would he think any of this is a good thing?  
> I figured it out, I'm in his head now. We have performed the fusion dance and have achieved Super Saiyan Four. Nothing will stop us now. Mwah-heh-heh. (or is it Nyeh-ha-ha?)  
> Oh and it took me ages to decide how I wanted this to go. I had a super angsty version written out. I had PLANNED on a super light-hearted version that had no career ties or blackmail. (I had a cliche bitchy secretary at the office get revenge on KC by making her join the program. But that character got cut cause I aint got time for her dumb butt, and her only purpose was to make KC's office time terrible. But KC doesn't work in the office much anymore so it was a spare character.) Her and Sans were both upset about the arrangement but were likewise stuck in it. GTP had little to no involvement in it and everything was all coincidence. It was going to be funny, and light-hearted.   
> I apologize if this knowledge makes you yearn for what could have been.   
> But I have ReAsOnS!!!
> 
> POLL TIME!!!! (a nice way to trick ya'll into commenting)  
> You wanna see another fight? See some wrassling with Claire?  
> Or you want to skip straight to the d-d-d-d-d-d-duel? (WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME TODAY?? Send help!)
> 
> Lemme know!  
> Byeeeeeeeeeeeee!


	11. Fists of Furry... I mean Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You work off some extra energy with a friend and then have a bunch of conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ominous music plays against a dark black backdrop. A small light flickers on and you are face to face with a very angry GTP*  
> READERS OF THIS STORY I HEAR THAT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A CHOICE OF WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS CHAPTER AND HAVE ALL CHOSEN... WELL YOU HAVE CHOSEN YOUR CERTAIN DOOM AS I HAVE COMPLIED A LIST OF ALL WHO DARES TO OFFEND THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS. I WILL LIST YOU OFF NOW SO AS TO GIVE YOU TIME TO MAKE YOUR FINAL ARRANGEMENTS AS I AM A GENEROUS REAPER OF DOOM!  
> TEA_CUP- YOUR NAME BETRAYS YOUR FRAGILITY, BUT I WILL NOT BE GOING EASY UPON YOU!  
> CHANSISEN- I DO NOT KNOW WHAT STARDEW VALLEY IS, BUT IT SOUNDS BORING. YOUR PUNISHMENT WILL BE BANISHMENT THERE.  
> LAVENDERPETALS- A TRULY SOFT NAME! I WOULD FEAR FOR MY KNEECAPS BUT I DO NOT FEAR FLOWERS UNLESS THEY TALK! YOU, HOWEVER, SHOULD BE VERY AFRAID!  
> BOOKWYRM- LIKE A MIGHTY DRAGON, FINALLY A NAME TO FEAR! I WILL SEE YOU IN COMBAT!  
> STAINEDVIOLET- ARE YOU STAINED A PURPLE COLOR OR ARE YOU A FLOWER THAT HAS BEEN DIED? YOUR NAME, AS WELL AS YOUR COMMENT IS CONFUSING. I DO NOT KNOW WHO THIS BIG CAT IS, BUT----  
> *record scratches and music stops*
> 
> Dammit GTP! I thought I fixed that stupid wall!  
> NO WALL CAN CONTAIN THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS!  
> Get your coccyx back in that story or so help me I will write you out!  
> YOU DO NOT SCARE ME! I AM A BELOVED CHARACTER IN THIS TALE!  
> Not right now you aren't! Move it mister!  
> YOU CANNOT FORCE ME TO DO ANYTHING!  
> To hell I can't! I am your GOD! And I have this *presents spray bottle filled with melted bacon grease*  
> YOU WOULD NOT DARE!  
> I would!!!  
> F-F-FINE!! THIS IS NOT OVER READERS, I WILL HAVE MY VENGENCE FOR YOUR IMPERTIENCE! 
> 
> Phew! Sorry about that my lovelies! Don't mind him, he's just bored cause he isn't in this chapter. And ever since we came out of our fusion, he's been bugging me out here in my writer's box.  
> So... anyway... here's the next chapter. It got too long, so I split it in two. Expect the next part either tomorrow or Monday! 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Mild-Mid Violence. Mentions of bone breaking and blood.

  
  


You take off your hoodie, weighed down with your wallet keys and phone, and hang it up on the door hook of the factory basement. You had a slight sheen of sweat on your body from your jog, and you eagerly walked to the middle of the room where Claire waited for you. Her magic crackled against her skin and you could smell her beast. The stench of bear overpowering the smells of dust mold and the stale oder of your old sweat.

The 5' 10" behemoth of a woman was ready for you, and you didn't bother wasting your energy on a greeting. You sprinted the last couple dozen feet and launch yourself up to a knee jab to her face. It connects, her speed no match for yours and she staggers back from the blow. You land, then drop, sweeping your legs and toppling her. She lands hard, but her crushed nose is already healed and the wrist she landed on is not phased. Quicker than her great bulk would trick you into thinking, she recovers and is in your face. Large meaty fists fly at you, but you dodge. Ducking under her fist, you put all your strength into your own aimed at her abdomen. It connects and she bends. You follow it up with a kick to the side of her head which sends her sprawling away from you. You hear the crack of her neck and knew you broke something, though she recovers in an instant and is back at you before you could chase her down. She launches herself at you, taking you by the middle and throwing you both to the ground. You slam your elbow down into the middle of her shoulders, her head protected by your own body. The hit does little other than make you feel better. The second you land, you are twisting. You two switch positions a few times but it is ended when you break her hold and disengage.

You were quicker than she was, but her hold was harder to break. If she pinned you, you were done for.

You two face off again, and you go in for a heel kick. Instead of aiming for thigh like you did in your previous fight, you aim for the knee. It crumbles beneath you and she lands before you. You do a heel kick to her chest and she is flung backwards. Her body barely touches the ground before she is back up and charging you. This time one of her punches lands, the flesh of your cheek is punctured and you realize that her claws are out.

Well shit. Big Cat chuffs at you and rolls her shoulders in your soul. She likes the extra challenge and she has plenty of magic to heal you this evening.

________

You miscalculated. Claire blocked the kick you aimed at her face. Not only that, but she was fast enough to grab the leg as well. Grip firm, she spun on her heel. The force of your body being whipped around by the grip on your calf twisted the absolute shit out of your knee. When she let go, you were launched across the room. You managed to tuck your head and roll, but you couldn’t get your knee up in time and so it cracked as it hit the ground.

“FUUUUUCK!” Shit balls that hurt! You keep rolling so you are now propped up on the one good knee and your palms. Too slow, though. Claire had followed your tumbles and landed a heavy heel into your face.

You are thrown onto your back, your nose smashed and bleeding and you knew that your face was completely enveloped in a beautiful bruise. You attempt to sit up to stop the bleeding, but Claire is there, foot now resting on your chest, pinning you down. Blood and sweat flow freely from you, and your breath comes out in fast pants as your lungs try to regain the lost oxygen and compensate for the immense pressure on your chest. She growls loudly above you, demanding your submission as she steps harder onto you. You give one final attempt to dislodge her, but it is half-hearted. Exhaustion was settling in and it looked as though she won this time.

Claire had fought hard, and had suffered a great many injuries at your expense. Including a cracked shoulder she was slowly healing from now, a multitude of broken ribs and an equally broken nose to match yours. You two had been sparring for well over an hour, and neither of you had held anything back. You let your arms fall to the side and relax your body, lifting your chin up and exposing as much neck as possible. That last kick had used up the last of your reserves and it had been far too slow. Claire was too close to her shift and you were outmatched fair and square. Big Cat wasn’t even mad you lost, though she was too tired to really have much of an opinion about anything right then.

Claire’s beast accepts your submission and the fire fades from her eyes. Her foot is removed and the ground shakes next to you as she lands heavily on her rear. Her sweat is flung from her and some of it lands on you.

“Finally had enough huh? You’re getting slow Cat.” You pull yourself up, finally allowed to wipe the blood from your face. The break already mended. Your knee though was going to take awhile.

You’d been lucky she was in a pretty sane mood right now. There were times you two went at it and you’d had to retreat. The power difference between a Were-bear and a Were-leopard too much even for your plucky ass.

“Not my fault you are practically all magic now. Goddamn it took forever before you stopped insta-healing!” She flinched at your use of the word _God._ Claire was pretty religious, worshipping the moon and all the Were superstitions that went with it. She took offense when you mentioned other deities.

“It’s been a rough month.” She said simply. That’s all that was needed though. You felt a stab of guilt, you weren’t being a very good friend to her. She depended on you to help her remove her excess magic since she didn’t trust herself enough to shift as often as she needed.

“Why didn’t you call?” You reprimanded softly. “You know Big Cat is always up for a fight.” She shrugged her big shoulder, wincing when she remembered it was still healing. You stretched out your banged up leg. Your face was pretty smashed up, but your magic decided that the leg took priority and you could already feel the tendons and cartilage reforming. Magic was smart.

“Want to talk about why your night was so terrible?” She asked, deflecting. You’d have to text Tiff and get the deets later, you knew Claire wouldn’t be telling you anything else about herself this evening.

“Ugh, where do I even start?” Claire doesn’t prompt you, merely waits for you to find your words. The silence filled only with the sounds of your panted breathing. If you needed her help with prompting, you weren’t going to get it. So you begin and tell your tale, including everything. She listens patiently, only interrupting if you got sidetracked or if she had a pressing question.

“So now I’m stuck with a roommate who has grabbed my ass and somehow managed to follow me around for two days without me ever catching him.” You finish after what seems to be an eternity later.

“Disconcerting.”

“Fuck yeah it was! It was like being ambushed constantly for two days. Then he shows yo at my house like it’s all a fucking joke!”

“Perhaps to him it was? Kittens practice hunting by play stalking. This is not a foreign concept to you.”

“Don’t even say the word kitten. He _loves_ calling me that.”

“You are positive he does not know?”

“Mostly? Another reason I don’t want to live with the guy. Monsters can apparently smell the magic on me and Sans has pointed out that when Big Cat is close, my body temp soars. So he’s paying attention to details.” She grunts in answer, thinking about everything that you had said.

“And you are positive this Papyrus guy is a good guy? He does not sound like it.”

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah. Papyrus is good. He’s actually really adorable. Sent me texts all week making sure I was eating and just being a little dweeb.”

“But he’s blackmailing you into taking on a very large responsibility and strong arming you into a covenant with this Sans fellow.”

“True, total dick move. But he has zero comprehension that what he did was wrong so...”

“Another troubling aspect. And you are unsure of how to continue forth?”

“Yeah... don’t want to beat him up if he doesn’t know what he did wrong. But the lack of empathy is startling. Blackmail is bad isn’t exactly a difficult concept.”

“Sounds like you need to start with that. And maybe he’s just being overprotective? Cubs are easier to protect when grouped together.”

“So, what? He’s putting me and Sans together so if shit goes down he only has to protect one den?”

“You are the one who insists on adopting every straggler you meet. You tell me. If you were in a new place after you’d been fighting for survival for years, wouldn’t you want to keep your people together?”

“......yes..... But I’d also make sure I was still there! GTP is moving _away_ from his brother. I wouldn’t leave Jack and Josh’s sides!”

“Everybody needs space to grow.”

“They just gained an entire city, they don’t need the extra space.” You grumble.

“Maybe they don’t like who they are together? You mentioned that Papyrus says terrible things about his brother.”

“He does. And you should have seen how cocky Sans was after he got that nice cream. Their relationship for sure needs some work.”

“It seems as though you have your answer.”

“I’m not a fucking therapist! They can take their family counseling problems elsewhere!”

“Then have cubs and stop adopting people and adding them to your found family!”

“That’s _not_ what happened. These are regular friends.”

“You spent the last hour agonizing over how to carry on because you are afraid that you will go too far. If they were just friends, you’d have wiped your hands of them and walked away; damn the consequences. But no. You are a possessive little cat that doesn’t want to lose her new litter.”

“Fuck you, that’s not true.”

“Really? Then how would you have reacted if I set this up instead of Papyrus?” You think for a moment.

“I’d let you explain yourself, but I’d still be pissed.”

“Ok, now imagine it was Melanie.” Your top lip curled over your teeth in a vicious snarl. You’d kill Melanie if she pulled something like this on you. Claire chuckles at your honest reaction. “See. Blood kin means nothing to you, you’re ready to tear out your sister’s throat at the mere idea of her doing this to you.”

“That’s not fair. Melanie is a bitch and I am simply waiting for an excuse to kill her and be done with it.”

“I do not know the history of you and your sister, but most people would find that odd. Most Weres would find that odd. You’re giving this Papyrus a chance to think on what he did, but you’d go straight for the kill on your own blood kin. You’d even give me a chance to explain myself and the only reason I’m not feral is because you and Tiff refuse to let the moon take me.” The lack of hope in Claire’s voice worried you and sobered your petty problems quickly.

Weres hardly ever got sick, and could live very _very_ long lives. And as long as they had enough magic in them to heal or force a shift, they were practically immortal. But living with the soul of an animal attached to yours warped your mind after awhile. Instincts took over and swept away your humanity, give a Were long enough on this planet and the beast soul always took over, making you go Feral. It was the Were version of cancer.

Claire... she was close. She hardly shifted anymore due to the fear of not being able to return. But she still needed to dispense her built up magic and appease her other half. Enter you: someone who could dish it out as well as take it and would heal from almost anything. You two entered into your current arrangement. You met at least once a month and fought until either of you couldn’t move. Sometimes you were victorious, other times like tonight, Claire was champion. Either way, it was nice to wail on someone you weren’t worried about dieing on you.

“Hey, if it were up to me I’d let you go already. But Tiff.... Girl lives with a half-feral bear. She’s nuts and I ain’t fucking with her!”

“A smart decision I am surprised can be attributed to you.” She laughs at her own joke. It was true though. Tiff was fearless in a way you didn’t think you could be. Claire could stub her toe and get mad enough to shift and kill her and there would be nothing Tiff could do.

“So what are you going to do? Will you really fight him?”

“Yeah, probably. Even _if_ and that’s a big if. He did it with good intentions, he really pissed me off.”

“Even if he does not understand the problem?”

“Like you said, I have to fix that first. He’ll never make it past the psyche evals thinking as he does now.”

“How do you plan on enlightening him on an entire culture’s problem in one day?”

“Hell if I know! You’re literally my oldest friend, any advice?” You say literally beacuse Claire was at least 120 years old though she looked to be in her late 30s.

“Stop swearing so much and get a mate.” She quibbed. After some thought she continued. “Seriously, though, I am unsure.”

“Some help you are.” You tuck your feet under you and stand up. Then reach down and pull her up. A difficult feat as she was twice your general size and you were sapped of your extra strength.

“All done for the evening?”

“Yeah, it’s late and you are not offering any helpful advice.”

“Sorry to disappoint.” You take a page out of Undyne’s book and clap her on the back.

“Nah, you helped me in the most important part. Thanks for kicking my ass.”

“Any time little cat. I will call if I require the favor to be returned."

  
  


_______________________________________________

Your hand hovered above the doorknob. This was weird. You entering your apartment now felt momentous, like the start of something very different. Sans wasn’t a friend or the brother of a friend... he was a roommate now. Were you going to be hostile about it? Pouty?

You could be rude and petty and just make him hate every moment of it. Was that what you wanted? You leaned your forehead against the door and stood there in thought.

No.  You wouldn’t force yourself to be happy, or cheerful; and you would for sure not hold your tongue back. But petty for petty’s sake sounded exhausting.  You were just tired and hungry.  It should be a moot point, you’d eat something and go to bed and deal with it all in the late morning. If he was still there, you actually had no idea what kind of schedule he kept.

You force yourself to push the door open. The TV was on, volume down low and tuned to some late night game show. Recorded laughter and the dim light of the screen casting long shadows over the sleeping skeleton slumped over  the arm rest of your couch. Under the noise of the TV you could hear his soft and stifled snores. Well, this was inconvenient. You desperately needed to replace some of the calories you burnt this evening, so you were going to be busy in the kitchen. That was of course going to wake him up. Why couldn’t he have just slept in his room? You pull the hood over your head tighter. You could still feel the tenderness of your face, so you were pretty sure the bruises were still there. 

You made it to the kitchen undected, and turned on the light. Technically you didn’t need it, but whatever. You grab a small pot and fill it with water. You set it on the stove and then  kick the step stool near the counter. You use it to  hop on  top ,  too lazy to do without it right now. You let your eyes close while waiting for  the water to boil.  A couple minutes later, Sans turns off the TV and shuffles in, arms over his head in a large yawn. 

“whut time iz it?”

“About 3:30.” You say mildly, letting your legs swing a little and lightly tap against the lower cabinets. Your palms are down on the counter, ready to push you up and off if needed.

“whut ya makin?” He opens the fridge and digs around for something, eventually pulling out a bottle of mustard. He must have brought some with him.

“Oatmeal.” You take a quick peak at him as he starts sipping at the bottle. “So that’s a real thing you do? Drink mustard? It wasn’t some prank you were pulling at the park?”

“yah, it’s good.” He leans against the counter opposite of you, and you tense your hands. You didn’t have the energy to be actively upset anymore. But the dull ache of the memory of it still coursed through you. He catches a look at your face and the stains on your tee and he drops his mustard. “kitten! whut happened?!” Inexplicably your hood is thrown over your head, you see a red glow in your peripheral vision and a slight red glow in Sans’ hand. He rushes to stand directly in front of you, and he puts his bony hand on your chin. Twisting your face this way and that to get a good look at what you assume is some beautiful bruising. Least the bones were healed. He steps between your legs and onto the stool to get a closer look. 

He lets loose a long whistle as he looks at you. You let him, too tired to fend him off for the moment when you could tell his intentions were pure. 

And... you were kind of proud of them. It wasn’t often that your bruises lasted long enough to get noticed by other people. It was a testament to how hard you fought that your magic was so low. 

“damn kitten, who messed yer face up like dis?” His bones on your chin were gentle, but the hand positioned on your thigh squeezed in agitation and you could see the tightness of his grin that his words belied. 

“Can you use magic to move stuff?” You asked, honestly curious and avoiding his own question.

“oh.. yeah. i can do dat, as well as some odder stuff.” You hmm in answer. He moved his hand so it was now cupping your cheek. Immediately, you start pulling your head back, but his claws sink it to keep you there. “i’m gonna try ta heal ya, stay still.” His other hand comes up to cup the other side of your face and both his hands start glowing a soft green.

You knew if you could see your face, you’d laugh. Here was the bane of your existence for the past two weeks in between your legs, holding your face and giving you soft, concerned eyes in what was probably the most intimate position you’d been in in a very long time. You probably would have laughed anyway if the healing wasn’t incredibly uncomfortable. It was hot against your skin and felt as though he was pressing into the bruises as hard as he could. Your body protested the abuse.

“shhh. i'm not da best at dis, so it hurts a bit. boss iz da one who’s good at dis stuff.” His sockets were half-lidden in concentration and his words were strained. Sweat beaded off his skull and it looked like he was in the middle of a work out. After a little bit, the magice fades and he drops his hands, letting them rest on your thighs. He wobbles a little on his feet, so you allow him to stay for the moment. You replace his hands with your own as you push and prod your cheeks and nose. It still stung a little, but you could tell most of the swelling and bruising was gone. If he’d let you eat your oatmeal and let you go to bed, it would have healed on its own, but you couldn’t tell him that.

“Heh, thanks. That feels a lot better.” He blushes and looks down at his hands on your legs as though just realizing where he actually was. You were about to push him away now that he appeared to be recovering, but he seemed to be simply marveling at the difference between your bodies. His claws very slightly divetted into your flesh and he watched as it bounced back through the fabric.

“Having fun?” You ask, amused yourself. He nods, pressing again.

“yer so soft ‘n springy.”

“You really know how to make a girl feel pretty Sans.” You remark dryly. You place your hand on his forehead and gently push him back. There is a moment where you think he is going to fightyou one it, where his claws seemed to sink in a little, but he goes and lets you drop down from the counter. You go and add the oatmeal to the now boiling water and gather your additions.

“ya never answered da question sweetheart.”

“Oh, we’ve moved on from kitten huh?”

“don’t deflect.” Sans grumbles as he picks up his mustard.

“I really don’t owe you an answer.”

“i healed yer dumb ass, answer da question.” He growls. You level him a stern look, but then roll your eyes and cross your arms.

“New beauty regiment.” He growled at you. “An angel kissed it.” He crossed his arms to match yours. “Alright fine, I fought for my godlord’s favor against a minotaur and won only by distracting it while slamming my face into a rock. I bled first and was declared the winner.” He palms his face, his bones scrunched up in frustration.

“kitten... whut really happened?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t exactly feel like telling you. And it isn’t information you have any right to. I don’t owe you shit, Sans. Healing me doesn’t entitle you to anything.” Oatmeal cooked, you dump it into a large bowl. You the take out your brown sugar, honey and the butter out of the fridge. Sans glowers at you as you go about your business. Too bad. Oatmeal now covered in enough garbage that it was no longer healthy, you pass Sans and head to the couch, where you sink into a little heap on your favorite spot. Sans eventually follows, settling himself at the other end of the couch. You flip the TV back on, wanting to dull the silence between you two. The first bite of your oatmeal is bliss. The salt from the butter and the sweet from the brown sugar on top of the molten goop in the bowl was exactly what you needed. And the brown sugar and butter was magic, so you got the bonus little fizzle as you ate.

“dat good?”

“Mmmm. So, so good. I’d offer you some, but the oatmeal isn’t magic.”

“heh, yer madder den hell at me, ‘n ya’d still offer some’a yer food?”

“Yup. That’s me for you. I like feeding people. And good food shouldn’t know any boundaries.” You take another large mouthfull and do a dragon breath to let the excess heat escape without burning your gums. “Sho, sho good.” He takes a long drink of his mustard, watching you eat.

“so...”

“Yeah?”

“ya can’t fight my bro.”

“The fuck I can’t! Don’t let my levelheaded and calm demeanor fool you, I am _pissed.”_

“i get it. ya don’t want me here. but jus’ tell me what i gotta do ta make it right wit’cha.”

“You could move back out?” Sans shook his head glumly, and you take another bite in return. Yeah, you didn’t think so. “Ok, then. At least tell me that you get what the big deal is?”

“boss shouldn’ta gone after yer job like dat ‘n he shoulda talked ta ya ‘bout all dis. he’s got yer cornered ‘n took away all yer ability ta choose.”

“Phew! I was worried it was going to be a whole monster thing!”

“well... it kinda is. boss, he ah, he’s gotta thick skull. heh. but he really does think he’s doin ya a favor.”

“Oh yeah? Totally feeling so blessed right now.” You say sarcastically around a mouthful of oatmeal.

“it won’t be so bad, us livin tagether.”

“Seriously, we’re not even friends Sans; and I didn’t enter into this arrangement willingly.”

“well let’s change dat. how do we become pals?”

“You could stop trying to sleep with me for starters.”

“but we’d have such a good time if ya’d let us, kitkat.”

“It’s not happening.” He sighs and rubs the back of his skull.

“i know dat. ya made it clear ya don’t like me like dat.”

“Ok, I get that flirting it your thing. I won’t make you stop. You give out bad puns and pick up lines and I cringe at them, that’s our thing. But you keep your grubby little claws to yourself. No grabbing ass or trying to cop a feel ok?”

“i can do dat.” He looks at your sheepishly, maybe a little eager. “so ya’ll sign da papers den?” You finish off your oatmeal and put the bowl on the coffee table.

“Not like I have much of a choice. My boss said that it’d be stupid to throw my career out the window just to save myself from living with someone for six months. And I tend to agree with him. If this doesn’t work out here, I’ll just have to find somewhere else to stay until this blows over.” You contemplate making more food, but bed sounded so much better.

“where would ya go?”

“I don’t know. I did just win my godlord’s favor, so maybe I’d shack with them.”

“in other words, none ‘a my business.”

“Bingo.” A few minutes pass in silence, and you feel your eyelids start drooping.

“ya still can’t fight my bro.”

“Ok, let’s pretend you have any say in what I can and can’t do. You mind telling me why?”

“yer da first human he likes, if he were ta hurt ya, it’d break him.”

“That’s sweet. But I really don’t think we need to worry about that.”

“look at yer face! ya can’t come in drippin in blood ‘n black ‘n blue ‘n tell me i don’t gotta worry ‘bout it.”

“This? This is nothing. I heal fast, by the time I wake up later it’ll be all patched up. Especially after you healed me.”

“dat-dat isn’t da point! da fact ya even look like dat means ya couldn’t handle someone like boss. can’t even take on odder wimpy humans!” You laugh, you couldn’t help it. He was so serious about this, and the idea that someone would call Claire wimpy just killed you. “Fuck! why ya laughin like an idiot fer? i'm tryin ta tell ya sometin important!”

“Sorry, can’t help it.” You say between giggles. Sleep depravation making you giggly. “Just you thinking I’m afraid of getting hurt is hilarious.”

“ya should be! we haven’t had a chance ta tell ya ‘bout da Underground, but boss was a big deal down dere, he could kill ya.”

“You realize I’m a cop right? Like you get what the job is? Some asshole with a gun could get me at any time. I already got the big life insurances policies in place and everything, just in case.”

“dis is different. ya don’t need to fight my bro.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But this isn’t a fight to the death anyhow.”

“it could be dou. he’ll haveta take out yer soul, ‘n one wrong move ya could be done. humans ‘re so fuckin fragile.” You blink at Sans, confused. Both by his words and the amount of worry in his voice. Your nose tickled as his fear filled the air.

“Buddy, it’ll be fine. GTP isn’t going to kill me, he just spent the last two weeks trying to get me to babysit you. And as mad as I am with him, I’m not going to kill him either. This is just going to be two friends lovingly displaying our anger at eachother through our fists.” You tell Sans soothingly. Or at least you think it is soothing. You’d be soothed. “But hey, if you are really against this whole thing, I’m not unreasonable. Tell your bro to come give me a sincere apology and we can put this all behind us.”

“he-he won’t. boss don’t believe he did anytin wrong.”

“Of course he doesn’t. He’s kinda got this whole might equals right thing going on.”

“dat’s how it works! da strongest monsters make da rules.” You wanted to ask Sans if that was the case, why did he call GTP boss; but you just barely managed to stop in time. You cover up your mistake with a huge yawn. Sans doesn’t seem to notice.

“Well, then after the duel you’ll need to start calling me boss then.” You wink at him as you get up. You’ll wash the bowl tomorrow.

“ya still don’t fuckin get it! yer jus’ a weak lil’ human ‘n yer gonna get yerself hurt! i'm not gonna let ya fight!” Sans is standing in front of you, hands clenched. Two things ran through your mind as you looked at the little guy in front of you.

One, Sans was a really protective guy. And it was obvious he wasn’t _really_ talking about you.

Two, Sans had absolutely no idea who the fuck he was bossing around.

“Alright, this is the last time you are going to tell me what the fuck you are going to _let me_ do. I don’t take to orders well, and you are already walking a thin fucking line. You have _no idea_ what I’m capable of; and the only reason I still hang around you after the shit you pulled last week is because I _know_ you can’t hurt me. Whatever you think you can do? I’ll walk it off. I’m not scared of you forcing yourself on me, cause I know I can fight you. I’m not scared of you stalking me, cause I’ll find you and end you. And I’m sure as hell not scared of your brother, cause if it comes down to a fight, a real fight, I’m confident I’ll win. He’s got loads more experience killing monsters than I do, but GTP will fight fair. And honor isn’t something I value over my life.”

You put a hand on his forehead and none too gently shove him to the side. He scratches at your arm, but you are too quick. He is a growly, pissy mess on the floor and you ignore the explatives he called at you as you walked past.

“hey! we’re not done talkin!”

“Whatever you’re going to say, you can fucking choke on it! I’m going to bed!” You keep your door from slamming, but only just. And it for sure wasn’t for his benefit, but you didn’t want to deal with a noise complaint on top of all this. In the safety of your room, you let yourself just breathe for a few minutes.

You’d be fine. You were always fine. But even after that surge of passion with Sans, your anger fizzled away back into the dull ache in your chest. You rubbed at it. Of course the motion did nothing to sooth the hurt... Oh. Huh.

You were hurt. You knew next to nothing about these monsters and yet you let them hurt you. No wonder you were so mad; you’d been stupid and now you were being punished for it. You should have seen the signs, Sans acting like he was entitled to your time, GTP asking you multiple times if you wanted a roommate, their overall interest in you... you beat yourself up as you laid down. And was Claire right? Did you go around adopting everyone you ran into, was that why this hurt so bad? You were prepared to make them family and then they betrayed your trust like this?

It was your fault for putting on these expectations of privacy and trust. Stupid. Dumb. Naive. You’d been so loney lately, you’d jumped at the chance of new friends without being cautious. You let the fact that they were monsters and therefore exciting tempt you into foolishness.

You groan and slam your head into the pillow to ward away the negative thoughts. It was impossible for you to know any of this ahead of time. You knew this, but you were punishing yourself anyway.

Guess you really were dumb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kitkat. I also get sad when I get too tired and am too stressed out from life.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who voted in the poll this week!!! I really appreciated all the comments! (I say appreciate, but I mean I adored and loved each and every one of them!!!!!!) So confession time, when I wrote "Do you want to see a fight? Some wrasslin with Claire? That was one option.   
>  That was my midwestern speech habit showing through where I excitedly ask you two questions that are connected into one. And when you readers kept saying 2 fights for the price of 1 I was like "oh, you want the duel AND the sparring." It took my stupid-head awhile before I realized you thought there was 3 choices. By then, it was too late. So I tried to make it work, You get the sparring with Claire, a bit of an argument with Sans and later there will be the duel with GTP!  
> I apologize if chapter 10 really enraged some of you fine folks, but the twisted part of me enjoyed that... Writers are cruel beings I suppose. 
> 
> Hope the sparring with Claire satisfied ya'lls bloodlust for a little while. Even if it was just a little taste. Duel with GTP is still on, but it is two chapters away. Tomorrow (or Monday if I am too slow on the edits) we will see how KC plans on teaching GTP and Sans some respect. 
> 
> This chapter went a lot more conversation heavy than I intended. I didn't think KC was really the type to talk things out like she is, but I guess when you get your butt beat by a half-feral Were-bear you are entitled to be a little chatty.  
> Speaking of Were-bear, wasn't Claire awesome? She's so wise and strong. And she totally calls KC out, which is nice.  
> Not gonna lie, I thought you guys were going to be all "hey! I bet Claire is a Were-bear cause KC called her Claire-bear and she said Moon, and omg your writing it totally obvious Kertney!!!" But I guess I distracted you well enough with GTP's antics to keep those types of comments at bay! Yay me.  
> And damn, I had to sneak in a little, tiny bit of fluff in there. Sorry!!!! It was for sanity reasons. That and it was a total Sans move. Of course he'd jump in and try to heal his kitten! Doesn't matter that it probably felt like she was being magicked by an iron lol.  
> K, I'll shut up now and go back to writing the next part of this update!


	12. Value in Volunteering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take your bone boys out to be contributing members of society. Hopefully they learns some valuable lessons along the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll it's your girl! Kertney!  
> Got part two of that update for you, just like I said I would!  
> I won't bog you fine folks down with a lengthy intro this time, so I'll see you at the bottom for my usual chitchat stuff.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Mentions of abuse and difficult situations.

You woke up three hours later feeling somewhat refreshed. You called GTP, a plan in your head, took a shower as you waited for him to arrive at your place, and then knocked on Sans’ door telling him he had fifteen minutes before you were all leaving.

You purposefully kept all the details vague.

Once GTP arrived, everyone loaded up into your car and the three of you made your way to one of your regular haunts. You park your car and you all step out and make your way to the front door. You stop them before you all enter the building.

“So these people aren’t here so they can teach you. They are living their lives and don’t owe you or anyone else anything. You’re both here to work and help them.” You hadn’t spoken much on the way over, but you had given them a few details of what they were to expect.

“BUT WHY?” Papyrus asks, still confused as to your intentions here with them today. When you told them they were being volunteered to do work for strangers, they hadn’t taken it well.

“Because you seem to be under the impression that I need or want your help. I don’t, but you boys are full of energy apparently. So I’m putting it to better use than the shit you’ve been pulling with me.”

“ah, no thanks kitten.”

“Hmm, don’t think I was asking Sans.” You turn and face them, blocking the door. “I didn’t want it to come to this, but since you two are so very fond of blackmail, I know you won’t mind. Either you both suck it up and get busy, or I’m failing Papyrus.” They both look at you shocked. You give them a stern expression. “Look, the way you’re going now Papyrus, there’s no way you’d pass the psyche evals anyway. I kind of figured it would be the hardest part for you, but you blew my expectations out of the water.”

“BUT-BUT-BUT, YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”

“Oh? You mean I can’t hold your career over your head to make you do something that I believe on my own will be helpful to you?”

“….”

“That’s what I thought. So suck it up buttercups! You’re in for a hard day.” You lead them into the women’s and children’s shelter. You’d called when you woke up from your quick nap and told the director you had a couple pairs of hands that weren’t afraid of a little hard work. Unsurprisingly, she was thrilled and told you to come on over whenever. Papyrus had been pleased enough that you were calling him again, though he was already gunning for your duel. When you told him he’d have to prove himself worthy first he was even more confused.

That was too bad. You weren’t going to waste your energy on someone who was incapable of empathy. You also wanted to get Undyne in on this but she had been indisposed, so you’d have to trust that she was more level headed about this sort of thing than her co-captain.

When you finally allow for the three of you to enter, the clerk at the front desk turned and stared. She actually looked like she was about to call the cops, until she recognized you. You… might have forgotten to mention that the handymen were monsters. Oops.

The shelter had once been a small elementary school and opened up to a nice enough lobby and check in desk, to the side was a large rec room with tables set up for board games, tvs and couches. Beyond that lay the gym, cafeteria and kitchens. Classrooms had been long converted into bedrooms or offices. It was a nice enough set up, though its years and limited budgeting showed.

The director came barreling out of her office towards you three. The woman was a tall, gangling thing that hunched harshly. She had straw textured hair and large thick glasses. She fidgeted a lot and had a constant nervous expression on her face. You could see both Sans and Papyrus writing her off. And honestly, when you first met her, you made the same mistake. But this was a woman with the fire of a higher purpose and you’d seen her perform miracles. So you kicked Papyrus in the side of his leg in warning. He looked down at you in question and you responded with a telling look of your own: fuck with her and you’re dead. Least you did before she enveloped you in a hug.

“Oh Y/N it’s SO good to see you again! I have a bunch of ladies here who would really do wonders if they could talk to you today. We are fortunate you came on a Saturday, the children will be pleased to see you too!” She gushed and you gruffed at her. Though you did return the hug somewhat. She was kind of ruining your badass image though. Her husband Dale, a sturdy older man of average height with kind eyes, soon followed her out. Though he knew better than to hug you. You liked him well enough, but he didn’t have the same soft spot for you that his wife did.

“That’s what I’m here for Mary.” You say when you break apart, then you offer your hand to Dale. “Mary, Dale this is Sans and his brother Papyrus. They are my gift to you Dale, I want you to work them to the _bone._ ” You hear Sans swallow a laugh.

“I UNDERSTAND YOU MAY HAVE NEED OF MY EXPERTISE.” Papyrus said as he took the shocked man’s hand.

“Hey, we discussed this. You can’t be that loud here. You’ll have to talk quietly.”

“WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO CHANGE MY SPEECH PATTERNS TO SUIT THESE PATHETIC HUMANS?”

“Because a lot of the people here have been through a lot of traumatic experiences, including a lot of verbal abuse. You might cause them a lot of harm.” He harrumphed at Mary’s gentle explanation, but it was decidedly softer than normal.

“Ok you two. Dale’s the boss. You’ll do whatever he says and if it comes back to me that you two are being less than perfect gentlemen then we will have problems. I’ll be sticking around helping elsewhere today, but I can be on you like white on rice if there are any issues. Lunch is in a few hours and we’ll take a break then. Be _good!_ ” Dale laughs openly at your goodbye and shuffles the grumpy skeletons through the front doors. Once they are gone, Mary giggles too.

“Oh Lord, you got your hands full don’t you y/n?”

“Yeah, don’t remind me. My friend says I adopted another set of hooligans.”

“They seem sweet.”

“Mary, you are honestly the only person on the planet that would look at those two and say they look sweet.” She waves aside your compliment as though it offended her, though you knew it did not. You two go back into her office and get settled for a quick catch-up.

“They were awkward and yet were relatively polite. And you wouldn’t bring them here if you weren’t certain they’d behave themselves.”

“Heh...actually… they have been real assholes and I _might_ be using your shelter as a means of educating them.” You fiddle with the sleeves of your jacket and bite at your bottom lip.

“What have they done?”

“Um, well, Sans kind of stalked me for a couple of days. And Papyrus is currently blackmailing me.”

“And you thought they would be suitable to come here?!!” You flinched at the venom in her tone. Mary was a hidden firecracker when she wanted to be.

“Well Sans hasn’t done it again since I called him out on it. And Papyrus doesn’t seem to think what he did was wrong. Like at all. I think part of the problem is that I’m… well… not to brag, but I’m too put together? Does that make sense?”

“You don’t think you’re vulnerable enough?” You shrug, not liking how it sounded coming from her, but not able to deny it.

“Yeah, I guess. I put up a real tough front, so maybe it is hard to sympathize with me?”

“Ignoring how troubling that self-assessment is, why are you bothering to educate someone who is blackmailing you? And are you in trouble?”

“Nah, he made me get a promotion at work and join that silly Foster a Monster program. He thinks he is doing me a huge favor. It didn’t occur to him that I’d think otherwise. He believes it is more of a gift than a contract?”

“So what’s the goal here?”

“One, to introduce them to people who could _use_ the help. Two, I don’t know. Papyrus is in the police academy. If he lacks empathy he’s not going to make it as a cop. They might force him through for the PR, but dealing with the victims is just as important as catching the bad guys.”

“The people here are not to be used for your afternoon special.”

“Course not! And if they are causing any trouble, then I send them off right away. But I don’t think they had these kinds of problems where they are from. And I’d rather they learned about them from this perspective than the other.” You waited for Mary to mull over your words. This was the loose idea that had spurred you out of bed this morning. If GTP passed the training and made it to the streets thinking that what he did was ok; and that what Sans did was fine simply because you were “hardy enough to handle his brother” then how would he have reacted to that case you got a couple of weeks ago with the guy and the cameras? How would he react to a worse situation? Would he believe in a policy of as long as violence wasn’t used, everything is fine? You sure hoped not, but it wouldn’t be an uncommon philosophy. Maybe this would all make more sense coming from someone who had a real struggle.

“Fine. I don’t like it and you better not make this a thing. And I’m not forcing any of the women to open up to them. If they are uncomfortable, the monsters have to leave.”

“That’s fair.”

“And… as long as they are handier than you with a hammer, Dale will be happy for their help.” You chuckle, the tension leaving you. “We have enough kitchen help today, so if you want to start lessons first you can.” You nod and head out to the gym. This was how it usually went for you when you came here. You chitchatted with Mary and Dale for awhile, then either went to the kitchen to help there or you did inventory, or you started some self-defense classes.

You liked the self-defense classes here even better than the ones you taught at the academy. There you needed to teach above-board methods of restraining and deescalating situations. Here? Thumbs in eye sockets, palm to face, knees to groin, heel to knee cap, anything and everything to get you away and keep the assailant from following. You were training a little army of battered wife street thugs and you loved every minute of it.

Mary made the announcement and you got quite a crowd today. It’d been about three weeks since you’d last been here, a record for you; and the ladies missed you! And the older kids! You had a nice sized following of teens and preteens that hovered around you whenever you appeared. Little kids liked you too, but they usually got enough positive attention directed towards them. The teens, however, were used to people either looking at them with pity or suspicion. Admittedly, sometimes the suspicion was warranted. Some of these kids already had rap sheets and were playing truant often. But you weren’t there to make them feel like shit, in your book, the world did that enough as it was. Instead you made a point of showing them how to take care of themselves in a physical altercation and then you played basketball until lunch.

It was tradition. And it was nice playing with people that didn’t tower over you. When the bell rung, a leftover addition from the long ago school days, the kids groaned but obediently made their way to the cafeteria. Game or not, the kids here had a great appreciation for food. You place an order for your own food and then stretch out on the bleachers for a quick nap.

_____Sans POV_____

Sans trudged along behind his bro and da human Dale, hands in his pockets and his feet dragging. He knew ya’d been pissed at him last night, but he never expected ya to resort ta physical labor as yer punishment. But it was better than ya fighting boss. He shouldn’t have been so surprised about how mad ya got, he had been practically asking fer it by telling ya what ta do. But he couldn’t help it. Ya said ya were tough and he believed ya, honest. But dis was boss ya were going ta be fighting. Boss was co-captain of the royal guard fer a reason, and ya shouldn’t have cast aside his warning like dat. It still made him angry.

But sleep seemed ta have calmed ya down, and if all it took was fer him ta fix a few things ta make ya happy, he was willing ta do it.

Heck, maybe ya’d be so happy with him, ya’d let him close ta ya again. Yer thighs had been so soft-

“SANS! You Will Stop Your Daydreaming Right Now And Pay Attention!”

“o-oh, sorry boss.” Boss gave him a warning look, but turned back ta da human.

“You May Continue.”

“Sure, sure. We’re going to start by removing the old air conditioning unit. We’ll need to move it off to the side of the building so the disposal company can pick it up. Eventually we’ll call and have a new one to replace it, but the professionals will do that for us. But we’ll need to have the ductwork removed ahead of time, or they will require us to have them do it. And the shelter doesn’t have a budget for that.”

“wait, whut? i thought we’d jus’ be paintin some walls ‘r some shit.”

“I might be getting on in years, boy, but even I can handle a paint brush on my own. No, you strapping young men are getting the real work.”

“At Least You Are Correct In Assuming That We Require Tasks More Difficult Than Painting Walls And Other Things Of A Trivial Nature!” They walk around ta the end of da building where a large air conditioning unit was, the rusted out monstrosity was taller than Sans and looked to weigh hundreds of pounds.

“You Want Us To Remove This?”

“don’t ya’ll have fork lifts ‘r sometin dat can move dis shit fer ya?”

“Can’t get them back here with that brick wall we have going around the yard. First things first, we have to disconnect it from the building.” When neither of them made any move towards da beat up old thing, Dale gave them a savvy and appraising look. “Unless of course, you don’t think this is something you two can handle? I can have some of the teenage children come and help me instead.”

“NONSENSE! I Was Merely Trying To Determine The Best Means Of Transport! Out Of My Way Human, I Shall Show You The Strength Of The Great And Terrible Papyrus!”

It took ages, but finally the damned air conditioner was moved over the lowest part of the wall and laid in a jumbled heap where the other humans could get it. They had to take it some of it apart in order for the three of them to do it, but they were eventually victorious. Boss and Sans both thought that was the end of it, but Dale was quick to correct them.

“You two don’t think you’re done already do you? Y/N told me to work you until you drop and I intend to do just that! We have another couple of units we need to move still.”

“yer kiddin.”

“This Is Ridiculous! I Did Not Come Here To Delve Into Slave Labor For No Personal Benefit! You Will Direct Us Back To Our Companion At Once!”

“Y/N is busy doing other things. Best not to bother her right now. I didn’t think you two would quit after one measly unit.”

“The Great And Terrible Papyrus Does Not Quit! This Labor Is Simply Pointless! I See No Reason To Continue!”

“Hey, you want to back out of a challenge, that’s on you. Go find Y/N and tell her yourselves you couldn’t handle it.” A dark scowl crossed Boss’s face and Sans knew then that Dale had him all figured out. Ya must’ve talked ta da human and let him know how his bro’s mind worked. Sans sighed.

“come’on bro, ya don’t wanna piss off kitten anymore dan she already is. we can put a lil’ more backbone inta dis.”

“That’s the spirit! Y/N really talked you two up, so I’m expecting great things from you!”

“Let It Not Be Said That Our Companion Has A Poor Sense Of Judgment. I Suppose There Are Worse Things We Could Be Doing Than Exercise Such As This!”

By the time they finished moving the next air conditioning units, dey were beat. Dale’s hands had been smashed enough that Boss needed ta stop and heal him. And da only reason dey got da last unit over da wall was cause Sans had had enough and used his magic ta change its gravity. He’d should have been doing dat since da beginning, but boss had been adamant about not doing magic around da humans. It really proved how tired he was dat he eventually allowed it. As it was, they were all covered in sweat and dirt. And Boss’s pants were torn pretty bad from hitting a snag in da wall. Sans was hitting his limit and could have really used a nap. After staying up all night waiting fer ya and doing all dis shitty hauling, he was fading fast. Even Boss was tired and seemed more irritable than normal.

“I AM NOT MOVING ANOTHER OBJECT UNTIL WE SPEAK TO OUR COMPANION! I DEMAND THAT YOU CEASE WITH YOUR ENDLESS ORDERS, A MERE HUMAN SUCH AS YOURSELF IS TEMPTING MY IRE GIVING ME COMMANDS AS YOU ARE!” Dale was the patient type though and rolled with Boss’s temper.

“That’s fine. We can be done moving stuff for today. The rest of what we’re doing is easy.” Barely standing on his feet, Sans followed the two of ‘em back inside and down to a basement. Half of which was converted into a large workshop, with a large assortment of stand-up tools and pieces of wood strewn about. The other half had a large laundry section and contained the boilers, water tanks and major appliances. “So we need to remove the old ductwork. The company installing the new units will take care of adding the new stuff, but to avoid the heavy disposal costs, we gotta have this cleared out.”

“IF PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO DO THIS, THEN WHY ARE WE BEING FORCED TO? JUST PAY THE HUMAN WORKERS AND BE DONE WITH IT!”

“Ha! If only we could! Budget is tight enough as it is, and we keep getting more and more clients so we’re barely making ends meet as it is.”

“more clients mean more money don’t it?”

“Oh… uh, no. This isn’t a business. The shelter takes in people who can’t take care of themselves or need a place to get their feet back under them.”

“Why Would They Be Unable To Take Care Of Themselves? Why Are We Bothering To Help Them? If They Are Too Weak To Survive Then They Should Suffer Their Fate!”

“That’s not how it works here. Everyone needs help sometimes.”

“False!!”

“You’ve never needed an extra hand? Never?” Dale pointedly looks between the two of dem. “No one to help watch your back when you needed a break?”

“Fa-family Doesn’t Count! That Is What Brothers Do!”

“Well some of these people don’t have families, or it is their families that are causing them to leave. Sometimes we get kids that have run away from abusive parents; or we get wives fleeing from their husbands, kids in tow. Or.. well we get all sorts here. But Mary and I try to help ‘em as best we can.”

“Hmm. In The Underground, Places Like This Did Not Exist.”

“You didn’t have places set up to help one another?”

“It Would Have Been A Wasted Effort.” Dale huffs, seemingly angry at Boss’s answer. Sappy hearted human would have never lasted in da Underground. No point in helping someone weak out, dey woulda jus’ been killed by da next monster. Especially fer free. And why were ya helpin out here? Didn’t ya say ya had enough problems as it was?

“where’s kitten, anyway? why isn’t she helpin ya do dis shit?” Sans asks as dey start pullin down da large metal boxes from da ceiling. Sans stacked dem as Boss and Dale tore em down. Dale has ta take a break as he starts laughing hysterically from Sans’ question.

“Oh y/n is absolutely useless at this stuff! Girl can handle herself around almost anything, but put a hammer in her hand and she freezes!” He laughs some more, shaking his head and unscrewing some stubborn bolts. “That and the kids never leave her alone! The moment they find out she’s here, they swarm her.”

“She Enjoys Children?”

“More like they adore her. Especially the teenagers. She treats them like regular kids, and they eat it up. Caught more than one teenage boy giving her moon eyes.”

“so we’re doin all dis work ‘n she’s up dere playin with a bunch a kids?”

“If she’s done with her lessons, probably. They usually play basketball after that.”

“Lessons? What Kind Of Lessons?”

“Oh, she teaches self-defense. Says it makes her feel like she’s giving them a chance to not be helpless. Ladies really love it, and she teaches the kids too. My own daughter started taking more lessons after y/n introduced her to a good teacher in the area.”

“dat sounds like kitten.”

“Don’t suppose you boys would like to hear a couple of funny stories I know about our mutual friend, would you?”

“I Believe We Would Be Very Interested In Finding Out Exactly What Happens When She Gets A Hammer In Her Hands.” Sans grinned, and suddenly he found a new source of energy to keep him awake.

_________________

The front door bell echoed through the loudspeakers and you groaned. You heard shrieks of excitement coming from the lobby that could only indicate the arrival of your food. You heave yourself up from your confiscated desk and the sea of paperwork you had set up there. Once lunch was finished you were going to start the real work you did while here.

Just as you suspected, the children were swarming the poor monster delivery guy: another rabbit monster. Though this one was female and a beautiful tuxedo with the silkiest looking fur you'd ever seen. Actually, you recognized this one as the one Sans flirted with the other day. She was cooing over the children and they were both trying to grab at the bags or trying to pet the fur of the rabbit.

"Hey! You kiddos are supposed to be in line for your own lunch! Stop trying to steal mine." You call out, making your way through the hoard. This was why you never used the doorbell, all the children were accustomed to getting treats when it rang, courtesy of the mailman and the various delivery personnel. You made it to the monster and freed her from the grips of several stubborn toddlers. You handed them off to the older children and dismissed them all with various shoos and begones.

"Sorry about that. They get rather excited from visitors."

"Oh it's no problem! The little dears! I didn't expect human children to take to me so well!" She beamed at you.

"No offense, but you are probably the least scary monster I've seen. You and the other rabbits probably won't have too hard a time getting on with the younger crowd." She trills at that.

"Oh! I hope so! Children are so darling! Now that we are on the surface I can't wait to start having my own!"

"That will be nice. There aren't a ton of monster children that I've seen."

"You encounter a lot of monsters?"

"A little bit. You probably don't recognize me out of uniform, but I'm the officer that patrols your district."

"Oh....OH! That _is_ you isn't it? Hahahaha. How _cute_. Are all those children yours then?"

"God no! I'm volunteering today. This is a shelter for women and children fleeing bad situations."

"Oh." She says dumbly, but apparently not wanting further information. "I see that you ordered a Sans Special. Is he around here too?" You inwardly chuckle at the Sans Special. Good to know Sans was a special case and that all monsters didn't drown everything in sight with mustard.

"Yeah, I have him doing manual labor in the back."

"You have Sans working?" You laugh out loud at her absolute shock.

"I do. And I haven't heard any complaints so he must be doing an ok job."

"Well... If he's busy I don't want to bother him. But could you tell him Lola says hi and that she's waiting for that good time." And just like that you weren't hungry anymore.

"Sure." You sign the receipt and she gives you the bags and leaves, giving you a little wave. Laden with your prizes you make your way to the basement. You were pretty sure Mary mentioned some boiler work that needed seeing to.

Sure enough, there were the three guys. Sans was smooshed between the pipes wrenching away at something while GTP was lifting the heavy water heater for Dale to do... Something. You had no clue, but it all looked official and difficult. They were covered in dirt and monster sweat. Sans' coat had been discarded and GTP's pants would need some heavy repair work. You grin, they were totally distracted. You gently put the bags of food on the ground. You get GTP's attention and indicate for him to remain quiet and give him a wink. He smirks at you and nods. You would have surprised him too, but you didn't want him to drop anything on top of Dale. Silently you pad your way right behind Sans and clap your hands loudly.

"BOO!"

"ah fuck!!!" He jolts up and crashes his head on the pipe above him. “shitfuckdamnass!”

"SHIT!" Dale cries from under the tank. "Dammit girl you're gonna give this old man a heart attack."

You are bent over yourself cackling like the asshole you were.

"Oh my god! That was beautiful!"

"dat shit ain't funny!" Sans growls at you as he pulls himself out from the pipes, rubbing the top of his head.

"You're right. That wasn't funny. It was hilarious! You should have seen how far your stubby little legs jumped!" You wheezed in laughter a little more, but eventually catch your breath and wind down. You didn't miss how GTP snickered behind his hand at Sans' pain either.

"What are you doing down here Y/N besides tormenting my helpers?"

"I figured you hardworking men could use a break. Mary's got lunch getting on upstairs, so you'd better skedattle if you want to get anything good." That got him moving. Kids might be tiny, but they were bottomless food pits and if Dale wanted to eat, he had to hurry.

"Why didn't you say so darlin?! Those gremlins will have everything gone before I can get cleaned up in time!" You laugh, and move out of his way as he hurried to stand and move up the stairs. You go back to the door and grab the bags you set down, holding them up and giving them a shake.

"I bought us lunch. No magic monster food in the shelter. Come on." You lead them both back upstairs to the gym, stopping along the way to wash your hands. The three of you settle on one of the ends of the bleachers. You all sit on separate rows and use the railing as your backrests. You give them each their own bag. Sans' eye lights practically turn into stars and he is already excitedly digging into his bag. GTP scowls at you as he sees where the food is from.

"I Believe I Have Already Informed You That I Do Not Eat From Grillby's!"

"How does it feel to have your input completely disregarded?" You tell him cattily. When he doesn't respond with anything other than more glaring, you continue. "Oh just open it you big baby. A little grease won't hurt you, and if you've been working half as hard as I think you were, you could use the calorie replacement."

"Monsters Do Not Require Calories!"

"Well, whatever you all need. Just shut up and stuff your face with good food." He grumbles some more, but stops when he pulls out a salad and a to go container of soup.

"But Grillby's Doesn't Offer Salads?"

"Eh, Grillby likes to make money. I told him human customers like salads so he's looking at adding a few things to the take out menu. You're supposed to let him know what you think of the new items." You tell him nonchalantly, but really you and Grillby had discussed the menu at length last week. He had been interested in launching an online menu and expanding his delivery services, but when he compared his menu to others it was very limited.

"Hmm. That Is Very Considerate Of You."

"Yeah, I'm pretty much the best." You start digging into your own burger, while he spreads out a napkin on his lap and makes a table out of his legs.

"Thought ya'd be too mad ta feed us."

"Nah I'm not a mon....asshole." You correct yourself, though not fast enough.

"nice recovery kitten."

"Oops." They both give you a less than impressed expression. You shrug sheepishly. That had been a pretty common saying for you. "So, um, Sans." You begin, changing the subject of your foax paus. "The delivery girl was that pretty rabbit monster you were flirting with the other day." He jolts a bit, but recovers with a smug grin.

"ya jealous kitten? plenty a Sans ta go 'round."

"Considering how small you are, I doubt it." You snicker but quickly continue. "And no. Not jealous. Just wanted to let you know she left you a message."

"yah?"

"Yup, she's waiting for you to call her. You promised the girl a good time apparently." GTP groans, already turning red. "Also.... Just think I should warn you. She is baby crazy. She was drooling over the kids in the lobby."

"n jus like dat, ya've chased away all da fun i was gonna have."

"Ok, that brings up another house rule. You're a grown ass man and I don't mind if you bring a partner or two home. But if you are going to be bringing company over, you need to give me a chance to make myself scarce."

"'fraid ya'd be too tempted ta join?"

"Lord in heaven, help me with this boy.” You offer pray hands to the sky.” “No. I have sensitive hearing and don't want the mental scarring that would happen."

"CAN WE PLEASE STOP DISCUSSING THIS, I AM TRYING TO EAT!"

"Ha! Ok. You're such a prude Papyrus." You laugh lightly, but obligingly change the subject. "Dale is going to be napping after lunch. He's old and frail, so you boys are done with the heavy lifting for the day."

"thank stars! Dat guy put us through da ringer."

"Good. I told him you two would be able to handle it." Burger demolished you move onto your fries.

"ya didn't seem ta be helpin. bet ya were jus playin ‘round with em kids while we did all da work." Sans grumped at you. You chuckled at his misery.

"Awwww, were you big tough monsters put out by a little physical labor? Did you need me there to hold your hands?"

"Your Friend Dale Set A Rather Jarring Pace. There Was A Great Amount Of Items That Required Moving, As Well As A HVAC System That Necessitates Replacement."

"not ta mention da plumbin he had me fix."

"Poor babies. All tuckered out and it isn't even 2pm yet. You guys got a lot more hours to go before you're done."

"Why Are We Here? I Understand You Were Angry And Wanted To Punish Me, But Surely We Could Be Doing Something Of Worth?"

"Helping people is doing something of worth."

"These People Mean Nothing To Me, Why Should We Waste Our Efforts?"

"Because unlike me, these people actually want your help."

"Why Are We Going Over This Again? Just Because You Did Not Desire The Help, Does Not Mean It Should Not Be Given. I Would Not Ask You Before Picking You Up If You'd Fallen And Broken Your Ankle."

"No. But following your metaphor, what you did was see that I had weak ankles and forced me to get rid of all my stilettos and replace them with combat boots because there was a chance I could trip."

"Stilettos Are An Impractical Article of Clothing, You'd Be Doing Yourself A Favor By Discarding Them."

"Uuuuugh! You are so frustrating to talk to!"

"Not As Frustrating As Yourself. Sans And I Are Here Because You Are Forcing Us For No Other Reason Than To Punish Me For Your Imaginary Slight!"

"No, you roped people above me to abuse their power to get me to do something I had no interest in doing! And you are justifying your actions by saying that it is for my benefit."

"It Is For Your Benefit! And Everyone's."

"And we're looping again!" You let your head fall back in frustration, but let the conversation die for now.

You'd talk to him seriously after the next half of the day.

"So We Return After We Commence With Lunch?"

"Nah, real work starts in twenty."

"But You Said?"

"Mhm. You think I had you guys come down here so you could do untrained labor on a broiler?" You shake your head and tsk at them. "Oh ye of little faith. Did Dale tell you anything about what this place is?" They shrugged, if Dale said anything it apparently wasn’t enough. Not surprising. Dale liked to chatter about all sorts of things while working, but mostly about inane things like the biggest fish he ever caught or stories about his grandchildren. "This is a women's and children's shelter. People come here usually to escape abusive relationships when they have no where else to go."

"Abusive Relationships?"

"Yeah, like their husbands or partners beat them. Or verbally tore them down, or took away all their money, or forced them into doing sexual favors for other people, or were so controlling of their actions that the separated them from their friends and families, or....." You trailed off as you looked at the absolute horror that crossed the faces of the monsters. Sans had sat back up and looked at you like you'd grown a second head.

"They're Mates Have Done This To Them?"

"Yeah.... Monsters don't have issues like this? Like where one partner hits the other?"

"no way! Monsters mate with dere souls. Any pain felt is shared amongst da two a' em. N' no one wants dere mate ta be in pain."

"Really? What about emotional manipulation or verbal abuse?"

"nah. if ya do a soul bond, den ya feel everything. each partner is equal. dat's partially why dey were so rare."

"Huh. Well, humans don't mate with our souls. And some people enjoy hurting others. They enjoy making their partners feel powerless and weak and controlled. Some use the threat of violence against their children as blackmail. Some stalk their partners and keep them away from anyone that could possibly help them. It's not about love or helping or protecting. It's about control." You turn heavy eyes onto each of them individually and you are gratified that they seem to shift uncomfortably before you. "It is prevalent enough in human culture that almost every large city in this country has a shelter similar to this one, and many cities have multiple."

"dat sucks. humans suck."

"Everyone can suck. You monster boys ain't doing so hot at representing your race right now either." GTP huffs at you, you didn't know if he was still not getting it or if he was being prideful about being in the wrong. "Most everyone is good though. Sometimes we focus too much on the little bit of bad in something and forget that it is just a small portion of something wonderful. I love being in the city because I constantly get to see people being good." You finish your fries and start collecting your trash. GTP takes it from you and the three of you head down to your confiscated office. You have several tables set up with piles of blank forms and notebooks. You hand them a notebook each and a pen and have them sit down at an empty table.

"These are for notes and questions. Papyrus, these are forms that you'll need to get familiar with if you want to be a good cop. You get the basic run down in class, but there is a lot they don't teach you. Things that can really help victims."

Ya lead ‘em down ta a comfortable office near da front of da building. Ya got a couple a tables all set up and he and his bro were told ta sit down at one near da back of da room. There were stacks of paperwork, notebooks and a couple of camera set up on a table in da middle. Ya sat behind the most comfortable lookin desk and then called in da first lady.

Ya already knew her from what he could tell, and ya two talked ‘bout an old case or something. Ya looked at a folder of paperwork, got a little pissy about it though he didn’t understand why, and then pulled out a couple of forms and ya two resubmitted a bunch of paperwork.

It was tedious and took forever. And ya both ignored him and Paps. Once she finally left, ya turned ta dem.

“Sorry, she’s a follow up and almost at the end of her ordeal. Lawyer fucked up though and lost her initial reports. Luckily, I always make copies so I’ll have to send them to her when I get home. She should have called though! These cases take time!” Yer ranting was cut short by da next lady dat came in. A sweet tiny thing with the greenest soul of anyone he’d ever seen before. Big pretty eyes that twinkled when she turned ta look at ya.

Dis one was crying.

“Do you mind if my friends stay in here while we talk about this? Papyrus is going through the police academy with my brothers and I’m trying to teach him a little about what forms to use and how to be more efficient on the field.” She didn’t mind and started to go inta detail about why she was dere.

Da story made his soul wilt. Ya weren’t lying when ya said mates could really hurt each other were ya? Boss looked ready ta go and find da guy who did this ta her right then and dere. Ya comforted her as best ya could, but ya were professional. Taking out forms and showin her how ta fill dem out.

Restraining orders, what lawyers to contact for help with custody, whatever that was, ya took da camera and took pictures of old scars and made notes of what was said. Them ya requested da transcripts of the court cases she already had.

“You Mean You Have Already Reported These Actions To The Authorities And You Are Still Having Issues?” Ya gave dem a sad sigh, and da lady burst into another set of tears.

“GTP… our courts need a lot of evidence before we convict anyone of a crime. Domestic violence is one of the hardest things to prove, cause it turns into a he said, she said. That’s why I come here. Complete record taking is vital for these cases.”

“Why Are We Not Taught This At The Academy?”

“You are, a little. Just the barest amount. Most domestic cases don’t go anywhere, and the courts get bogged down with them real quick. So lots of officers just give the bare minimum of time with dealing with them.”

“That’s why you are such a god send! The ladies I’ve talked to have all sung your praises and told me that if you didn’t come in soon, that I should call you myself!”

“I’m nothing special. I just… get pissed off when I see things that are broken. I’m just teaching you guys how to do the work.” Boss was now showing a proper interest in what was going on, and went to sit next ta ya so he could watch what paperwork you were filling out and why.

The next few people continued ta make him sick.

Bad divorce, gruesome custody case (apparently that meant a fight over who got da kids) rape… dat one dey had ta sit out fer. There was a theme in a lot of da cases. Da guys were controlling, and liked ta hurt and hold power over da ladies dat came ta talk ta ya.

After every case ya looked more ‘n more tired. And Boss looked more ‘n more upset. If yer goal was ta teach Paps about how his actions were bad, ya succeeded. Especially after da custody case, where da husband had been usin da court system ta keep da lady stuck in da same area as him, so she could either escape him or leave her kids behind. Ya turned ta him with a potent gaze dat said it all. Using legal power to control someone was a dick move. Boss had ta leave da room fer a few minutes after dat. When he returned it was like nothing happened, but Sans could tell yer lesson was sinking it. Maybe not all da way like ya wanted, but it was a start.

Ya worked throughout da afternoon and eventually ya had yer last appointment. A taller, confident woman da spitting image of Dale walked in. Ya practically crumpled in relief at yer desk.

“Oh thank goodness! I didn’t think I could handle any more doom and gloom today!”

“Good to see you too y/n. It’s your own fault though for being away for so long.” Ya huffed, but got up and gave her a hug. Ya were so free with yer affections all da time.

“Didn’t think I was going to see you today.”

“Heard you had some interesting friends in tow, wanted to meet them.” She tilted her head at dem. Sans felt himself tense a little. Why was she interested in da two of dem? Ya shared some of da same suspicions.

“Mhm. This one is Sans, my new roommate. This one is Papyrus, he’s in my brothers’ class. Guys, this is Dawn; Mary and Dale’s daughter.”

“Greetings Human. Are You Our Last Appointment For The Day?”

“That’s me. Though I’m just here to gab a bit.” The two a ya sit down on top a da table, facing dem. Sans stretched his tired bones. He contemplated closing his sockets fer a couple a minutes, but Dawn seemed ta have something about her dat made him want ta pay attention.

“What’s new? How are the kids?”

“Kids are fine, adjusting to the new school. Where’s that handsome guy you were with last time I saw you?” Ya scoff and hold up yer left hand and show it off ta her. Did dat mean something?

“Long gone, jeez how long has it been since I’ve seen you? That was _months_ ago!”

“Oh no! What happened? He was so sweet!?”

“Ehhh, not as sweet as he seemed. But you had something you wanted to say?”

“How do you always know when I have something juicy for you?”

“Cause I haven’t seen you for months, but you decided to make a point of coming in today?” Ya tease, but yer voice was heavier than normal. She hmms and gives a pointed look at da two of dem. Ya shrug. Ya liked dat motion he noticed.

“Ok, well. I just wanted to tell you that Bailey’s husband was finally found.”

“Yeah, I know. It wasn’t my case, but rural cops directed it to our precinct and I heard about it in the office.”

“I see, well then you know that it was ruled an animal homicide?”

“Yup, dogs apparently.”

“We both know those bite marks were too wide for a dog’s.”

“They discussed mountain lion, considering the area he was found, but no tracks and the last lion sighting was over twenty years ago.” Yer voice was tight, calm. But Sans could see your soul beat a little quicker. Ya were _almost_ lying about something, but he couldn’t tell what.

“who ya ladies talkin ‘bout?” Dawn’s mouth pulls inta a smirk and Sans could tell he’d been baited. Yer shoulders slumped a little, but ya didn’t make any other movements. If he hadn’t been watchin ya, he wouldn’t have noticed.

“Bailey is a gal that came through here about a year ago. Has a daughter named Nina. Bailey’s husband was a real asshole, but completely untouchable by the courts. He came from old money, dad was a big shot and made all sorts of nasty friends. Anyway, Bailey runs to the cops one night when it got real bad. Y/N takes the case, and directs her to us. But nothing sticks. Absolutely nothing, and the asshole decides he doesn’t like the fact that the shelter is keeping Bailey away from him.” She takes one of da water bottles and gets a slow sip. Building the suspense. Sans fights the urge to roll his eye lights, but Boss is totally enraptured.

“So he sues, threatens to bankrupt our entire procedure. And the courts top it all off by giving him full custody of his daughter. All this despite the piles of evidence y/n gathered about the abuse, stalking, and controlling behaviors.”

“That was how I got started in all this. I was so lost on what I was doing, we’d have won that case if I knew what I did now.”

“You did absolutely everything you could have! You weren’t ever going to win cause it was rigged from the beginning!” Ya shake yer head, not believing her.

“And Then What Happened? Continue The Story!”

“Heh, well the day after the courts gave him custody and basically was ordering Bailey and Nina to go back to him, the guy completely disappears. Not a trace of him found at all.”

“Well, not for six months. Some hiker found the body a couple of months ago.”

“Mhm, the body was too decomposed to be sure, but the reports say he was half eaten by dogs. And Bailey swears the guy never hiked! He was even wearing the dress shoes he wore in court the day before. Such a strange coincidence.”

“Yeah, it was a really odd coincidence.” Yer eyes were steadfast and focused, nothing ‘bout ya betrayed a single thing, but yer soul gave a large quiver and Sans knew fer sure ya were lying.

Huh, his kitten had claws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
> ...  
> ...  
> You guys make it through all that ok? *checks for pitchforks and torches* Taadaa?  
> This was a lot longer of a chapter than I thought it was going to be, but hopefully you all enjoyed it. I had tossed around the idea of KC making GTP eat the greasiest foods imaginable and making him sing on stage at Grillbys as sort of a punishment challenge. He and KC were going to duel by making each other do horrible things and the first one to back away from the challenge was the victor!  
> Buuuuut, he didn't really ever learn his lesson that way. Like sure, I could have written "KC explained that his actions really hurt her and made her feel powerless and that the control she had over her life was taken" but I think this has a bigger impact. AND I always thought of KC as a volunteer type. She's frustrated that our court systems SUCK BALLS and she's determined to give these people the means of defending themselves. Legally and physically. Her justice soul is activated by her failed case and she is now on a mission to help where she can.
> 
> Alright, enough of that serious stuff! Let's dissect some fun stuff!  
> Oooooo, we got some MORE NEW CHARACTERS! They are pretty minor, but based off of people I know in my life that are so much better than me.  
> KC has some MAN DRAMA! I wonder if we'll ever get to see that story unfold? *shifty eyes*  
> And in case you missed it, KC may or may not have killed a guy?!?! Bad KC! Such a naughty kitty.  
> And let's talk about these bitchy boi skeletons! Jeepers Creepers guys, just shut up and move the stuff around and do some work. It won't kill you! Big babybones! 
> 
> I reeeeaaaaalllllly hope you guys liked how this turned out! This is a subject really near and dear to my heart as I have sisters who have gone through some terrible situations of this nature. So I know KC's frustrations at not being able to do anything. 
> 
> Ok, time for some of your regular scheduled bitching to go with my pleas for validation lol. My bestie made me rewrite this chapter! (Or at least a good portion of it) I sent her the original version and I asked if there was enough Sans and GTP and she was all like "no, make all this stuff in their pov instead of KC's!" So if you like the extra POV stuff, that's all her guys! She's the best and keeps me on track! 
> 
> Anyhoo, expect a duel next chapter and then maybe we could all chill with some fluff or something??? I'm ready for some nice fluff.  
> K, let me know what ya'll thought! I'm always checking my comment section, as you folks know by now :P


	13. If You Have An Ass, I'll Kick It!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and GTP take your frustrations out on each other. You yell at each other some more and then finally get to put up your dukes.  
> Time to show these monsters what you're made of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!!! Another successful weekend update for you all. :D Pretty excited about this one.  
> Though not as excited as I am over this FANART I GOT!!!!!  
> I am spoiled freaking rotten and I LOVE IT!  
> Check it out here: [Awesome KC](https://kertneyk.tumblr.com/post/642605111587274752/check-it-out)
> 
> Alright, I'll stop bragging. Cause guess what? It's here, the moment you have all been waiting for! KC's vengeance is upon you all.  
> Let's get right into it shall we?

“So... your magic, is it flashy?” GTP looks across the seat to you, surprised out of his silence.

“FLASHY?”

“Mhm, lots of lights? Like can you shoot lightning from your fingertips? Or large energy blasts? Can you do the kamehameha?” GTP looked at you like you were the dumbest person in the world and you could hear Sans snicker in his ‘sleep’ in the back of your car. After wrapping up with Dawn you had stopped by the grocery story and grabbed a bunch of sandwich materials and now you were trying to decide how you wanted to proceed with your scheduled duel.

“NO... I DO KNOW SOME FIRE MAGIC, BUT I FIND IT TO BE AN UNCOOTH MAGIC THAT I REFRAIN FROM USING.” So not very good at it. “MY ATTACKS USE ONLY THE COOLEST OF MAGIC! I SUMMON GIANT PUZZLES OF BONES FOR MY OPPONENTS TO TRAVERSE THROUGH!”

“Ok, cool.” So you wouldn’t have to worry about people checking out a magical fireworks display. Which was good. You could have taken them to your Werehouse _heh_ but you didn’t want to have their scents around it. Don’t want to push Claire any more than absolutely necessary. Also, pretty sure the fresh blood all over the floor would upset them. Your big tough monster friends were a tad protective of you. So that left a sketchy park near the edge of the city, a few of your bigger back alleys, or... Well the safest option would be if you take them near your mountain range.

You drummed your hands on the steering wheel. That was kind of a long drive. And you had no real idea how their magic would affect you. You were already extremely tired, if you used up all your energy fighting Super Skel next to you there’d be no way you’d be safe to drive home. Not with Big Cat worn out from Claire yesterday and after the day you’ve had. Still, if you miscalculated and needed to shift then being out of the city would be best. There was no helping it, you needed a second driver. And maybe someone to help distract the monsters if a shift was necessary.

“WHERE ARE YOU TAKING US THIS TIME? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I REFUSE TO PERFORM ANY MORE VOLUNTARY LABOR THIS EVENING!!” You chuckle at the amount of suspicion in his tone.

“Aw shucks, there goes all my plans to have you sweep the streets and paint over the graffitied walls in the city.”

“YOUR SARCASM IS UNNECESSARY AND YOU HAVEN’T ANSWERED THE QUESTION!”

“We gotta grab my brothers and then we’ll head out of the city to do our combat thing.”

“TO THE MOUNTAINS?”

“Not quite that far. But there’s a couple stretches of flat uninhabited land between here and there. Too rocky to be buildable.”

“WE COULD... NOT DUEL. I WILL ONLY OFFER YOU THIS MERCY ONCE, BUT IF YOU WISH TO BACK OUT NOW AND SIMPLY APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR INGRATITUDE I WILL FORGIVE YOU IN THE NAME OF OUR FRIENDSHIP! AS THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS IS THE BEST AT FRIENDSHIPS AND UNDERSTANDS THAT COMPASSION IS SOMETIMES NECESSARY!”

“Oh, how kind. Jeez! This solves everything!”

“OF COURSE! NYEH HEH HEH! I AM NOT ONLY A MASTER OF MAKING PUZZLES BUT OF ALSO SOLVING THEM! I AM READY TO BESTOW FORGIVENESS WHENEVER YOU ARE READY!” You pull into the driveway of the twins’ duplex. You were supposed to be hanging with them tonight anyway, so they were expecting sometime throughout the course of the evening. You unbuckle your seat belt and turn so you are facing GTP. He moves his hands decidedly out of your reach, remembering the last time you were in a similar position.

“Ok, I’m ready to apologize.” You take a deep, calming breath. “I’m sorry that you are such an asshole you still haven’t been able to conceive how violating your actions were and how far you’ve warped our friendship. I am sorry that you haven’t truly considered how it made me feel and that you have yet to explain yourself and your thought process. I’m also extremely sorry that you are too arrogant to even questions whether or not you were in the wrong!”

“THAT-” you don’t wait for him to finish as you are already leaving the car.

“WAIT!” He’s out of the car as well and making his way to you.

“No! You want me to apologize for feeling violated and small and angry. I’m not apologizing for that! I understand better why you did what you did, but that doesn’t erase how it makes me feel.”

“YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR MY CONSIDERATION!”

“How have you learned nothing from today!? I thought we were making progress!”

“YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM! MY ATTENTIONS HAVE HELPED YOU!”

“And just how many people do you think have said that to the people you met today? Oh you are so simple and weak, I know what’s best for you. Those friends make you mad, you don’t need them. That job frustrates you, let me provide for you. That family member upset you, let’s ditch them. You don’t know what you want, let me decide these things for you.”

“ARE YOU SUGGESTING I AM AS BAD AS THE PARTNERS OF THOSE PEOPLE TODAY?” His face flushed an angry red and his bones rattled at you.

“In a black and white world, yes. You were manipulative and are so... so condescending!”

“I HAVE PLACED YOU IN THE PROTECTION OF MY BROTHER AND ADVANCED YOUR CAREER SO YOU CAN FURTHER HELP THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT!”

“YES! I _know_ what you did! But I don’t need your fucking protection! And I don’t need your help doing my job!”

“ENOUGH! I WILL NOT HEAR ANY MORE FROM YOU! I HAVE GRANTED YOU A CHANCE TO TAKE BACK YOUR WORDS AND YET YOU CONTINUE TO FLING YOUR ACCUSATIONS IN MY FACE! WHEN I HAVE BEATEN YOU IN COMBAT YOU WILL SEE THAT I WAS RIGHT AND THAT YOU REQUIRE MY ASSISTANCE AFTERALL! I WILL AWAIT YOU IN THE CAR!” He stomped away and you stomped into the house. Jack met you as you slammed the door, fuming. You’d tried to talk to GTP and he still ignored what you had to say. Apologize to him? Fuck that! You honestly thought you’d cracked the code a few hours ago, but guess not. Hopefully after you spanked his tailbone you’d prove to him that you could take care of yourself and his meddling was superfluous.

One good thing however... you were much more at ease with punching him than you were thirty minutes ago.

“Hey sis, what was that about?” Jack’s voice was cold and when he saw your face he halted. Then he grabbed your arm and pulled you into a tight hug. You struggled on instinct for a split second, but he held on and your arms eventually circled him as well. This.... this was why you had brother. Claire offered you an outlet for your violent nature and gave you sound advice. The ladies and kids at the shelter made you feel capable and strong. But family? Jack took one look at you, looked passed your anger and saw your hurt. Your hurt needed healing.

Sometimes you had to remind yourself that your brothers weren’t the tiny kids you found dirty and broken in the wild, instead they were full grown men and were more than capable of sharing your burdens.

Jack locked the door behind the two of you and shuffled you to the couch. Josh poked his head out from the kitchen, saw what was happening and came over to join. Couch cuddles ensued. After a few minutes, you pushed them off of you, though you still sat so you were all touching. You leaned on Jack’s shoulder and looped your foot between Josh’s feet.

“So, what happened?” You take a deep breath and then let loose your rant.

“GTP went behind my back to force me into FAM. Specifically to foster Sans, and is holding my job as ransom. The king of monsters personally is forcing me to do it and to be an uniformed liaison between monsters and humans. I don’t know what that will all entail yet, but I don’t like it.” They looked at each other over you and were silent for a little while. Josh started first.

“So you’re mad that he went behind your back and made you do this.” You nod. “And that you had no choice in the matter.”

“Duh.”

“Would you have done all this had he asked?” You thought about it for a moment.

“Maybe? I don’t know.”

“Well with your patrol, the promotion was going to be coming anyway. And honestly, it’ll help.” You shoot Josh a death glare, but he continues unperturbed. One of the problems with brothers was they knew you’d never actually hurt them and had no reason to truly fear you and your glares. He gives you a knowing look in exchange. “You can’t tell me you’ve made a lot of headway with the monster community.”

“It’s only been a couple of weeks! They need time!”

“They need someone they can trust. Something might happen before you are given that time. Being an officer endorsed by their king will make them trust you, and will be safer for them. It’s a great advantage.”

“They shouldn’t force me into it!”

“Chief didn’t ask you if you wanted the patrol. He assigned it to you. You’re bottom of the totem pole, you don’t get asked.” Jack added bluntly.

“Papyrus might have honestly been asked for a recommendation on who to choose and offered your name. You can’t blame him for choosing someone based on merit when you went out of your way to showcase yours.”

“I-I didn’t go out of my way! I just acted on how I felt.”

“That’s called acting rashly and means you didn’t think things through... again.”

“How was I supposed to know this would happen?”

“You weren’t, but when you took a stand like you did, what did you think would happen?”

“That people would stop and think before letting their prejudice dictate their actions? Make them realize someone would be there to hold them accountable.”

“And how did you plan on doing that?”

“.... by punching people....”They both laugh at you. Nevermind about what you said about brothers. They sucked. You just wanted the damn cuddles not a lecture on why this could possibly be a good thing.

“It doesn’t matter! GTP shouldn’t have gone behind my back! I shouldn’t be forced into all this! They shouldn’t threaten my job!”

“No, you’re right. Of course you’re right.”

“But the things they are making you do are things you would have done anyway.”

“I would _not_ have chosen to live with Sans.”

“Surrrre.” You could hear Jack’s eye roll. “Papyrus would have weaved you a sad story about not wanting to leave his brother alone and you would have begrudgingly said sure, come on it.”

“That isn’t true!”

“It’s who you are.”

“But...” Josh holds up a hand to stop you.

“He should have asked. You have every right to be pissed. WE are pissed. But don’t act like these are things you’d never have done without blackmail.”

“Guess we’ll never know.” You huff, and they pat your shoulders comfortingly.

“So why are you here anyway?”

“Cause I need a driver. Going out of the city to kick some bone butt.”

“Why?”

“Because I believe in beating my feelings into people. And we have to leave the city so no one sees GTP use magic.” They gave each other a quick look and then both get up to put on their shoes. “We’ll need the SUV if we’re all going. My car fits three comfortably, and four uncomfortably.” Jack was already in mid toss of the keys and you head to the garage.

___

The first quarter hour of the drive was quiet. GTP was still mad at your spat and sat arms crossed. Sans napped against the window, sulking that you were still going through with this. Josh and Jack were playing some new phone game. Though Josh had to constantly stop to text.

“Jesus Josh, will Stacey give you a fucking break?” Jack whined and you perked up.

“Thought she was working tonight?” You see Josh give Jack the stink eye in your mirror. Uh oh, trouble in paradise?

“She is, she’s just doing this really cool new thing called multitasking.”

“You mean she is sneaking off and texting on the clock.” You corrected.

“She left you alone all afternoon, why the hell is she bugging you now?” Jack bitched, Josh flinched and his eyes darted up to you. Ah.

“Cause he told her I arrived.” You answered for him. Like you didn’t have enough drama in your life without adding Stacey to the mix. “Can you just dump her already? She’s such a bitch.”

“YOU DISAPPROVE OF HIS MATE?”

“Yes! She hates me and thinks that because Josh isn’t biologically related to me, that means we aren’t allowed to act like siblings! Like I want to jump him or something. She gets super jealous and paranoid whenever we hang out.”

“That isn’t true!! She doesn’t like you because you are an ass to her whenever you two are together!” You shrug.

“She’s a jealous ho and I call her out on it.”

“She’s fucking not!”

“Watch her face next time I give you a hug. Her blood pressure rises the closer my tits get to your chest.”

“Hahahahaha! It does! That’s why you hate her so much?” Jack laughs loudly and slaps your shoulder.

“wait, wait, wait. ya three aint related?” Sans sat up, rubbing sleep from his sockets. He had large bags under them and you were borderline worried about him needing to rest.

“Nah, well Josh and I are. We’re twins. But y/n literally found us poor, wandering, starving orphans in the mountains and brought us home.” You laugh at the drama Jack adds to the story’s summary.

“really?”

“Oh yeah, you should hear our dad tell people about it.” Josh lowers his voice and makes it sound old and crotchety. “Most kids bring home a stray cat, or a wounded bird or a frog or something. Not _my_ daughter. She gets pissed off with her sister and decides she needs to find herself some brothers! Plucks them straight from the wilds and brings ‘em home!”

“Then before I can make up my mind one way or the other, she carts them all around town telling their sad story and brags how darling her baby brothers are.” Jack continues, a much better imitation than Josh’s. You shake your head, proud and amused.

“Dad never stood a chance. I found you, I was going to keep you!” You look to your monsters to see if they were enjoying your brothers’ Tragic Backstory, but their expressions were sad.

“WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE PARENT WOULD LEAVE THEIR CHILDREN TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES LIKE THAT?”

“Um-”

“YOU TWO HAD NO BUSINESS BEING LEFT ALONE! PARENTS SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN UNLESS THEY ARE CAPABLE OF CARING FOR THEM!”

“In an ideal world-”

“THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN IDEAL WORLD! THE SURFACE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS!”

“bro, ya gotta calm down. so whut, humans got shitty parents too sometimes.” GTP grumbles and crosses his arms again, sliding further into the seat. Well... guess you knew better than to ask about their parents. You and Sans share a look in the mirror and Sans nods. He’d tell you about that later. Before anyone could say anything else Josh’s phone rings with Stacey’s special ringtone. His face blanches and he hits the back of your seat in warning as he answers. You turn your eyes to Jack and now _he_ nods. He was ready to go on your signal.

“Heya sugarplum.” You gag, earning a nice glare from your youngest brother. “You ok?”

“Of course lovebug! I’m at work silly!” Curse you super hearing, you didn’t want to listen to this garbage. “Just calling to see what you were doing...”

“Jack and I are riding with Y/N and our new monster buddies to watch a MMA match.”

“Oh... your sister is there? She dating anyone yet?” You give Jack the cue.

“~ **Stacey’s mom has got it going on, she’s all that a I want and I’ve waited for so long~** ” You and Jack start belting out the chorus to the song and Josh’s face enflames in anger and embarrassment. You hear Stacey groan and flip out over the phone. Josh straight up nut shots Jack to get him to stop, Jack falls over on top of Sans in a dramatic and painful heap. Then Josh flings his hand over your mouth. You laugh under his hand, still humming the best you can. You let him have his win for a moment but then you slobber up your tongue and lick his hand, getting between his fingers.

“Goddammit! You bitch, that’s nasty!”

“What did she do now? Josh, what’s going on?” You cackle and start singing again as his grip slips. But he’s resolute and you’re a man down. You look to Sans in the mirror, he’s grinning like a fool and enjoying the antics. You pull Josh’s hand down enough to free your mouth.

“Help us Sans, you’re our only hope!”

“Don’t you dare!” But it was too late, Sans was probably waiting for an invitation to get in on your family horseplay.

“ **~And I know dat ya think it’s jus a fantasy, but since yer dad walked out yer mom could use a guy like me** ~” You hear Stacey scream in frustration.

“Your sister is such a bitch! This is why I hate it when you hang out with her!” She hung up and Josh flings himself back in his seat, fuming. You fist pump the air in victory.

“YAS! Victory over the shrew!”

“I think the shrew in the tale would be you. You are the untamable she-devil that thwarts all attempts at domestication.” He says through his frustration.

“Fine, victory _for_ the shrew, you nerd. But in all seriousness. Let us all offer a prayer for poor Jack’s testicles. Their sacrifice will be remembered.”

“They’re fine.” Jack says between wheezing laughs and his tears of pain. “Little boy blues are gonna make it. Though, what the shit Jo!?” He punches Josh in the shoulder before settling back in place.

“You two are such dicks. Stacey has enough going on without dealing with your bullshit. And now you dragged Sans down to your level. Luckily my pal Pap had my back.” He held out a fist to GTP, but it was pushed away and angry sockets turned to him.

“YOU SHOULD NEVER TOUCH THE DRIVER LIKE THAT! WE COULD HAVE VEERED OFF THE ROAD AND ALL PERISHED! YOUR MADWOMAN SISTER ALREADY DRIVES AS THOUGH THE LINES ARE MERE SUGGESTIONS AND CANNOT BARE TO LOOK IN FRONT OF HER FOR MORE THAN A FEW SECONDS AT A TIME! THEN YOU GO AND MAKE MATTERS WORSE BY CONVERING HER FACE!” You look at the Oh-Shit Handle GTP had been clinging onto and could see a few cracks from how hard he had gripped the plastic. GTP was not a fan of your driving. Not at all.

Good thing this was Jack’s car.

His outburst made you all laugh even harder. You almost had to pull over until you controlled yourself, but you managed without. Barely. Jack congratulated Sans on the save and you almost forgot that the whole reason you were traveling was because you were mad at the bone bros.

You remembered as soon as the national park sign came into view and you pulled into the empty parking lot.

Welp, here it goes.

________

“Ok GTP, last chance. Apologize and I’ll go easy on you!”

“HA, I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THE SAME THING! PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A THOROUGH TROUNCING!”

“Trouncing? Who taught you how to smack-talk?” You shake your head. “Well, you better watch those knee-caps, cause I’m coming for them!”

“WE’LL SEE HOW COCKY YOU ARE AFTER THE FIRST ROUND!” You felt a pull at your chest. Bit Cat was instantly not pleased and you felt her magic surge through you trying to dislodge the feeling, but there was nothing she could do as a yellow light emerged from your center. Another tug and your soul was removed completely from your body. A bright yellow heart floated in front of you, casting a dull glow over your face and as far down as your wrists. Sans was immediately next to you, looking at your soul as well. From the way his face scowled, something wasn’t right.

“why is yer soul so small?”

“Considering this is the first I’ve ever seen it, I don’t know how you expect me to answer that.”

“da kid’s soul was bigger den dis ‘n yer an adult! yer’s should be stronger.” You give Sans an ‘I don’t know’ expression, not trusting yourself to lie convincingly. Obvious to you, your soul was small because it was only half. Big Cat kept hers and your body safe. She felt close in a way you’d never experienced before. Her magic washed through your body, spreading her control over every part of you.

It made you feel weightless and powerful, like the restraints were gone and you were finally free.... and you understood more than ever what going feral would feel like. Luckily, your human self was still in control, the soul just distanced but not gone.

“WHY CAN I NOT SEE YOUR STATS PROPERLY?” Looking at GTP you see his soul, an upside down white heart twice the size of your own. “SANS, CAN YOU SEE THEM?” The yellow light got a little brighter as GTP tried to pull more of your soul out, but Big Cat slashed any and all attempts to do so.

“Guys, what’s happening? Why aren’t we fighting?”

“kitten, yer soul is weird. it aint showing near ‘nough a yer stats, ‘n its small.”

“Everything about me is small, Sans. It’s time for you to accept that. But what are stats?”

“ya know... stats.” At your blank stare he rubs his hand over his face in frustration. “like yer lv, attack, defense and hp.”

“Have I stepped into a videogame? Are we playing Pokémon?” You clap your hands in front of you excitedly. “Cause I would _love_ a skeleton starter!”

“it aint a damn video game, dis is real. stats say how strong ya are.”

“Well, tell me about them, what are you seeing?”

“I CAN SEE YOUR ATTACK, HP AND DEFENSE JUST FINE. BUT YOUR LV AND EXP ARE NOT THERE.” Well, you could see them and would have probably told them what you saw if Big Cat hadn’t held your tongue.

LV: 10

EXP: 1250

“What LV and EXP?” Sans smiles at you, in a you get a gold star kind of way.

“LV stands fer love, an acronym fer level a violence. EXP means execution points. da more people ya’ve killed, da higher dose stats go.” Ok.. so the more hardened you are to being a murderer, got it. Definitely agreeing with Big Cat that those things shouldn’t be shared with these two. You wondered though if your LV increased only because of the kills you’d done yourself, or if you could gain some by growing up in a violent environment.

Questions for later, afterall you were living with a monster now. You had all the time in the world.

“WHY ARE YOUR STATS MISSING! WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THEM!”

“Sucks not being told important information, doesn’t it?”

“AND HERE WE GO!”

“Yeah, here we go! Just admit it was a dick move and we can all move on!”

“I WIL NOT! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT WAS TO GET EVERYTIHNG ARRANGED! AND I AM GLAD IT DID, IF NOT YOU WOULD HAVE FOUND A MEANS OF WEASELLING OUT OF IT!”

“I should be allowed to if I want! You shouldn’t force your opinions onto me, that isn’t how friendship works!”

“MY BROTHER KEPT ME SAFE IN THE UNDERGROUND AND NOW HE WILL KEEP YOU SAFE!”

“Why is this hard for you to understand, I don’t need to be kept safe!”

“YOU THREATENED AN ENTIRE CLASSROOM OF PEOPLE! AND NOW YOU ARE PATROLLING THE MONSTER DISTRICT BY YOURSELF WITH NO BACKUP! IF MONSTERS WISHED TO HARM YOU, YOU WOULD NOT STAND A CHANCE!”

“Pretty sure the news said humans were stronger than monsters.”

“YES, YOUR SOULS ARE TECHNICALLY STRONGER BECAUSE YOUR INTENT IS STRONG. MONSTERS ARE INCREDIBLY SENSITIVE TO INTENT. BUT WITHOUT AN INTENT TO HARM, YOU ARE JUST FLIMSY MEAT BAGS WHO HAVE NO MAGIC.”

“yeh, so uh kitten. i know yer real mad at boss, but try not ta think too many murdery thoughts.” You laugh, as Sans intended.

“I don’t want to kill him, just make him say he’s sorry.”

“THEN I WIL CHOOSE DEATH! SANS MOVE AWAY IT IS TIME TO BEGIN!” Sans steps to the side and puts his hands in his pockets. He is sweating a little and seems really nervous about the whole thing.

You could kind of get why. There probably wasn’t a lot of sparring matches for them back home. A battle like this could very well have resulted in death. Well, no worries Sans. You give him a thumbs up and a wink. He grits his teeth and rolls his eye lights at you. Not encouraged. Not even a little bit.

But he really didn’t have to worry. You had no intention of killing his brother, and if he was worried about you... well. No need. You couldn’t afford to get hit a whole lot and be seen healing in front of the monsters. Normal humans didn’t heal themselves. Just cause you already passed the threshold of normal, didn’t mean you weren’t still trying to pass for human.

Music starts emanating from GTP’s soul, a bouncy kind of dark techno beat. Different, but then he already passed the threshold of normal too. Then you feel your soul get coated in new magic, the yellow fading into a pretty blue color, but made you feel heavy and slow. Well, part of you did. The soul half in front of you drooped and weighed you down. Like have a loaded backpack strapped to your chest. But Big Cat kept the magic from touching your physical body.

Or maybe that was just how it was supposed to work?

“What did you do?”

“I TURNED YOUR SOUL BLUE! NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY FOR I WILL ONLY EXPLAIN THIS ONCE. MAGIC HAS DIFFERENT COLORS. BLUE MEANS STOP, LET THE ATTACK PASS THROUGH YOU. ORANGE MEANS MOVE. MOVE THROUGH THE ATTACK. WHITE AND RED MEAN DO NOT TOUCH AT ALL!” Alright. Blue to freeze, orange like an orange light (zoom on through) and red and white like a stop sign. Easy.

“Ok, ok ok. Enough gibber jabber, let’s goooo.” GTP smirked and cast his hand up. Following it came several bones about five feet tall. It would be a difficult jump for most people, so you decide to hold off and follow the pattern. Orange, orange, blue, orange. Piece of cake.

“ALRIGHT THAT WAS MY TURN. IF YOU WERE A MONSTER THIS WOULD BE YOUR CHANGE TO PERFORM A MAGICAL ATTACK. YOU MAY CHOOSE A SEPARATE ACTION INSTEAD. YOU COULD CHECK MY STATS PERHAPS? OR ATTEMPT TO GET ME TO FOREGO THE FIGHT. OR YOU MAY ATTEMPT TO FLIRT OR EVEN ATTACK IF YOU DARE.” Oh, you could flirt? That was a legit strategy?

“Hey GTP, your face needs a good smacking. Perhaps with my lips.” You wink at him and blow him a kiss.

“NYRGH! OF COURSE YOU WOULD CHOOSE FLIRT! WHAT A WASTE OF A TURN!” Another wave of bones came towards you, faster than last time. Orange, orange, blue, orange, orange, blue, orange, orange, blue and then two small white ones you had to jump over.

Your turn. Flirting did nothing, maybe a taunt? You were good at that.

“That was it? Thought this was a duel not baby time frolics! Come on GTP, it’s like you don’t even want to win.” You give a fake yawn and GTP’s scowl increases.

“I WAS GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, BUT FINE! THE REAL CHALLENGE BEGINS THUSLY!” The pattern changed, this time there were bones both above and below, so you had to duck as well as jump. You pass another round without injury, though your thighs were going to kill you in the morning.

“Is there a determined amount of time for a turn? Cause yours keep getting longer. Like could I go into a long monologue of why I think you are being a jerk? Or am I stuck to one-liners?”

“YOU- I- I AM NOT BEING A JERK! AND NO, YOUR TURN IS FINISHED ONCE YOU HAVE COMPLETED YOUR ACTION.”

“That seems rather imprecise.”

“NONSENSE! YOUR TURN IS AGAIN WASTED WITH YOUR STUPID PRATTLING! IF I KNEW YOU WERE JUST GOING TO TALK THE WHOLE TIME I WOULD HAVE SAID WE COULD DO THIS BACK IN YOURS AND SANS’ APARTMENT.” Oh those were fighting words. Like hell was that Sans’ apartment! An even faster and more intricately patterned attack is thrown at you. You weave between them and jump when it was easier. The last jump you had to take was higher than the others. You should have sidestepped it, but it was too late. You drop your body forward and turn the jump into a dive. You land on your shoulders, but your body is soft and you allow the momentum to roll you until you are back on your feet. You look back as the bone attack fades, it had been taller than seven feet. And orange, you should have just moved through it. You brush off the dirt off the back of your pants and adopt a nonchallant expression, like that was a completely normal jump and you had meant to do that.

“Hey, I’m getting bored. We tried this your way, but let’s kick it up a notch, ey?”

“Whoot! Finally! Go show him what ya got!”

“Stop messing around already! I want to go home!” You wave to the twins like a gladiator and GTP gets frustrated with your showmanship. Guess this wasn’t going how he planned. What a shame. You take a single step forward and he takes one back, suddenly unsure.

“YOU CANNOT MOVE IF YOU WASTED YOUR TURN TALKING AND SHOWING OFF! STOP MOVING AT ONCE!”

“Oh phooey, you talk and attack. I never got to take my turn.” You take another step and crack your neck, getting a good five or six pops. You almost missed the way GTP blushed as you did so. Your soul was difficult to move, it weighed down and made each step slower. But you imagined it made your forward movement look more deliberate and dramatic.

“THAT COUNTS AS YOUR TURN! PREPARE YOURSELF, CHEATER, FOR MY NEXT ATTACK!” He launched another volley of bones at you. The pattern, if there was one, was too intricate for you to see. And this time they no longer came in a straight predictable line. GTP adjusted his attack so it was difficult for you to side step as well.

Your blue soul made it feel like you were carrying another person, but Big Cat had it covered. Her reflexes were fast enough that you spun and dodged in time, every time. You really enjoyed the way her magic made your movements fluid and powerful.

She liked to show off though. The last jump she made launched you well above the five feet needed to avoid the bone wall and so when the next bone came above you, there was really no way to avoid it. The white bone slammed into you and knocked you down towards another series of small white bones on the ground. You twisted unnaturally and rolled in the air, landing gracefully on your feet to the side of the little death impalements.

“how da shit was she able ta do dat?” Sans hissed to Josh.

“She just can, she’s very flexible.” He answered calmly.

“HA! FINALLY A HIT! READY TO CONCEDE NOW? I UNDERSTAND THAT HUMAN FEMALES ARE PRONE TO TEARS WHEN STRUCK. IF YOU MUST ATTEND TO THEM AND YOUR WOUNDS DURING YOUR TURN, I WILL NOT JUDGE YOU HARSHLY FOR IT.” You wipe your hand over your lip, hitting the bone busted it. But it was already fixed. However, the attack had hit your soul and you felt an ache deep within the muscles of your body. The pain subsided much slower than the cut. You looked at your HP, it was increasting slowly to normal, but that attack had taken a clean five points off.

 _Bitch_ , it was your turn now. You charge the last few feet between you and launch yourself at GTP. He steps easily to the side, but you twist, elbow out and catch him in his bottom ribs. He spins out of the way, a summoned bone in his hand to use as a club.

“HOW ARE YOU CHEATING? YOU ONLY GET ONE ATTACK ON YOUR TURN!”

“You just launched an entire volley of bones at me. I get my own little string of attacks too.” You close the distance again, though it was somewhat difficult. GTP was a seasoned warrior with the advantages of long legs and a quick strategic mind.

You feign a forward grab, but drop instead and sweep his legs. He falls, but crab walks back and summons a small wall of bones to keep you from advancing. You had been down only long enough to sweep him had already been up to your feet, your practiced movements easy and fluid. The wall of bones was barely your height. You jump up and use a single hand to pull yourself over and guide your movement. You land on the other side with a heavy thud thanks to your blue soul. GTP was just getting back up. Your hand tingled painfully from touching the bone, but you had made sure no other part of your body touched the magic.

GTP tried to throw another wave of his attack, but you were too close. You dodged the first couple and gained ground again so you were next to him. He had to stop casting in order to ward off the kick you had aimed at his head. His arm blocked the attack and you dropped your body into a crouch in front of him. Then you moved your weight from your heels to the tips your your toes and shifted up, the top of your head connecting soundly with ribs. He fell backwards, but instead of summoning a wall to keep you from coming close, he swung his club and it connected squarely with your face. You let the force push you to the side and followed the momentum to the ground. Lessening the damage by allowing the energy its release through movement. Still hurt. Your cheek burned from the magic of the instrument as well as the physical force of the blow. You sat up and looked at GTP, whose face betrayed his horror and fear over the hit.

“I-I AM S-SORRY! THAT WAS FAR TOO STRONG-” You smile sinisterly at him and his apology dies on his teeth.

“Oh ho ho! Bone boy does know how to hit. Let’s see what else you got!” Hopping back to your feet, you don’t bother straightening before you hurry to close the gap again. Obviously being out of close range was a huge disadvantage for you; you could only dodge his magical flurry. Hand to hand was your only real means of fighting, and he might not have known all the techniques you did; but he was fast and had instincts honed by years of fighting. He also had no organs and by extension a lot less weak points than you were used to. He was also very strong, blocking and parrying your hits with ease. Even when you seeped extra strength into them, he was never pushed back from the force.

But you had Big Cat, super reflexes and a righteous anger that kept you from letting up. He stopped whining about turns very shortly as you kept up on him constantly. His turns were spent dodging your attacks and attempting to push you back so he could do more magic, and he spent your turns doing the exact same thing.

When he decided to go on the short ranged offensive, you had to step up your game. He swung at your with his bone club, trying to get space between you two. Likely so he could use the advantage of the extra range of his limbs against you. The first couple of times he’d done it, you jumped back and he had launched a downright vengeful flurry of kicks and club swings. A few connected, and again you were pushed back enough that he was able to summon another bone wall to gain more ground. The next bones he threw after that were thrown straight at you through the air. You watched the colors as best you could, but most of them you simply dodged or jumped away from.

But you weren’t regaining your ground. So you waited for an opportune white one, and after you stepped away from the blow, you reached out and grabbed it. The magic of it burned along your hands, and your soul took another 5 damage immediately. But it was worth it, you used the aquired bone to bash the next attacks away and reengage. GTP cackled at you, chest swelling and aimed his next club attack at your head. You used yours to block, hands on either end. He attempted to use his height and leverage as an advantage to push you to your knees, but didn’t account for your extra strength. You push up, throwing him off of you and jab him center chest with your palm. A loud crack is heard and the smell of dust fills your nostrils. His weapon drops and he staggers back.

You take the moment to regain some of your breath. When you said you were up to duel GTP, you weren’t expecting quite as much legwork. You were getting tired, and honestly you were starting to doubt whether you could truly win. GTP had some hella endurance. He panted and sweat next to you, but seemed to be fairing better than you overall. Good thing you weren’t above using trickery to win your battles.

You ended up in front of him again. You feigned another headbutt and he dodged, then he aimed his club down at your exposed back. But your weight was already shifting back to your heels and you managed to pull up in time. The club followed through in front of you and GTP came down with it. Head now in range, you grab his should and pull him forward, sidestepping as he goes. You keep your leg placed in front and he topples over it. Never taking your hand off his shoulder, you turn and ride him down. He doesn’t have time to get an arm between his face and the ground but he remembered your landing lesson, relaxing his bones to absorb the impact. You snake your arms around his neck and under one of his arms, locking your hands together. You didn’t know if you could choke him, him not having any sort of lungs or throat, but with your legs on either side of his ribs and your bottom on his spine, he wasn’t moving anywhere. You could hang out all night like this.

He bucked though. One armed, he attempted to get up, to roll, he swung at you the best he could, but anything he landed was almost ticklish. His legs tried to fling back and hit you, but your position was a perfect pin. You chuckled darkly in his ear hole.

“Pinned ya Papsy. You’re going nowhere!”

“RELEASE ME IMMEDIATELY! THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS DOES NOT GET PINNED BY TINY HUMANS!”

“Kinda looks like you do. End the combat or confrontation or whatever you call it. I won.”

“NEVER! YOU WILL TIRE AND I WILL DEFEAT YOU YET!”

“Hmm. I don’t know about that, this is a really comfortable spot.” It wasn’t. Bones and body armor pushed into you at odd angles and poked you through your clothes. “You are completely helpless under me. What tortures should I perform to make you surrender?”

“HA! I WILL NEVER SURRENDER AND THE MOMENT YOU REMOVE YOUR HANDS TO DO ANYTHING I WILL BE FREE AND MY VICTORY WILL ONCE AGAIN BE ASSURED!” He panted under you though, for all his confidence, his thrashing had sapped a lot of his remaining strength.

“Oh GTP, I don’t need to use my hands.” You purr against him evilly. He stiffens as he hears the tone in your voice. You turn your head and take a large horribly sloppy lick from the lowest portion of his jaw you could reach right up to his ear. His entire head is washed in scarlet and he screams. And it was the funniest and most glorious sound you’d heard in a long time.

Even if it did make your ears ring horribly.

“REMOVE YOURSELF FROM ME NOW!!!”

“My lick attack is super effective. Come on, let’s do that again.” And you did, you took another dog lick of his skull, like Big Cat grooming herself. The sweat is slightly sweet and fizzles.

“DO NOT LICK THE SKELETON!”

“The say you give up and you’re sorry!”

“I WIL NOT LIE! I CANNOT SAY I AM SORRY FOR SOMETHING THAT I AM NOT!”

“I am going to keep licking you until you are!”

“NYERGH!” You licked the skeleton. He struggles again, but tiredly. The anger starting to die down and the tired frustration taking over.

“STOP, THIS ISN’T FAIR! I CAN’T DO ANYTHING TO STOP YOU!”

“Oh? This isn’t fair? Does it make you feel powerless?”

“YES!”

“Make you feel like you don’t have any control over your body? Is it frustrating I can do this,” another large wet lick, “and you can do nothing to stop me?”

“YES! RELEASE ME FROM YOUR HOLD FOUL WOMAN! I DO NOT LIKE THIS FEELING!”

“Well, how the fuck do you think I felt yesterday?!?” You shout at him, letting your frustration and anger out in one final push. He stops moving completely and you think he is finally getting it. You remove your hands and sit up on your ankles. You keep your voice calm and concentrate on saying the next part right. “It doesn’t matter why you did what you did. Or what benefit you think will be derived from all this: you blackmailed me this weekend. You made me feel small and powerless. Like I had no control over anything.” You take a breath. You did not like talking about how things made you _feel._ But honesty was probably going to be the only thing to really take this home for the guy. Tired, non-emotional honesty. It helped that he was facing away from you. “It really sucks. I trusted you enough to let you enter my life and you turned me into a pawn in someone else’s game.”

“That Was Not What I Intended.” GTP stayed down, facing the dirt.

“Probably not. But you never stopped to think that I might think about this negatively did you?” He thought hard for a few moments and then shook his head.

“I Thought You Would Think Of This Like Me.”

“Of course you did. Cause I remind you of yourself.”

“How Did You Know That?” He asked suspiciously. You hit the nail on the head.

“Because I’m not as dumb as I seem. You’re awesome, and I’m awesome. You have a brother you’ve had to take care of, and I have two. We both like to cook, good at fighting, open with our opinions, and are cops. It’s probably why you liked me so much right away. But I’m not you. I’ll never be you. I didn’t live my entire life in a world designed to kill me, and we can only be friends because we think differently. There’s no room for a friend between you and your reflection.”

“...Yes I Suppose You Are Right.” You stand up and away, GTP sits up looking at his hands in his lap pensively.

“Look, I kicked your butt and I’m not _really_ mad anymore.” You weren’t. You punched out the negative feelings and were ready to get over this. “But don’t ever do this again. Just.... talk to me. The twins think I would have agreed to all this stuff anyway. But I deserved a chance to make that decision. Choice is important, don’t ever take it away from someone again. OK?” GTP nods and stands back up. Your soul is released of its blue magic and returns to your chest. Big Cat happily returned control over your body and pulled her magic back into herself within you. The weight off your front was comforting, but without her magic in you, you felt your exhaustion ten fold. The activity tonight drained you of everything you had and you felt yourself wobble on your feet. GTP caught you though, his gloved bony hands on your shoulders. He had a small blush still and looked very uncomfortable. “Thanks.”

“You Are Welcome. I Am.... Sorry For The Stress I Have Put You Under. You Are Right, I Robbed You Of Your Choice And That Was Wrong Of Me.”

“Yeah? You won’t ever do something like this again?” He nods. You smile and before he could protest you pull him into a hug; your face smashed up against his body armor. He was kind of odd to hold, but it felt nice regardless. He made a lot of progress and you were proud of your boy. Awkwardly, he pats your back, acting put out. Though this close to him, you could smell how happy he was. After a moment or two, you push him away.

“Hey, you two lovebirds done over there yet?”

“Yeah, if you’re not killing each other, then we aren’t interested!” You smile and head over to where Jack was already making you a couple of sandwiches. Your stomach rumbled angrily, but you kept your pace slow to not trip. You were very unbalanced and staggering after having all that unbridled grace in your limbs just a few minutes ago. Being human felt kind of awful after all that.

Josh pulled you in front of him as soon as you were in range, and he looked you over for any significant wounds. There were none of course, but he thumbed under your eyes.

“God sis, you have huge bags. You’re not driving home!:

“Duh, why else do you think I had you two dinguses come along?”

“Because you can’t do anything without a cheer squad? And because I make the best sandwiches!” Jack brags as he places two fully loaded sandwiches in your hand. You roll your eyes and wave Josh off, but you do sit in the spot Josh offers you.

“You fought with Claire last night, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I was a little pissy.”

“And you had a huge fight like this today? Where he was slinging magical attacks left and right and you weren’t even at full strength? And let me guess, you probably slept like shit and ate little to nothing all day!”

“I had a couple of naps... and ate some take out for lunch...” Josh lands a karate chop on you head and you bite your tongue.

“Owowowowowow!” You whine as you rub your skull. “What the hell?”

“You need to take better care of yourself! You could have been seriously hurt! We didn’t have any idea how monster magic would affect you and you weren’t even at 100%.” He angrily hisses at you, trying to keep his voice low. You take a quick peek around and see Sans and GTP talking amongst themselves.

“Sorry.” And you were. You hadn’t done anything wrong, but you knew your brothers had been worried about you.

“It’s fine. But you know you can lean on us every now and then. We’re not kids anymore.”

“What would you have done? Come in and yelled at them for me? It was already done.” He gave you a long sigh and ruffled your head like you were five. You grouched at him and swatted off his had as you ate. Jack handed you another and ruffled your hair just the same. Then he leaned in and gave your abused head a kiss. Fucking brothers. Why were they so adorable?

___SANS POV____

Yer brother Jack drove. Paps sat up front like he had last time, legs too long ta sit in da back. Jack and Paps listened ta da radio and talked amongst themselves. Not dat Sans minded. He sat right behind his bro and ya sat in da middle next ta him, Josh taking da other window seat.

As soon as da car started, ya passed out. Josh said dat was normal, dat ya always fell asleep if ya were ridin in da back. A little weird, but so were ya. At first, ya were slumped up against yer own chest, but then ya fell over so ya were resting against yer brother’s shoulder. Cause of course ya were. Couldn’t have ya leaning on his shoulder, he grumbled inwardly. Though... maybe dat was for da best. His whole infatuation with ya wasn’t da smartest thing. Ya honestly scared him a little today. Keeping up with his bro? Da way ya dodged da attacks? Just how fast were ya? Why had yer soul healed without food, and why were ya able ta move out of turn?

It had been awhile since he fought another monster in a confrontation like that, where da rules applied and everyting was supposed ta be civil and fair. Monsters hadn’t normally done that when they were tryin’ ta kill each other. In fact, da last time he’d seen a fight like yers was with da kid, but da kid was a strange case all on dere own. With da resets and da high dt, who knows how normal those fights had been.

But ya definitely shouldn’t have been able to move like ya had with yer soul out and blue! So... yeah. Maybe he’d pull back a bit. Ya weren’t interested anyhow, and now dat they were on da surface monsters didn’t seem as aggressive. Lola wasn’t an option, he wasn’t ready ta be a dad, but maybe he could date around a little?

“Yeah, she’s pretty awesome, isn’t she?” Sans was startled out of his thoughts by yer shitty brother.

“whut?”

“You’ve been staring at her for the last ten minutes. Still trying to figure out her secret moves?” Josh joked, but Sans could hear the steel behind da words.

“yeah, dat’s it. how da hell was she able ta jump so high? and how is she so fast?” Josh laughed softly and then brushed some of yer fly away hair behind yer ear. Was it weird how close ya were to yer family?

“She practices a lot. When we were growing up, she had a special tutor come out to give her lessons, and she’s never stopped. Anytime there is a new gym or class available, she takes it.”

“why?”

“She’s under five feet tall and has to be able to take down guys twice her size.” He deadpanned. Guess dat made sense.

“why she gotta do dis? plenty a odder jobs where she could help people?”

“You’ll have to ask her.” Sans humphs, but lets it go. He hadn’t really expected an answer.

“how far can ya humans even jump? dat was higher den i've ever seen.”

“You regularly watch humans jump?” Josh shook his head. “You should watch a basketball game sometime.” A couple of silent minutes stretched by.

“yer not ever scared of her?” Sans hadn’t meant ta ask dat question! He looks away from yer bro, embarrassed.

“Are you ever scared of your brother?” Josh asked, nonplussed by da question. Sans frowned and fiddled with da zipper of his coat, not knowing how ta answer. He loved his bro. Knew Paps would never _really_ hurt him... but he could. And if he and Paps ever had a real fight, Sans would have ta finish him quickly, there was no way his endurance would last long enough ta handle a fight like ya had. Josh picked up on his hesitation. “She could probably break my neck before I could say boo, but she loves us. Also... she’s too adorable to be scared of. Watch.” He lifted his unhindered hand and flicked yer nose. Ya sleepily swatted it away and rubbed yer nose with da back of yer hand before settling back in. Josh chuckled and did it again. Ya whine and sniffled, sitting up and rubbing at yer nose again. Why did he have ta wake ya up? He was trying ta talk ‘bout ya! Stupid humans always ruining everyth-

His thoughts stopped when instead of waking up or settling back with yer brother, ya instead leaned over and fell onta his shoulder. Ya let out a sleepy, satisfied sigh and cuddled yer face inta da fur of his coat, yer arm wrapping around his and pulling it inta yer chest.

Instantly, he felt his face turn red and he froze. Ya’d kill him if ya woke up like dis! But it wasn’t his fault, yer da one cuddling him! Ya rubbed yer nose inta da fur and settled more of yer weight on him and he forgot why he was complaining. Ya really were so soft. And up close, sweat still on ya from yer fight, ya smelled amazing. Even better than he remembered.

Ya looked like an angel, just perfect cuddled up against him.

“Oops, sorry Sans. Didn’t mean to spook her your way. She’s clingy as hell when she’s tired.” Josh tried ta pull ya off of him, but ya clung harder onta his arm and Sans barely managed ta keep his growl from escaping.

“leave her be, it’s fine. don’t gotta be a shit ‘n wake her up.” Josh gave him a knowing look, and looked like he was gonna argue, but then his smile turned mischievous.

“Fine, I owe her anyway for pissing Stacey off. And this way I can actually text.” He settled back onta his own side and made a point of takin out his phone, though he did give Sans a warning glare over it. Yeah right, like he was really gonna try anything when he just saw ya beat the tar outta boss.

This was nice though. Just cuddling like dis. What was so squishy on his arm? Was dat yer chest? Aw shit, he really was gonna die. He smiled giddily though. But damn... why did he have ta wear his coat today? If he hadn’t his bones woulda been right there! Slowly, as softly as he could, he leaned his head against yers. Cheekbone against yer soft hair. He felt so warm now, but dis was da coldest he’d felt ya thus far. Did it have something ta do with how tired ya were? Dat wasn’t normal fer humans. He’d haveta look it up, ya humans had a website called geegle or some shit dat had a ton of info apparently. Maybe ya’d let him borrow yer laptop? Not tomorrow though, tomorrow they’d spend da day with all da brothers. But after dat? It would just be ya two. Ya and him. Maybe if he behaved, showed ya he was more den puns and flirts ya would be interested? How could he really think of dating elsewhere when ya were right dere? So what if ya were scary? Just meant ya could defend yerself. Ya weren’t some princess in a tower, if anyting, it was pretty hot watchin ya fight....

He’d be good, show ya he could give ya a good time. Den after da six months of day program were done, ya both could go yer separate ways. He grinned ta himself and his soul thrummed contently as his sockets closed. Yeah, he’d be real good. He’d be good fer ya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooo boy! Another exciting chapter!  
> So, this combat was probably a little weird. I wanted to incorporate a lot of the original game's elements in the story. So the first half of the duel (before she got bored) is KC trying to humor GTP on what a proper monster fight should look like. Like what Frisk had to do. Monsters in Underfell used to fight like this all the time, but after Kill or Be Killed was established, they took to murdering each other outside of confrontations. And if they did enter a proper confrontation, they would do their best to cheat and go straight for the kill.  
> Does that make sense? Was this a stupid way to go about it? If you all hate it, let me know and I'll change it out. I was just trying to pay proper homage to Undertale.  
> Anyhoo.  
> I think our guy GTP finally gets it. It only took KC to actually talk about her actual emotions... after pinning him of course. Now that she's proved that she can handle herself with monsters and doesn't need no man to watch her back, maybe we can start building those relationships again. Sans would sure like that. *wink*  
> Sorry I added even MORE fluff. But it's Valentine's day! And what better way to celebrate than some good old-fashioned falling asleep tropes? It happens to be one of my favorites! I love seeing tough characters be made vulnerable by their body's need for energy replenishment. So OF COURSE I was going to make KC a little sleepytime cuddle cat! Wonder what Sans will do with newly acquired knowledge? And I wonder what other fun tropes I can add in. Perhaps it's time to up the kdrama energy in this fic?  
> mwahahaha!
> 
> Oh, we finally get to see some fun interactions with KC and the twins.  
> I struggled a bit with writing them as siblings. My sibs and I were never the type to mess with each other to that extent, but I like to think that these three would act like this. They tease, and rough house and comfort each other when they need to. Oh and look! What a cute little backstory the boys have there. They might not be relatable to most of you, but they sure are relatable to GTP! He's not pleased that his illusions of the surface keep getting smashed.  
> And... what else happened? I think I covered about everything. I might have named Josh's gal Stacey for the sole purpose of having KC and Jack sing that song to tease him. Having Sans sing along was an added treat. Maybe a little OOC for most people, but not here! Remember, Sansy boy wants that normal family. Seeing sibs act like sibs warms his bones. 
> 
> Alright, well, that's it for this week. Thanks for reading! If ya'll have anything fun you'd like to see in the story, or if you have any questions, you can either comment or hit me up on my Tumblr


	14. It's Moving Day!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to give GTP a new forever home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Update Day!   
> Today is a good day. This is the day we get back to fluffier things. No more feuding with GTP, or heavy drama at the shelter. Just moving some boxes. Good times. 
> 
> So I edited the last chapter a little bit. There were a ton of spelling mistakes!!! My bad guys. My eyes just kind of glaze over them after I read the chapter a dozen times. I also added a little bit of extra substance to the duel, and got rid of that sidestepping = cheating part. I decided I didn't like that. So if you are one of my regular readers, go back and look through that again. If you are a new reader, then ignore this. There was no spelling mistakes, I published exactly what I intended and never had to go back.... That's my story and I am sticking to it!   
> Eventually I will be going back and re-editing the other chapters. There are quite a few mistakes that haunt me. But that sounds like work and I don't want to do that right now.

“Oh y/n~ it’s time to get up!” _No_. It couldn’t be morning already. And yet... that was Jack pounding on your open bedroom door. You pull yourself up enough to throw one of your many pillows at him.

“Fuck off!”

“You are always so ladylike in the morning.” You bury yourself into your other pillows, trying to ward off wakefulness. “Nope! Get UP!” Jack took the couple of steps to your bed and ripped off the covers, upsetting your fortress of plush and robbing you of your warmth.

“ASSHOLE! Leave me alone!” You curl into yourself, whining. “I just want to sleep.”

“I was afraid you were going to be like this.” He tutted. “We’ve prepared a bribe.” When you stopped whining and poked your head out a little, he continued. “We stopped by that bakery you keep raving about, and picked up a couple of breakfast desserts for you.”

“One more hour.”

“I’ll get Josh in here with the ice water if you don’t get a move on.”

“Evil! Horrible, _cruel_ things. Vial creatures. Need sleeeeep.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. Think of all the fun we are going to have today! Moving boxes, and furniture, and more boxes, and more furniture, and a few more boxes...” Your groans turn into silent false cries. Jack laughs and pulls you out an outfit, throwing it on top of you.

“ _Fine._ You had better’ve gotten a lot of pastries.” You grumble as you unplug your silenced phone and drag it into your deflated mountain of comforts. 9 Am, late for a workday, normal for a day off. Unless, of course, you had spent the last day and a half running around picking fights and being active.

“We did, but you’d better hurry. I don’t know how long we can keep Sans out of them.” You push your arm through the path created by grabbing your phone and give Jack a quick thumbs up.

“If I don’t see you out in 10 minutes, I’m sending Sans in.” He teased as he closed the door. You slink yourself out of the bed, running your fingers through your hair and slowly strip and get ready. Every movement was strained and stiff, but at least it no longer ached to move. Sleep had taken care of the worst of everything. Still groggy, you eventually shuffled out after him.

Sitting at your kitchen table was Sans and Josh. Josh was picking apart a spider croissant and sipping on a large mug of coffee. Sans had his head on his hand and looked about as tired as you, except actually maybe even worse. He had large bags under his sockets and though he was falling asleep at the table. Jack leaned against your counter, facing you three and drinking from his own mug. They must have been here for awhile if they’d found your coffee pot.

One of the downsides of being a Were was the immunity to the effects of coffee. You drank it to fulfill the stereotype at work, but never bothered with it at home.

“And so the princess descends from her tower.” You flip Josh off and continue your shamble into the kitchen, ignoring his amusement. The box of glories rested in the middle of your counter next to Jack. He lingered in your way a moment too long and so you pushed him. He went with a chuckle, and then handed you a plate. You open the box and look upon its splendors. You pick out three of the treasures and then place the plate to the side. The fridge calls to you and you follow it, pulling out eggs, and the ham and cheese from your purchases yesterday.

“We bought you food so you wouldn’t have to cook, you know.” Jack told you dryly. Judgy shit.

“After yesterday, I need something more than sugar. Anyone else want an omelet?”

“Jack and I ate when we got up three hours ago like regular people.” Josh sassed from over his coffee at the table.

“if yer cookin it, i’ll take one kitten.” Sans’ voice was extra gravelly with sleep. Well... living with him wouldn’t be _all_ bad. You decidedly keep your face turned away from him, though you gave him a thumbs up. That was going to be your thing today, you could feel it. Ingredients gathered, you set up a little prep station near the stove. Jack pulled out the pan and got out of your way, retreating to the table after you growled. You tuned out their chatter as you tried to wake up as you worked. Nothing fancy this morning, though you had some freshish herbs from last week you added. You make the omelet massive, using the rest of the eggs you had. It took longer to cook, but this way you only had to make one.

While the omelet cooked, you plaited your hair and rinsed out what dishes you had scattered around. Once cooked, you cut it in half and put one on your plate and then one for Sans. When you sit next to him, sliding his portion of breakfast in front of him, he starts awake and then gives you a sleepy grin.

“thanks doll, smells great.” You give him a small smile and you both start digging in. Sans makes happy noises as he eats and you can’t help but feel pleased by it.

“So what’s the plan?” You manage to ask between bites. The food and activity finally managing to kick start your system and ebb away most of your morning grogginess.

“We rented a small moving truck, we’ll head over there to grab it then meet Papyrus at his.”

“it’ll be a fast load, boss ‘ready got most a everythin stacked ‘n ready ta go.”

“Remind me why I’m needed again? You two, plus Sans and GTP should be plenty. I’m going back to bed.”

“Nooo, you can’t do that. We’re going to hang out after. Besides you need to come and get your car.”

“And we spent a fortune on these baked goods. We own you until you pay off their debt.”

“Curses! The bribe was a trap.” You take a large bite of one, filling oozes into your mouth. You supposed it was worth it. “Alright, fine. What are we doing after?”

“Figured we’d watch movies or something. Order some pizzas.”

“whut’s pizza?” You drop your last item, a doughnut, and the three of you turn to Sans with matching looks of horror and sympathy. His grin turns down. “fuck! why ya makin dem shitty faces fer?”

“Pizza is only humankind’s best food invention. A holy disk of dough piled high with sauce, cheese and meat toppings, baked in an oven at a temperature designed to burn away the sins of the day.”

“The dough turns to crust, the sauce bubbles into a perfect brew of spices and vegetables, cheese melts into a stringy mass of bliss.” You let out a little bubble of laughter at the dramatic descriptions by your brothers. Sans’ eyelights go to you when you do, and you give him an actual smile, reaching over and petting the top of his head.

“We’ll take care of you Bones. Show you all the best stuff the surface has to offer.” His skull was warm under your hand, which was a surprise. And mostly smooth, though there was a slight porous texture that gripped onto your skin. You didn’t press hard, but it was softer than you had expected. Though maybe you should have expected it, you’d seen how expressive his face was, that wasn’t possible with rigid ‘flesh’. You quickly pull back your hand, determined to keep the touch ultra casual.

Judging from the blush rising from Sans’ cheeks, you failed. Oops. Your brothers didn’t seem to notice as they continued on about the paragon known as pizza. You default to a neutral expression and grab both your’s and Sans’ dishes, making a hasty retreat back to the kitchen.

You’d wanted to touch his head, actually you hadn’t wanted to stop. It felt so neat under your hand. And nice... you squashed that thought right away. You were curious, being part cat, that was just your nature. But after waking up last night to your head on his shoulder and his arm pulled between your breasts, you were _supposed_ to be avoiding touching him. Giving you both lots of space. But there was a part of you that liked touching Sans, you realized with a feeling of horror. You weren’t sure, but you felt as though maybe his magic felt good. You certainly didn’t feel as sore after you cuddled him. And there was that time on the couch too where he seemed to soothe Big Cat even though she had been clawing to get out.

Actually there had been quite a few instances of you two touching. Quite closely. The couch, the car, the kitchen table, the kitchen counter, the casual bumping while doing dishes.... It wasn’t like touching bothered you, you just didn’t want to lead Sans on. Monsters seemed to have a huge personal space bubble and whenever you got close to any of them, they got flustered and defensive. You didn’t think platonic touching was really a thing Underground. So it would probably be best to take it easy and let them build up a slow resistance to you. Not very fun, but it was the safest option.

Look at you, being all mature and shit.

____________

Moving sucked. With all of you working, it went by fast; but there was no real joy in picking up a bunch of boxes and moving it from inside a home, onto a truck and into another home. Luckily there were no stairs other than the second floor of the skeletons’ townhome and the second floor of your brothers’ duplex. And Sans had been right, most of everything had been waiting neatly by the door. He’d also been wrong. GTP wanted to bring along all of his furniture to the new place and though he was mighty, he required a second person to move most of it.

He bragged to you about how these were all pieces they’d brought with them from the Underground. Most of his bedroom furniture was homemade. He and Sans had spent a great deal of time crafting together a sleek black racecar bed and a couple of really nice dressers to match. All made out of wood from trees that grew in abundance in their old home. Solid wood pieces that, like most DIY products, did not disassemble well, or at all.

Damn things were _heavy._ And large. The twins took down the bed and you and GTP were attempting to carry down the larger of the two dressers.

“WE SHOULD WAIT UNTIL ONE OF YOUR BROTHERS COME BACK!”

“How many times do I have to prove to you that I’m not nearly as delicate as I look. We can handle it.”

“IT IS MORE THE DIFFERENCE IN HEIGHT. IT WILL BE AWKWARD TO CARRY TOGETHER.” You roll your eyes and lift your end up. He begrudgingly lifts his as well, he was winding himself up to sass you about needing to stoop down when you lifted the dresser to chin height. Not an efficient way to carry anything, but at least you didn’t have to hear him whine about him having to accommodate your shortness. Unfortunately, you two were kind of dumb and so you were first out the door... which meant first down the stairs. Which meant you needed to lift the damn thing over your head to keep GTP from practically doubling over carrying it.

“THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUSH AHEAD WITH THINGS! I SHOULD BE THE ONE ON THE BOTTOM!” You didn’t miss a beat.

“Ohhh, you don’t say. Well ok, next time I’ll top.” You coo seductively and wink at him from around your burden. His sockets get wide when he realizes what he said.

“THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!” He stomped his feet.

“Suuure, it’s ok GTP. Sometimes we all want to be a pillow princess.”

“who wants ta be a pillow princess?” Sans asked from his sentry post in the living room. Sans was in charge of directing what was to be taken next while you muscle-bound stooges did the heavy lifting.

“Your brother told me he wants to bottom me next time we get positioned.”

“I DID NOT! THAT IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT!”

“oh ho ho, bro! didn’t know ya ‘n da human were already at dat stage. i'm proud a ya!”

“SANS!”

“Me too, most guys don’t admit that sort of thing right away.”

“well bro’s always been pretty forward with how he likes ta be pleased.”

“YOU TWO WILL STOP THIS NOW!” He shouts, throwing his hands up in the air, throwing his side of the dresser up. You are pushed by the sudden weight and slip on the next step. Reflex demanded that you grab onto the nearest item to regain your balance. The closet item, however, was the now non-anchored dresser. GTP realized too late what he did and attempted to grab it, but missed. It flipped and you both hurdled down the stairs.

You landed at the bottom awkwardly, your legs tangled up under you. You brace yourself for impact, covering your neck and head as best as you could. Already prepared to just take the hit.

But it didn’t come. You peek out from your arms to see the dresser coated in red and floating just above you. After a second or two, it is lifted up over the railing, turning so it could fit, and set down near the couch where Sans stood sweating and panting with a scared look in his sockets. GTP flew down the stairs while you were distracted and lifted you up from under your arms, feet dangling above the ground he inspects you up and down.

“THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO PRACTICE BETTER CARRYING PROCEDURES! OUR DIFFERENCES IN HEIGHT CAUSED YOU TO CARRY YOUR SIDE FAR TOO HIGH! THIS IS YOUR FAULT FOR INSISTING ON DOING WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE!”

“Pretty sure it’s your fault for dropping it.” You giggle as he fussed over you. “I’m fine bud. Just slipped.”

“ya ok kitten?” Sans appeared next to you two, looking you over as well. He took your ankle in his hands, it was already healing but had been tucked under you at an odd angle and had probably fractured. You braced yourself as he rolled it, and when you fooled him into thinking it didn’t hurt he let it go. His face clouded over in anger and he scowled at his brother.

“whut da fuck waz dat! ya can’t be droppin’ yer shit jus cause ya feel like throwin a fuckin hissy!” His anger surprised you, you hadn’t really seen him mad before. He radiated more of that chill-guy persona whenever he was around you.

“I DIDN’T INTEND TO DO SO!” GTP shook you in his arms. You didn’t think he even noticed he was still holding you. “YOU TWO-er- I-I WILL NOT BE BLAMED FOR THIS! THE BOTH OF YOU NEED TO SHOW PROPER RESTRAINT OVER YOUR ANTICS WHEN PERFORMING PHYICAL LABOR!” He shook you again, and you had to hold onto his arms to keep his hands from digging in uncomfortably. He sounded angry with you, but he smelled scared. The both of them did.

“You’re right, we shouldn’t have been distracting you.” You tap his arm comfortingly. “But hey, Sans saved me, so I’m fine.” You nod at Sans. “So you can let me down now.” GTP drops you like you burned him, which made you laugh. You land easily on your feet and place a hand on Sans’ shoulder to keep him from yelling again.

“Really, thanks for the save Sans. I’d be a lot flatter now if you hadn’t helped out.” You give it a squeeze and he looked a little less grumpy. He gritted his teeth, but didn’t snap. Then his expression changed back to the smooth shithattery that you were used to.

“yer welcome. couldn’t let dat ass a yers lose any a its bounce.”

“Uh huh.” You shake your head and move away from the stairs now that you were on the ground. “Be a shame if all my soft human tissue just splatted all over your floor huh?”

“truly a waste.” You go to the kitchen and grab yourself a bottle of water. You give Sans the side-eye as you drink.

“Gotta ask... if you could just lift the furniture with your magic why are we carrying everything down like peasants?”

“not ‘posed ta be using magic in front a ya humans.”

“I just did a whole magic duel with your brother last night. I think you can trust me with keeping your arcane secrets.” You remark dryly. His eyelights got a tad fuzzy and his grin turned more genuine. Then your brothers came crashing back through the door and normal Sans came back.

“What’s taking so long? We’re waiting for that next piece.”

“Well, it’s right there. Take it out!”

“We were gonna grab the next one from upstairs.”

“Fuck that, Sans has levitation magic and has volunteered his services in getting everything else down from there.” You laugh at his frustrated cry. Finished with your water, you put your hands on his shoulders and march him out of the kitchen. You lean forward so you are right in his ear hole and say sweetly. “Come on, hero, show me what you got.”

___________

It took the rest of the afternoon, but eventually you moved everything. Josh and Jack also had a small load of boxes for Sans that they were kind enough to deliver on the way to dropping off the rental. They also had a couple for you, having finally managed to gather your misplaced and forgotten items from their home. Meanwhile, you helped GTP organize his room. The efforts to do so were not long appreciated. Might have had something to do with you opening a box of his clothes and finding his underwear. In case you’d been wondering, he was a briefs guy. And from what you saw, they were all white and tight.

You were promptly escorted out of his room after that.

That was ok, you had other things to be doing. Like napping. Sans beat you to the idea, already sprawled out on their green couch, which sat adjacent to the twins’ leather sectional. Luckily the living room was large enough to accommodate the two couches and the coffee table, though just barely. He laid face down, arm hanging off the edge and trailing against the carpet. You shamble your way to the leather one and flop down on top of it face first to match his position. If you stretched out your arm, you could probably grab his hand. His breath hitches and you see him turn his head a little and open a heavily bagged socket. Guilt gnawed on you, the guy went through the ringer with you this weekend. You were sure Dale went extra hard on them yesterday, then the drama with the duel and then this afternoon you made him levitate all the large heavy items. Mostly cause it was really cool to watch- freaking magic was _awesome._

Of course, you didn’t exactly know how you felt about Sans. Starting tomorrow, there would be nothing to distract you from the fact that you were living together. Work would keep you away for the most of the day, but barring the odd night at the gym, sparring match or volunteer work, your evenings were typically spent at home. What did Sans even like to do? Would he mind your videogaming, or would he be a movie guy?

“Hey, you look like shit Bones.” That was you, always the charmer.

“heh, thanks kitten. i'd say da same, but dat be a lie.”

“It wouldn’t be, but I appreciate you saying so.”

“nah, ya look great.” You shake your head, but your eyes droop closed.

“You’re wrong, but you have the right idea about the nap. Probably got another 15 minutes before the return of the twins.”

“ya wanna come sleep wit me? Plenty a room on dis couch.”

“Annnnnd we’re back to the flirts.”

“ya were da cutest lil’ cuddle cat last night ‘n i was a purrfect gentleman. ya can trust me kitkat.” You release an embarrassed groan and hide your face in the couch cushion.

“I was wondering when you were going to bring that up! I said I was sorry!”

“i already told ya, dere was nothin ta apologize fer. but ya were clingin onta my bones so much, think ya liked da feel a dem.” You weren’t looking at him at all, but you knew he was winking at you.

“Shhh shhh shhh. It’s nap time. No more flirts.” His answer, most likely something flirty and/or crude, was cut off by the barging in of your brothers. They made a lot better time than you thought they would. You sighed, sitting back up. You just wanted to sleep. “Nevermind, food’s here.” There was no hiding the defeat in your voice. After standing, you reached down to help him up. He looked at your hand for only a moment before grabbing it.

“alright let’s go try dis pizza shit ya were talkin ‘bout.”

“Hey, we eating in here or in the kitchen?” You call as you both walk towards the twins. But your smile fades when you see an addition to the little party. Jack catches your eye and gives you a sad shrug.

Of course they picked up Stacey. She was busying herself setting out some tuber wares of things that she brought next to the pizzas. The smells of the hot greasy pizza not quite blending with the spiced up vegetable dishes she created.

“Hiya y/n! Thought I’d drop by and introduce myself to the new roommate. And I brought over some _healthy_ items to fill you all up after such a hard day.” She said sweetly, then turned to Sans behind you. “Hi, I’m Stacey! You must be The Great and Terrible Papyrus!” She offered her hand to him with a bright smile. Before Sans could say anything, you hear the stomping of heeled feet and GTP coughs from behind the both of you.

“THIS MINUTE MONSTER SPECIMINE IN FRONT OF YOU IS MY BROTHER SANS. I AM THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS! YOU MUST BE MATE TO THE HUMAN JOSH!” She startles at GTP’s overall size and intimidation, but is happy to meet him. You breath a sigh of relief as she is free from any smells of fear. Stacey, the first times you met her, had been a really nice girl. She was pretty in a way you’d never be, positively dripping in dainty femininity. Sweet _most_ of the time, worked as a hairstylist and substitute elementary teacher, vegetarian, and most importantly she was not a monster racist it seemed. You could see why Josh adored her.

If she wasn’t such a two-faced jealous brat, you’d probably like her too.

“Mate? Oh that’s just so cute! Like your little brother here! You must be Y/N’s _little_ monster then?” She asked turning back to you two. The words were sweet, but dripped in condescension. Ah, Sans wasn’t as good anymore since he was your roommate. You feel your eye twitch and open your mouth before you could stop yourself.

“Sans is the older brother actually. And he’s not a pet. He’s not _mine._ He is my roommate though.”

“Oh, that’s not what I meant! I just thought you two would be dating. You two look so adorable together.” She clapped her hands in excitement, then leaned over to you in a false whisper. “You know Melanie and I have been talking and you really have to stop pining after Roan one of these days.”

You bout slapped the bitch. Your fists clenched to keep from doing just that and you knew your face drained of color. Judging by her face, that was just what she wanted.

“who’s Roan?”

“Stacey...” Josh warned behind her, but Stacey was in her element. You pulled your eyes to him and he pleaded with you, begging for you to behave yourself. You bite your lip, but don’t interrupt her. You understood where Josh was coming from. He needed GTP and Stacey to get along. If you started a real fight with Stacey now, it could make things really awkward for them going forth if GTP decided to pick sides.

Standing down really didn’t settle well with you.

“Oh, only the most _handsome_ guy! Tall, brawny, dashing smile. Can completely understand why Y/N was just totes in love.” She sashays to the counter and starts serving people up. “Now _they_ were an absolute gem of a couple. He was a firefighter, she a cop. It was like a fairy-” She stops as you march the last two steps and slam your fist on the counter. She flinches back, hand over her mouth.

“That’s my story, and I would appreciate it if you allowed me the privilege of deciding who I would like to tell it to.” That was the politest way you had ever told Stacey to shut up.

“Of-of course. No need for violence y/n.” She regained her composure and tsked at you. “Honestly, that temper of yours. Thought it would be ok since we are all family here. Melanie thinks it would be good for you to talk about it, you know. She worries so.”

“Stacey, enough!” Josh says coldly, tired with her shit. Lord, she was lucky you loved your brothers.

“Oops, sorry. Another banned topic in front of your sister. Silly me.” She hands you a plate with two slices, you immediately reach for another two and grab one of the bottles of soda. “Y/N! Honey, you are going to get fat if you eat that much!” You flip her off and retreat to the living room.

“Sorry about that Sans, she can be so rude. But you’ll get used to her moods, I’m sure. And don’t worry, I’m rooting for you little guy.”

“WHAT IS THERE TO ROOT FOR? ARE YOU PURPOSEFULLY ANTAGONIZING HER? HER TITS HAVE NOT GONE ANYWHERE NEAR THE CHEST BELONGING TO JOSH, SO I AM CURIOUS AS TO WHY YOU HAVE INTIATED A JEALOUSY-FEULED FEUD!”

“What?!! I am _not jealous_ of y/n! That’s ridiculous!”

“can’t think a any odder reason yer being such a catty bitch ta her right now den ya liftin yer leg ‘n markin whut’s yers.

“That is not what is happening at all! Josh, tell them!”

“You’re kind of being a bitch, sugarplum.”

“Excuse me! I cannot believe you right now!” Jack sat on the leather couch, laden with his own plate of pizza, and gave you the look. You shoot him one of your own, but he just kept his even with yours. You hear her whine, and could practically hear the tears in her eyes. “I was just trying to make a good impression.”

This wasn’t fair, she started it. It wasn’t your fault that she picked a losing battle. But... you were the big sister. And the faster you got the movie started, the faster you could go home.

“Guys, are we going to start a movie or what?” You call and interrupt whatever argument was about to break. Jack’s face still remains tight, and you got the message. Kiss up and make his life easier. Stacey was a near permanent fixture in Josh’s life right now, and everything would go much smoother if she and GTP got along. She’d obviously done a bit of her research if she brought along healthy food of her own to get on good terms with the health-conscious monster. “And Stacey, did you make any of those califlower fritters?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Can you bring them over with you?” Those weren’t the best things she could make, but it was what she usually brought with her. “GTP, you should let her fix up your plate, she’s probably about as health conscious as you are!”

“REALLY? AND I THOUGHT YOU ALL WERE DETERMINED TO CLOG EVERY ONE OF YOUR PUNY HUMAN ARTERIES WITH YOUR GREASE FILLED DELIGHTS!”

“Hey, you still have to try at least one piece of pizza. We’re not doing our duty to FAM if we don’t make you try it at least once.”

Sans came around to you and jerked his head, indicating that you should move over. You obey, rewarding his gumption. GTP then sits on your other side, having brought over the fritters as requested. The other three settle on the leather one, Stacey practically molded into Josh.

Though she got up often to refill drinks and make popcorn, and just overall show herself as a perfect hostess. Whenever you got up to grab yourself or Sans something, she hopped up and insisted you sit down and let her do it. That was fine. It was nice to be waited on every now and again. Would have been better if she hadn’t kept saying it was the hostess’ job. That you were a _guest_. You tried to ignore it, and focus on exchanging horribly messed up lines and pointing out plot holes with Sans. The movie chosen had been John Wick, so there was plenty of material available. Even GTP got in on it towards the end, though he had been bitching about your commentary since the beginning.

What surprised you more than this, however, was the positions both of them took. GTP put his arm against the back of the couch and stretched his legs out in front of him as best he could. Lord he had long legs. This was the first time you’d seen him sitting down and stretching them.

It was also the first time he initiated any sort of intimacy with you. You two weren’t exactly touching, but you could feel the warmth of his bones from being so near. Sans, of course, saddled up right next to you so that your thigh was touching his femur. It made eating a little awkward. But the way they glared whenever Stacey interacted with you, you could tell they were just being protective.

And, you’d never say it out loud, but maybe a little shy? GTP especially. This was his new home and there was a woman he’d never met before going out of her way to be pleasant to him. He’d have to find some common ground with her himself later, but for tonight you could appreciate what you had.

Sans loved the pizza, biting each slice clean in half. But then again, you had a feeling he enjoyed finger food of any kind. Especially after he drowned the thing in mustard. He’d done so, staring at you in challenge the whole time and you just sidled closer to GTP. To which he responded by scooting even closer to you.

GTP seemed uncomfortable with the extra nearness now that you two were actually touching, but once he realized you weren’t going to try to crawl into his lap or make it weird, he settled down. And judging from the way he eventually loosened up, you’d even go so far as to say he might have enjoyed it. Just a little.

After you stopped eating and got about halfway through the movie, inspiration struck and you grabbed out your phone. You wanted a picture with the skele boys.

“Hey, you two, lean in and smile.” You say softly to them, trying to not disturb the other couch.

“WHY?” So much for that.

“I want a picture with you two. We don’t have any all together yet.”

“THIS IS NOT AN INCIDENT OF HIGH IMPORTANCE! THERE IS NOTHING OF NOTE TO TAKE A PHOTO OF!” Of course GTP was going to be a big baby about this. Why did you expect anything else?

“This is your first day of FAM. And I don’t need a reason to want to take a picture with my monster boys.” You don’t hear any more complaints out of GTP and he and Sans pull in even closer to you so you can get your shot. Two awkwardly smiling skeletons smooshed into you is shown on your screen. Sans looking a little dopey and blushy and GTP seemingly forgetting what a smile felt like. You, of course, had a full tooth grin that would make Sans proud.

“Aww.” You gush. “Look at us! We’re so cute!” You show them. GTP rubs his nasal ridge in embarrassment but he smelled pleased.

“SKELETON MONSTERS ARE NOT CUTE! WE ARE TERRIFYING AND POWERFUL! BUT I WILL NOT RIDICULE YOU FOR YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS AT MEMORY DOCUMENTATION. IF YOU’D LIKE, YOU MAY SEND THAT TO ME SO I MAY ALSO KEEP IT IN MY LOG FOR THE PROGRAM”

“Yup. Course. Record keeping is extremely important for the program after all.” You say sarcastically as you send the pic to both him and Sans.

“YOUR WORDS ARE CORRECT, BUT YOUR TONE IMPLIES YOU DISAGREE WITH ME!”

“Cause I do. You say you want the picture for documentation, but I think you just don’t want to admit that you like the idea of having a picture with your bestest human friend and your brother.”

“THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!”

“Can you three please be quiet? We’re trying to watch the movie!” Jack admonishes you three cheekily. You stick your tongue out at him but settle back into your cushion. You have to push Sans back to a respectable distance, and he does comply though he grumbles about it. It isn’t long before even your commentary proves to be unequal to the pull of sleep for the guy. He nods off and slumps over the arm of his spot, while you and GTP continue your ripping apart of the movie.

When it finally ends you are adamant about not starting another. Sans was beyond passed out and you still needed to email those papers you promised yesterday. You also had work in the morning and was starting your week of being on call. Yay.

“Are you sure you got to go? We can put on the sequel, or we can choose a comedy?” Jack asks, trying to tempt you into staying.

“Yeah, I’m beat. And I need a shower. And Sans hasn’t moved in the last 40 minutes.” You pull him into a tight hug.

“Alright, alright. Thanks for helping out today.”

“Course!” Then you whisper to him. “Ok, now watch her face.” You break apart and give Josh his hug next, having to tug him up from the couch to do so.

“Love ya sis. Let us know if you need us.”

“Pfft, I’ll be fine. But thanks.” Breaking up, Stacey’s face was angry and Jack was trying hard not to laugh. You go to wake Sans up, but GTP had picked him up and was carrying his unconscious form like a laundry basket.

This was your life now.

He follows you out to your car and carefully buckles Sans in. Though he pretended to grumble about it the whole time. When he straightens up from his task, you are there waiting for him. The moment he turns around, you grab him for a quick hug.

“NYERGH! YOU CANNOT DO THAT!” He pushes you off of him, awkward limbs flailing as he attempted to remove you as fast as he could, washed in crimson again.

“Oh Paps. We both know that I can. And will.” You laugh at his scowl, but it is short lived. “Ok, ok. I’ll save the hugs for super special occasions. We’ll need to come up with something just for us.” Nothing comes to mind, so you continue more seriously. “But, um, hey. Just so you know, if you need anything I’m 10 minutes away.” You wanted to remind him that _Sans_ was 10 minutes away, but you sorta picked up that the brothers liked to pretend to not care about one another. He looked like he was about to fight you on that, but changed his mind, nodding instead.

“DRIVE SAFE HUMAN, I WOULD HATE TO HEAR OF YOUR DEMISE BY SOMETHING SO WEAK AS VEHICULAR HOMICIDE!”

“Nah. If I go it will be doing something awesome like fighting a grizzly or something.” He waits by the door until you leave the driveway, true mother hen style. You give him a wave and a horn honk as you go.

One thing was for certain, this had definitely been a turbulent weekend for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok ok ok. Before you all demand that Stacey be dealt with, you gotta remember that she's Josh's gal. KC can't too hard on her otherwise she will get Josh all riled up. And Josh is the scarier of the twins. So she wasn't as harsh as she would normally be. But if Stacey was starting shit out of earshot of Josh, hands would be thrown.   
> Interesting fact (well interesting to me, you guys probably don't give a damn) but Roan's name was originally Brandon. I changed it because Brandon sounded so..... white. Like North Dakota cattle farmer white. No offense to all you Brandons out there. I am sure you are all amazing cattle farmers, and North Dakota seems like a lovely place.   
> Hmm, what else should I talk about? Sans and KC getting a little closer? Kind of? They are trying to find an equilibrium, I think it will be an awkward back and forth of too much and too little for awhile until they actually get a chance to talk and get to know one another. Honestly, I'm surprised I keep having them touch at all. I keep thinking KC is going to be spitting mad every time they bump elbows, but nope. Guess he does deserve a little bit of couch cuddles after he saved her from the dresser. So much for the graceful Were-leopard lol.   
> Speaking of couches... I know lots of people liked John Wick, (my husband included) but I don't. I don't want to start a whole rant about this, but if I was a big mob boss and had ONE son, and ONE guy who I knew could fuck up my whole organization, I would make sure my kid knew who the hell that guy was so he could avoid the fuck out of him. Just... you know... avoid the whole situation altogether.   
> Ok... well I guess that's it this week. If you all want to comment... well you know what to do :P


	15. Bunny Tales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to take a peek into the mind of Sans. Just what is he going to do all day when kitten is out at work?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good Evening lovely readers! We ready for chapter 15?  
> Can you believe I'm at 15 chapters already? Holy smokes! That's so much!   
> Know what's even more though? My hit count! It's over 4000!!!! That's CRAZY! I am continuously flabbergasted that you folks keep coming back and reading after every update. And flattered! Have I mentioned how much I adore each and every one of you? I can pretty much guarantee I would have given up this project without your support. So thank you guys so so so much!  
> But ok, enough of that mushy stuff. 
> 
> This chapter is a Sans POV. All Sans, all 8,000 words. And let me tell you... it was a struggle! I know, I know. "Kertney, you bitch about all your chapters and we tell you that we love them so just shut up already." Sorry, sorry. This time it's legit though! So far I've been kind of muddling around Sans, but this chapter I think I get a bit better at fleshing him out. We also get to see some interactions with him independent of KC so yeah, I think this is a really needed chapter.   
> I just hope I did him justice. 
> 
> So... anyway... see you folks at the end for more of my rambles!

It was early. Too early. After da weekend he had, he shoulda slept like da dead. _Heh_. But that wasn’t how da nightmares worked, was it?

He rolled on da sweat soaked mattress, pushing his wet and balled up sheets away from him. He’d probably have ta wash ‘em soon, they’d get moldy sitting like that. He’d taken off da comforter and blanket ahead‘a time. Didn’t want ta risk tearing up yer nice blankets. Da sheets were goners. His claws had dug in and already tore holes inta ‘em. He’d done that da first night, when everything smelled like ya and yer brothers and da staleness of non-use. Boss woulda washed all da sheets right then and there, but ya didn’t seem ta care if they weren’t 100% clean. Not that he was judging yer level of domestication, ya clearly had other things on yer mind on Friday.

It didn’t matter anyway, they all smelled like him now. Da nightmares that made da sweat pour off his bones made sure’a that.

Better than da dust he dreamed of.

Stars he just wanted ta sleep, but even after he caught his breath and wiped his skull clean, his sockets refused ta shut.

He was fuckin’ pathetic. Months on da surface and he was still havin’ nightmares. When would da shit end? Da surface was supposed ta be da cure all end all fer all their problems. But here he was, still struggling ta sleep even though every bone that made up his body screamed fer da rest it needed.

His feet dangled off da side of da bed. He missed having da mattress on da floor. Having da empty space under him was rattling. He tried shoving some’a da boxes under there, but it didn’t help his anxiety. Or maybe at this point it was paranoia.

It also pissed him off that his feet couldn’t even hit da ground. A generic bed fer ya generic meatbags. Da surface was a shit-hole of generic garbage. No wonder most humans he saw were glued ta their phones. Nothing different ta look at away from them. He grit his teeth, now even angrier at himself. That wasn’t true. That was just him being an asshole and thinking asshole thoughts. He was just an angry, tired ass.

Sans finally had enough with his thoughts and short-cutted his way ta yer couch. He wasn’t sleeping anyway, and he’d been meaning ta boot up one’a yer consoles like ya invited him ta da first night he came here. And just like that, he was thinkin’a ya again. Ya wouldn’t mind him messing with yer stuff, he was sure. Ya didn’t mind a lot of things. Ya were pretty stupid like that. Sleeping just a couple’a doors down from him, not knowing da extent’a his magic. He could short cut right ta ya and dust ya right now. There’d be nothing ya could do, sleeping without any kinda protections. All soft and rippable. Nothin’ ‘bout ya defensible. No scales, or fur, or bones. Just soft flesh.

_He could protect ya._

Ha! He couldn’t even sleep a whole fuckin’ night. What da hell was he gonna do ta keep ya safe? Why da hell would he even want ta? Nothin’ but fuckin’ trouble. Making friends ya shouldn’t have anything ta fuckin’ do with. Huggin’ and cuddlin’ monsters that woulda killed ya if ya looked at ’em wrong before.

And ya insisted ya didn’t need no protection anyway. Had yer fancy moves and yer brothers ‘round. Not that they were any fuckin’ help ta ya. Just another bunch’a soft, stupid human shits. Couldn’t believe they’d let that other female just start shit in their kitchen wit’cha. And who da fuck was this Roan guy?

“You going to play something or just growl at the TV all night?” HOLY SHIT!!! Sharp bones summoned and flying before he could string two thoughts together. He was up and spun around, magic coursing through his body and readying ta fight.

He was so fucking stupid. Bitching about how soft humans were and yet he left himself completely open. No Boss here ta help him.

Separated. Trapped. Alone.

“Heeey, hey. It’s just me. Just, ah, just _kitten_. Just getting a drink of water.” Ya were standing with yer hands up, talking in a soothing voice. He knew ya, he knew he knew ya, but then again, he knew lotsa people who tried ta kill him. Long seconds passed and he knew he couldn’t hold back from another bone wave. He’d figure out who ya were later. After he killed ya. He’d make sure they hit this time. Teach da stupid human that Sans wasn’t someone ya could sneak up on!

“Tibia honest, when you said you offered to bone me, this isn’t what I had in mind.” _Snrk!_ Ok, that was pretty good.

Skeleton puns. Why was that important?

Ya still stayed where ya were, but now you were leaning against da wall. Why did dat piss him off? It made ya easier ta kill, he should be thanking ya fer being so stupid and easy and soft… wait, ya said it was kitten, _his kitten._ He’d just thought about protecting ya and now he was throwing fuckin magic at ya! And da fuck were ya doing? Run, get away! Don’t make fuckin’ jokes. “Don’t think this is what people mean when they say throw me a bone, Sans.” He laughed, a strangled almost hysterical feeling, but ya pulled it out of him. Finally da magic faded and he closed his sockets and turned from ya. Trying ta get his soul ta settle.

“’r ya ribbin me kitten? ya almost get impaled ‘n yer telling puns?”

“What can I say? I gots me a funny bone.”

“make no bones ‘bout it, ya scared me outta my skin.”

“Not going to tell you any fibula's, but you really rattled me.”

“pfft! ya ain’t got nothin’ ta rattle. yer fleshy bits jiggle.” Ya laugh with him and push away from da wall. Yer movements were smooth, flowing.

Ya really weren’t lounging were ya? Ya’d been watching his movements, never took yer eyes off’a him. He only realized it when ya turned away, making yer way ta da kitchen. The air lost its tension and da fight he felt building, disappeared.

Fuck, ya were really intense weren’t ya? He laughed nervously ta himself and sat back down on da couch, finally booting up one’a yer game systems. He was looking through your library, trying ta find something interesting while listening ta yer movements. After a few minutes ya came and sat down on yer side with a large bowl of cereal?

“jus how much do ya eat exactly?”

“I feel offended by the judgment in your tone.” Ya say through a mouthful’a milk-soaked sugary breakfast garbage.

“it’s like 2 AM, should ya really be eating dat much dis late?”

“I’m a grown woman, I can eat nostalgic breakfast treats in the dead of the night if I damn well please.” Ya defiantly take another large bite and chew loudly. Ok, message received. He turns back ta da library. Ya had a lot of games.

“So what we playin Bones?”

“is dat da nickname yer givin me?”

“Eh? Maybe. I think I like it better than Chewtoy.”

“whut’s wrong wit Sans?”

“Thought you said you wanted to be pals? Pals get nicknames… Though maybe that’s changed? You did just try to kill me.” Ya chuckle darkly.

“ya fuckin snuck up and scared da dust off’a me.”

“Oops.”

“dat’s all yer gonna say?”

“Sorry you have to live with my quiet grace and sneaking footsteps.”

“yer gonna get yerself killed!”

“Meh, I’m pretty hard to kill. Least no one’s succeeded yet.” Yer nonchalance ‘bout da whole thing pissed him off.

“actually yer not! look at how soft ‘n fuckin squishy ya are! ya almost went splat dis afternoon ‘n we were jus movin fuckin furniture! ‘n now ya almost made me impale ya ‘n yer still gonna be runnin ‘round all da fuckin monsters ‘n any one’a ‘em can jus fuckin dust ya. ‘n yer so stupid ya’d probably jus hug ‘em ‘n lick ‘em.”

“Are you seriously upset that I didn’t beat your brother up? That I licked him instead of breaking him? Cause that’s pretty harsh and you were the one that told me _not_ to think murdery thoughts.”

“dat isn’t whut i'm sayin!”

“Then what is it? I get you are mad cause I scared you-”

“i’m mad cause ya almost got killed ‘n yer actin like it ain’t no fuckin big deal!”

“Well what do you want me to do about it? Want me to make you run some laps? Do some push-ups? How about a nice time out? Go ahead and pick a corner!”

“whut? No!” Ya take a deep breath and let it out slowly, but he could see da smile ya were tryin ta hide.

“Hmm, maybe you just want me to lay down some sweet, sweet violence upon you? I don’t normally take requests, but I can make an exception for you.”

“oh, ya will huh?”

“For sure. You have a very punch-able face. Grinning all smug and shit all the time.” Ya said that, but there was no heat ta da words, just more’a yer teasing tone.

“Lola seemed ta like my face jus fine. wants a hoard’a babies wit faces ta match.”

“Fanged rabbit skeletons sound both adorable and terrifying. Though now I am just imagining you with rabbit ears. I think I still have a bunny costume somewhere, want to try it on to satisfy my curiosity?”

“fuck no! why would ya have somethin like dat anyway?”

“It was a slutty Halloween thing. Lots of us girls went as playboy bunnies.”

“whut does dressin like a bunny have ta do wit being slutty?”

“Heh! Well, um, Playboy is kind of a really famous human porn magazine? And the mascot is a girl dressed scandalously with rabbit ears and a little bunny tail… and I’m explaining this really badly, let me just show you a pic.”

“i’m not lookin at gross human porn wit’cha!”

“What? Afraid you are going to taint your poor virgin eyes? PFFT, don’t be such a GTP.”

“fuck off!” Ya try ta shove yer phone in his face, but he closes his sockets.

“Aw, come’on. Where’s my little pervy gremlin guy gone? Just open your sockets, they aren’t naked or anything.” He opens and looks reluctantly, ya weren’t gonna give up anyway. Huh, just women in bathing suits wearing rabbit ears. That really da kinda shit yer human guys are inta?

“da fuck? ya really jus put rabbit ears on ladies?”

“And we attach a tail! It’s a whole look. Super convincing.”

“yer stupid… wait, ya said ya dressed like dis? lemme see!”

“Heck no! You just said it was stupid! And no way am I showing _you_ any sort of exposing pictures!”

“now who’s da one dat sounds like boss? whut too chicken ta let yer monster roommate see ya in cute bunny ears?”

“You can’t goad me into this. This whole thing started because I want to see _you_ in rabbit ears.”

“well maybe i'll wear ‘em if ya lemme see da pic.”

“You know what? Fine. You’re on. You could probably find the picture on the internet anyway.” Ya scroll through yer phone fer a bit until ya find whut yer lookin fer, den ya toss it ta him.

“shit! dat’s ya?” Ya looked a lil younger, but maybe that was cause yer hair was out. Ya had on da skimpy lil black costume and yer shoulders and da tops’a yer breasts were exposed, all pushed up. But his eyelights barely took dat in as he focused on yer legs. They were covered by a pair’a crisscrossing tights dat hugged yer thighs. Oh stars! He zoomed in and could see bits’a yer flesh poking through ‘em. He’d touched yer thighs da other day, but da picture made ‘em look so… plump. Ya snatch da phone back and he growled, tryin ta hold onta it.

“Dammit Sans! You can’t be eye fucking my picture! Not with me right here!”

“well send it ta me, ‘n i'll do it when yer not ‘round.” He winks at ya and ya blushed. Stars, he loved it when ya blushed.

“That’s not happening.”

“please kitten? i'll only look at it when i'm real bonely.”

“Nooo, don’t mix your terrible puns with flirts!”

“yer da one weaponizing puns earlier.”

“That was a stroke of genius and totally worked I might add.”

“well i could find somethin else fer ya ta stroke.” He knew that was too far da moment it left his mouth, and da pillow thrown at his head said ya agreed.

“You sound like you are in the middle of ordering a large helping of violence.” He put da pillow behind him and laughed.

“nah, i'll be good, i'll stop.”

“Ok good.”

“dat mean ya’ll send me dat picture?”

“Hell no!”

“aww, but ya said i could find it on da internet anyway? why’s dat?”

“Yup! Ok, so super funny story. So Halloween is a pretty big drinking holiday for anyone that doesn’t have kids. People put on costumes and get drunk. So me and some friends go bar hopping and of course we run into trouble. Between our third and fourth bar, we pass some guy getting mugged in an alley.”

“lemme guess, ya stop him?”

“Of course I do! But the guy runs, so I high- _tail_ it after him. And what am I wearing?”

“heels ‘n tights ‘n a tail.” If ya noticed da way that made him heat up, ya didn’t say anything.

“ _Exactly!_ Lord that little black thing rode up so damn bad, and my bra was _not_ meant to be run in, so my boobs kept trying to pop out. And the guy is freaking fast and I’m in fucking heels! _Finally_ I catch him, but it wasn’t like I had my badge or cuffs or anything on me.”

“should think so, ya had no where ta put ‘em.”

“Ain’t that the truth! So we have to call it in and wait, _forever!_ And what do I do with the dude? I was afraid I was going to have to sit on the guy until the on duties showed, but luckily the bar patrons saw everything and rounded me up a pair of neon pink fuzzy handcuffs.”

“no.”

“YES! And some kinky gals brought me over a damn leash and collar set! And by now we have a whole little crowd. They’re taking selfies and filming. Other people are offering us both drinks. Then we find that some people got the _whole thing_ on camera, including large parts of the chase. So next day rolls around and there’s me and my cute little cotton tail all over the news! Oh Chief was so PISSED!” Yer laughing so hard at da memory, ya got tears in yer eyes. “He calls me up and yells: What you do on your own time is your own god damn business, but if you’re going to be working as a cop I expect you to wear the correct fucking uniform!” He laughed at yer story, picturing ya running after some creep like ya described. Ya were so easy ta talk ta like dis. Ya always seemed ready ta laugh, at a crappy joke or at yerself. He’d never want ta have anyone find out ‘bout a story like that, but here ya were sharing it’a yer own volition. At da same time, he knew next ta nothing ‘bout ya. Nothing serious. Nothing important. And he had a feeling ya had a lotta serious and important stuff to know.

__________

_Heya Bones,_

_Gonna be out late tonight. Have some errands to run after my shift. Will be grabbing some groceries that are monster-friendly. IDK what you like, so if you want something specific either text me or get it yourself. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen._

_Do NOT call maintenance about the holes in the walls. I’ll get it taken care of later. Or if you want to fix them, that’s cool too. I think there is some Spackle under the bathroom sink? Not sure._

_K, well, gotta run._

_~Kit (short for kitten cause that’s my name now apparently.)_

Sans folded da note and put it in his coat pocket. No real reason ta keep it, but ya wrote it fer him. He yawned and looked at da clock. 11am. He’d gone back ta bed at ‘bout 5. He still tossed and turned, but he managed ta get a few good hours. Least he didn’t wake from anymore nightmares. That had been fuckin’ embarrassing. Luckily ya didn’t seem ta notice he’d had one. Must not have been screaming this time.

How late was late fer ya? Now that he finally had ya ta himself, he wanted ta talk ta ya some more. Get ta know ya a lil better. Maybe ya’d like ta get ta know him too?

He could hope.

Ya stayed up with him fer a few more hours and told more stories. And tried yer hands at some more puns. He’d been surprised by da skeleton ones. Had ya been thinking of ‘em? Maybe ya looked some up to have ready fer him? His soul pulsed happily at da thought. Sans went ta da fridge and gathered da last’a da sandwich stuff and his last bottle’a mustard. He’d text ya later to put it on da list.

He was a little disappointed ya didn’t ask him ta come shopping with ya. And ya shouldn’t be paying fer all da food. Though it was kinda nice thinking ‘bout a human taking care’a him. Humans were da ones ta lock’em all up ta begin with. Asshole humans should be doing all they could ta make amends with monsters after what they did.

Not dat it was yer fault… Ugh! He brought his food ta da couch and settled back in. Last night he was going ta play some Call of Duty after ya finally had enough and gone back ta bed, but he didn’t want ta wake ya up with da gunfire. But ya weren’t here now, so he booted it up.

It took him awhile ta get used ta da controls. And da different types’a guns. Monsters didn’t use weapons typically, so da large variety’a options was concerning. Just how many types of guns did ya need? Sure had an awful lot of different ways ta kill each other fer such a peaceful civilization. After getting used ta everything, he found himself a pair of headphones and tried his hands at a couple’a online matches.

He’d been playin fer a couple’a house when da doorbell rang. He scowled but kept playing. Mentally he wished fer da shitty human at da door ta go away. If ya weren’t kitten, he didn’t wanna talk ta ya today.

Da doorbell rang again.

And again.

And finally da door was pounded on.

FUCK! Just go away! But of course da fleshie wouldn’t.

“Y/N I know you’re home! I saw your gamer-tag online.” For the love of Asgore, just how many clingy human guys did ya know? And shit, was he supposed ta not be playing on yer profile ‘r something? Ya hadn’t said anything ‘bout it last night. After another round of door pounding, Sans pulled off his headphones and slammed da controller down. When he ripped open da door, da guy had his hand held up like he was ‘bout ta hit da door again.

“HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?” He screeched and jumped back. Sans didn’t know if he was glad or disappointed that his human stereotypes were once again being confirmed. Spending da weekend with ya, being carted ‘round ta meet yer volunteer people, and spending time with yer brothers almost made him forget dat most’a ya fleshbags were assholes.

Sans grit his teeth and stuffed his hands inta his pockets. “i’m a monster, ya moron.”

“Lord, dude, you’re a nasty little shit, huh? Man monsters are gross as hell.” Most of ya aren’t dis rude though.

“da fuck ya want?”

“Does y/n know you’re here bone dude? Shit! I bet you’re fucking robbing her place and getting cozy in her fucking apartment aren’t you? That’s messed up!”

“i live here, asshole. i ain’t robbing anythin.”

“No way! Y/n has more standards then ta be fucking a gross dead guy like you.”

“y/n isn’t here, but my name’s on da lease. if ya have a problem wit it, ya can fuck off.” Da guy ignored him and pulled out a phone. Hopefully he was calling you, and not da police…. Well guess it was da same thing. Ya answer on da second ring.

“Hello Parker.” He could hear yer voice from over da phone. Ya sounded annoyed. “Is something wrong?” Ok, maybe less annoyed ‘n more worried.

“Yeah, I’d say so. You sleeping with some Nightmare Before Christmas little mofo?”

“God dammit.” Back ta annoyed. “That’s Sans. Why are you at my apartment? Did something happen? I’m at work, but I could be there in 20 if something is wrong.”

“Creepy dude was on your gamer profile, says he lives with you. Told him no way you were sleeping with some dead guy.”

“Are you seriously telling me that you are calling me at my job to verify if I am sleeping with a monster? A job in which I may or may not be handling people who may be of a violent tendency. Cause this seems like some real petty bullshit to be bothering me with when I could be risking my fucking life.” Yer tone was icy calm. He knew that tone. It was da one ya used right before ya threw him into yer wall.

“I mean, yeah?”

“Parker, you had better have a good fucking reason to be knocking on my door, interrogating and insulting my friend and demanding fucking answers about my personal life.”

“I, uh, was worried about you. Your car is gone, but you were online. Thought someone snuck into your apartment.”

“As you have proved, you have my number. A quick text would have provided you all the information you needed.” Yer voice goes a little quieter, like ya pulled da phone away from ya. “God dammit Darrell, I’ll be done in a fucking second. No!! My idiot neighbor…. Oh for fuck’s sake, not you too! Does no one understand what privacy is?” He could hear ya grind yer teeth from where he was at. Ya must’a put da phone back ta yer ear. “Still there Parker?”

“Yes?”

“Sorry about that. Looks like you aren’t the only snoop in my fucking life.”

“Ok, you know what? You don’t need to be such a bitch. And I think it’s pretty disgusting you’re here banging some corpse. Monsters are fucking dangerous, this one used magic on me as soon as he opened the door. That’s illegal you know!”

“i did not! but i sure as hell can if yer aiming fer a bad time ya dick!”

“Parker… I don’t know why you felt the need to lie about something like that, but I’ll let you in on a little something. Our landlord didn’t put up any cameras in the hallways, but I sure as shit did. And I know for a fact Sans isn’t lying. He’d be bragging right now about dusting a human if he had.”

“So you admit he’s dangerous?”

“Jesus, I don’t have time for this petty shit today. Parker, if I check my cameras I will have physical proof that Sans didn’t do anything to you. And if I were you, I’d watch how you throw around false accusations. I’d really hate for you to find out just how fucking petty our legal system can be. Now since you’re dicking around my apartment anyway, put me on speaker phone. I want to talk to Sans.” Parker grumbles, but does it. Holding da phone out ta him. Sans’ grin is very smug.

“Heeey Bones, you sleep ok? I didn’t wake you up this morning, did I?” Yer voice is sweet and cooing. Da heavy implications making Parker’s face turn red in anger. Ha, he liked dis game. Sans’ voice went soft as well.

“nah kitten. slept like da dead. got yer little note. can ya pick up some mustard fer me? maybe some onion chips too?”

“Sure can. What do you want for dinner?”

“ya know I love anythin ya make, kitcat. whut time will ya be home?”

“Don’t know. We made an arrest so lots of paperwork. Hopefully sometime before seven.”

“don’t work too hard, no way ya slept enough after last night.”

“You doubt my endurance. I can go a lot longer than you give me credit for~”

“Jesus Christ, this is nasty. Save this shit for your own phone.”

“Oh, sorry. Thought you were just asking to be involved in my personal affairs? Thought you wanted to know the nature of my relationship?”

“Not like this!”

“Fine, we can be done. Go ahead and piss off and don’t fucking call me unless my apartment is burning? OK?”

“Sure.”

“K, bye.” Da phone clicks and he gives another full faced grin ta da human before slamming da door in his stupid face. Sans can hear him stomp away. Once da guy is gone, he goes back ta da couch and shuts da game down. He wasn’t interested anymore.

That human had been a piece a shit, but he did a good job reminding Sans what normal humans thought when they looked at him. He was gross, looked like yer dead. He didn’t know if he should be encouraged or dismayed dat ya were willing ta pretend ta be in a relationship with him. What if someone turned violent against ya cause’a it? He was so fuckin’ stupid. It never occurred ta him dat other humans would have a problem with da two a ya getting together.

Of course, ya never said ya were sleeping with him. Just implied it. Maybe some part’a ya felt da same way as dat guy? Maybe ya just said all dat cause ya hated people pushing in on yer privacy? Probably. Ya were soft and perfect and he was trash. He’d been always been trash.

All da same, he couldn’t keep himself from imagining if da implication had been real. That ya’d woken up in his bed and done yer best ta sneak out without waking him. That ya and him were gonna make dinner together like a couple when ya got home. Maybe watch a movie after, get _distracted._ Wind back up in his bed. He’d take ya out ‘round town, make sure every monster knew who ya belonged ta. Would make yer job so much easier. And he’d leave his scent all over ya fer anyone who questioned it.

But… ya wouldn’t like dat. Not yet. He was just some guy who forced his way inta yer private life. He was no better den da guy at da door. Except worse. That guy ya could push away and lock out. Sans was living with ya. He knew he had a lot of ground ta make wit’cha if he ever wanted ta smooth dat over. He short-cutted ta his room and pulled open da boxes of his books. One’a da first purchases he made fer himself had been da course texts fer an engineering program. Making shit was da only thing he was good at, or had been good at. It’d been a stupid purchase, he hadn’t touched da books since, the inspiration he felt fading as soon as he got ‘em. But right now he was bored, and sick of thinking’a ya. All fuckin’ day his thoughts been turning back ta ya. He set up some’a da books at da kitchen table and started reading.

…. He didn’t get very far. Couldn’t concentrate, everything kept circling back ta ya. Must be cause ya were so weird. Every time it looked like he learned a little bit more ‘bout ya, it turned inta more questions. Da main one was why were ya single? Parker had been interested and who was dat Roan guy? No way ya’d give a straight answer if he were ta ask, ya’d tell him all da embarrassing stories he could ever want, but ya seemed real dodgy over da important shit. But who could he ask instead? Yer brothers would never answer anything like dat. But he didn’t know any’a yer other friends. There was dat lady at da shelter dat seemed ta know ya. Dawn? Yeah, Dawn.

Before he knew what he was doing, he’d short cutted ta da front office’a da shelter. Shit! He hadn’t actually meant ta come. Ya’d be pissed if ya found him snooping ‘round asking questions ‘bout ya.

“Sans? What are you doing here?” His thoughts were stopped as da older lady came from ‘round back. Margie? Marla? Merryl? He couldn’t remember. And what was he supposed ta say? Just stopping by ta see if ya wanted ta gossip ‘bout a person ya seemed ta genuinely care ‘bout?

With nothing dat he could say, he shrugged.

“had some extra time, thought i'd throw yer husband a bone ‘n help him out.”

“Oh wow! I didn’t think you monsters would be the volunteer types, but I am so glad to be wrong! But Dale had an appointment today, so he isn’t around. And I’d rather you not touch any of the bigger projects without him here. He gets so fussy about that sort of thing. But I do have some smaller projects that would be tremendously helpful if you have the time?”

“oh i definitely have da time fer ya, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart? Oh my!” She giggled and blushed. “You go ahead and put that charm away. I’m much too old to be flirted with.”

“nah, ya still got plenty’a kick ta ya.”

“Oh shush! I’m an old married woman and you leave me in peace. Dale’s too old to be riling him up now.” She led him ta a janitor’s closet and pulled out a ton’a light bulbs and indicated a ladder fer him ta bring.

“Oh this is going to be such a big help. Dale’s not so great with ladders and my hands are too arthritic to manage the bulbs very well.”

“no big deal.” It was a big deal. Why da shit was he helping here again? He set up da ladder and started taking out da old bulbs and handing ‘em ta her. She den handed him a new one. She chattered on ‘bout silly things, how da weather was and other things that people who had nothing in common talked ‘bout. He was just working out how ta bring ya up, when Sans could hear da front door’a da building open and a wave of noisy children enter.

“Shoot! It’s already after school. Sans, I need to go oversee the study groups and whatnot. I’ll send in one of the older kids in here to help you out, ok?”

“yah, sure. whatever.” Mary, he remembered da name now, left and Sans was left alone fer awhile. What exactly was he even doing here? Putting up fuckin’ lights fer shitty humans. Whole place filled with adults, why couldn’t any’a ‘em do this shit? And Mary looked like she’d shut down any talk’a ya at all.

Someone with heavy footsteps knocked lightly on da door. “Hey, Grams said you could use some hel- oh shit! Crap! I meant, crap, don’t tell Grams! But cripes! You’re a monster!!” Da kid’s voice was going a mile a minute. “Man this is so _cool!”_

“Uhh?” He’d been expecting da kid ta scream and yell like that Parker guy. She went and picked up da next set’a bulbs and handed ‘em up ta him.

“I haven’t gotten to see many monsters yet! We thought maybe there’d be a bunch of monster kids in the schools, but apparently there aren’t a lot of them. Which sucks! But you are probably one of the coolest I’ve seen! Not that I’ve seen a lot, but who cares! You’re a skeleton! That’s so rad! What magic do you have? Can your head turn into flames like the Punisher? Can you summon other smaller skeletons to do your bidding? Are there other undead monsters? Were you originally a human and rose from the grave?”

“holy Asgore, kid, settle da fuck down. yer giving me a headache wit all da questions!”

“Oh, sorry! I am just so excited! My name’s Cassie, and Gram said you were y/n’s friend, right?”

“yah. i'm Sans the Skeleton.”

“That’s sooo cool! She’s the freaking coolest! Of course she has cool monster friends right away. What kind of magic do you do?”

“sorry kid, dat’s classified. monsters can’t be tellin all ya humans all’a our secrets.”

“Boo! You can’t just keep all that awesome magic to yourself! Man if I had magic, I’d be using it all the time! Did humans ever have magic?”

“long time ago, humans wit magic were called mages and dey were da ones dat sealed all da monsters away. be glad ya don’t have magic ‘r monsters be after ya.”

“Pfft, I would be a good mage. Be best friends with all the monsters!”

“kid, monsters don’t want nothing ta do wit’cha meatbags as regular humans, we sure as shit wouldn’t want anythin ta do wit’cha if ya had magic.”

“Well that can’t be true.”

“if i said it, it’s true. why da fuck wouldn’t it be true?”

“Cause why would you be here if you wanted nothing to do with us?”

“uh…”

“Oooooh. You’re here to impress y/n aren’t you?” Sans dropped da bulb he had been holding and barely managed ta catch it in time.

“whut?! no! She don’t even know i'm here, and dat’s gonna stay dat way!”

“Good.”

“why da fuck is dat good? good ‘enough ta be friends but not ta date?”

“Um, no. That’s not what I meant at all! I think it’d be awesome if you dated! Not that I know anything about you, but I’m sure if y/n is friends with you, then you are a good person. And you are here, putting up light bulbs. And you’re talking to me, and no one really ever talks with me. People like to say I talk way too fast and too much, you know?”

“kid, kid, yer going too fast again. whut did ya mean den?”

“Oh! I just meant that it is good you weren’t just coming here to impress y/n. That’s what Roan did and it broke all the kids’ hearts when he didn’t show up anymore when he canceled the wedding!”

“oh.”

“Yeah, oh. They were going to get married and start a family and everything, but he had to go and ruin it by leaving her.”

“why’d he do dat?”

“I don’t know. Whenever I asked, y/n got a real sad look on her face and told me it was adult stuff. But it isn’t like I’m a kid! I’m 13! _13!_ In some cultures I’m old enough to get married. I mean, that’s gross, I’m way too young for _that_ but she should keep me in the loop! She told me everything else.”

“like whut?”

“Like how they met, and what kind of wedding they wanted and how many kids and the house they were trying to get. She was spending lots of time here working on Bailey’s case and so she and I talked a lot! More so then even her and my mom.”

“how did dey meet?”

“Well…”

“whut’s da hold up, ya were just pouring out yer words a second ago.”

“Are your intentions pure?”

“course dey are. i'm jus tryin ta scope out da competition.”

“So you’re interested in her? Omgomgomomgomg! Y/n is totally going to be the first to get married to a monster! That’s sooo much better than a stupid firefighter that ditches everyone!”

“yah, i'm interested. calm down ‘n focus. don’t know how long yer grandma is gonna be gone fer.”

“Oh, you don’t gotta worry about that. She’ll be busy for hours. But hmm. I don’t know if I should be telling you all this…. Least not for free. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll help you out by answer two questions every time you come here.”

“five.”

“No way! That’s way too many. You only get two.”

“three den.”

“Ok, three questions and you gotta show me some of your magic.”

“deal.”

“Heckin yes!! What’s your first question? And if you cheat and try to sneak more answers out of me, I’ll tell y/n what you’re up to.”

“ok ok, no cheating. Um, so who exactly is dis Roan guy?”

“Hoo boy, right off the bat with the hard ones, ey champ? Kukuku. Let me _tell_ you. Roan is a grade A hunk. I mean, in the looks department, I think he has you beat Mr. Skeleton man. He’s not very tall, about Grandpa’s height, and he works as a firefighter. He and y/n dated for, I think she said a year? And he’d come here and play with all the kids and helped Grandpa out a lot. And he even got his whole department to get the younger kids a tour of the fire department. And then he proposed to her and they were planning this adorable little outdoor weeding on her family property, and it was going to be at night with a bunch of tea lights and it was going to be just so romantic. But then he decided, for reasons unknown, that y/n wasn’t good enough anymore and he canceled everything. Then poof, no more Roan.”

“how’d she take it?”

“Hmm, I mean, she did what most adults do? She pretended it didn’t matter even though everyone could see it totally did. She came by a lot more and was always super tired, but she’s too cool to let some jerkface keep her down. So she kept smiling and being helpful. She even tried to call him and get him to come back cause a bunch of the kids really missed him. Not me of course, my loyalty lies to y/n one hundred percent. But he refused! Who refuses to come play with a bunch of little kids? I mean really?! But ok, one left. Use it wisely.”

“how’d dey meet?”

“Pfft, that’s your last question? That’s easy. Firefighters and police officers play softball against each other every year. He pitched and she hit the ball and it went right into his face and knocked him out cold. He wasn’t allowed to play for the rest of the game, but he was their best pitcher. So they lost. Afterwards, he confronted her and demanded a date to compensate him for the victory, and she said yes. And that was that.” Of course ya had da most adorable meeting. Not like him. He’d hit on ya drunk off his ass when ya were only interested in his bro.”

“where’d dey go?”

“Nope! You can’t ask anymore questions. And now you have to show me some magic.” Sans smirks and summons a small volley’a bones, circling ‘em ‘round da room. After da small show, he dismisses dem.

“Oh! My! Gosh! That was sooo cool!”

“heh, yer pretty easy ta please. but hey, throw me a freebie kid.”

“Depends?”

“think i got a shot?”

“I think so. You aren’t like super handsome, and seem kind of angry. But y/n can get SUPER angry too. And you got magic. So yeah, I think so. More than most of the guys who come here snooping around for her.”

“wait, dere’s other guys?”

“Not telling~”

“dat’s not even fair!” Da kid just laughs and hands him da next set’a bulbs.

________

By da time he finally made it back, ya were already home. He’d meant ta text ya ‘n say he’d grab groceries, but it was good he didn’t. He must’a changed out half da freaking lights in da building. Then he changed air filters, and fixed a broken humidifier. And then he got swarmed by all da other kids. He barely made it outta there. Had it been worth it? He didn’t exactly learn a whole lot. More then ya’d probably have told him, but now he felt guilty ‘bout da whole thing. Privacy was obviously a big deal ta ya, but he just couldn’t help himself from snooping.

He rounded da corner ta go up da stairs and saw ya at da door with that Parker guy and a human woman. Ya had yer arms crossed’n an angry scowl plastered on yer face. When ya saw him, yer shoulders relaxed a little and da corners’a yer lips lifted just a bit.

“Oh goodie. My bonebae made it home in time for the mob of angry peasants.”

“Shhh! Don’t say that, it’ll hear you! We don’t want to be cursed with its evil magic!”

“Mmm, yes. Please continue. Nothing fuels my sex drive for my demon skeletal lover than the racist spoutings of the ignorant.” Ya deadpan and he chuckles despite da situation. Though if ya were jokin like dat, ya could probably handle it.

“I can’t believe you’d expose our children to this level of sin and disgusting examples of necrophilia. Just look at him! He’s an undead body risen from the grave! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

“everything ok here kitten?” Sans ignores da other humans and roughly pushes his way through ta ya. Ya give him a real smile and an eye roll.

“Peachy. Just dealing with the small minds of our local racists. They apparently ran out of children to brainwash so they came here to inquire about our sacred love rituals.”

“You’re the one sleeping with a demon! You said so yourself!”

“Actually, I said it was none of your fucking business!” Ya hiss. “To which I stand by!”

“You can’t blame us for being concerned with our safety.”

“You have a fucking cop as a neighbor. I’ve doubled the security for this building on my own dime, and I do regular patrols. I’m on at least two of your emergency contact lists and Janice, I’ve watched your shitty crotch goblins a dozen or so times now. Having a monster neighbor isn’t going to endanger you. They have too many eyes on them. I’m the one you need to be scared of.”

“Yeah right. Why’s that?”

“Because, Parker, you think you are a nosy neighbor, but you have absolutely nothing on me. I’ve ran a couple of those plates on the ‘visitors’ you’ve been having. Don’t think I need to tell _you_ what I’ve found. Janice, I’ve caught your precious little angels stealing mail three times now. Not to mention…. Well my bedroom is right next to yours and these wall are not nearly thick enough. So how about you watch those stones you’re throwing?”

“You can’t use your position to threaten us!”

“What do you think cops do? That’s pretty much the entire gist of the job. If my position doesn’t threaten you, then force will.” Ya glared ‘em down until they turned away. “Glad we’ve come to an understanding. If I see any of you causing trouble over this shit again, I’ll make sure you pay for it. Now fuck off and bother someone else with your foolishness.” Ya push him inside and den slam da door, but stay right behind it, listening until da others shuffle off. Ya take a deep breath and lean yer head against da door, rubbing at yer eyes.

“da shit was dat ‘bout?”

“Parker took exception to the implications that you and I were romantically involved. He got to talking to a few of our other neighbors and they watched until I came home. I barely got the groceries in before they marched on the door. Help me put the stuff away?” He nodded and ya both headed ta da kitchen. Loads of bags covered da counters. Ya looked like ya were feeding an army. Ya noticed his face. “Sorry, I got a little carried away. But I didn’t know what kind of stuff you liked.”

“ya shouldn’t be buying all da food.”

“Eh, you can buy the next set.” Sans noticed yer hands shaking as ya put away some pantry items. And ya were still in yer uniform. Dat seemed odd ta him.

“whut’s wrong?”

“Nothing? I’m fine.”

“yer shaking. did they scare ya? threaten ya? i can make sure dey leave ya alone, ya don’t gotta be scared.” Yer confused expression breaks and is replaced by a loud bark of laughter. He didn’t think this was funny.

“Oh Sans! You are adorable! You really, really are. I’m not shaking because I’m scared. I’m shaking because _I wanted to hit them so fucking badly._ Assholes coming over to my door, to start shit with _my_ friend. Fuck that!” Ya angrily put away a stack of canned soup and sauces. “And of course, that’s _after_ that horrible phone call earlier. I’m sorry about that, by the way. Implying we’re together is a dick move, but Darrell had been on my ass all fucking day! I was so excited to get home and just unwind and then knock knock bitch! UGH!”

“well don’t take it out on da produce.”

“Better these cans of sauce then the faces of my enemies.”

“Boss would disagree.”

“So would I most of the time. But I really like this apartment.”

“why? it’s nice but it isn’t like ya’ve done anythin wit it?”

“That’s true. But the price isn’t really outrageous for the space, and most of the time the neighbors stay away.”

“fer some reason i don’t believe ya.”

“It’s true! I’ve been here for months and besides the odd knock on the door about watching kids or checking out something shady, I’ve had peace.”

“ya should probably prepare yerself fer dat ta disappear.”

“No kidding. Oh well, me and my bonebae can handle it, right?” Ya wink at him and finish putting away da dry goods as he puts da last’a da cold stuff.

“whatever ya say kitten. whut’s fer supper?”

“Spaghetti and meatballs. I don’t know why, but after hanging out with GTP all weekend, I just _need_ pasta.”

“dat sounds pasta-tivily great.”

“Oh boy, here we go. I expected this.”

“ya did? dat’s pre-pasta-rous.”

“Sans, don’t.” Ya whine, but he was onta ya. He knew ya liked his puns.

“alfredo i can’t. ya know dese puns are impastable ta stop.” Sans tried ta help ya, but ya just kinda ushered him ta da side.

“I can’t make supper if I’m groaning over puns.”

“can’t have dat, ricotta make supper.”

“You can go sit down in the living room or something, you don’t have to stay here.”

“aw kitten, don’t want ya ta be cannelloni.”

“You gnocchi, you’re annoying right?”

“mmm, ya scare off people at da door, ya cook, ‘n ya tell puns. yer da perfect woman kitcat.”

“Tch, perfect is boring. Here, can you put this on the table for me? I don’t want to get it dirty.” Ya ask as ya start unbuttoning yer short-sleeved uniform shirt. His head warms instantly, da fuck ya doing stripping right in front’a him? Ya hand him da shirt, revealing a black vest and a tight moisture-wicking shorter-sleeved undershirt. Ya take off da vest next. It was thick and heavy. Some sorta armor then. He took ‘em both ta da table, but as he was putting ‘em down he noticed a red stain on da sleeve’a shirt.

“kitten, da hell happened? did ya get hurt? need me ta heal ya again?”

“As much as I _loved_ your oh so gentle healing touch, no. I don’t. That isn’t my blood on the shirt.”

“whose blood is it den?”

“Relax oh lord protector, just Darrell’s. Or maybe the guy I took down. He cut his knee up, so blood everywhere.”

“why ya bringing yer uniform home anyway? dontcha gotta big fancy department ta change at?”

“Tch. Chief is mad at me again, and I didn’t feel like getting yelled at anymore today. That and I’m on call tonight, so should have a uniform here anyway just in case.”

“ah.” So it was gonna be just like it was in da Underground, where Boss would get called in da middle’a da night ta go out. He hated those nights. He’d hoped he wouldn’t have ta worry ‘bout ‘em

when they moved ta da surface, but then King Asgore asked Boss ta represent monsters in da human’s police force those hopes had been destroyed. Now it looked like he was gonna be worrying ‘bout two’a ya. He fingered the stain on yer uniform again. There was a tear at da end of da sleeve where da most blood was. And it didn’t smell like anyone but ya. He looked at ya from where he was at. Yer arm was fine, no marks or anything dat he could see. He kept his sockets on ya.

“kitten, ya sure dis isn’t yer blood? maybe ya caught yer arm on somethin?”

“Hmm? Nope, not mine. See?” You roll your sleeve up and show him yer unmarred arm all da way up ta yer shoulder. Too bad yer soul said ya were lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys,   
> Be serious now.   
> Did you like this? GOSH! I'm so nervous about this one! UF!Sans is my favorite and I just don't want to mess him up! Having a whole chapter dedicated to him was pretty rough for me. KC is SOO much easier to slip into and write for. Actually, so much easier that this week I was almost afraid I wouldn't have a post ready for you. I had practically nothing written until Thursday. THURSDAY! I normally have half the chapter written by Wednesday. And then I forced myself to write and I hated it. It was so long-winded and boring. Same with most of what I wrote on Friday. Then this morning, I woke up, deleted a ton, and added some KCxSans banter and it just made everything so much better! The first scene where they were arguing, it actually got pretty heated. And there was a lot of explaining about the Underground and the relationship between Sans and GTP. Which was really really important and will need to be added in later, but it just felt so drab and like a lecture. And the mood was horrible and depressing. Sans needed to be cheered up after his nightmare, not reminded that he failed his brother in their last home.   
> Good thing pictures of KC in a bunny costume were just what the doctor ordered! 
> 
> BTW, Cassie was probably the easiest character thus far to write for. There was no editing there. I just let her ramble on. She possesses the same hyper talkative energy my mind does before it hits my 'socially acceptable' filter. You poor readers are also subjected to my pre-filter thoughts. I pretty much just spit-up whatever I want on these beginning and end notes. Sorry about that. Good thing these have no bearing on the story and you can skip them whenever you want.   
> Parker was kind of fun. I mean, he was a dick. But I liked writing Sans' first meeting with him and seeing the reactions. 
> 
> Next chapter we go back to KC! She had one hell of a busy day, and has LOTS of thoughts and feelings about what happened between the two of them. 
> 
> Another question, I know I asked this before, but I never got a response. But do you folks like the extra "ta's, da's, ya's and yer's" in the Sans POVs?(NOT his dialogue, but the normal he did this, he thought that stuff) I think it adds a little distinction between his and KC's POVs but then again, it goes from second to third person anyway, so maybe it isn't necessary? I also am very inconsistent with it. I keep forgetting what words I change and which ones I don't lol. And every time I write for him, I have to keep so focused on writing like that, so when I text or write anything else I am automatically saying ya and yer and da, hahaha. 
> 
> Ok, ok, I guess I'll stop whining and bothering ya'll now. Thanks for reading and see you next week!!!


	16. Another Look at Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's take a gander at what KC was doing while Sans was lazing about the house and talking to strange children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy-ho BCLBT fam!  
> I'm going to get right to it, I think you are going to like this one. As my badly written chapter summary alluded to, this chapter we are going to see what KC was up to while Sans was at home playing video games and meeting the neighbors.  
> She... had a lot going on this chapter. In fact, she had so much going on I had to move some stuff. This chapter is a long one, too long. I really wanted to cut more of it out, but I like it when the chapters finish out the day. Particularly because we've already had a whole chapter about what happened on Monday. I couldn't justify spending a third week on it. So, you'll have to endure an extra couple thousand words of my rambles.  
> There are repeated sections that I copy-pasted from last chapter into this one. I wanted to show KC's side of things during these conversations. (Is this a spoiler? IDK, you already know how the dialogue goes???) Just wanted to warn you so you weren't scratching your head when they looked familiar. Especially if you are a new reader and are binging the chapters.  
> Alright, consider yourselves warned. 
> 
> Make sure to check out my notes at the end! Not optional this time folks :P
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!: Gun violence and mentions of blood.

There were times you made it really difficult to remember that you had a college degree and some semblance of intelligent thought. Times like when you snuck up on your monster roommate in the middle of the night when he _reeked_ of fear stink. So, of course, you hadn’t been mad when he tried to kill you; you’d basically asked for it. It was like all those trauma seminars you attended meant nothing. And Sans… well that boy had trauma. This was the first night he’d actually woken you up, but his room stunk with fear. The guy obviously suffered from some real bad nightmares. Something you never really suffered from, but then again, leopards didn’t dwell on what scared them. Fear was an evolutionary response, not an emotion to them.

So you did your best to deescalate the situation you’d created; like reining in Big Cat who sputtered and raged at the smells in her den. She still wasn’t used to Sans in her home, and the fact that he smelled like a scared and wounded animal, like prey, had kicked her instincts into overdrive. You had to cross your arms, effectively burying your hands, to keep them from turning into fists. Not that it was all bad. Big Cat’s instincts had definitely kept you alive, Sans’ bones had been sharp and thrown to kill. A technique that had become fluid with practice of use.

Just how many times had he done that? Any amount above zero was too much.

At least the puns worked. You were kind of proud of a couple of them.

These were the thoughts that occupied your mind as you got ready in the morning. In the hallway you paused to look at the damage in the walls. The holes made were about four inches in diameter and eight in total. All chest to neck height. They’d be pretty hard to explain to your maintenance guy. You’d have to see if you could call your uncle or see if Claire was any good at this sort of thing. Save your security deposit and keep strangers out of your home. It was a win/win for both parts of you.

Sans was still sleeping when you left, so you left him a small note; placing it so it was easily noticeable on the counter. You hit a human bagel place on your way into work, snagging multiple loaded breakfast bagels and a smoothie. The increased magic food in your diet was having _interesting_ effects on you. Granted, this weekend had been rather busy so it might be an outlier on your little experiment. However, since most of your meals with Sans was going to be magic food, you figured you better get some non-magical stuff when you were on your lonesome. And this place had great bagels. Never toasted too much so they still retained that soft, tender chew. Their in-house schmear was also phenomenal. So really it wasn’t like you were sacrificing anything.

Work loomed in front of you faster than you liked. You brought in your bagels and ate them as you dressed, incurring several disgusted glances. Yeah, that was fair. Eating in a locker room was pretty gross. Or maybe it was because you ate enough calories in that meal alone to fuel a marathon runner. When you’d finished changing, you shoved the last of your breakfast in your mouth and slurping the last of your smoothie loudly through your straw. It earned you a few eye rolls and more than a couple ughs. You smile to yourself and get on with your day. Making a quick stop by the fax machine and then heading into Chief’s office. He was sitting ramrod straight at his desk, typing away at something probably very important and most definitely boring, nursing a large mug of coffee. Well, judging from the smell it was half coffee and half french vanilla coffee creamer. You drop your stack of work papers next to his keyboard and then flop into your normal seat, hooking your legs over the armrest and draping your arm over the back. His eyebrow twitches in annoyance at your orientation. Chief’s rigidness of staunch formality overflowed even to his most relaxed positions. It struck a nerve with him to see you like this, which was why you purposefully did so.

Today was going to be one of those real petty cat days.

“You’re early.” He said in a voice that equally displayed all the shock, disapproval and irritated acceptance of your will that he was capable of feeling.

“Figured I’d give you time to chew my ear about the no-show on Saturday.” He humphs and picks up the papers you gave him. Frown increasing as he read through all the legal stuff you hadn’t really understood. You bide your time by playing minesweeper on your phone.

“It’s all the same from what I saw the other day.”

“Yeah, about that. Did I mention how grateful I was that you knew this was going to happen and yet you kept it all to yourself?” He gave a quiet _ah_ as though saying _so this is what this is about._ His shoulders relaxed a little as though relieved by the information. His tone was still gruff and impersonal.

“I was commanded to keep it to myself. If I could have could have trusted your temper, you would have been informed.” He hadn’t wanted to lose his job due to you throwing a fit at the embassy. Got it. “How did it go?”

“Fine. I’m now living with the brother of Papyrus, who I confirmed was the one who set this whole thing up.”

“That’s unfortunate. He’s practically untouchable until the end of the training.”

“Don’t do anything. I handled it.”

“Of course you did.” The tinge of frustration in his tone caught your attention.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Was I _not_ supposed to handle it? Weren’t you the one who advised me to go along with this?” He looks over his mug at you and takes a long drink. The seconds pass by as he decides whether or not he was going to answer.

“What did you end up doing to him?” Moving on, got it. You settled back into your chair.

“He didn’t understand the concept of blackmail being bad, so I took him to the shelter and put him to work.”

“Does he understand now?” This question had a more serious and less personal vibe. From a professional stance, this was important.

“More than less. He was surprisingly compassionate for the residents at the shelter. I don’t foresee an issue career-wise as long as you partner him with someone reasonable.”

“So not Darrell.”

“Not if you like Darrell being alive.” A snort escapes him that he hid behind a cough.

“What did you do after?”

“I kicked his ass.” You expected another laugh, but instead his scowl returned.

“You’re not going to be able to keep your secret for long if you insist on showcasing all your talents.”

“Pfft, it was fine. My brothers were there and no one suspects anything. Believe it or not, but I do have some experience pretending to be weaker than I am.”

“You also have a lot of experience being a competitive show off who’d rather flaunt her powers instead of lose.”

“Twenty six years of not being found out says differently.” He opens his mouth to interject, but you beat him. “You don’t count. You had insider knowledge and are friends with my pops.”

“A friendship I regret to this day. Sit up straight already, you look like a hooligan!” You obey, though it is accompanied by a quiet snicker. It took him long enough to snap.

“So any word on who my boss is going to be and what this is going to entail?”

“None. They’ll summon you to the embassy when they’re ready to talk to you about it.”

“Summon. What a cheery way to phrase that.”

“It is what it is.” He sighs at your expression and rubs his temples. “I’ll find out what I can. Though it might be better to let it go for now.”

“I’d rather know what to expect. I’m not too fond of surprises.”

“An ironic character trait. Now don’t you have work to do? You’re not patrolling today, so go help some of the detectives.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll go be a helpful little team player today. Just for you Chief.” You give him a wink and a finger gun as you walk out the door. The meeting went better than you expected. You would have bet money on Chief yelling at you for hanging up on him on Friday, but you supposed he was capable of being understanding. He did usually try to remain patient with you. Honestly, you were lucky he was friends with your father. You didn’t think many bosses would be quite as lenient towards you as he was. Sometimes it was important to remind yourself of that.

_________________________________________________________

“The guy is going to run.” You state matter-of-factually to Darrell as you retie your shoes propped up on the dash of the squad car. Darrell grunted as he took the sharp corner, leaning into the door as it turned. The two of you had been called out for a burglary in progress in the one of the residential districts of your patrol route. Darrell had been one of the only other floaters available to go with you, and Chief had insisted you go with “backup.”

With a babysitter. He insisted on sending you with a babysitter.

“Fifty bucks says he doesn’t. You’re wrong this time.” You were never wrong.

“Dee, do you even _have_ fifty bucks? Thought the wife took everything?” You put your shoe back down and do some light stretches in your seat.

“Doesn’t matter, he’s not going to run. You can’t be right every time.”

“Okay, if you insist I _suppose_ I can take your money again. Just hope you’ve been doing your cardio big boy.”

“Course I have.” So no. You suppress a sigh. This guy was definitely going to run.

The moment the car comes to a slamming halt, you are unbuckled and charging out the door towards the crime scene. A quaint set of historic row homes stood in front of you. The first of many rows. You’d been down here recently, this being one of the bigger residential sections of your patrol. The backyards were building-locked with tall walls parsing out small “outdoor” spaces. The end cap buildings the only ones open to the road or alley, depending on which side you were on. About fourth one in you see the tell-tale signs of your perp. A broken front door, glass littering the small brickwork stoop. A quick look shows similar signs of forced entry in the homes before it. Doors opening and closing lightly in the breeze, windows cracked open. Someone had a thing against shutting things. Granted, he was also doing this in broad daylight and making his way systematically down the row. He was either stupidly confident that no one was around.

Or he was sure he could get away.

You pull out your gun as you made your way up the steps and Darrell follows your lead, readying his weapon as well and taking on a somber expression. You take a deep breath, taking in as many smells as you could at the door and letting your brain parse them out.

Multiple monsters

Spent magic

Playdough and crayons

Food cooked, breaded chicken.

Human sweat

Axe body spray

Blood- very faint

_Fear_

The guy chose wrong. The house was currently occupied by at least one adult and a child. The blood was most likely from a cut from a previous door, or perhaps a small encounter with the current resident. No smells of dust, monsters were likely surprised while enjoying a lunch of chicken nuggets. They were fine but scared. Spent magic didn’t seem recent. You catch Darrell’s eye and signal for him to go out and around. He squints at you, but does as he was told. You give him until the count of thirty, hoping that he could get in position in that time. Meanwhile, you listen to the sounds of the household. The quick scramble of cupboards and drawers being ransacked and two separate children’s whimpers. The shushing of a male monster, a slightly hissing sound.

“Ebott City Police! Come out with your hands up!” You call authoritatively once the timer in your head goes off. It was a classic cop line, you give yourself an A- for its delivery. You had thought about sneaking ahead, but you learned your lesson last night about sneaking up on scared monsters. You hear a muttered “shit” and a few more whimpers. Then “Shut-up!” _Smack!_ Your teeth grit and you take the next few steps past the wall separating the kitchen from the rest of the home. Just in time to see the back door bounce closed and two little naga children being pulled into the arms of a likewise snake-like monster papa. He growled angrily at you. You put your gun away and crouch down in front of them huddled together on the ground, looking them over for injuries.

“Anyone hurt?” Your assessment said no, but you were required to ask.

“No.” Was the cool answer.

“No one else in the home?”

“No. He came alone, my mate isss working.”

“Armed?”

“Yesss, knife and crowbar.” You doubted that was all he had, but you nodded and left. The guy was already gone over the fence and heading down the line of homes towards Darrell. You reach up and tap your walkie.

“Dee, he’s got at least a knife on him and headed your way. No one injured in the home. Following now.”

“Got it.” You jump the wall in an easy movement, landing and already dashing towards the next one. You hoped he didn’t dart back inside one of the buildings, your nose would tell you, but it would be easier if you and Darrell cornered him.

The guy had to have been extremely agile to be hopping these walls so quickly, it wasn’t until the last yard that you catch up. You land softly in the half-thawed earth, making no sound as the force of the drop is absorbed by your loose limbs. Darrell faces the guy from the backdoor of the last home. He’s panting a little and has his gun trained on the guy. Robbie-Mc-Robberston was backed up to the far back wall, just one short climb from entering the maze of residential alleys that lay beyond. He had his hands at his sides and looking around him. He didn’t jump when you landed, though his eyes twitched and his stance widened slightly. You feel yourself lowering into a better crouch yourself, Big Cat feeding magic into your legs to get ready for a long distance pounce.

“Whoa, easy buddy. You’re caught. Don’t be getting stupid on us now. Lower yourself to the ground and we can do this civilly.” Another classic cop line delivery. B. Might have been an A, but had to account for the Darrell deficit.

“Not caught yet.” Robbie says smoothly, conversationally. _Confidently._ You’d recognize that sort of tone anywhere. You usually had one to match it. He looked about your age, decent build from what you could see under jeans and a hoodie. Jeans weren’t tight, but they weren’t baggy either. You could see the collar of a polo under the zip-up nondescript gray hoodie. Worn, standard-issue combat boots and black work gloves completed the look. A small tear on the calf of the jeans proves to be the source of the blood smell.

“True. You could still try to run. But hear me out.” You say lightly, teasingly. “Officer Darrell and I made a bet on whether you were going to run or not. Darrell’d get fifty dollars richer if you’d be smart and come quietly. Guy just went through a bad divorce and his wife cleaned him out. He could really use the money. So have a heart and drop down for him, ok hun?” He smirks at you.

“Ok, _hun._ ” He starts lowering himself down slowly and Darrell turns to you with a smug expression.

Fucking Darrell.

Darrell’s gun followed his eyes slightly, not enough for most people, but this guy took it like a written invitation. Already lowered to an almost crouch, he reached into his boot to pull out his own gun. _Fuck!_ You move without thinking. The magic you’d been coiling in your legs launching you forward.

“Darrell!” Was all the warning you could give him before crashing into him, throwing you both down to the ground. The shot missed and broke the glass of the door behind where Darrell’s head had just been. The guy wasted no time to see if the shot hit- he was already over the wall.

You spend precious seconds checking over Darrel to make sure he was unhurt as you disengage and bring you both back up to standing. Nothing hit, though the landing scraped his face and threw his gun. He’d taken his finger off the trigger at least when you called his name. Satisfied, you rush the stone wall, putting your hand on it and quickly scrabbling to the top. Adding in some wasteful floundering movements for the human eyes. You stand and look around for your guy. The height made you an easy target, but it was a fair trade off for knowing which way he went. This end of the street ended to a “road” leading to tons of detached city homes with little alleys and shortcuts. You see him, making good ground and darting into one of the small alleys between the homes. Shit, you really needed to talk to monsters about upgrading their security. You glance back at Darrell.

“Call it in, I’m heading after him.” Already stepping off.

“Y/N! Get back here! He’s fucking armed!”

“No shit. And a hell of a shot.” You call cheekily and start running. Really, he was too good of a shot. Too fast too.

_**Prey?** _

_Dangerous prey._

_**Beware of ambush.** _

Big Cat warned as you headed into the alley. You jog down it and out into the yard it opened into. Quicker than you, she flooded magic into your right leg, making you tilt and almost lose your balance. And also made the shot aimed for your center chest only pierce through your upper arm instead.

 _Shitshitshitshitshit!_ Pain like fire shot through your system. The bullet went clean through you, managing to hit bone as well. You dive for cover behind a large grill, though you can hear he’s already moving on. The rattling of chain link and the hollow echos of boots meeting metal telling you he’s scaling the next wall and using the old fire escapes. You rip off your coat, now soaked in your blood, and wipe down your arm before stuffing it inside the grill; wound already healed. You again chase after, not bothering to use the fence to help you climb. Instead you leap up the twelve feet to the top of the first fire escape, and grip onto the railing. You pull yourself up onto it, and then leap up again, catching the bottom of the next and pulling up a second time. You continue this three more times, only stopping when you’ve run out of fire escapes and launch yourself onto the edging of the roof. As soon as your feet hit concrete, you jump diagonally ahead of you, rolling your body and just missing the shot aimed for you.

Seriously, this guy.

Mid roll, you have your own weapon drawn. At the end, you fire. Shoulder hit. A guy this skilled was wearing armor so you didn’t bother with center mass. He swears, but continues moving, using the force of the hit to turn his body into a run. Your next shot hits his outer thigh. He topples, but still he keeps fighting. He rolls to shoot at you again, but you’re already there on top of him, kicking the gun away. Then you slam your heel into his very shot and very bloody shoulder. He screams, whether it was from more from anger or pain, you couldn’t tell. He was feeling both. You drop down to straddle his chest, putting your gun away to start applying first aid.

Couldn’t have him dying on you.

“How the hell did I miss? Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m Officer Y/n. Thanks for asking. You’re the asshole who broke poor Darrell’s heart and wallet.”

“Heh. I was aiming for his head. I want my lawyer.” You roll your eyes as you apply more pressure and stuff the wound. Touching him was awful. His aura made your skin crawl. This was not a good man. Not that it would stop you from mouthing off.

“Of course you do.”

“Got a problem with it hun?”

“Bad guys don’t care about any law except that one. But that’s honestly the least of my worries.” You dismiss as you call it in on your walkie. Darrell assures you he will be there shortly. You doubt it, there was a lot of stairs. The guy below you pisses and moans as you treat his wounds, but was starting to edge his way into shock. Goodie. You take out a couple pieces of monster candy out of one of your many belt pockets and unwrap them.

“Eat these, they should stop the bleeding.” You hold them up to his mouth like you were feeding a treat to a horse and he takes them. You restrain yourself from pulling your hand back like it was contaminated when his lips brushed your palm to get the candy. Instead, you settle for a calm removal. Your hands were covered in his blood though, so if he thought this was sexy, he was way darker than you were.

“Hey, I swore I shot you.” He said conversationally around them.

“You missed.”

“I never miss.”

“Well you did today. Three times I might add.” Your voice is clipped and mocking, Big Cat enjoying the banter and the way he whimpered as you bandaged and cuffed him. Sadist.

He smiles anyway, and the hair on the back of your neck prickling which causes you to turn and look around you. You see nothing. No extra lights of any auras, no one peeking through the windows of the higher buildings around you. No one on your current building with you. So the feeling was coming from him. You double check the cuffs and make sure to maintain a handhold on him at all times. Once the bleeding is stopped as much as you could get it, you pat him down. You found the knife he threatened the nagas with, and pull out a rather large pouch of gold. Yes, a bag of gold. Monsters made everything so cool! You also pull out a wallet and a cheap prepaid phone. Your suspicion of the bullet-proof vest proved correct- in all reality, it was better than yours. Wallet contained a few twenties, and a whole load of empty mystery.

“Got a name Shoots?”

“I like Shoots. You can keep calling me that. Don’t need to know my real name _yet_.”

“Ooo, so ominous. Alright, well tell me something. Got to keep you awake.”

“You tell me what you think.” You shrug. Wasn’t like you could force him to talk.

“Ex-military. Probably special ops of some sort. Picking up real Tom Clancy vibes from you.” You could have continued, but instead listed the rest of what you saw in your head. Those were his original boots. Something about how worn and sun-bleached they were told you so. Gun’s serial number was totally going to be filed off when you went to check. He was trained to fight, and trained in how to take a hit as demonstrated with how ready he was to keep moving after the first shot. Calm, even breaths throughout the heavy exercise. Most worryingly, he was quick to think of an escape route and created two distinct locations for an ambush. Shoots was accustomed to getting himself out of dangerous situations.

“I _really_ don’t think you were just trying to get yourself some monster gold. You might have been looking for something very specific and just didn’t know which house it was in. Or, and this is where I’m personally leaning, the break-ins were supposed to be a cover-up. Thinking hit-man. So, who’s the target Shoots?”

“Oh girlie~” He coos at you, seeming to hear the words you left unspoken, sending a shudder down your spine. “You are in the wrong business.”

“So are you if you’re busting down front doors in broad daylight. Won’t be a problem for you anymore.” You respond glibly. “Now, who was the lucky monster?”

“Where’s your fat-man partner? You know, you’d get someone _competent_ if you changed jobs.” Shoots said lowly, with heavy undertones.

“That a proposal Shoots? Will you whisk me away to a life of crime and splendor?”

“Just letting you know, you’re talents would be appreciated elsewhere.”

“Well, I do like being appreciated. Just what would my new job title be if I took you up on your offer?”

“That’s cute. You’re pretty cute hun. Come find me out of uniform and we can talk.” You roll your eyes. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Well you’re going to prison. So it won’t be difficult to find you.”

“You gonna be my conjugal visit?”

“Smooth. That’s an A+ villain flirt Shoots. Really, you have the whole ‘come to the dark side’ speech down pat.”

“Oh, are you the plucky tough gal heroine in this movie? Where’s the dashing rookie-cop partner to teach you that you’re ready for love?” You genuinely laugh. “Or perhaps this is more of a Lifetime Movie flick. Got a hubby at home with the kids waiting for you to stop chasing a dangerous career and return to domestic bliss?”

“Watch a lot of LMN Shoots?”

“Whenever I’m home visiting Mother. She’s also a big fan of TruCrime.”

“Ah, the motivation for your career I see. Mommy will be oh so sad that you got caught.”

“Not as sad as your husband when you come home late again from all the paperwork.”

“Good thing I have no husband.”

“No husband and no dashing partner. That just leaves the dark and dangerous criminal love interest.”

“Sorry, I don’t go after guys who bathe themselves from the same Walmart special body spray section as horny teenagers and douche-bag frat boys. It’s a body spray, Shoots, not a damn fountain.”

Darrell chooses that moment to finally made it up the stairs, absolutely panting and red faced. You and Shoots give each other a knowing look.

“Are.” Huff. “You.” Huff. “Ok?” Huff. “Fuck there were so many stairs!” Huff, huff, huff.

“Yes, yes there were. And I’m fine. Shoots here… not so much. We had a disagreement.”

“I never disagreed with anything you said hun.”

“You wanted bullets in me, I didn’t. That’s a disagreement.” He laughed and then cried as it shook his shoulder. Big baby. You hold your palm up to Darrell once he catches his breath. He looks at it for a moment before he comprehends what you are asking. The realization spreading slowly over his face is worth the small chuckle you reward it with.

“Fucken’ a! How do you always fucking know they are going to run?” He asks in a temper as he slams down the money in your hand. This was so professional, joking and cashing in bets with the marksman criminal.

“C’mon Officer Darrel, you know why.” Shoots says in a singsong. Oh he was way in shock.You double check his thigh wound. You’d been sure you hadn’t hit the artery. It seemed fine though, the bullet wound had only hit flesh and the monster candy stopped the bleeding.

“No asshole, I don’t.” He wipes the sweat off his head and glares down at Shoots.

“What do you think Shoots? Should I tell him?”

“A man’s gotta know.” He giggled.

“Just shut it and tell me already so I can stop losing all my money!”

“Darrell… I’m short. Most guys look at me, see my tits and short little legs and mentally tell themselves that I’m easily outrun. When I’m by myself, I can pretty much figure that 75% of everyone I meet is going to run for it. When I’m partnered with you, it goes down to 50%.”

“Why is it still so high?”

“That’s actually pretty low.” Shoots interjects. You ignore him.

“It’s high because, well, cause you’re not nearly as spry as you once were Dee. You’re a lot thicker around the middle.”

“Fuck off!”

“It’s true. Though some people are definitely intimidated by having multiple cops there, most people in decent shape aged between, oh let’s say fifteen and forty, are going to run.” Darrell curses at you and stomps away to radio back in.

“He had to know.”

_______________________________________

You and Darrell had been at it for the last hour and a half. Writing down statements from the family that had been involved, getting in contact with the other owners of the homes. Following up with the folks who made the original call in. Documenting and photographing the broken entrances and exits. You managed to retrieve your coat and shove it in the back of the squad car when Darrell was distracted. You’d get it laundered and repaired at a later date. It was a black policeman one, so you weren’t worried about stains.

You find Darrell sitting on one of the steps across the street, a sub in his hand and another one wrapped up and waiting for you. Gratefully, you take it and sit down a little lower than him. You tear into the thing, a cold cut special with double the meat. Regret fills you though as you realize it had mustard all over it. You whine and open up your sandwich, scraping off the offending condiment. Your mind imagines the horror on Sans’ face if he were there to watch you do this. Little creep would probably ask to lick it off your fingers.

Thinking of Sans brought you back to last night. You were surprised by how much you had enjoyed talking with him. Well, maybe not with. More like at. You told him some of your most embarrassing stories. The bunny one… Lord you regretted telling him that one. But he laughed so much. And he really had a nice laugh. Once he got really going, it turned into a full body rumble. He threw his head back and gripped his sides. And was just so open with you. So you told him more until you forgot the reason you _had_ wanted him to laugh was to forget he was scared and angry and upset with himself.

“Hello!!! Earth to y/n!”

“Hmm? Oh sorry Darrell. You say something?”

“Yeah. I apologized about the mustard. I forgot to tell them.” Forgetting was ok. You were pretty sure if you let Sans order you something, he’d have them douse it in mustard just to be an ass. Weirdly, the thought made you smile.

“It’s fine. I scraped off most of it. Thanks for lunch.”

“Sure. Are you positive you didn’t get hurt? You seem pretty out of it.”

“Yup. Just stayed up late talking to my new roommate.”

“New roommate? Who is the new roommate?”

“His name is Sans.”

“ _His_! And What kind of name is Sans?!”

“A monster one.”

“No! Y/N we discussed this! You said you were not interested in fostering one! You have to send it back!” Should you be saddened that Darrell was the only one you knew who actually listened to you when you had said that? Probably.

“ _Him._ ” You correct icily. “ _His_ name is Sans, as I’ve said. And it’s too late. I’ve turned in all the forms and he’s all moved in.”

“If you were so desperate for money, I could have helped you. There was no need to go and do something so reckless.”

“I’m not desperate for money.” Lie. “Sans is a friend and I enjoy hanging out with him.” Partially a lie. “Living together will be fine.” Hopefully not a lie.

“I know you take a lot of rash actions, but this is one of the worst! There is no telling what will happen to you with him there. What if he wants to have his way with you?” Ok, this conversation was starting to piss you off.

“My actions are not for you to judge. They’re not for anyone to judge. And just because he’s a monster doesn’t mean he’s a rapist. For all you know, I could be having my way with him.”

“There’s better things you can be doing to advance your career.”

“You know what? None of this is any of your business. Keep your sexist and racist bullshit to yourself alright?”

_**~I always feel like somebody’s watchin’ me~** _

_**~and I have no privacy~** _

Oh for crying out loud, you pull out your phone and give Darrell the one minute signal. He scowled, but just tapped the top of his wrist. Yeah yeah, make it quick. You answer the phone, trying not to let the exasperation sink through the line.

“Hello Parker. Is something wrong?” On one hand you hoped nothing was wrong. On the other, he’d better have a good reason for calling you at work.

“Yeah, I’d say so. You sleeping with some Nightmare Before Christmas little mofo?” This was not a good reason.

“God dammit.” You hit your forehead with your fist in frustration. Why were all these men bothering you? “That’s Sans. Why are you at my apartment? Did something happen? I’m at work, but I could be there in 20 if something is wrong.” Please let there be something wrong. Please don’t let it be that you are just surrounded by people who refuse to leave you alone.

“Creepy dude was on your gamer profile, says he lives with you. Told him no way you were sleeping with some dead guy.” Of course. Of course this is your life. Petty, nosy insufferable men. You just got fucking shot at, you didn’t have time for this garbage.

“Are you seriously telling me that you are calling me at my job to verify if I am sleeping with a monster? A job in which I may or may not be handling people who may be of a violent tendency. Cause this seems like some real petty bullshit to be bothering me with when I could be risking my fucking life.” Like you had. Your phone number was for emergencies only.

“I mean, yeah?”

“Parker, you had better have a good fucking reason to be knocking on my door, interrogating and insulting my friend and demanding fucking answers about my personal life.” Your voice came out in an angry hiss. He had better not have been causing shit with Sans. You had to live with the guy for the next six months and if Parker made it harder for you than necessary, he was going to find out just what it meant to receive your ire.

“I, uh, was worried about you. Your car is gone, but you were online. Thought someone snuck into your apartment.”

“As you have proved, you have my number. A quick text would have provided you all the information you needed.” Darrell came up and tapped his wrist again angrily. You rolled your eyes and turned away, but he followed you. You pull the phone away a bit. “God dammit Darrell, I’ll be done in a fucking second.”

“Who is that? Is that your roommate?”

“No!! My idiot neighbor.”

“Let me guess, he disapproves of his new neighbor. Maybe I should come and meet the new guy too, so I can get a feel for what type of man he is?” Darrel looped his thumbs through his belt loops like a real cowboy. Really bringing home that good ole boy routine.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, not you too!” His smile drops and he levels a glare at you. “Does no one understand what privacy is?” You give Darrell a good glare back as you flip him off and stalk away even farther. He huffs and leaves, again indicating that you had a time limit.

“Still there Parker?” Hopefully not.

“Yes?” Shit.

“Sorry about that. Looks like you aren’t the only snoop in my fucking life.”

“Ok, you know what? You don’t need to be such a bitch. And I think it’s pretty disgusting you’re here banging some corpse. Monsters are fucking dangerous, this one used magic on me as soon as he opened the door. That’s illegal you know!” Oh motherfucker. He was starting shit with Sans. Bones wasn’t your favorite guy in the whole world, but you for sure liked him better than Parker.

“i did not! but i sure as hell can if yer aiming fer a bad time ya dick!” Don’t worry Bones. You’d take care of it.

“Parker.” You give a nice pause to build the dramatic effect and let him absorb your discontent. “I don’t know why you felt the need to lie about something like that, but I’ll let you in on a little something. Our landlord didn’t put up any cameras in the hallways, but I sure as shit did. And I know for a fact Sans isn’t lying. He’d be bragging right now about dusting a human if he had.”

“So you admit he’s dangerous?” Fucking men. God you wished you were dealing with Stacey instead.

“Jesus, I don’t have time for this petty shit today. Parker, if I check my cameras I will have physical proof that Sans didn’t do anything to you. And if I were you, I’d watch how you throw around false accusations. I’d really hate for you to find out just how fucking petty our legal system can be.” If he kept this shit up, you would give him the full shit-head special. “Now since you’re dicking around my apartment anyway, put me on speaker phone. I want to talk to Sans.” If Parker was going to be an ass about something you weren’t even doing, then you might as well play it up.

“Heeey Bones, you sleep ok? I didn’t wake you up this morning, did I?” Your voice dripping in extra… sexy sugar. Like you were in the first stages of dating.

“nah kitten. slept like da dead.” Oh dark puns. You liked dark puns. “got yer little note. can ya pick up some mustard fer me? maybe some onion chips too?”

“Sure can.” You wanted to say Sugarskull, but felt that was too far. “What do you want for dinner?”

“ya know I love anythin ya make, kitcat. whut time will ya be home?”

“Don’t know. We made an arrest so lots of paperwork. Hopefully sometime before seven.”

“don’t work too hard, no way ya slept enough after last night.” You could practically hear the wink from the phone. You resisted the urge to chuckle. Oh if he wanted to go that far...

“You doubt my endurance. I can go a lot longer than you give me credit for~”

“Jesus Christ, this is nasty. Save this shit for your own phone.” Oh right, you kind of forgot about Parker.

“Oh, sorry. Thought you were just asking to be involved in my personal affairs? Thought you wanted to know the nature of my relationship?”

“Not like this!” Picky, picky, picky.

“Fine, we can be done. Go ahead and piss off and don’t fucking call me unless my apartment is burning? OK?”

“Sure.”

“K, bye.” You slide your phone back into your pocket. You wanted to throw it. It was a tainted thing now, an object that brought forth great frustration upon you. But you didn’t. That would be wasteful, and unprofessional. Too many onlooking monsters and working officers. Speaking of working officers, you take a few extra moments conquering your emotions and watch Darrell work. He was professional and polite to everyone he interviewed, taking down statements and writing facts with practiced ease and a good amount of charisma. Despite his feelings on _you_ joining FAM, he didn’t seem to have an actual aversion to monsters.

It took awhile longer, but eventually you finished with everything on the scene. Whenever a gun was fired, the paperwork tripled. Gun fired with a confirmed hit? Two? You were lucky it was still light out. The office was busy as normal, the whir of printers and computers a steady backdrop of droning to the phone calls, chatter and overall office ruckus. Smells of coffee, takeout and unwashed tired bodies tickling your nose. The detectives had a large case they were working double time on that had them trapped in office. Most did not waken enough from their zombie state to even acknowledge you as you entered. Least not until Chief stepped out from his office, arms crossed and vein popping. Like magic, everyone was awake and aware again.

“Y/N.” Was all he said before turning back into his office. There was no suppressing your weary sigh. Darrel laughed at you, your misery finally breaking his grudge against you for barring him from your private life.

“Go placate Chief and get out of here, I’ll finish the paperwork.”

“Really? That’d be awesome.”

“Mm. I’d want to look over all of it anyway. Don’t trust anyone but me to do it right.” That was distinctly not true. Darrell didn’t trust any _female_ to do it right. A fact that should have infuriated you, but you were very tired of paperwork today. Was it wrong to take advantage of his sexism when it was convenient for you? Yes. Were you going to do it anyway? Yes, you _really_ didn’t want to have to sit in the office after Chief had one of his meltdowns.

“Thanks Dee. Print me a copy and leave it on my desk with my notes please.” Your tone pleasant and grateful. He clips you on your shoulder before making his way to his desk to get busy. You take a fortifying gulp and head inside. There were no boxes of baked goods to appease Chief’s anger today. Chief half sat, half leaned against his desk; arms and ankles crossed and legs stretched out their full length. It left no room for you to sit, so you remained standing just a couple of feet in front of the doorway. Not a big deal, you weren’t in the mood to be sitting and submissive. As far as you were concerned, Chief had no right to be angry with you for doing your job! You caught a dangerous criminal, saved Darrell’s life, recovered stolen property! Your defiance must have been reflected in your expression and stance as his eye twitched and his lips curved down into a more severe scowl.

“Where’s your jacket y/n?”

“What?” That wasn’t where you expected his questioning to start.

“There’s still snow on the ground in some parts of the city. You were wearing it when you left. Where’s your jacket?” Busted.

“I shot the guy twice. Sorry I didn’t want to wear a blood soaked garment.”

“We both know the jacket isn’t soaked with his blood. How many times did you get shot this time?”

“According to any medical exam, none. Why are you riding me about this? I’m _fine._ Bad guy caught and captured. Citizens saved. Darrell unharmed. I did my job.”

“Your job isn’t to throw your life away! You went after an armed man _alone!_ ”

“If I had waited for back up, he would have gotten away! Our job is to catch criminals and keep the public safe, not to sit around on our hands waiting for the whole department to show up!”

“You had Darrell. There was no reason for you to leave on your own when you had a partner on scene!”

“ _Partner?_ Darrell’s a fucking _anchor!_ It took him ten minutes to climb the stairs after I caught the guy. Watching him chase anything that isn’t a skirt is like watching an egg rot.”

“You will not take that tone with me! I will have your badge quicker than even you can blink.”

“You can fucking have it! This badge has been nothing but a thorn in my side all fucking week!”

“Then stop bitching about it and quit.”

“I’m not the one bitching. You are. I’m not the only one who got shot at today. Read the damn report. Darrell dropped his arm and gave Shoots the opening he needed.”

“I read the preliminary. It said that whole interaction started because of your unprofessional and distracting banter with the suspect.”

“It’s called talking him down. And it shouldn’t matter. We had the guy but Darrell let him go and almost got killed. I caught the guy, taking a dangerous marksman off the streets. Yet I’m getting my ear chewed!”

“What you did was reckless and stupid! Does nothing I say even register with you? These safety precautions are put in so I won’t have to bury you!”

“I’m not going to hold myself back when I have the opportunity to do what needs to be done! I’m certainly not going to let someone go just so you feel better!”

“This isn’t to make me feel better. It’s so I know my officers will come back! You need to stop going off on your own.”

“Then get me a fucking partner that can keep up! Stop handing me off to the babysitters and let me do what you pay me for!” You shout. You never shouted in the office. The stunned look on Chief’s face was priceless, though you were marching out the door too fast to enjoy it. You hear the crashing of a coffee mug hitting the just slammed door. Fuck Chief. You were done. Nothing was ever good enough. You were too human and yet never human enough. Well fuck that. You didn’t owe anyone an apology for being amazing. Big Cat won today, she hunted and she caught her prey. That should be all that mattered.

Not that you were going to stick around and let Chief recompose himself. You _walked,_ ok you power walked so fast it probably looked like you were on an autowalk, out of the precinct and to your car. Only stopping to grab the bloodied jacket out of the turn on the squad car. You threw it in the back of your own trunk and then high tailed it to the grocery store.

If you happened to rub out some offending dust in your eyes on the way there, you weren’t going to acknowledge it.

At the store, your hungry, angry and tired ass practically shoved an entire mountain worth of food into your cart. Frozen stuff, canned stuff, tons of mustard, snacks, pantry items, eggs eggs eggs, oatmeal, dino egg oatmeal cause why not?, chips, pastas, sauces, tons of meat, bacon, breads, cheeses, chocolates, monster candies…. It looked like you were shopping for a brood of children. Feral, puberty-ridden children.

At least the shopping helped calm you down. The monsters in the aisles still gave you a wide berth and ignored you in passive hostility, but when their auras were not blinding you, it was comforting to be around them. Maybe it was being so close to their magic? Or maybe it was the auras themselves? You wouldn’t say they acted very kind towards you, or anyone as far as you could tell, but kindness was consistently one of their most defining traits.

Not that humans weren’t kind. But you didn’t feel what other humans felt. You saw their aura, but didn’t normally partake in it. Humans typically didn’t feel one pure emotion strong enough for it to radiate off of them enough to be felt. Least that was one of your theories. Maybe magic just felt good and it had nothing to do with the auras at all.

With the shopping therapy and a car load of food, your mood was significantly improved. So much so that you were humming a little as you brought the arm loads of groceries into the apartment. Even with your extra strength, you needed to make two trips. There just wasn’t room in your arms for all the bags. You just barely managed to put away the ice cream and shove the door closed on the rest of the frozen foods. When was the last time you had a freezer that full? You couldn’t remember. Not since moving here.

Sans hadn’t come in to see what you were up to. You’d been kind of low-key excited to show him the spoils of your grocery raid. This was not meant to be, however. Sans was no where in the apartment, though he left a bunch of crumbs and a wadded up paper towel on the couch that you cleared away. As well as a a couple of textbooks on the kitchen table. Curiously, they were for courses in engineering. Well you were pretty sure they were for engineering. They looked complicated anyway.

So you were just enjoying the moment of having the apartment to yourself when the doorbell rang. Yeah, you knew that wasn’t going to last for long. Your mood soured as you opened the door.

“Hello y/n.” _Parker._ And Janice. The usual sidekick to his more churlish actions. Granted, having Janice there was a boon. It kept things less awkward between the two of you. You leveled a less than impressed gaze at Parker, who seemed to be brimming with righteous fury. Janice was fidgety and nervous, casting glances over your shoulder looking for something. More likely, someone.

“Evening Janice. I don’t know what you’re looking for, but it’s pretty rude to be peeking behind me like that.” She had the decency to blush and desist, looking forward at your chin instead. Janice never met your eyes, not if she could help it.

“Sorry, I was checking if the monster was near.”

“I know what you were doing. It’s still rude. And his name is Sans, as numbnuts here should have told you. Thankfully, he’s away at the moment.”

“Thankfully? Oh thank heavens. Parker made it sound like you were in a relationship with it.” _It._ How one tiny word could be so offensive, you had no idea. And yet here you were, ready to throat punch a relatively nice woman because of it.

“I am in a relationship with Sans.” A roommate one. “I was saying I’m thankful because I am glad he isn’t here to listen to whatever racist bullcrap you two are about to serve me.”

“Really? You’re in a relationship with that _thing?!?_ ” Parker asked incredulously.

“Manners Parker.” You warned with a furrowed brow and gave him an angry lour.

“Fuck manners! You’re fucking a Halloween prop! It’s disgusting!”

“And dangerous. Y/n I know you value yourself as a risk taker, but you have to know how serious this is. What if monsters carry diseases to humans, or they use their magic to control you!” You cross your arms and try your best to maintain a neutral expression. For some odd reason, you had a feeling it wasn’t working. Was this going to be a theme in your life from now on? People consistently butting in where they were not wanted? Lord you hoped not.

“That’s so incredibly ignorant and stupid, you should be ashamed of yourself. And what I do in my private life is none of your fucking business.”

“It is when we have to live next to it! That freak is a danger to this whole building and I won’t stand for it!” Yeah that was the wrong thing to say. Gone were your attempts at neutrality. You snarled at him and he backed away a step. Janice hunkered into herself and looked down at the ground. But neither left, a testament to how they felt about this situation. The words you were about to say died on your tongue as you felt the presence of Sans. Immediately, your eyes darted to seek him out, landing on him as he rounded the corner of the stairs.

You felt better.

After all, it was always better to have a witness in situations like this.

“Oh goodie. My bonebae made it home in time for the mob of angry peasants.” You state in a semi-teasing, halfway serious tone. Alerting the two to Sans, and letting Sans know the mood of the group.

“Shhh! Don’t say that, it’ll hear you! We don’t want to be cursed with its evil magic!” Oh the things you wanted to do to these people. Instead you go for sarcasm.

“Mmm, yes. Please continue. Nothing fuels my sex drive for my demon skeletal lover than the racist spoutings of the ignorant.” She looks around in disgust and fear to Sans. Her face pales when she sees him and she turns to you with newfound venom.

“I can’t believe you’d expose our children to this level of sin and disgusting examples of necrophilia. Just look at him! He’s an undead body risen from the grave! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

“everything ok here kitten?” Sans asks as he roughly pushes his way towards you and stations himself at your side. You give him an encouraging but tired smile.

“Peachy. Just dealing with the small minds of our local racists. They apparently ran out of children to brainwash so they came here to inquire about our sacred love rituals.”

“You’re the one sleeping with a demon! You said so yourself!” Parker shouts loudly enough to rival GTP.

“Actually, I said it was none of your fucking business! To which I stand by!”

Parker mouths off again and it set your teeth on edge. And you rip into him as best as you could without crossing the line. It wasn’t like you wanted to be friends, but you didn’t want them causing you any additional problems with your other neighbors. Honestly, you probably would have just slammed the door in their face while flipping them off, but Big Cat wanted her territory marked. Verbally, if not physically. She was not happy with how these people were talking to you, though she took enjoyment in how they cowered in the aftermath. When you finally did manage to slam the door, you rested your head on it.

Big Cat was agitated. Too many people coming in and starting shit in your territory lately. You’d probably have to shift and take a turn about the place soon, with all that’s been happening it would be good to have scent markers on at least some of your borders. Shifting in the city was always a big risk, but it was better than an aggressive soul. You rubbed the magic out of your eyes and attempted to bring back the good mood you had before.

“da shit was d’at ‘bout?” Sans was pissy and looked frustrated. Couldn’t imagine why.

“Parker took exception to the implications that you and I were romantically involved. He got to talking to a few of our other neighbors and they watched until I came home. I barely got the groceries in before they marched on the door.” You watched his face from the corner of your eye as he scowled and dug his hands further into his coat pockets. You felt bad. Parker could be such an ass. “Help me put the stuff away?” He nodded and shuffled his feet to the kitchen in front of you. When he saw all the bags of stuff he looked so… guilty. And judgy. The guy drank fucking mustard, why did it always seem like he was judging your food preferences? “Sorry, got a little carried away.”

“ya shouldn’t be buying all da food.” You shrug sheepishly. Considering the fact that you would eat most of this, it wasn’t fair to let him feel bad.

“Eh, you can buy the next set.” You get to putting away the pantry items while Sans busied himself with the meats and other various fridge stuff. You make conversation as you worked, mainly about how you had to balance wanting to punch people with wanting to remain at the apartment. Sans took it in stride and let the conversation drift along naturally.

It wasn’t long before the puns came out. You groaned and carried on, though you secretly enjoyed the way his sockets crinkled when he told them. Seeing people legitimately enjoying something was nice. And Sans seriously enjoyed his puns. When you told a particularly lame one yourself, his eye lights got a little hazy. That was new.

The flirts were not. And you could tell he was ramping himself up for more. So you did the only thing you could: you stripped and sent him out on your way. Seeing his whole skull start tinting as you undid your first couple of buttons was probably the highlight of your day. Sans talked a big game, but you would bet money that he was a lot more innocent than he pretended. Of course, you had multiple layers on so it wasn’t like he was getting a show. Once he was finally dispatched you got to making the meatballs.

You liked to make meatballs similar to how you’d make a good meatloaf. Hamburger and ground pork, bread crumbs and an egg. Parmesan cheese and your own blend of Italian seasonings. You enjoyed mixing the meat and allowing it to squish between your fingers until it was uniform. Sans made his way back to your side, giving you side eyes. He hadn’t fully believed your lie about the blood, you were sure. But there was no wound to betray you.

“If you’re here to take advantage of my meat covered hands, go away. I’ll clobber you with them if you try anything.”

“ya aint very trustin ‘re ya?” Your answer was in the form of a very sarcastic face. He rolls his eye lights at you and grabs some of the already formed meatballs and places them in the preheated pan. “jus’ wanna help.”

“You don’t exactly strike me as the helping type Bones.”

“da faster we git this done, da faster I can eat. all day I was here ‘n there was nothin ta eat in da house.”

“Poor baby. Oops, turn down that heat a smidge. Don’t want them burned.” The advice was unnecessary as Sans was already in the process of doing so. He seared the balls as you made them and transferred them to a baking dish.

He was strangely quiet during the whole thing, and a lull settled over the two of you as you worked. Smells of browning meat filled the air, and you watched Sans work when you got unnoticed moments. He had a quiet, grumpy focus on the task at hand. Brooding. He was brooding.

“Hey Bones?” You kept your voice soft and yet he still jumped a little at the sound of it. An irritated _tsk_ left him before he answered more appropriately.

“whut?” So much better.

“What’s wrong?”

“how can ya tell d’at somethin’s wrong?” Yeah, cause it wasn’t like he had it plastered across his forehead or anything.

“The lack of flirts is a dead giveaway.”

“jus’ thinkin.”

“If it’s about what Parker said, don’t. He’s not happy unless he’s bitching about his pecker aches.”  
“pecker ache?”

“Crasser way of saying he’s bemoaning his fate as a male. He’s pissy cause I won’t sleep with him and probably listened to you and GTP talking all weekend. Got himself riled up.”

“don’t know why, i'm jus’ a gross walkin corpse.” You react faster than he could speak, your hand well on it’s way before his sentence was finished; reacting to the self-depreciating tone to his voice and delivering a single karate chop to the top of his skull. His hands covered his now, likely, aching head and roared at you.

“Don’t talk like that! You’re magic and awesome and 100% alive. And I’ve never thought of you as anything less.” His eyes roamed the floor away from you, and he mumbled something dismissive.

Well… you tried. Honestly, there wasn’t much you felt you could do right now and Bones didn’t seem in the mood to be comforted. Nothing you couldn’t relate with. The silence between you two built up again, and you were ok with it. There was a distinct lack of awkwardness, a surprising feature considering your past encounters with the bone man. It wasn’t unpleasant, though it was odd.

You weren’t exactly a fan of odd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh readers, you made it through another chapter. Bless you. Bless you all so much.  
> There were some parts I really enjoyed writing in this chapter. Everything with Shoots was just a blast. Heh. Blast.  
> He got a lot more speaking lines than I was intending, that's for sure.  
> Not going to lie, it felt really weird to reuse the dialogue from the last chapter. Was it worth it? I don't know. I wanted you to see how KC felt during those interactions, but maybe it wasn't necessary. I summarized what I could, but I can always pull it if you lovelies think it is dumb.  
> Actually, if any of you think something I wrote is dumb, or could be done better, please feel free to let me know. I realize that I am a needy and greedy compliment fisher, but I am doing this so I can improve my writing as well as create a story. Improvements are made through practice of course, but corrective feedback is also extremely appreciated always! So never fear about hurting my feelings. You are all precious to me and can do no wrong in my eyes. 
> 
> Ok. So now for the part that you can't skip. When I began this undertaking, I thought I'd maybe get a couple thousand hits. Chapter 15 got over 400 hits on it's own.  
> Which is absurd? What are you guys doing reading MY fic when there are so many amazing ones out there? I think I am conning people into checking this out since I post so often LOL.  
> Either way, 5k hits is a HUGE milestone in my book since I truly doubted I'd ever see it. But, this chapter might just put me over that.  
> Ridiculous. Crazy. Ludicrous. INCONCIEVABLE!  
> Something like this MUST be celebrated. And what better way to do that than by giving you a super special 5k bonus chapter?!? So you know what this means.  
> It's poll time!!! And you only get ONE option you little cheaters. Most of these are going to be memories or passed events that would get very little or no coverage in the story as I have it planned.  
> A. How KC got her brothers. (Where did she find them, how old was she, why were they wandering around?)  
> B. A few snippets of family fluff drabble with the twins.  
> C. Happy memories with Melanie (KC's older sister) before she and KC started hating each other.  
> D. Fun dates with Roan. Get a peek at what he and KC were like together.  
> E. First time KC met Claire.  
> F. (Non-cannon) Alternate first time meet between KC and Sans. What if KC had been receptive to the flirts? (no smut! lots of spice)
> 
> I don't know when I would get this chapter out. Well, it would be after I hit the 5k mark, obviously, but beyond that it will at least be after next week's update. I want to make sure people get a chance to vote. And I get a chance to write. That's kind of important.
> 
> OH! Forgot to mention that Parker's ringtone is "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell.


End file.
